Chapter 35

Unwritten

Hi everyone! I'm back! I know it's been awhile, and my beta and I apologize greatly for that. Everything just got extremely busy and I had no time to write and she had no time to read. It was the holidays and then I was put on writing rest for three weeks. Doctor's orders. I'm developing tendonitis in my wrists so no more ten hour writing days everyday for me. It killed me not writing, but my wrists are feeling better now so I'm doing more writing. So, this chapter is short, which attributes to what I've stated above. I really wanted to put out a chapter since it's been so long, so forgive me for it being a bit shorter than usual. Anyone, I hope everyone had a great holiday. I want to thank you all for reading this in 2011 and here's to all the writing we all do in 2012. So, enjoy. Thanks for reading.

Songs:

Look After You-The Fray

He looked down at his hand posed on the doorknob. He took a deep breath, trying to will his hand to twist the knob and open the door. Why was he so scared? Alec was just on the other side. He could do it. But every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Alec's face and those blank, hurting eyes. And every time he saw that, he thought about what had happened and how he hadn't stopped it.

No.

Don't think like that.

Just open the door Magnus.

And so he did. He twisted the small white knob, opening the door into Alec's room. For the first few seconds he couldn't bring himself to look up from the grey tile beneath his feet, but eventually he made himself do it, and sitting there on the bed was Alec, a big smile crossing his face. This smile wasn't forced as Magnus had seen it with Alec's parents, but it was a genuine, happy smile. Magnus couldn't help but smile himself at the sight as his heart soared, knowing Alec was at least okay enough to smile like that. Magnus was beginning to fear he'd never see that smile again, that he'd never see that fevered blush or iridescent blue ever again. He had feared that he would never see Alec again, but here he was, just a few steps away. Just a few steps, and yet Magnus couldn't get himself to move.

They just smiled at each other, but as Magnus looked Alec over, his smile started to falter. The smile might be beautiful and put together, but the rest of Alec looked broken. The extent of what Sebastian had done to Alec hit Magnus full force. He had beaten Alec bloody until he couldn't stand anymore, simultaneously bruising his skin and shattering his soul. Magnus knew what was going through Alec's head right now. He knew the pain, emotionally and physically. He was just grateful that at least Alec was on medication to dull the pain, making the whole thing at least easier, if that was even possible. Magnus understood the demons that were now festering inside Alec's heart and eating away at every thought. He understood the pain that caused Alec to fear blinking, the pain that made him want to sleep forever. He understood, but he hated that he did. He shouldn't have to understand, because Alec shouldn't have to know.

Alec was the first to break the silence between them.

"Well don't just stand there, come here." His voice was rough, cracking in certain places as the words passed his lips.

Magnus's heart broke as the words hit his ears and the reality of part of what Sebastian had done to Alec hit him. Magnus could see the bruising on Alec's neck, ranging from green-to purple, the spot just below his Adam's apple the darkest. Magnus was surprised Alec was even talking. And hearing him, hearing the pain in Alec's voice as he forced the words to come out, it fired up the anger inside of Magnus that had been fighting to get out. He was going to kill Sebastian for what he had done to Alec. No one hurt the one he loved and got away with it. Magnus had made sure his father was put in jail for the death of his mother and he was going to make sure the same thing happened to Sebastian, if not worse.

Magnus forced his legs to finally move, crossing the hospital room over to Alec. He stopped for a second before sitting down on the bed slowly so as not to jolt Alec and cause him any pain. He was trying to keep his distance so as not to hurt him, but at the same time he was restraining himself from kissing Alec forever. He just wanted to kiss him and hold him and whisper to him that it was going to be okay. He wanted to take all the pain away and pick up the broken pieces as Alec had done for him. He wanted to take away everything, but he couldn't. He couldn't make Alec forget what had happened to him and he knew that even after the bruises had faded and the ribs had healed, Alec's soul would still be broken. Alec would still be haunted by the demons that never went away and he would live the rest of his life with that memory, no matter how many times he closed his eyes to forget.

"I'm..." Magnus started.

"Just kiss me."

