Title: An Elf's Lament

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,669

Pairing: H/D + others

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me, including but not limited to the concept of elves as Santa's helpers.

Notes: Yes, this took *checks* over two years to post. I am a horrible, horrible updater. And it's the middle of summer, the weirdest time to update a holiday fic. However, I hope some people out there who have been waiting for an update notice and enjoy this – I really do appreciate your comments and feedback! When I'm trying to write, I read them and smile. Hopefully future updates will be less few and far between. I hope you guys enjoy the cracked out romance that Harry and Draco are developing!

…0…

When Draco arrived back at Hogwarts twenty minutes later, he had already begun to regret running. He had been caught under mistletoe once before, at one of his parents' Christmas parties. He had been fourteen at the time, and his parents' friends had had a good laugh at his situation. "Be a man; kiss her quick!" had been the only advice given, and Draco had stood up on his tiptoes to give the thirty-something socialite a quick peck.

He had only heard stories of what happened to people who were unwilling to "kiss her quick." The worst one was Benjamin Bungee and Lindsey Lamberton. Benjamin was a wizard lawyer and happily married and, when accidentally caught under mistletoe with his assistant, had been unwilling to cheat on his wife even for a moment. He had spent the next week researching counterspells that would give him back his free will, but in the end, he and Lindsey had jumped each other in the middle of an important trial before the Wizengamot. Needless to say, they won the case.

If Benjamin Bungee and his team of legal assistants had not been able to find the counterspell, Draco had little hope for his own ability. He could ask Hermione to help – she was probably better than a team of lawyers anyways – but somehow he couldn't imagine that their tentative civility stretched that far. He had not allowed himself to consider her a friend, though their weekly coffee breaks to discuss dark spell theory might suggest otherwise.

The effects of the potion from earlier, as well as the late hour, made Draco decide that this was a problem best solved another day. Besides, he didn't feel any compulsion to seek Harry out and trap him against a wall…yet.

Maybe he was immune. Maybe Harry was, too. Maybe they would never have to finish their date or go on a second.

Yeah, and maybe Santa would decide that Draco deserved his heart's desire, gift wrapped on his bed.

….a….

When Draco awoke at 4 am to find Harry Potter, gift wrapped on his bed, he decided that Santa could read minds and was fucking with him. If this was his heart's desire, the old bearded guy was as cracked as Dumbledore.

Oh Merlin, Draco thought, they're probably best friends.

We are so doomed.

He stared at the dark-haired young man, who was sleeping soundly and making a slight snuffling noise that seemed to be his version of snoring. Draco wondered if Harry had gift wrapped himself. It seemed a bit difficult to wrap your own wrists and ankles with ribbon and still get the bows absolutely perfect.

Draco was rather upset to notice that his eyes had paused at Harry's chest, conveniently shirtless. The muscles from Quidditch and sparing, both activities that Harry still did regularly, were glittering in the darkness.

Wait, glittering? Was that…oh dear lord, the boy was covered in sparkles. Glow in the dark sparkles.

Either this was some demented seduction ploy or the effect of the mistletoe. Draco unbuttoned the top button of his silk pajamas – what classy people wore, as opposed to insane boys who slept half naked in the winter – and looked at his own, rather paler chest. He didn't see any glistening.

Why on earth was the hero of the wizarding world trying to seduce him by covering himself with glitter?

Draco was even more upset to notice that he had resumed staring at Harry's chest and that he was wondering if the glitter was edible. Well, it seemed only logical right? Seduction Glitter should definitely be edible, and since it was Christmas, should probably taste like gingerbread and icing.

He licked his lips before he could stop himself. The urge to do the same to Harry's chest had gotten so strong…

Damn. He was not immune to mistletoe. Draco never got any cool extra magical powers, like the heroes in the illusions his mother created for him as a child.

In fact, maybe he was even more susceptible to it than most. He most definitely would not mind jumping Harry, and it had not been a week. It had barely been six hours.

To be fair, Benjamin Bungee had probably not woken up to a gift wrapped Lindsey half naked in his bed.

Really, Draco justified, he just wanted to see if the glitter tasted like gingerbread and icing. For future reference. For when he actually had his heart's desire in his bed. It seemed like very, very pertinent information that he had to find out immediately.

…b…

Harry awoke slowly to the soothing caress of a tongue lapping softly at his chest. His eyes opened with a start when the tongue disappeared and he felt teeth on his nipple.

He wasn't all that surprised to see Draco's blond head pop up at Harry's sudden movement.

