Chapter 28

Unwarranted

Okay, so I am so so so very sorry this update was so late. Please don't hate me. My beta and I feel terrible this took so long, but live just got crazy busy for both of us in August. I was working crazy hours at work and so was she, her internet went down so I couldn't send her the chapter, I haven't had a free day to sit down and write in weeks due to two vacations, a road trip, a musical, and a million other things. But I managed to squeeze a free hours free and write up this for you and I hope you can all forgive me for taking this long. I never meant for it to be a month between updates and I really am so so sorry. I will try not to let that happen again. But, anyway here you go. Thank you all for the lovely reviews last chapter and for reading and being amazing. I love all of you. Thank you and enjoy!

Songs:

You and Me-Lifehouse

He was flying. Okay, so not literally, but it sure felt like it. Here he was sitting with Alec at his tree, as it had been for the last few hours, and he couldn't be happier. He felt like he was dreaming, lost in a world he had only hoped to achieve. Honestly, he hadn't expected much. He had feared Alec wouldn't even give him the time of day if he tried to talk to him. But he had been wrong, so so wrong, in every single one of his fears. Alec had given him the time of day and Alec had come for him. Alec had told him everything Magnus had needed to hear, but had been too afraid to listen to. Alec had made him feel like a person again, like something special. He had reminded him of everything he was blinded to and everything he had repressed and pushed from his life. Without Alec, Magnus knew he'd have nothing. Magnus knew he'd be lost and broken somewhere, and with any luck, he'd be nothing in a few years; torn apart from the memories and the man he believed he was becoming. But that future was no more, not so long as Alec was in his life, in charge of his heart.

When Magnus looked up and saw Alec standing there, he hadn't known what to do. His body threatened to run but his heart was so numb from it all he hadn't known what to do. He was so shocked to see Alec, to think that Alec had actually come back to him like that. He hadn't known what he was expecting to escape Alec's lips, but it hadn't been that. It hadn't been those words that his heart had needed so badly. He had expected nothing, for Alec to just enforce what Magnus thought of himself. But no, Alec hadn't done that. Alec had been the amazing, beautiful person that Magnus knew him to be. He had forgiven him when he didn't deserve it while at the same time taking a chance to fall by doing it all in front of part of the school population. Magnus didn't know what to say or what to do to repay Alec for his actions. He wasn't even sure he'd come to grasps with it all yet. It was like that moment where you're running towards something but you forgot something and have to turn around, but by the time you get there you don't know what you forgot. So you start heading back the way you came and get halfway before you realize you don't even know what you were running for in the first place, and then you're lost in the middle, not sure which way to go. That was Magnus, always running and always forgetting what it was he was running to and what he was running from. But now he was starting to find his way, with Alec holding his hand to lead him on. That was what he had needed this whole time, someone just to tell him what direction to take. And that person was Alec. It made him think that all those roads he'd guessed at and stumbled down had just been meant to lead him to Alec. And now, for the first time in Magnus' life, he thought he'd finally found his way.

Magnus looked down at Alec whose head was rested lightly on Magnus' shoulder. He ran his fingers lazily through Alec's hair, savouring the feel of the soft strands between his fingers. He always loved these moments, of just being there in the moment, taking in everything he felt for Alec. It was nice to just be with him, touching, together, nothing else between them but the contact of their skin and hearts.

Alec's eyes shone, a vibrant blue against the pale and brown backdrop. His eyes searched Magnus' and he felt like Alec was reading everything in his soul. Magnus didn't know how he did it but that blue dug deep into his soul, fishing out everything and presenting it on his skin for Alec to read. In a way, that was a good thing. Magnus was so scared to say anything that it was good that Alec could read him, or else Alec might never know anything that was going on inside Magnus. But Magnus vowed to change that. It was the silence that had forced him to leave, the not speaking about that which mattered the most. So he was going to start telling Alec the truth. It was that or he pushed Alec so far away he wouldn't be able to find him. And he didn't want to do that. He wanted to pull Alec close and never let him go. So he was going to start telling him the truth and stop being afraid. Sure, he was still afraid, his father was still forever on his mind, but he had Alec now. He had someone behind him if he fell and he had someone he could tell things to instead of bottling it up until it destroyed him. He wasn't going to let his past and his fears control him as much anymore. He was going to fight them now because he had someone worth fighting them for.

"So, where do we go from here?" Magnus asked.

"Hmm?" Alec replied lazily, his fingers tracing softly over the top of Magnus' hands, sending chills up Magnus' spine.

