Chapter 29

Unasked

Warning: Use of homophobic terms and bullying. If this is uncomfortable for anyone or triggers anything, I caution you against the beginning of the below content.

So I promised another chapter and so you shall receive. So I hope you like it. Enjoy!

Songs:

Strut-Adam Lambert

I Don't Want to Miss A Thing-Aerosmith

Alec sat in his Shakespeare 101 class, his mind paying no attention to the discussion about Hamlet's 'To be or not to be' soliloquy. His mind was instead on those around him and what they might be thinking. Alec had been right when he'd said to Magnus that tomorrow he might feel differently about being public. A week ago when he'd told Magnus he loved him in front of a hundred people he hadn't even thought about it and he hadn't really cared, but that was because he was in the moment, lost in Magnus and everything he was feeling. But now that he was here, alone in public, he couldn't help thinking of the eyes that were darting his way and the thoughts about him and what he was. It wasn't so easy to block it out and erase it from his mind when he didn't have Magnus there. With Magnus there, it all went away and Alec was able to focus on what was important and not on what he feared.

But now, in a lecture hall of 150 people, Alec was alone at sea, his heart on display for the fish to attack and destroy as they pleased. Alec tried not to think about it. He tried to force his mind to think about Hamlet, about Magnus, about anything else. But all he could think about was them. He'd already seen the looks when he'd walked into class that morning and the mornings before. He'd seen it in the hallway, in the dining hall, and outside. Their school was prestigious but it was small and word travelled fast no matter who the person was, and a man making out with another man in the main courtyard, well that kind of news spread like wildfire. So they all knew, and each and every one of them was judging him.

So far, nothing bad had happened. Alec had just seen the judgment in people's eyes or he'd seen nothing. No one had said anything or done anything to him and Alec wasn't sure if he was supposed to take that as a bad thing or not. Still, it hurt. But slowly, he was coming to accept that as his life now. He was public about Magnus and he couldn't say it was going to be easy; it was going to be an adjustment. Alec wasn't ready to just throw himself into PDA but he was ready to try and to give Magnus that part of the relationship he knew Magnus wanted. He would give him this in return for Magnus opening up. And maybe one day they'd both be at a point where those two things became effortless, where Alec wasn't afraid at all to hold Magnus' hand in public and Magnus wasn't afraid to tell him what was going on.

But for now, it was just baby steps. They'd get there eventually. Drastic things like this didn't just emerge overnight and it took time to adjust, to accept. Alec would take time to fully be comfortable in public with who he was. As good as it felt to not be lying anymore and to be free, it was still hard, because he now felt like he had to watch his back every second in case someone wasn't okay with who he was. Those were the kinds of things Alec was afraid of and he just hoped that his being public wouldn't bring him that kind of thing. Magnus had told him he'd protect him, but that didn't lessen the way Alec felt when he saw that look of disgust in someone's eye.

"Hey Alec! Earth to Alec! Hey!"

Alec jumped when Anna hit him, snapping him out of his reverie, his thoughts coming back to him instead of the people around him.

"Yeah?"

"Class is dismissed. You can leave now. Unless that is, you'd like to stay here?"

"No. I'm good." Alec stood up, gathering his books in his arms as he slid his bag over his shoulder.

"Are you sure? You've looked out of it all week. Is everything all right?" Alec knew Anna knew about him and Magnus but she hadn't brought it up all week. Alec didn't know why but he respected her for it. He and Anna weren't exactly the closest of friends, more study buddies, so they didn't really talk about personal things too much. But still, she could have asked him about what had happened and hadn't and Alec was glad that was the case.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Alec started for the door, joining the small line of students on their way out. Anna followed closely behind him not pushing him more on the issue.

Alec felt like he could feel the glares of the crowd around him searing into his soul. He knew it was all in his head but he swore he could see them all judging him, hating him. Of course he'd had these thoughts before but before he knew they were in his head, that there was no way the person he thought was judging him was actually judging him because there was no way they could know the truth. But now he knew it might not be in his head, that these feelings and what he thought he was seeing could actually be true.