"Couldn't wait for me to take you up on the biting?" Harry mumbled sleepily. Something smelled like…Christmas. Was it his imagination, or did Draco's face look a little flushed in the darkness? And what was creating that glow…

"Am I covered in glitter?" Harry exclaimed, sitting up properly.

Draco's eyebrows raised. "Yes, gingerbread-flavored. Next time, do me a favor and add some icing, make it a proper Christmas snack."

Harry ignored the "next time" and tried to focus on the manner at hand. "Why am I covered in glitter? And why," he struggled to part his hands from their uncomfortable position under Draco's stomach, "are my hands tied together?"

Draco rolled off the brunet, shaking his head as if to clear it. "Are you telling me that you didn't gift wrap yourself and sneak your way into my bed to seduce me?"

"Gift…oh." Hector. "Maybe that mistletoe is to blame."

Draco arched an eyebrow and studied Harry's face in the dim light of the glitter. "I don't believe the plant is quite that aggressive. I believe this is another unfathomable plot of yours."

Harry didn't want to mention Hector. Damn that interfering elf, making him look like some food-crazy pervert. Seriously, edible glitter? That elf was way too obsessed with anything he could put in his mouth.

Time to stop that train of thought before it goes too far. No thinking about mouths. Well, except maybe Draco's, which was looking a little fuller than usual, and come to think of it, Harry had been quite enjoying the licking and even, yes, the biting and…

Was this the mistletoe's influence?

"Potter…" Draco said hesitantly. "Are you really that intent on seducing me? Because really, you kind of suck."

Potter tried not to think about what he would like Draco to suck and focus on the words. Something was important here…oh right, the mistletoe.

"Maybe I do. But the mistletoe really wasn't me. It's hard to explain, but the person who keeps trying to give me advice on this is a little psycho and it ends up with…well…this." Harry attempted to gesture at his bound feet and sparkling chest with his hands as best he could. "His intentions are good?" Harry ended weakly.

Draco just stared at him, and Harry couldn't help but want to grab him and…damn it, Hector! These bloody ribbons are in the way!

"Would you at least mind untying me?"

…c…

Draco didn't know what to believe, but somehow those damn puppy dog eyes always got to him. Besides, Draco was an expert at telling when normal, intelligent people lied, and the Boy Wonder was bollocks at it in the first place. He believed him about the mistletoe. Not yet about the gift wrapping and glitter.

He nodded slightly and moved to untie the dark-haired boy's wrists, trying to ignore the dark path of slightly wet skin on Harry's chest where he had licked through the glitter. The taste of gingerbread was still strong in his mouth, and as he fought the urge to resume his exploration of the tanned skin, he realized they had not yet kissed.

Draco sat back on his heels as Harry rubbed his wrists and moved to free his ankles.

"Potter."

The green eyes look at him questioningly, and Draco could see no trace of the longing and lust that he was experiencing.

Obviously, Harry was immune. Or maybe this seduction thing is just a joke, and he could never be attracted to me anyways.

He fought down the disappointment; it was just the mistletoe talking. He did not want to end up fucking like bunnies in the hall – or even in his bed, as he feared might happen soon – so he had to say this.

"I think we need to kiss."

Harry's eyes widened in shock, but otherwise he stayed motionless. Tensed, even, like a cat.

Definitely immune. Right now, Draco would have jumped at the opportunity to kiss Harry.

"I know that might seem unpleasant to you, but mistletoe is dangerous. You may feel no effects, but they will most likely come with time. I've never heard of anyone escaping." Draco looked away. "We can always postpone it and hope for the best, but that could lead to some very…unwanted results." Draco glanced back at Harry, half hoping that the brunet would just want to get it over with, half hoping that he would leave and the whole thing would go away. Harry hadn't changed position, and his eyes were impossible to read. Draco knew all of Harry's emotions, had been observing him for years – why couldn't he figure out what to do here?

He cleared his throat. "Right then, let's just go back to sleep. Well, actually, if you could leave my bed and go sleep in your own, I'd be much obliged, and I'm sure this whole thing will just blow over in the morning-"

Harry pounced.

The boy hero's mouth covered his and, despite his sudden attack, the first kiss was gentle, tentative. Harry's eyes were shut, a sign of trust that didn't match a kiss given under magical influence. Draco's own closed softly, enjoying the short moment while it lasted.

But the moment wasn't so short, and it kept lasting. Harry's mouth met his own in a series of short, sweet kisses, that left Draco straining to deepen the connection. Harry's hands were on either side of the blond, trapping him, and a leg between his own brushed tantalizingly against his upper thighs. He opened his mouth in a gasp, and Harry took the opportunity to sneak his tongue inside, pulling it out after a quick invasion. Draco moaned at the tease and finally took action, grabbing a handful of hair at the back of the other boy's head and dragging him down for a deep kiss that left them both gasping for breath.