And so Magnus did, touching his lips softly to Alec's. Kissing Alec felt like breathing again after a lifetime without air. It felt like life was filling him up again and he held on to that, letting it fuel his heart as it started beating. He didn't push the kiss further, not wanting to hurt Alec. Alec felt so fragile beneath him and Magnus felt one wrong move would break him completely. Magnus knew he had to be careful. Alec was hurting and he needed more than a surgery and some bandages to put him back together again. Magnus's medicine had been Alec, and he only hoped now that he could return that for him.

The kiss continued, slow and soft until Alec placed his good hand on Magnus's neck, pulling him down further as he entwined his fingers in Magnus's hair. This felt like coming home again. Magnus was where he was supposed to be, in Alec's embrace, and all his fears and worries washed away with Alec's soft touch. All he could think about was how much he loved Alec and how much he would continue to love him. He thought about everything Alec was to him, and about his life, and about how he didn't know what he would have done without Alec. Alec was his lifeline and Magnus felt like he was holding on for dear life as he kissed Alec harder, throwing in all the desperation that had built over the last hours. Now that he was holding Alec, he was never letting him go. Nothing was ever going to happen to him again. Ever.

"Ow."

Magnus pulled away quickly at Alec's remark.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Where'd I hurt you? Are you okay? I-"

Alec raised a finger to Magnus's lips, cutting him off. "I'm okay. It wasn't your fault. I moved the wrong way." He coughed as the words caught in his throat and Magnus knew Alec must have caught the look of worry on his face, as he continued to say, "I'm okay."

"Alec, you don't have to lie to me. I'm not your parents or your siblings. I don't want you to put on a face for me."

"I'm not. I'm okay, Magnus, really. You're here now, and that's all I need."

'You're here now.'

Now. But I wasn't there when you needed me.

Magnus's gaze faltered. Damn it, he was supposed to be strong. Alec wasn't supposed to see him hurting, not when he had his own feelings to deal with. Magnus was here to help Alec through it all, as no one had helped him when he was younger. He was here to give back to Alec what Alec had given him. He was supposed to help fix him, and if Alec saw that he was broken, he'd stop caring about himself. No, it was Magnus's turn. Despite what had happened and how Magnus felt about it, he could not change it, just as he could not change his own past. And so he was going to make Alec's future something to look forward to, unlike the dark dead days that had plagued Magnus's life. Anything Alec wanted, Magnus would give. It was time the angel needed saving.

"I know what you're thinking Magnus and you need to stop. It wasn't your fault." Alec coughed softly, and any reserve he had shown is his words was lost as his face showed the true pain he was in. Sitting here looking at Alec was tearing Magnus apart. He just wanted to take the needles out, wash the bruises away like paint and bring Alec home. He wanted to lay next to Alec in their bed, his arms wrapped around him as they slept for hours in peace. Peace. That seemed like such a foreign word. Magnus knew when Alec closed his eyes he would not see peace. He knew that when Alec was alone, he would not feel at peace. He knew that from now on, Alec would feel scared, broken, and haunted. He would never truly be at peace again.

"Alec-"

"Don't say it Magnus."

He wanted to. He wanted to say it, to sit there and apologize forever for what had happened to Alec. And if he had had any other childhood, he probably would have. When you're abused and hated for who you are, the last thing you wish is for someone to say they're sorry for what happened to you. The last thing Alec wanted to hear was Magnus apologize and blame himself. Alec didn't need that right now and never would. What Alec really wanted to do was smile and laugh, and try to feel happy again. He didn't want to be reminded of that night-the meds pumping through his system to numb the pain did that on their own-to be reminded of what was before that. Magnus knew that Alec was drowning inside, searching desperately for a lifeline, and that lifeline was Magnus. He needed something to hold on to, to help him navigate the pain and the memories. He needed an anchor and also a life raft. He needed everything Magnus had needed once, but had never had. But Magnus was here for Alec now and he was going to help put the broken pieces together again.

"White's really not your colour," Magnus said, looking down at the hospital gown Alec wore.