Alec and Anna preceded to the hallway, joining the dispersed group of students as they all continued on their way to their next class, the library, their dorm to sleep, or some other place. Anna and Alec were on their way to their next class which was in the building over.

Alec went to say something to Anna about the project they had for that class when someone pushed him from behind, knocking the books from Alec's hands and sending him sprawling to the ground. He threw out his hands to catch himself, his left wrist twisting as it caught the edge of one of his books. He gasped as pain shot through his wrist and up his arm.

"Fucking fag." Alec looked up, catching the man whose words now chipped at his soul, breaking down years of walls he had put up to protect him from those words. That was what he was afraid of, what he'd run from for so many years. That was the judgment, the reason he was afraid to go public, the reason he'd lied for most of his life about who he was. Alec fought to breathe, to grab on to something. He was falling, he was falling and Magnus wasn't there to catch him. No one was there to catch him. And so he fell, spiraling from of a state of complete pain to one of complete numbness. His heart didn't know whether to beat or to lay silent and his brain didn't even know what to think. He just saw the man, the man that had sent his whole being spiraling down into oblivion. He watched as he turned the corner, his black eyes on Alec's as he disappeared from sight.

"Hey asshole!"

"Anna don't." Alec looked up at Anna, getting to his feet slowly. His wrist throbbed from the pain of the fall but it was nothing compared to the pain of his world collapsing around him. It was so easy for him to put up the walls and the reserve for things like that, but when they actually happened they found a crack in the wall, dug in and started tearing. Alec almost felt like the world had drowned out around him, his senses barely even registering Anna.

"But he just..."

"Don't. Please." This was Alec's war to fight, his pain and his life to deal with. This wasn't Anna's. It wasn't anyone's but his so he wasn't going to let her say anything to him.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Alec lied. He wasn't fine. He was crumbling, fighting for breath underneath the pain. He was struggling to stand beneath the weight of it all, everything threatening to push him over again and send him over the edge. All he wanted right then was Magnus. He would numb the pain and pick him back up, he knew that.

"Are you sure Alec?"

"I'm fine, let's just get to class." Alec leaned back down to start picking up his books. Anna came over to help him, grabbing his binder just as he did. Their eyes met as they stood up, Alec taking the book from Anna's hands, and placing it in his bag with the others. They both just looked at each other, a comfortable yet awkward silence passing between them.

"Look Alec, I know we're not that close and I may not be the first person you care to talk to, but I'm here if you ever need anybody."

"Thanks Anna, but I'm fine." Alec said, looking down at the ground to avoid her piercing gaze; a gaze he felt was slowly judging him.

"I don't care, you know."

"I'm sorry?"

"About the fact you're gay. It doesn't matter to me. Sure, I don't like Magnus, but I don't care that you two are together.

"You don't?" Alec asked, his voice shaking in his throat.

Anna shrugged. "Of course not. Why would I? I mean, I've known for a couple months anyway. Ever since I saw you two making out in the library."

"You saw that?" Alec kept searching her eyes and her face for something, a sign she hated him for it. But he got nothing.

"I saw the end of it before Magnus grabbed a book, which oddly enough was on botany and not on history, as you claimed to be doing a project on. Also, you were as red as a tomato and had all the signs of having just made out with someone."

Speaking of red as a tomato, that was exactly what he was now. "Anna..." He didn't know what to say. Anna had never voiced anything on the matter since Alec and Magnus' public announcement and so Alec had come to the conclusion she didn't like it and didn't want to talk about it. But that wasn't the case at all. Anna just didn't care. She didn't bring it up because she didn't feel she needed to because it didn't change anything.

"Don't. You have nothing to explain to me Alec. I don't care that you're with Magnus. I could honestly care less about him, but you're my friend and it doesn't matter to me if you're gay. It doesn't change who you are or how I see you."

