Two Heads Are Better Than One
Chapter 5
Lily seemed to be deliberately avoiding James since the potions class a week previous. She sat as far away from him as she could in the Great Hall, doubled back on herself in corridors when she noticed him coming towards her, and did her Head Girl duties without notifying him where she was going and at what time she was patrolling. Even during potions, when they were at the same table, she would refuse to make eye contact with him.
"Why is she avoiding me?" A very anxious James asked Remus during breakfast one morning. He had caught Lily's eye (from down the other end of the Gryffindor table) and she had hastily turned away. It was then that James decided to ask for help from the one male who seemed to understand women the most...
"Who?" Asked Remus vaguely, not looking up from his Daily Prophet.
"Evans, of course!"
Remus didn't even bother looking up from his paper but said in a calm voice; "I'm sure she's not avoiding –"
"She is!" interjected James, feeling exasperated."
"James, you're probably just imagining –"
"I'm NOT imagining anything Moony!" James slammed his fist on the table; infuriated by the fact that no-one seemed to care.
Sirius stared at him; bacon half hanging out of his mouth, and Remus slowly lowered his paper and folded it neatly. His calmness was infuriating. He clasped his fingers together and fixed James with a stern look, his grey eyes hard. "What makes you think she was about to kiss you the other day, James?" he asked.
"I...I don't know." said James honestly.
"Do you think she did it out of her own accord?"
"You mean do I think she was under a spell or love potion?" James began to feel panicky and angry.
"No no no, I mean do you think she was doing it out of her own choice or perhaps through someone else's?"
"A dare?"
"Do you not think that had she made that kind of decision on her own she'd be apparently regretting it so much? And how do you know if she was even going to kiss you in the first place?" Remus' voice was stern, cold; something that didn't happen very often. "What happened to make her suddenly change her mind so much? Did she just miraculously turn from hating you one moment to being all over you the next?"
"I...I don't know." Said James again, feeling thoroughly disheartened now. This was a side to Remus he hadn't seen before.
"Harsh, Moony." said Sirius, through another mouth full of food. His eyes were slightly wide; he obviously hadn't been expecting this outburst from Remus either.
"I'm sorry, James." said Remus softly, his tone changing completely. "But you really have to wonder if you perhaps misinterpreted something or what she really meant by it all. It seems a bit out of her character is all, and I hate to see you moping around like this."
"I know..." James didn't know what else to say. He knew that Remus' intentions were for the best and that he would never purposely hurt James like that, but he now had more to think about than he'd originally wanted.
"Ask her out again." said Sirius suddenly.
"What?" asked James and Remus in unison.
"Ask Evans out again and see how she responds. If she says no and hexes you, then you know she's back to her old self. If she says yes, then you know that your 'plan' worked and she really does like you now...for whatever reason."
Both James and Remus stared at Sirius in disbelief while Peter looked at him in awe.
"Sirius," began Remus, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger "do you really think that pestering -"
"Brilliant!" exclaimed James. "Excellent idea, Padfoot! It'll let me know where I stand for sure."
Sirius raised his eyebrows smugly and took a victory sip of pumpkin juice. Remus stared between the two friends, mouth open slightly. "You really think that's going to help matters at this stage, James?" he asked.
"Worth a try, isn't it Moony? I'll get nowhere if I do nothing."
"Yes, but why not try talking to her first instead of asking her out straight away?"
"You've seen the way she's been avoiding me, she's not gonna talk to me calmly. Padfoot's right, I've just gotta act like nothing's changed and see if she does the same."
Remus sighed, looking slightly exasperated. "Fine." he said, "Just...remember to duck when she throws something at you."
James had decided to patrol the corridors. Now this wasn't something he was in the habit of doing often, least of all on his own, but tonight he decided it was time for a little change. It was good to be impulsive, to take charge, to do something different, he thought. However this decision may also have been influenced by the fact that he had previously overheard Lily tell her friends that she was also going patrolling that night.
James was stood in the fourth floor corridor, eyes scanning the Marauders map for the whereabouts of Lily. When he'd noticed that she was finally in the corridor heading towards the one he was in, he quickly stashed the map back into his robes and began to casually stroll down the corridor.
Lily rounded the corner and stood facing him for a moment before swiftly turning on the spot and walking in the direction she'd just come from. For one of the first times ever, James felt anger towards her. It possibly one of the most childish acts he'd seen in a person his own age (out-with himself and Sirius of course), and he still didn't even know the reason for it. He'd had enough.