"You know, with everything? I mean are you okay with all of this?" Magnus looked around them, at the few people who passed on their way home from late afternoon classes. Some would send glances their way, while others would carry on with their day, like nothing. It had been that way for a few hours now but nothing seemed to affect Alec. Magnus was okay with it, he couldn't care less what they thought, but with Alec it was different. This was obviously new to him, but yet he'd slipped into the moment of being with Magnus in public like it was natural. But Magnus wanted to make sure Alec understood all that this meant. Hell, even part of his brain was still trying to wrap itself around the implications of all that had transpired. Not only had Alec forgiven him and taken him back with open arms but the boy had also told the whole world he was gay and he seemed completely unfazed by it. That just didn't make sense after everything Alec had gone through with dealing with going public. Magnus had expected something from Alec, and whether it was extreme or not, he'd still expected some response instead of this comfortable silence.

Alec looked up at Magnus, his hand stopping. "You're waiting for me to freak out about the fact I made out with you in front of about a hundred people aren't you?"

"Well yeah. I just... I guess I didn't think you were ready for the whole public thing. Especially after what I did." Magnus lowered his eyes in shame still not forgiving himself for what he'd done. How could he? What he'd wanted most to save Alec from, he'd ended up doing just by leaving him. Alec had been right. Magnus had been selfish. He'd only been thinking about himself, about what he was doing for Alec, and not what Alec would have wanted. He hadn't thought about what Alec would feel now but how he'd feel in the future if something happened. Magnus had left in fear of the possibility of damage, while it was leaving that had done the most damage. Looking at Alec he knew he was blessed. It took someone really special to handle Magnus, he knew that. He couldn't even handle himself sometimes, let alone expect someone else to handle him. But Alec had. Alec had taken it all in stride, standing by him when he was too afraid to ask for help and picking him back up when he'd been weak enough to fall. Alec had taken him scars and all and never asked for anything in return. He'd been that which Magnus had been searching for his whole life but had been too blind to see.

Alec's hand came to Magnus' chin, his fingers lifting it so Magnus' eyes met his. There was a softness in Alec's eyes that told Magnus everything he needed to hear without needing to say it. He had always loved those eyes and he didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't see them ever again.

"Do I really need to tell you again why I came back to you?" A small smile tugged at Alec's lips, curving into his eyes, a gleeful glint reflecting in the sapphire irises. "Because I'll tell you. I'll tell you a million times over if that's what it really takes for you to believe it."

"Alec..." Magnus' gaze fell slightly, faltering as he tried to keep them on those baby blues.

"I love you Magnus Bane, and no matter what happens, nothing's going to change that. You can walk out on me, but I will still come running after you, because I don't want to let you go." Alec's hand moved to Magnus' face, his fingers caressing his skin softly as they tucked a loose strand of hair behind Magnus' ear. "I won't let you go." Alec smiled lightly and Magnus couldn't help but return the action, his heart warming in the process.

"Alec, I'm sorry..."

Alec's finger moved to Magnus' lips to quiet him. "Shhh. What happened happened, now we just have to move on and put that behind us okay?" Magnus nodded. "And that means you need to start talking to me. You can't deal with everything on your own anymore, not if we're to make this work. You got to let me in."

"I know."

"So that means you've got to promise me that if something happens you'll tell me. And you've got to promise that when it gets hard you won't just walk out, you understand?"

"I do now," Magnus replied softly. "I just, I don't know how to do that Alec. I don't know how to talk about these kinds of things."

"It's never easy Magnus, but you've got to do it or you're going to destroy yourself. You've opened up to me before, about things you never thought you would, so I know you can do it again. You're just afraid and you're psyching yourself out." Alec massaged his thumb over Magnus' skin sending a comforting warm electricity through Magnus' body. "Just tell me what's going on. I'm here to listen and I always will be."

Magnus met Alec's gaze and it was enough to send Magnus over the edge. "You're too good for me, you know that?"

"Stop saying that. Haven't I told you already that I don't want more and you're all I'll ever need?" Alec smiled lightly, the fading daylight dancing in his eyes like the sun setting into the ocean. "Or do I need to make out with you in front of a hundred people again to prove that point?"

They both laughed softly, Alec's laughter ringing beautifully in Magnus' ears. God, that laugh. Alec would never understand the things that simple action did to Magnus. Alec's laughter filled his heart with a long lost light and brought a smile to Magnus' face that too had been long lost. Alec reminded Magnus of everything it meant to be happy, and he had been so stupid to have left that happiness behind.

"Alec you didn't have to do that, you know."

"I know. But I wanted to. I needed to; for me, and for you."

"You didn't need to do anything for me, not after what I did to you."