"Really?"

"Really." Anna smiled. "And you know, I always thought it would be cool to have a gay best friend."

Alec laughed, his heart settling in his chest. It really was the most exhilarating feeling, the feeling of acceptance. Here was someone who he didn't need to tell, who had figured it out all on their own and had had the chance to judge him, but didn't. Anna even respected his privacy for months, left Alec to his own life and feelings. Alec cherished that just as he embraced the feeling of complete happiness that rushed through him.

"I think Magnus fits that bill better than I do."

"Yeah, but I like you better."

They both laughed, letting the laughter settle softly between them as their gazes met. "I just wanted you to know that I'm okay with it." She paused, smiling softly. "Anyway, we should get going."

"Yeah, we should." Alec turned to start walking when Anna spoke again.

"Alec, are you sure you're okay?"

"I've been better. But I'm okay." That was a lie for the most part but Alec wasn't about to tell her the whole truth. Right now he was trying his hardest to just cope with it himself. Dreaming about your fears and what could happen was a whole lot different than it actually happening. The feelings, the pain, it was a lot more different in real life then you could ever dream it up to be. Alec wasn't really sure what to make out of all that happened and all that he felt. All he knew was that he needed Magnus, bad. He needed to hold him and kiss him and hear his voice tell him it was all going to be okay. He needed Magnus to be the one to pick him up from that fall. He needed him to take the pain away and the fears and remind him of the happiness. He just plain needed him, it was as simple as that. And he knew these next few hours were just not going to go by fast enough.

Alec slid his key into the lock, opening the door to his dorm. He smiled when he saw Magnus in the middle of the room dancing and singing entirely off key to Adam Lambert's Strut, which was blasting through the room. Magnus' back was to him, completely unaware that Alec had entered the room. Alec moved quietly to his desk, setting his bag down before turning back to watch his boyfriend. So much for the studying he was supposed to be doing.

"I wanna see you strut, strut, strut, come on walk for me! Strut, strut, strut, how you wanna be." Magnus turned around in his dance routine, his eyes falling on Alec as his voice cut out. A large grin crossed his face as he held out his hands to Alec. "Come dance with me."

"No, I'm good."

Magnus pouted. "Come on baby."

Alec tried not to give in to that puppy dog look on Magnus' face that always got him every time. He was not about to dance. He didn't do dancing. Alec shook his head in determination.

"Come on." Magnus took Alec's hands, dragging him into the middle of the room as Alec pulled back trying to stop himself from moving forward.

"Magnus, I don't dance."

"Everybody dances." He grinned, spinning Alec around before pulling him into his arms, flush against him.

"Aren't you supposed to be studying?" Alec asked, looking up to meet Magnus' grinning eyes.

Magnus shrugged. "Later. I felt like singing."

"I can see that." Alec laughed softly as the song changed, I Don't Want to Miss A Thing by Aerosmith now filling the dorm room.

"And now I feel like dancing. With you." Magnus pulled Alec closer, his arms around Alec's waist. Alec's arms went to wrap around Magnus' neck, his hands finding a familiar place at the base there.

"I'm a terrible dancer," Alec admitted.

"It's okay. I'll teach you. It's not hard. Just follow my movements." He smiled softly as he started moving. Alec looked down at his feet, moving them cautiously in relation to Magnus'. He felt Magnus' body move against his, the warmth of his skin comforting to Alec's soul. He let himself fall into the movements, to the feeling of Magnus, moving as Magnus moved, all the while losing himself in the moment.

"There you go, you got it."

Alec smiled, moving his eyes from his feet to Magnus' eyes, that small little connection all he needed to hold on. After the events of that afternoon, Alec had felt like he'd been falling all day and his whole body and soul had been yearning for Magnus. All he wanted was to hold him and know that in that embrace he was okay. Everything fell away when he was here. Nothing else mattered, no one else mattered. All that mattered was Magnus and that he loved him and he didn't need anything else. Alec didn't care about that man or what he'd said or anything else anyone had thought because none of that was important. It still hurt - it would always hurt - but Magnus numbed the pain and made it easier to accept everything. Alec didn't know what he'd do if that had happened and he didn't have Magnus to run to, to hold.

