A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been around for a LONG time, but I've paid for it T_T I am currently stricken with illness (and I don't know what the HELL it is, but it's reduced me to a sniveling pile of pain and agony that's pretty much been bed-ridden for almost a week now e_O) and with all this free time on my hands, I've got these chapters for you guys :D

I hope you like it, because I think it came out well considering I'm drugged up on, like- three different medications ._. Remember, Nyquil is your friend! :D

So enjoy the chapter! And thanks to everyone who has reviewed thus far, and has stayed even longer to see what happens next ^_^ You are all wonderful and fantastic and I don't know where ANY of my stories would be right now without you guys!

I'm not dead, but if whatever I've contracted is anything to write home about, I've got a good leg in the grave, guys xD (KIDDING! I'M OKAY! I think... ;_; someone please bring me cookies and chicken soup?)

Happy reading, happy writing!

~Konfessionist out!~

Chapter Eighteen: Not All Of This Is Me

Day Four

"My fellow settlers, I am positive that you have all heard the news about Megaton," Rogue boomed from his perch at the second floor landing of the marketplace, looking down upon everyone with his hands held high as if he were praising for a miracle. "But I am afraid that I cannot assure you of what happened exactly."

"Megaton was blown up!" Someone screamed from the crowd below.

"Three Dog said so! He said it was by some sleazy bastards!" Somebody added on.

This seemed to make Rogue chuckle, and he lowered his raised hands to grip the railing in front of him.

"I am well aware of what Three Dog has said, but you cannot believe everything that you hear!"

As the crowd continued yelling back and forth with Rogue, Harkness pushed his way through the sea of people to Bryan and Janny, who stood in the center as the only two people who weren't yelling back at Rogue.

"I spoke with Lana—what Three Dog says is true." He whispered to Janny. "Megaton was turned into a sinkhole, and he claims it was by an unknown party."

"But how does he know that?" Bryan asked, leaning in when someone bumped into his shoulder.

"Three Dog has scouts picking over the Capital Wastes for need-to-know news. That was how he always managed to keep tabs on what I was doing while I was still known as the Lone Wanderer," Janny explained. "To be honest, in all my years I never figured out who his scouts were, but I would put my money on a group Brotherhood of Steel soldiers unless he has his own personal scouts that I never had the pleasure of meeting."

"It still doesn't explain how he knows that it was an unknown party. For all we know, the bomb could have just gone off."

"I don't think so, Harkness." She interjected, looking to him. "When I first came from the Vault, a man named Mr. Burke tried to hire me to detonate the bomb. He gave me a device that would send a sort of pulse to the bomb, thus activating a fusion reaction within that would detonate it."

"It's kinda scary that you know all that…" Bryan admitted meekly.

"I don't—Mr. Burke explained to me how the device worked." She confessed, looking up at him from Harkness. "You see, I never had much skill with explosives. I refused to work for him and destroy Megaton all those years ago, but when the town mayor, Sheriff Simms, asked me to turn off the bomb permanently I was unable to do it. When I brought Sheriff Simms to Mr. Burke to see some justice done, he attempted to kill Sheriff Simms, but I stopped him and he was thrown out of town. Sheriff Simms rewarded me for saving his life with a place to stay, which was ironically what he promised me if I were able to deactivate Megaton's bomb."

"So the bomb can only be detonated with some sort of kick to the ass from a mad Brahmin to get it going?" Harkness asked.

"I believe so, yes."

"So what says that this Burke guy didn't just come back and finish the job?"

Janny looked up at him. "Because about a year after the fact, I went searching for Mr. Burke and found him at Tenpenny Tower where I killed him and his employer as a gift from me for trying to destroy Megaton."

"Sounds like you." He smiled slightly. "Listen, Jan—I'm sorry for thinking you were the one that did it."

"You still don't trust me," She replied curtly.

"It's not that…"

"But you think I'll return to my old ways and wreak havoc on the Wasteland?" She cut him off. "If that isn't distrust, I don't know what is."

"…You're mad at me." He stated.

"I believe we've come to an agreement."

"Damnit, Jan, I didn't mean it!"