Draco flipped them over so that he was sitting on Harry's thighs and resumed his earlier attack on Harry's right nipple. The gingerbread flavor had weakened, so he switched to the other nipple and gave it a small nip. Harry made a strained sound and dragged Draco up his body with both his hands on Draco's shoulders. The attack on his mouth that followed made Draco forcefully grind his hips down into Harry's. The hardness there surprised him and suddenly he realized he was painfully hard as well.

Harry gasped into his mouth. "I want…" Draco heard him whisper before pulling the blond back down for another kiss.

What did he want?

More importantly, what did Draco want?

Draco jerked away from Harry violently, scooting down the bed until he hit the wooden post in the bottom left corner.

They had kissed. They had satisfied the mistletoe's requirements.

That's all it was.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Draco couldn't possibly actually at all in any way want the Boy Who Lived to seduce him. He just liked the taste of gingerbread, found it very erotic, and when gingerbread combined with the effects of mistletoe…

Well, it was a very Happy Christmas.

He resisted the urge to glance down at Harry's pajamas bottoms, acutely aware of exactly how happy Christmas could be. Instead, he looked up at the brunet's eyes, somehow managing to be green even in the dim glow of the glitter. Harry looked confused and a little…disappointed? Was Draco imagining things? Not that it mattered, of course.

The blond cleared his throat. "The mistletoe won't bother us anymore. We've satisfied the spell. You can go now."

Harry blinked. "Of…of course. Right. The mistletoe." He looked down at his chest, which glittering everywhere exactly for on his nipples and a slightly crooked line down the middle. "You want me to go."

"That's what I said." Draco needed Harry to leave. Immediately. And to take his stupid chest with him.

The other boy slowly got up off the bed, gathering up discarded ribbon as he went. "I guess we got a little…carried away. Right. I'll go."

Draco refused to watch him as he reached to open the bedcurtain. He brought his knees up to his chest and locked his arms around them tightly instead.

He heard a whispered "I'm sorry" as the curtain dropped shut.

…d…

Harry was barely out of the dungeons when Hector exploded on him.

"What the hell was that, Potter?" The Christmas elf seemed to drop out of thin air directly onto Harry's head. Magic. It was damn annoying.

"How the hell should I know?" Harry said heatedly, trying not to think about what the hell it had been. They had been…and then Draco had…and then it had ended. He didn't know what he was the most confused about. He had said "I want." Even in the heat of the moment, he had had no idea what followed that word. Want.

The elf tugged viciously on his ear. He was sitting on Harry's shoulder now.

"What?" Harry almost yelled. "Are you a trained monkey now? Get off my shoulder!"

Hector glared and jumped off to the stone floor of the hallway.

"You have glitter on your butt."

The elf did a little dance as he tried to see the white sparkles that coated his little red pants.

"Did you know it's edible?"

The elf swiped the glitter off with his right hand as he craned his head over his left shoulder to see the offending substance more properly.

"And tastes of gingerbread?"

Hector rolled his eyes. "Of course it tastes of gingerbread, you dummy. I had to pick a flavor I know Draco likes. The only information I have on him is Christmas sweet-related. Unless you would have preferred egg-flavored?"

Harry's hands squeezed into fists. "Why did it have to be flavored in the first place?"

The Christmas elf smiled. "Who ever heard of flavorless edible glitter/"

Maybe Harry looked like he was about to pop from rage because Hector quickly raised his hands in surrender and added, "Look, I was just trying to help. Anyways, the beginning part was good. We just need to work on your closing ability."

The boy hero sighed and buried his face in his hands. He had wanted things to be less boring. Now he felt as stressed out and panicky as when Voldemort had been up to another one of his plots. Would there ever be any sort of middle, "normal" not-boring in his life?

"Oh, let's ask your friends for help! Dean and Seamus seem like they know how to seal the deal."

Harry's head swung up to stare at Hector so fast the elf instinctively hopped back a step.

"Hector…"

"Yes?"

"Have you been watching people hook up?"

The elf just smirked and disappeared with a pop. He had most likely gone to wake up Dean and Seamus, or to interrupt whatever it was the two of them were doing at this late hour. Harry had a bad feeling about this.

Seal the deal.

Harry stared down at the line down his chest where the glitter had been licked away and tried to swallow around the lump of terror in his throat.