"Magnus, you had your reasons for what you did, and I understand them. I won't lie that it hurt and it still does, but I know we can make it through it. I know you can make it through it. What I did, I can't say that was planned. All I knew was that I needed to talk to you and I didn't care where. I just wanted you to know how I felt and I wanted you back. I love you Magnus and with you leaving I realized that I loved you too much to keep hiding, to keep being afraid. You mean too much to me to let things like that push us apart. And really, it feels fucking good." Alec laughed, letting out a deep breath of air. "It's not so scary once I think about it, because I've got you. And because I have you I don't really care what they think because they can't ruin what I have. You're so much more important to me then some stranger's opinion and all that matters is that I have you. And maybe tomorrow I'll feel a little different, but right now I couldn't be happier. I finally feel free and I'm here with you. I couldn't ask for anything more." Alec smiled, a soft blush creeping onto his cheeks as his gaze fell in that beautiful way it always did when Alec became self conscious of something he'd said. "Was that too much?"

"Not at all darling, not at all." Magnus looked at Alec who had moved his gaze back to him. Magnus moved forward slightly, their foreheads meeting softly. Magnus's eyes slipped shut slightly, taking in the small contact and letting the feeling rush over him. It was official, Magnus knew he'd never love someone else the way he loved Alec Lightwood. There would never be another Alexander Lightwood for him, and if he didn't have Alec, he knew he'd never have anything. He knew that was drastic, extreme, to say he'd have nothing without a certain boy in his life, but he knew it was true. His heart knew it, his brain knew it, and the whole universe knew it. Alec was his heart, his life, his everything. If he ever lost Alec, he'd lose that, and he saw that now like a blinding light that overtook his senses. He saw now how wrong and irrational he'd been through the whole thing. Alec was a light, a heartbeat, a reason for him to live, and without him, Magnus would become nothing.

Magnus closed the last few centimetres between them, their lips touching in a soft embrace. Neither of them pushed it any further, their lips simply touching, speaking as loud as words in their closed state. Alec's hand moved to wrap around Magnus' neck, his fingers entwining in the onyx strands at the base, sending a shiver down Magnus' spine. Magnus' own hand moved to the side of Alec's face, cradling it gently as Alec's hand around his neck pulled him in closer.

Fireworks burst inside of Magnus, lit from the happiness that fired inside of him. This touch, this embrace, this boy, was his lifeline. He was what kept Magnus holding on to sanity, to reality. Without him, Magnus would be spiraling, a cold bottomless pit his end destination. But that wasn't a possibility now. All those future possibilities that had been created by Magnus' fears went out the window as his one true future possibility lit up inside of him. And that possibility he now held in his arms, and he vowed to never let him go again.

Magnus pulled apart slowly, their foreheads still touching. "Thank you."

Alec just smiled, nodding slightly. God, how did he get so lucky? He would never understand it. He would never get how he had been fortunate enough to have the most amazing beautiful man on the planet.

Magnus placed another soft kiss to Alec's waiting lips before pulling away completely. His arms still held Alec close and Magnus could feel Alec's heartbeat against his own, beating in unison. Magnus looked down at Alec and then out at the deserted ground around them. He took a deep breath before looking back at Alec. He deserved to know the truth, the reason why Magnus had done what he'd done, the reason why he was still fighting to cope, despite the turn of events.

"Alec..."

"What?" Alec waited for a response but Magnus couldn't seem to form the right words that he wanted to say. "Are you going to tell me what's been going on, what got you so worked up?"

Magnus looked at Alec, a few seconds passing between them. "My father."

"What about your father?"

"He's dying," Magnus stated, not finding the words to elaborate much more on the subject.

"And how'd you figure that out?"

"The hospital called me a couple weeks ago. He's got stage 4 liver cancer and a month to live." Magnus paused, the act of talking about his father bringing everything back up. He fought to push it back down. Now was not the time to remember. Now was the time to let it out. "He asked them to get a hold of me because he wanted to see me."

"And?"

Magnus appreciated Alec's quick questions. They kept him talking and kept him telling his story. They left little time for him to pause and dwell on the more intricate facts. But Magnus knew where Alec was going with it. Alec knew that wasn't what had really set Magnus off, he knew there was something more to it and that's what he wanted from Magnus. He wanted the truth, the reason why Magnus was so afraid of becoming his father again.

"And... I remembered."

"Remembered what Magnus?" Alec's voice was soft, soothing in the cold early spring night.