"My fellow settlers, ask yourselves this! What makes Three Dog in the right? How does he know that this, unknown party, destroyed Megaton? Even if it were true, what reason could this unknown party have for wanting to destroy Megaton in the first place, a town that has done no wrong? What makes you think that the bomb did not just go off by itself? It was bound to eventually!" Rogue tried reasoning with the crowd, but it was obvious he was fighting a losing battle.

"What if it was Raiders?" A man yelled.

"Raiders? Raiders ain't no smarter than a dog chewin' on its own backside fer ticks!" Another man yelled. "What 'bout Talon Company?"

This statement caused an uproar amongst the crowd and Bryan looked up to watch a helpless Rogue squeeze the bridge of his nose with an angry pulse thrumming on the right side of his temple. Bannon stood at his side, looking unsure of how to insert himself into the situation to diffuse it.

"People really aren't letting this go," Bryan called to Janny.

"That just proves who the people of Rivet City put their trust in, Wilks." Harkness piped up, looking up to Rogue as well. "If they place their trust in an obnoxious radio DJ more than the head of council of their city, than Rogue's in deep shit."

"And Rogue seems convinced that the bomb just went off by itself." She stated.

"I can't say for sure if he believes in Three Dog or not, but whatever he believes in, he's doing what he can to calm everyone down." The commander stated.

"How come?" Bryan asked.

"What if they come for us, next?" A woman cried out from the crowd. "What if the Talon Company comes for us next?"

"This isn't Talon Company!" Rogue yelled in annoyance, still pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That's why." Harkness spoke. "Because people are going to start freaking out like that and think that we're next on the target list."

"Then we should tell them who it really is!" He exclaimed. "Janny can tell them, right?"

"No," She shook her head and looked up at him. "Bad idea."

"Why? If we tell them, we can start preparing our defenses!"

"What defenses, Wilks? All we got are a few civilians with guns and a good shot!" Harkness scowled.

"Bryan, if we tell people that this is the Enclave's doing, we don't know how they're going to react," She explained. "If we tell them that the Enclave has returned, they're going to go into a panic, and that's unnecessary when they are only going to come looking for me."

"Well I'm not letting them take you!" He yelled.

"Even so, we can't tell anyone, alright?" She pleaded. "No one is to know about this!"

"So now you're asking me to keep secrets, too?" He asked sadly.

"After today, you're going to have a lot more secrets to keep if you decide to listen to them, buddy-boy." Harkness stated.

Bryan looked up at him with wide eyes. "He's the friend you had to talk to about me, isn't he? The one you had to talk to about letting me in on what you know about Seagrave?"

"Yes, he is, and he has agreed to tell you all that we know." Janny nodded, putting a hand on his arm. "But fair warning Bryan, are you willing to hear it? Are you willing to know, and carry that knowledge without the power to tell anyone?"

He nodded as soon as she had asked. "I am."

"And what makes you think we should trust you?" Harkness asked.

"Harkness," Janny growled.

"I just wanna hear the kid's answer," He explained before turning back to Bryan. "So what makes you think we can trust you?"

"Because Janny saved me when I was eight years old from fire ants, and then she saved me from a life of living all alone. I probably would have died if it wasn't for her," He looked to his savior with a small smile. "And I spent the last ten years wondering how I was ever gonna pay her back, if I ever saw her again." Then looked back at Harkness. "I'm hoping this is it."

"Sounds like a good answer to me," Janny spoke smugly.

"Stuff it," The commander rolled his eyes, and looked up at Rogue and Bannon as they tried to tame the crowd so they could continue with the city meeting. "Then let's get out of here, because I wanna know why the Enclave is after you Janny."

"I think you already know why," She spoke as she began pushing her way through the crowd to the very back of the marketplace where the stairwell resided.

"Because of Project Purity, isn't it?" He inquired as he dashed after her with Bryan quickly following.

"You couldn't have guessed any better."

Bryan sat down at Janny's bedroom desk while Harkness took place on the edge of her bed. Janny closed her bedroom door behind her and made sure it was locked before turning to her friends. A long, reluctant pause followed as the three only stared back at one another.

"…I don't know where to start."

"Anywhere is good," Harkness assured her.

"No, I mean—I mean for Bryan's sake." She explained, looking at the commander. "You know much more than he does. Most of my explaining will need to fill him in on things he doesn't know."