"Evans!" he shouted, running after her down the corridor. "Evans!"
She ignored him and kept walking, not even glancing back. Her pace quickened. Anger continued to rise in James as he broke into a slow run to catch up with her. "Hey, Evans, I'm talking to you. EVANS!"
"WHAT?" she shouted back, turning round to face him. Her eyes were livid, she looked about as angry as James felt.
"I need to talk to you."
"Well no shit! And here I thought you were shouting on me and chasing me because you were trying to ignore me!" she was about to walk away again when the question that he'd been burning to ask for days finally burst from his lips.
"Why did you try to kiss me the other day?"
She stopped dead, her expression cool. "Don't flatter yourself, Potter, I wouldn't kiss you if you paid me."
"Who do you think you are?" he was shouting again, he didn't mean to (not really) but she was just being so unreasonable. "You act all high and mighty all the time but really, you're no different from anyone else! I mean you always complain about me being so immature, but look at yourself! Constantly changing direction whenever you see me, ignoring me when I shout on you, does that sound like something a mature person would do?" James couldn't stop, all the emotion he felt towards her bottled up for so long was now pouring out his mouth. "Do you really think that you're so much better than I am? Look!" he pointed a finger towards the Head Boy badge on his chest, "I have one too. We're in the same rank here. Now I know you're a lot smarter than I am, and certainly a lot more beautiful, but that doesn't give you some automatic right to treat me like crap for the last six years!"
Lily was silent but her cheeks had reddened. They were both breathing a little heavily.
"You've done nothing but look down on me since the day I met you. I know I'm not perfect, and that at times I act like an arse, especially in the past and especially towards Snape, but we all have our flaws. And just because you have different flaws from me doesn't by any means give you the right to judge me for them. You don't even know me…"
"I don't want to know you! I've learned all I need to know about you from watching you act like a prat for the last six years!"
"W-what, how?" James spluttered with fury, how could she possibly be judging his whole personality on the way he acted? "How can you say that?"
"With my lips!"
"How can you judge someone like that!"
"Pretty well actually, it turned out to be true for you didn't it?"
"No!" he was disgusted she even thought that, "Talk about reading a book by its cover." Lily opened her mouth to retort back but James cut across her before she had the chance to speak. "It might surprise you to know that I don't always act like a prat when I'm not out in public, believe it or not I care about my friends, I work hard in school, and I have a wide range of emotions! D'ya know why?"
"Enlighten me." Lily had folded her arms and continued to look thoroughly unimpressed.
"Because I'm human! I'm only human, Evans. We all mess up, especially when we're young. That's life. There are times I regret acting like such a git when I was younger but it's done now and I can't change it, but the important thing is that I've changed now, I've grown up. So if you could please stop acting like a bitch for five minutes and started paying attention you would realise that and maybe you'd think differently of me and possibly some other people too."
There was another silence following James' outburst.
"Finished?" Lily tried to look somewhat unfazed but her eyes said differently. James knew those eyes well, and knew them well enough to tell when she was hiding something. "Because really if there's more don't let me stop you, not now when you're on fire like this."
In spite of himself James began to laugh. The situation was so serious but she was so stubborn, and James couldn't deny to himself how much he loved her retorts. She always had something witty to spit back at him; it was one of the reasons he loved her. NO not loved her. Wait…loved her? Yeah, loved her.
Lily cocked an eyebrow at his sudden change in emotion. "I'm glad I amuse you so much…"
"No, it's not that." His laughter died away but he continued to smile. "God, Evans, why do we do this to each other?"
She shrugged, looking more confused than anything now. "I don't know, maybe because we hate each other?"
"Ah Evans you know I could never hate you!" he flashed a cheeky grin at her, "If you've been thinking that this whole time then you're not as smart as I thought."
Lily's expression changed very quickly from shocked to embarrassed and she quickly turned her attention to the floor, blushing hard.
James didn't know what to do. What had he said to embarrass her? Was it because he said she wasn't smart? Surely not.
"No," she said quietly, "I haven't always thought that, at least…" she took a breath, "I hoped not."
Hoped not what? Hoped not what? Hoped not that he didn't hate her? Why? James' brain was racing. Lily was blushing harder than ever but now looked him straight in the eye. Could it be possible that she actually did like him and was scared he'd find out. Holy shit. What if she did like him?
They stood there for about a minute in the most awkward silence James had ever felt.
"Have…hmm" he cleared his throat, "have you always hated me or…?" The end of his sentence trailed away, in all honestly he didn't have a clue how to finish it.