Alec laughed, a smile crossing his face that could have lit the darkest of rooms. That was what Alec needed. He needed someone to talk to him not as someone in a hospital bed, but just assomeone. As much as Magnus was broken, he knew the best thing he could do for them both right now was help Alec forget. It would be just like if they were at home, lounging on the couch instead of on a hospital bed. That's where they'd have been now had nothing happened and Magnus had to bring Alec to that place. He needed to bring him away from his thoughts and his fears, to someplace he felt safe.

"Ha. See? I told you you'd get used to my wardrobe."

"I never said I was used to it. I was just saying that when you let me revamp your wardrobe, I'm not buying you light colours. Especially not white."

"You say 'when' as if you know I'll let you."

"That's because I do know. You can't hold out forever baby."

"Forever," Alec whispered, smiling softly to himself.

"Yeah, what about it?" Magnus asked, confused.

"I like the sound of it." Alec appeared to be growing tired, his eyes slipping shut for a couple seconds. The doctor had said it was likely he might not stay alert for too long, but Magnus had been hoping for more time. This wasn't enough. He needed Alec. He needed to hear more of his voice to know he was still with him.

"Yeah I guess so, if you like overused three syllable words."

"That's not what I mean. I like the sound of forever with you." Alec smiled, taking Magnus's right hand in his uninjured one.

Magnus froze, Alec's words shooting straight through his heart. He had to have misheard him. There was no way Alec had just made a proclamation like that. And if he did, it couldn't actually have been him; it must have been the drugs. But yet, Magnus agreed with Alec. He liked the sound of that. Forever with Alec. Magnus couldn't see it any other way. But no, he was getting too far ahead of himself. There were more important things at hand, like healing Alec's broken soul.

"I like it too baby." Magnus smiled, squeezing Alec's hand.

"Come closer. Lay with me."

"Alec I don't think the doctors-"

"Fuck them," Alec said softly, a grin playing across his bruised and tired features.

Magnus just laughed, moving slowly so that his body fell into its place next to Alec. He watched his movements so not to jolt Alec and cause him more pain then he was already in. He laid on his side, propping his head up on one hand so he could look down at Alec. His other hand was still entwined with Alec's, exactly where it was always supposed to be. Alec smiled up at him, his eyes slipping shut again. He opened them slowly, those beautiful blue eyes revealing themselves to Magnus like it was the first time.

"I love you Magnus."

"I love you too Alexander."

And with that, Alec's eyes slid back shut, sleep overtaking him. And for the first time since that night, he did look at peace. His breathing was steady and a small smile played at his lips. Magnus hoped that was because he was having good dreams. He knew how hard it was to close your eyes and sleep and it warmed his heart to know that right now at least, Alec could do that.

Magnus looked down at their entwined hands, seeing that at least some of Alec's skin was not bruised. Magnus started running slow circles over Alec's skin with the pad of his thumb, letting the motion calm him down. He breathed in slowly, taking in Alec; his scent, his skin, the soft curve of his lips. He took everything in, wrapping the arms of his soul around Alec's. He wasn't going to let anything happen to it again. He was never going to let his arms go.

Magnus liked the sound of forever too. He liked the feel of holding Alec to his heart for the rest of eternity. No one had ever made Magnus feel alive like Alec did. No one had ever made him feel like himself, except for Alec. He was whole with Alec, not a broken shadow of a man. Alec was everything-his lifeline, his anchor. There was nothing more in his life he needed, and so when he had found Alec that night, he had felt like he had lost everything. He saw all his fears come to life and it ripped through him harder than any pain he had ever experienced. He could not lose Alec or he would lose himself.

Darkness.

It was all around him, surrounding his whole being. But it wasn't the kind of darkness you see at three in the morning where there are stars and the moon for light, but the kind of darkness where you close your eyes in pitch dark. There's nothing, no moon or stars, no light, nothing. There's no hope of opening your eyes to see the light again; there's no hope at all.