"See, you're not that bad."

"You're just lying to me to try and make me feel better aren't you?"

"Now why would I lie to you?" Magnus smiled, rubbing his nose lightly with Alec's, sending a shiver through Alec's body. He then placed a light kiss on the tip of his nose before pulling away to meet Alec's eyes. He then proceeded to take Alec's hand, pushing him away from him, and spinning him along with the music.

Alec cringed in pain as his wrist twisted with the spin. He let go of Magnus' hand to cradle his own as pain wripped through him, the aftermath of the fall sending knives through his body.

"Baby, are you okay?" Magnus moved to Alec's side, a worried panic on his face. Magnus's hands came to Alec's wrist, his warmth of his skin soothing the pain that shook Alec. "Alec, what happened? Did you fall?"

Alec looked down at the ground, avoiding Magnus' gaze. As much as it hurt to say it he had asked Magnus to tell him everything and Magnus had, so Alec owed it to Magnus to tell him the truth. "No. A guy pushed me in the hall outside of class and he... he called me a fag." Alec felt Magnus stiffen against him. He looked up to meet Magnus' eyes but they were blank, his whole face blank. Alec couldn't register anything about what he was thinking. A few seconds passed before anything started to show on Magnus' face. It was pain, sadness, and anger all mixed up into one ball that swirled around in his irises. Their eyes met and Alec felt Magnus pull him in closer.

"Are you okay?" Magnus' eyes started searching his body, looking for more than just a sprained wrist.

"I'll be alright."

"Who did it?"

"I don't know his name."

"I'm going to kill him." Magnus' eyed flared.

"Baby, don't."

Magnus' gaze faltered a bit. "I should have been there."

"Baby." Alec's hand came up to brush Magnus' cheek. "It's okay. I'm alright. You can't always be there."

"But..."

"You know you can't. And you couldn't have done anything. Magnus, I knew things like this could happen, but I'll be okay. I have you right here, right now, and that's enough for me. I'll be okay. I promise."

"Are you sure?"

Alec nodded, placing a soft kiss to Magnus' lips. "I'm sure."

"But the guy. What are you going to do about him?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know. What is there that I can do?"

"Stand up to him," said Magnus simply.

"It's not that easy Magnus. I...I wouldn't even know what to do, or what to say. Maybe it I just ignore it it'll blow over."

Magnus just looked at Alec. "Alec, you can't just ignore it. What if he gets worse and does something else besides calling you a name or pushing you in the hallway? Alec, I know what people like him are capable of, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Alec smiled, Magnus' words warming his heart. He placed his hands on Magnus' chest, breathing in his scent for a few seconds, letting it fill him up. "I've no plans on getting hurt. I've got you. I know I'll be okay."

"Okay, but promise me you'll tell me who it is if you ever figure it out or we ever see him. Please promise me that. I won't sit back and watch this happen to you."

"I promise."

Magnus smiled, wrapping his arms back around Alec's waist, pulling him flush against him. Alec slid his hands around Magnus' neck, pulling his head down. Their lips met, the feeling washing over Alec just like the calm waves of the ocean. It washed away everything, all the pain, all the fear, everything, leaving him comfortably empty. He forgot about the man and those words, and the feeling of humiliation and pain. He forgot about everything and just let love fill him up. He was happy and he was okay. He really was. Yeah, he was afraid of that man, of what else he could do, but it wouldn't change who Alec was and it wouldn't change what he felt.

Alec pulled away slightly. "I love you Magnus."

"And I love you."

Their eyes met and that was enough. Alec smiled, placing his head on Magnus' shoulder, letting the feel of Magnus wash over him. Yeah, he loved Magnus, and nothing anyone did or said was going to change that.