Lily was silent for a while longer, her attention diverted to the floor again.
Not knowing the answer was killing him, although the prolonged silence began to build his hopes; she hadn't said yes immediately which was what he had been half-expecting. "Evans...?" he prompted gently.
Lily sighed loudly as if she was forced to admit something she'd rather not. "I haven't..." she sighed again and continued louder. "I've never hated you Potter, ever. There, you happy now?" Her voice was so full of anger and resentment but she quickly folded her arms and turned her back on him. Her breathing was shaky.
James felt a mix of emotions; delighted of course that she had never hated him, but confused - why was she so angry? Why was she - Lily rubbed at her eyes, her back still turned - crying?
"Evans," James asked as softly as he could, "are you crying?" She didn't respond. "Lily...?"
At the mention of her first name she spun round to face him, her eyes slightly pink. She looked shocked at first, but quickly regained herself. "I'm fine." she said shortly. "I, I just need to go freshen up before I head back."
"I'm sorry." said James quickly, eager to find out more. "Was it something I said?"
Lily smiled gently at him. "No, I guess I'm just lying to myself."
"In what way?" James was feeling more and more confused but with every second passed his heart began to beat faster.
"In a lot of ways. Night, Potter." And with that she turned from him again and started down the corridor towards the fourth floor toilets.
James stood there for a moment, watching her walk away, allowing the scene to process in his mind. She was upset because she was lying to herself. Lying about not hating him? She had started to cry after she'd admitted that fact, so maybe that was the case. James' heart sank. Maybe she had been lying to herself about hating him for the last six years? Hopefully that was really the case. Whatever it was she seemed very reluctant to tell him, and she would never be reluctant to tell him she hated him, in fact she quite frequently made sure he knew that! So the second case it must be! James' smiled slightly; he was now convinced that Lily secretly felt some sort of good emotion towards him, and he was determined to find out what.
He turned away. However he couldn't help but feel like he had missed his ultimate chance, maybe she had even wanted him to ask her out there and then and he'd just inadvertently blown her off. Inwardly kicking himself he continued to walk back down the corridor
"Hey Potter!"
James stopped dead having the feeling that she was about to make him feel even more worse than he already did. He turned round to face her, "Yes Evans?"
"So…I've decided I want to get to know you better." she smiled playfully, hands on her hips, right eyebrow cocked.
"That so?" James' heart felt like it was in his throat. His stomach was bubbling with nerves and excitement, hopefully what she was about to say next would be friendly rather than bitchy. Oh please be good, please be good, please be good.
"Go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"
YEEES! Definitely good!
About a million tiny butterflies exploded in James' stomach, his brain felt fuzzy; surely he's misheard her. And if not, how did he know she wasn't just playing him? "You serious?" he asked, his voice sounded unnaturally high.
And that was when Lily Evans laughed. Lily Evans; for possibly the first time ever she was smiling at him. "Yes I'm being serious."
James' mouth dropped open slightly, of all the times he had gone over this moment in his head never had he before imagined that she would willingly ask him. This can't be happening.
"Well? Don't leave me hanging here, Potter." But she continued to smile; he knew she knew the answer before she'd even asked the question.
"Wha – Of course! Yes!" He couldn't believe it had taken him that long to answer. "I mean..." he bowed extravagantly, "I'd be honoured."
Lily considered him for a moment, that playful smile still on her lips. "Entrance hall, noon, don't be late."
James grinned at her. He could get used to her bossing him around like that. "Yes ma'am."
"Good, I'll see you tomorrow in class then."
"That you will."
James had just turned to go again, trying his best to hide the huge grin that was threatening to burst across his face when Lily shouted after him "Oh and Potter?"
He turned to face her once more.
"Don't bring Black."
James still had a huge beaming smile on his face when he arrived at the dormitory door, so he stopped, tried to regain his composer and tried his best to remove most of the smile. He opened the door to find each of his friends sitting on their beds.
"Alright Prongsie?" said Sirius, "How'd it go with Evans?"
"Well, I took your advice.
Sirius smirked at him, Peter gasped and Remus sighed. "Oh yeah? And how'd it go? I see you've still got your head and all four limbs…"
"That's because I didn't ask her out."
"Well I should hope not." said Remus at once, "Surely that would have made things worse, no?"
James couldn't help but grin again; oh how wrong Remus was.
"What you smiling at? What happened?" Sirius was almost on the edge of his bed with excitement; all three boys were staring avidly at his face desperate to know what happened.
"She asked me."