Making Myrnin Miserable
1. Replace all of his chemicals with different sodas.
2. Give Myrnin a list of weird phrases and tell him they're what the popular culture says nowadays. (i.e., "'Stop plucking my eyebrows' is a term said by teenagers when annoyed at someone, 'Just put the cord in' is a saying that refers to listening to headphones and is said when there are people talking [usually bickering] and you want them to stop.")
3. Call him a good-for-nothing floozy.
4. Make him flex his biceps, poke them, and then say, "I've seen better."
5. When he's reading a book, ask him if he got to the part where the main character dies.
6. Spritz him with a spray bottle of water every time he does something, but change that thing each time you squirt him. (i.e., when he walks with his right foot first, and then change it to when he scratches his head, then to when he says "Um," etc.)
7. Tell him that Oliver actually likes it when Myrnin plays pranks on him and it's always the highlight of his day.
8. Tell him how you saw Amelie and Oliver were cuddling at the park and their public display of affection was so romantic. Swoon so he gets a better idea of it.
9. Talk about how alchemy isn't real and anyone who says differently is a moron.
10. Ask how many split ends he has.
11. Make fun of his driving "skills." Find out how much Amelie takes out of his annual allowance for monetary damages on Morganville.
12. Compare him and Oliver. They don't have to be things that are actual similarities between the two. Mention something about how they both have a flawless sense of fashion, or how they're both brilliant men who can do anything that they set their minds to.
13. Tell him that Amelie's not going to have any time for him anymore now that she has Oliver.
14. Ask him why he had to keep Ada's brain in a box and just make the whole series more complicated.
15. Tell him a knock-knock joke and when he laughs hysterically, tell him he only wished he was as funny as you.
16. When someone dies, say under your breath that you "hope he doesn't save their brain to do creepy things to later."
17. Make fun of how Myrnin is a girl name.
18. Spill grape juice on his favorite shirt.
19. Call Amelie and give her a list wrongs Myrnin has done Oliver over the past week. Be sure to mention an incident at the supermarket when Myrnin built forts out of the toilet paper and hit people who passed with fruits. Ask her to give him an extra brutal punishment like no TV for a week. That'll get his attention.
20. Send him e-mails from an untraceable account, giving him anonymous tip-offs about the poisons Oliver's been slipping into people's drinks for the past three weeks. Walk Myrnin through the steps of what he needs to do in order to stage a coup on Common Grounds; one step for each day, describing each step in length and going into excruciating detail about what rifle he needs to use to take out Oliver when the time comes (color, brand, measurements, ammunition needed, etc.).
Don't forget to review with what Morganville character you want me to make a list for next.