Magnus sat on the couch, hunched over his Art History textbook, trying his hardest to get some studying done. But he couldn't focus, not after what Alec had said to him. He knew that Alec was just saying he was okay so as to not frighten him, but Magnus knew that underneath all of that, Alec was hurting and he was afraid it would happen again. And if Magnus knew anything of the world, it would happen again, whether it was that man or another. Magnus had had his fair share of abuse for being bisexual, and not just from his father. High school had never been easy, especially the ones he'd went to. He'd been the only out LGBT kid in his school, except for when he'd been with William. So he'd been bullied, thrown around, called names, everything the kids of his childhood could come up with. And they came up with a lot of things. But Magnus never let them take him down and instead owned who he was. He'd grown used to the abuse. That's a dark thing to say, to know that you're used to abuse, but it was true. That was Magnus' life, but it wasn't Alec's. Alec wasn't used to this kind of thing and he could pretend to Magnus that it just rolled off his back, but Magnus knew it didn't. He knew the pain Alec was in and the constant paranoia in public that someone was going to say something or do something. He knew that it would be worse for Alec now that he'd had his first experience with it. Magnus would love to say that it got easier, but it never really did. It still hurt even after all the years.

So Magnus knew that all he could do was be there for Alec and he couldn't push him for anything. He could just be there. When Magnus had gone through it, all he'd ever wanted was someone to hold him and love him and tell him it was going to be okay. He had nothing, but Alec had him and Magnus understood just how much that meant. All Magnus wanted was to protect him. He knew, like Alec had said, that he couldn't always be there, but all he wanted was to save Alec from the pain he had suffered at the hands of the ignorant. It was hard knowing that Alec was going to face these things now. Alec had always been innocent and his fears were actually protecting him from the cruel world he was a part of. Magnus had wanted a public relationship with Alec, but he never wanted Alec to hurt. But when it came to a relationship like theirs in public, it wasn't always sunshine and glitter.

Magnus looked up as Alec came out of the bathroom, finished his shower. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was disheveled and dripping small water droplets on his pale skin. He looked delectable and Magnus fought the urge to jump the couch and take Alec right then and there.

"Stop looking at me and go back to studying."

Magnus groaned, putting on a small pout. "But I like you so much better."

Alec just rolled his eyes and proceeded to the closet, dropping his dirty clothes in a hamper as he went. Magnus just watched him move, tracing each muscle and line with his eyes, his hands itching to draw that luscious body instead of turn textbook pages. His whole body yearned for Alec, yearned to touch him. But he knew tonight was not one of those nights he'd get what he wanted. Alec wouldn't let it, so long as Magnus had studying to do. He continued to watch Alec as he stopped, opening the closet doors. Well, if he wasn't going to get to touch, the least he could do was look.

Alec looked back at him. "Magnus, study."

"But babe..."

"Study."

Magnus groaned, looking back down at his textbook to appease his boyfriend. He looked up through his lashes as Alec turned around. Alec really should have known to just bring his clothes into the bathroom if he wanted to avoid this. Now he was just being a goddamn tease and Magnus was completely falling for it, hook, line, and sinker.

He watched as Alec undid the towel, placing it on the bed next to him. Water still glistened off of Alec's skin, dripping down slowly, travelling the muscular lines of Alec's body. Magnus imagined that body beneath him and the many things he wanted to do to it. The things Alec did to his body and his mind, it was unlike anything. Small actions like Alec's blush turned Magnus on and sent his hormones reeling. There had never been anyone that Magnus had wanted physically this bad. But Alec, he was special. And Magnus was never going to complain about seeing that body every day. And he sure as well wasn't going to complain about having it beneath him, something that Magnus wanted really badly right now.

Yes, he was horny. So sue him.