"The night she died." Magnus' eyes left Alec's, falling to the ground around him. Don't bring it up Magnus. You can talk about it without remembering. You can do it. He pushed the memory and the pain down, suffocating it beneath the happiness that now filled his soul. "When I dream at night, I remember everything that happened to me. I remember my father, my mother, and the foster homes. But that night, that night... I haven't remembered that since I was 12 years old." Magnus choked on the words as they left his throat. "I've lived with it, with the knowing of what happened, but I buried it so far down that I forced myself to forget, I repressed that memory. But when I got that call, I just couldn't hold it down any longer. And then it became me Alec, it haunted me with every step I took and I couldn't forget. I couldn't forget him." A tear fell from Magnus' eye and he brushed it away quickly, mentally chastising himself for crying. He didn't want to cry anymore. He'd done enough of that already. "I didn't know how to handle it and so I let it take me over. And that's why I was so afraid Alec. I was so afraid that it would happen again, that I would become my father."

"Magnus, you are not your father." Alec's finger brushed softly at the tear that escaped Magnus' eyes, wiping it from his skin.

"The last thing my father ever said to me was to never fall in love, it'll just kill you both in the end. Alec, I was so afraid that he was right. I lived my life listening to him tell me that love was destructive and wrong. I tried so hard to not listen to him, but it was so difficult Alec. It was so hard to not to hear his words and they've haunted me ever since. He's haunted me my whole life Alec, and that's why I left. That's why I thought I was going to hurt you. I let my father control me when he wasn't even here. I let him take over my heart and in the meantime forgot everything my mother ever taught me." Magnus paused. "It's no excuse, I know."

"Magnus, it's completely understandable. I may not know what you're going through or what you experienced but I get it. I get why you were afraid, why you were haunted by your past, anyone would be. You don't need an excuse for how you felt, you can't help that. But you have to stop letting him control you. He's not here, he's not part of your life. He's nothing. You have to leave him behind and live your own life, your own way. Stop letting his memory control you."

"You are way too understanding, you know that?"

"It's one of my more endearing qualities, I think." Alec grinned, laughing. He moved his hand to wipe away a few more tears from Magnus' cold skin. "Now stop crying. I think we've both done enough of that the last few days." He smiled, his smile growing even larger as the sky opened up and raindrops started falling on them. The water was warm on Magnus' skin, seeping through the thin jacket he had on. Leave it to the weather to rain on them then. But then again, Magnus found no reason to complain about a wet Alec. The thought alone did things to him.

"We should probably get going inside," said Magnus.

Alec nodded taking Magnus' outstretched hand as they both stood. Magnus started to leave when Alec pulled him back. Magnus looked at him, catching a mischievous glint in his eye that he hadn't really seen there before. He raised an eyebrow in questioning as Alec pulled him closer, their bodies coming together.

"Why do you have that look?"

"Oh, don't tell me you don't have some movie fantasy about kissing in the rain?"

Magnus laughed. "Well yeah, of course I do."

"Well then?"

And then it all clicked into place. That look, Alec pulling him back, yeah, it all made sense now. "I like the way you think baby."

Alec grinned as Magnus moved in, capturing Alec's lips with his. He slipped his hands around Alec's waist, pulling him closer, as Alec's hands slid around his neck, into their familiar place at the base. A fire lit between them in the rain, bright sparks jumping off the connection between them. The rest of the world disappeared, even the rain as Magnus drank Alec in, his hands, his lips, and his heart exploring every inch of Alec.

Again, he felt like he was flying, his feet lifting slowly from the wet ground as the feeling of Alec overcame his senses. It was enough to send him overboard, enough to make him lose himself forever. It was so easy, so simple, to just fall into this feeling, this comfortable feeling, of happiness and euphoria. Yes, he'd had a movie fantasy of kissing in the rain; what could he say, he was a sucker for The Notebook. But this was different. This wasn't some silly fantasy to Magnus, this was his life and this was his scene to play out. Alec was his everything, his real fantasy that he'd been searching to play out his whole life. Alec was all that he'd ever dreamt about, all he'd ever searched for. And now, right here, with the rain pouring on them, his skin freezing in the cold air, he was living that dream. He had Alec in his arms and he was never going to let him go. He was going to fight for something instead of against something. He loved Alec and he'd be damned if he was stupid enough to let him go.

As the rain fell between them, Magnus pushed into the kiss and Alec pushed back, passion burning between them. In Magnus' life he had grown to believe true love didn't exist. He figured you got together, you hurt each other in the end and it was over. But Alec, Alec had shown him that true love did exist. And he'd shown him just how powerful love could be. His mother had been right all along. Love truly was unstoppable, and in Alec's arms, he would never forget that.

So there you go. I know it wasn't much but, don't worry my lovely readers because I have a little surprise for you. The next chapter will be updated either tonight or tomorrow, depending how things work out. But after that chapter updates will go back to-hopefully-a more regular, once a week schedule. I do have school starting up in two weeks and things are going to get busy for me, so updates might vary, but I will try my very best. Anyway, thanks again to all of you for reading. Please review and let me know what you think.

Be the change,
Amber