"Then start from the beginning." Bryan offered helpfully.

But Janny laughed, and she shook her head. "I'm sure that with my story, there's a beginning before the beginning."

"Then start from whichever beginning that I need to know first." He stated, leaning forward in his chair. "I'm sure we've got all day if Rogue's keepin' everybody busy in the marketplace downstairs.

"I am sure you're right…" She sighed as she came over and sat on the edge of her desk next to Bryan. "Then I'll start with my parents."

"Your parents?" He questioned with some confusion.

"I said that there was a beginning, before the beginning, didn't I?" She smiled at him before continuing. "My mother and father were brilliant scientists when they were alive, long before I was born. They worked alongside other brilliant scientists as well to bring to the Wasteland a reality that they had only conjured up in their most vivid of dreams—the reality known as Project Purity. Do you know what that is?"

"No…" He shook his head. "But it sounds familiar."

"You may have heard it from Three Dog over the radio not too long after I took you to your Aunt Vera and disappeared again… But Project Purity was a dream my parents had to bring fresh water to everyone in the Wasteland. Settler, civilian, raider, molerat, super mutant—it didn't matter who. It was supposed to be free to any and all… But of course, the Brotherhood of Steel only began regulating it to major towns and cities, like Megaton, Rivet City, Tenpenny Tower, etcetera. But I'm getting off track…"

Janny picked up a book at her side and began flipping through the pages without looking at them; as if she only needed something to occupy her hands while she spoke.

"My mother became pregnant with me while the project was underway—and when she gave birth to me, she died, and her death had taken away my father's will to continue on without her in Project Purity. So he said goodbye to the other scientists, took me away, and walked out on Project Purity… That was when Project Purity died, too. My dad always told me that it felt like everything had died alongside my mother, but he would never forgive himself for leaving Madison."

"Madison?" Bryan asked.

"Oh, yes, that's Dr. Li's first name. She was a scientist alongside my mother and father. But anyway—when my father left Purity, he took me into Vault 101, where I resided until a month or so until after my nineteenth birthday. He had escaped to finish Project Purity, and I had followed him out because at the time I didn't know the reason as to why he left me there. After months of searching, I finally tracked him down and was able to ask him why. That was when we returned to Madison to reinvent Project Purity in my mother's name."

"And you got it working." He concluded.

"Well, yes, we did—but that is not until the end of the story. I don't think we've reached the half-way point!" Janny laughed quietly before continuing. "I helped my father with whatever I could in the Project until the Enclave had somehow caught wind of it and came knocking on our door… They took my father captive, along with another scientist, and demanded that he hand over Project Purity. Instead of giving the code, my father had flooded the control room of Project Purity with radiation… He had sacrificed himself not only so the Enclave couldn't take away my mother's dream, but so I would be able to escape and lead Madison and her team to safety."

Bryan's eyes widened. "That's what you meant by your dad dying from radiation poisoning, and why it happened so suddenly…"

"Indeed," She nodded. "I managed to escape and keep everybody safe, but when the Brotherhood of Steel tried to throw me back onto my feet with little consolation for my father—…" She suddenly went quiet with her hands clasped tightly together in front of her.

"Janny?..." He called for her quietly.

"Jan went down a dark road, kid." Harkness explained, his arms folded over his chest as he turned over his shoulder to face them. "Let's just leave it at that."

"But I—I want to know!" He exclaimed, looking to Janny. "I want to know everything…"

"…I worked with Slavers. Slavers, raiders, even did a little work for Talon Company, Bryan." She muttered. "I helped bag up small towns, I enslaved any lone drifters or small groups of wasters that passed by my scope, I collected bounties for Talon and kept the caps to myself."

His eyes widened upon her face, and he slowly rose up from his chair. "You—You what?"

"I'm not going to excuse myself for what I did. I am not going to blame it on the death of my father, I am not going to blame it on the fact that I was depressed and needed something to feel… alive again…" She looked up at him shamefully. "Regret is a powerful thing, Bryan. I regret all the terrible things I did in my past, and the consequence of that is not a bounty on my head, or a do-gooder coming to kill me in revenge for his enslaved family, but my consequence is having to live with all the ill that I have done… And having to see all the blood on my hands that no one else will be able to see but me."