He watched as Alec pulled on loose fitting blue pajama pants and a black t-shirt. Disappointment flooded through him as he was thoroughly enjoying the previous view. Alec turned around and Magnus quickly looked down at his book to appear like he'd been studying the whole time. But he knew he'd been caught.

"I can't believe you."

Magnus flinched as Alec threw a pillow at him. He caught it, looking at Alec over the top of it. "What? I didn't do anything," he said innocently.

"Whatever." Alec sat down on the other end of the couch, crossing his legs underneath him as he faced Magnus. He took Magnus' notebook and textbook, placing them on his lap. "Okay, come on. Tell me what you know."

"You can't be serious."

"Do I look like I'm kidding? Come on. Tell me all about Van Gogh."

"That's not what I'm studying."

"Then tell me what you are."

"Do I have to?"

"Yep." Alec leaned back, the big text balanced expertly in his lap as he looked expectantly at his boyfriend. His blue eyes shone, his hair hanging loosely around his shoulders in its wet state. Magnus was still fighting the sexual urges within him. All he wanted to do was cross the couch, throw the book out of the way and work Alec over right there, but no, he had to show restraint. And, he had to study.

Magnus groaned in submission, taking a deep breath before proceeding to tell Alec all about art in the 15th-17th century. He hurried through it, saying less than what he actually knew. Yes he had been studying before he started singing earlier that day, and yes he had been studying before Alec distracted him. But what could he say, he had a short attention span when it came to certain things. It was easy for him to get distracted, especially when Alec was the one doing the distracting.

45 minutes later he finished his art history lesson for Alec.

"Are we done now?"

"Yes." Alec smiled, closing the books and setting them down on the table. He looked back at Magnus and Magnus could see a question forming on his face.

"Magnus, can I ask you something?"

"If it has anything else to do with art I'm not answering it."

"No, not that." Alec worried his lip between his teeth and Magnus had to resist the urge to jump him. God, Alec knew what that did to him. He was such a damn tease. "Promise you won't get mad."

"Why would I get mad?"

"Just promise you won't and you'll hear me out before you say anything."

"Of course."

Alec paused, chewing on his lip a bit more before letting it go. "I think you should go see your father."

Magnus' heart skipped a beat as Alec's words reached his ears, seeping through his body. No. There was no fucking way he was going to see his father. No. Fucking. Way. Magnus didn't care what Alec had to say about it, it was not going to happen. He was not going to give that man the satisfaction of seeing his face again. He was going to let him die alone and in pain just as he deserved.

"Alec, no."

"Magnus please." His eyes seemed to beg Magnus to listen. "Just hear me out."

Magnus gritted his teeth against the anger that built inside of him. It wasn't anger against Alec exactly but anger in general at the whole situation and the whole feeling that it was creating inside of him. He nodded sharply, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"I just think that it could give you some closure on everything. You'd finally get a chance to tell him everything you've ever wanted to tell him. I know it's not easy and I'm maybe a little out of line saying this, but I think it would be for the better."

"Alec, the man killed my mother."

"I know that. I'm just saying that this is your last chance with him. If there's anything you've wanted to tell him this is your chance. Once he's gone you'll never be able to do that."

Magnus stood up in frustration, needing to move as the angry energy surged through him. "You understand that you're asking me to confront the man that took away my mother and my childhood?"

"I understand."

"Yet you ask me anyway."

"I do." Alec stood up too, taking a few steps towards Magnus. Magnus flinched away, not wanting Alec to touch him in fear of falling apart at his touch. "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think it was for the better."

Magnus tensed as Alec's hand came upon his shoulder. He fought the urge to melt into Alec's touch, to fall apart and leave himself open to Alec's embrace. He wasn't going to. He had to stand strong and keep on moving to keep from falling. Deep down Magnus knew that Alec was right and he knew Alec wouldn't ask it if he didn't feel it was right. But he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to think that Alec was right in saying that Magnus could get some closure.

Goddamn it.