It seemed to claw at him, the darkness growing fingers that licked at his bruised skin. The fingers seemed to grow into beings, beings that called out his name in a sharp whisper. They wanted him, and they pulled him down, dragging him ever deeper into the darkness around him. They pulled at his limbs, ran their cold fingers across his lips and dragged their sharp teeth against his skin. He wanted to scream out but they held onto his throat, holding the sound in. He fought against them but it was no use. The more he fought, the stronger they got. So he stopped. He stopped fighting and he let them have him. He was too tired, too scared and bruised to even try. It hurt too much to try. And there was no point. He couldn't defeat them, and in this deep darkness, there was no one there to save him. He was alone.

Magnus was jolted awake as an elbow buried into his side. His first reaction was to retaliate as last time he'd ever been awoken in pain had been when his father was in a drunken rage. But as his eyes came into focus, he realized he wasn't back at home in his bed, but in a hospital bed with Alec.

Alec was moving around in his sleep, strangled moans passing his lips. He thrashed about as if he was fighting something off and Magnus moved over to avoid an elbow to the face.

His heart automatically started racing as fear gripped him.

"Alec. Baby. It's okay," he whispered. He went to touch him to calm him down, but the minute his hand touched Alec's skin, the boy thrashed harder, afraid of the touch. That ripped through Magnus's heart. Magnus knew Alec was having a bad dream but he didn't want him to be afraid of him. He wanted to hold Alec and tell him it was going to be okay just as Alec had done all those months before. Magnus knew what Alec saw beneath his closed eyes. It was the darkness where all the demons lived. You couldn't escape, you couldn't fight, and there was no hope, not even the hope of it all disappearing when you opened your eyes. It tore Magnus apart to see Alec like this. Magnus had spent more nights like this then he had in peace and he had never wanted that for Alec. He didn't want that for anybody.

"Help." The word slipped past Alec's lips in a quiet cry, just loud enough to reach Magnus's ears. "Magnus. Help me." The pain in his voice hurt Magnus more than his father's fists, cutting straight through to that place in his heart that he'd cut off from everyone but Alec. He could hear Alec screaming those words that night, holding on to the hope that Magnus would come and save him. It rang in his ears, that cry for help that he had always swore he'd answer, but had failed to do. He'd failed Alec when he'd needed him most. But he was here now, and he hoped that counted for something.

"I'm right here baby." He moved slowly, touching Alec's face softly, praying he wouldn't push him away this time. He didn't. He seemed to calm down a bit and he moved into the touch. "It's okay Alec. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." His voice caught in his throat as he fought back the tears that were ever present, threatening to fall.

Alec seemed to smile as Magnus's words echoed through the room. As Alec calmed down, Magnus wrapped his arms around him, holding Alec to his chest. Alec didn't wake but just relaxed into Magnus's chest. Magnus held him tight, not wanting to ever let him go. He was here now and in this silent moment together, he promised he would never ever leave Alec alone where he wasn't safe. He would lay down his life to protect Alec and it would kill him if anything ever happened to him again. Alec would be safe in his arms.

Forever.

The darkness began to disappear, giving way to a soft white light. It pushed away the demons that attacked him, their fiery fingers falling away from his skin. For once he was able to breathe in peace.

Peace.

That was what this felt like. Complete and utter peace. His heart finally slowed down and his breathing leveled. He felt safe for the first time in what felt like eternity. A part of him feared this wouldn't last but the other part wanted to stay here forever. And well, even if it didn't last, he was going to cherish it while he had it. So he let the light overtake him, sink into his skin and wash away the pain. He let it become him and he was happy. His heart seemed to soar and for once, he wasn't so afraid.

"It's okay Alec."

Those words pierced through the light, wrapping their warm arms around him. He let them, falling into the feeling and smiling for the first time in a long time.

Magnus.

He'd heard him.

He'd come for him.

And it was going to be okay.

So there you go. I hope it was okay. Thank you again for reading. I hate to say this, but the next update might not be for a little while too. I have exams this month so I'm going to be extremely busy. I'll try and maybe update but I can't guarantee anything. Anyway, thank you all for reading. I really love you guys, and thank you for making 2011 on here amazing. Happy New Year!

Be the change,
Amber