"…I thought you were good, Janny." He whispered, backing away from her. "I—I thought you weren't like that! I thought you helped others! Other people like me who needed you!"

"I know, Bryan! I know! If I could do anything, anything at all to take back every bad thing that I have done than I would so I wouldn't have to sit here and shamefully bring to light every misdeed I have ever accomplished! I wish I didn't have to sit here and tell you, bit by bit, what an evil person I became! The only comfort I can give you is that I refuse to do any such thing anymore, and that I am sorry Bryan… I am truly, deeply sorry for what I did, and I paid for it in more ways than one."

"…What do you mean?" He asked quietly.

She gestured to the desk chair he had been sitting in. "If you trust me enough to sit down and continue listening, you will know what I mean."

Bryan hesitantly stepped back over and slowly sat down, but made sure to inch his chair a little bit a ways from her. At that moment, he didn't want to be in the same room as her—for everything he knew, or everything that he believed that he thought he knew, rather, lay crumbled to miniscule pieces at his trembling knees. His hands dove into those pieces and he'd rose them to the heavens to scream "Why?" And he knew that Janny, his goddess, would lay floating in the golden clouds, and she would answer back to him; "because you believed what little you knew about me."

Truth was, Bryan didn't know anything about Janny back then, and he felt that he knew little about her now, and it was his own fault for constructing a glorified image of her just because she saved him back then when he was a little boy. He held her up on a golden platter without much reason but because she did save him from the brink of death and gave him something beautiful to look at every day that reminded him that he was still alive and it was all because of her, but he didn't quite know or believe that anything she said to him know would resurrect that image he once had of his beautiful goddess.

"During my escapades with the slavers, we had become surrounded by a small group of Brotherhood of Steel soldiers. One of them recognized me, tied me up, and dragged me back to the Citadel—the Brotherhood of Steel's base of operations. They begged for me to come back and help them, because they needed me if they ever wanted to reclaim Project Purity… and I said I would help, because the soldier who helped my father take me to Vault 101 safely had somehow convinced me. Her name was Cross. With her help, I found the last piece that my father needed in order to get Purity working again. Unfortunately, as I was returning with the piece, Cross and I were attacked by the Enclave, and Cross was killed as they took me away because she fought back to save me." A sad smile came to Janny's face. "Almost twenty years later, and that woman was still fighting for me, and for what my father believed in."

"What—... What did the Enclave do to you?" Bryan asked edgily.

"Well, aside from the piece I retrieved for Project Purity to work and Purity itself, they wanted my Pip-Boy."

"Wait, all this is new to me," Harkness stopped her by holding his hand straight up—perpendicular to a stop sign. "How come I never heard of this before?"

"Because the last time we spoke before I returned we had gotten into a fist-fight because I thought you were staring at my chest," She shot back with a slight smirk. "I would apologize for breaking your jaw, but you accused me of destroying an entire town."

"Jan I said I was sorry!"

"I'm not mad, okay? If I were in your shoes, I would accuse me, too."

"But they didn't get your Pip-Boy, right?" Bryan asked, trying to get back on track, and he pointed to the wrist-like device on her bedside table. "Or did they take it, but you got it back."

"I never got mine back," She answered as she got up to pick up the device.

"What do you mean you never got it back? Isn't that it?"

"No," She shook her head, and held it up for both men to see. "This was my father's. After my father died, the Enclave took his body and removed his Pip-Boy because they thought it would be useful in some endeavours they had off to the side of their plans to claim Project Purity. I took it back when I was trying to escape their base—I found it in one of their labs. Which leads me to what I never told you either, Harkness, but I should have a long time ago."

"What do you mean?" The commander asked, brows furrowed together in confusion.

"Well… Not all of this," She gestured to herself. "Is actually— well… Me."

And with that, Janny put her father's Pip-Boy down and raised her left arm. She grabbed the base of her elbow, twisted it back, then forth, and with a heavy click, her entire arm—from fingertip all the way to elbow—went limp. She easily detached it from the joint of her elbow, as if it were a completely separate piece from the make of her being.

At the sight of Janny taking off her own arm from her body, Bryan went unconscious.