Magnus threw his head in his hands, his fingers grabbing on to the roots of his hair in frustration. He had sworn to never see that man again. And if he did, he didn't know if he could handle it. He didn't know if he could hold up against the pain and the memories, of seeing his father's face again. If just that one phone call had brought up the memory of his mother's death, what would seeing his father's face bring up? He didn't want to think about it; it hurt too much. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to put himself through that. Who cared if he had closure, right? He'd still be okay. He'd made it this far so what was stopping him from making it further?

"Magnus, please say something."

Magnus took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves down. "I can't go Alec."

"Magnus, please just think about it."

"I have thought about it Alec. I can't do it. I just can't."

Alec was silent for a few seconds, his hand still firm and reassuring on Magnus' shoulder. "You don't have to do it alone."

Magnus' breath caught in his throat as Alec's words hit him. Alec was offering to go with him, to be there when he confronted his father. Magnus had never expected that, had never asked for it. It warmed his heart causing it to start beating a little bit faster. He really was the luckiest man in the world to have Alec. Magnus didn't want to do it, and most of all, didn't want to do it alone. But with Alec there, maybe he'd be able to get through it. Maybe he'd be able to say those things to his father he'd been wanting to say for years. He'd be able to show his father that he didn't tear him down and that he was standing strong and proud, and that despite his greatest efforts, Magnus had fallen in love and it wasn't what his father said it was.

Magnus turned around to look at Alec, their eyes meeting. Alec smiled softly, his eyes swimming with the love that Magnus had searched for his whole life. A wave of comfort washed through Magnus as Alec's eyes and touch reassured his injured heart.

"I'll go with you Magnus, if you choose to go and if you want me to. I know it's hard but I know you can do it, and I know you're stronger than you think." Alec's hand moved to Magnus' cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing lightly back and forth. Magnus moved into Alec's touch, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin against his own.

"I'm just scared Alec."

"I know Magnus. But it's been nine years. You're not that kid anymore and this isn't the same situation. You're a man now who's defied everything your father tried to make you. You've made it through so much and I know you can make it through this." Alec paused. "Just think about it, okay baby. You don't have to go. No one's forcing you and you don't have to listen to me. Just do what you think is right."

"But you think I should go?"

"I do. I think you could get some closure. But it's not what I think that really matters."

Magnus smiled, wrapping his arms around Alec's waist and pulling him to him. "Just give me some time to think about it."

"Magnus, it's your choice. Do what you want." Alec's hands moved to wrap around Magnus' neck, holding their bodies close.

"Thank you."

Alec just smiled as Magnus placed a soft kiss to Alec's lips, fulfilling his need to have Alec in his arms. In Alec's arms, Magnus didn't feel afraid but he actually felt like every word Alec spoke was right. He should go see his father, to get the closure he never had. He felt like he could do it, like he could face his father and make it out okay. He felt strong and steady on his feet, ready to take it all on. He knew it wouldn't be easy if he went, but he knew with Alec by his side it would be easier. With Alec he felt like he could take on the world.

Magnus knew he wasn't past his past. He hadn't moved on from what happened to him, from the pain. But if he saw his father, maybe he could finally move on. Maybe he could finally live in the present with Alec, his past nothing but a distant memory that shaped his life. Magnus was so tired of being afraid. He was on constant watch for a memory to hit him, for him to snap or lash out like his father did. It was like a waiting game, and Magnus was so tired of playing it.

So maybe he would go. Maybe he'd go see his father before he died. But it wasn't to give his father what he wanted, it was to give Magnus what he needed. It was so he could move on and forget his father. It was so that he could go on living the rest of his life unafraid of love.

It was so that he could just go on living.

So there you go. I hope you all liked it. I'm going to go work on the next chapter now since i've finally got a day off. I'm going to try and get another chapter up before school starts. But we'll see what happens. Hopefully the two chapters in two days can tie you guys over for a little bit. But thanks for reading. I love all of you guys so much. Reviews are love. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.

Be the change,
Amber