ASL Chapter 9

Three Weeks Later

EPOV:

Thank God! They were finally letting me out of here tomorrow. I wasn't exactly comfortable about going home with Tanya but everyone just assumed that is where I would naturally want to go, and I didn't want to argue. I had caused enough problems by getting into the accident in the first place and I really felt that I owed it to Tanya to make it work. Even though we spent quite a few nights over the last couple of weeks sitting together and talking, she was still pretty much a complete stranger to me. They could throw picture after picture in my face and all it was ever going to do was irritate me more. No matter how hard I tried or they pushed I just could not remember anything. I ended up ordering everyone out of my room a couple of times. I made Rose cry by telling her to get out and leave me the fuck alone while having a minor meltdown.

That got Dad and Emmett marching up to the hospital to lecture me about my attitude and they weren't going to stand for me taking my frustrations out on anyone in the family. Bella wasn't very happy with me about that either. It seems that her and Rose were becoming good friends. At least she was more understanding about what I was feeling. I have no idea if they told Tanya about that incident or not. She wasn't there for the majority of the day, she apologized saying that she'd had a meeting to attend. She didn't say anything about it when she got there.

She did, however, tell me later that night when we were alone that the meeting was really a job interview with an elementary school in the area. She said they told her they'd let her know in a few days. I overheard her talking to Mom and Dad when they thought that I was asleep about the fact that she didn't want to go through all of our savings and needed to find a job. Mom was upset at that but promised that she would help out and take care of Ethan whenever she needed. Dad had gone back to work. I felt horrible and guilty about that too. He had had plans to retire and I had been taking over his practice and now that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Pretending to be asleep is how I found out that they were keeping a lot of things from me, like Alice being in therapy because she thought my accident was her fault. That was just crazy. She had nothing to do with it. The fault lay totally and completely with me. I knew that I had screwed up by getting into that accident. There was no way that I was ever going to make up for the pain that I had caused my family, but I was going to try. Especially to Tanya, as even I could see that my inability to remember her and our life together was hurting her more than she would say.

It wasn't that I wasn't trying; my frustration came from the fact that they were pushing me so hard and it was getting us nowhere. They could tell story after story but it never made a difference. I was beginning to think that it was never going to make a difference. I had to quit voicing that opinion around most of my family though. Stating that I thought that the memory loss was going to be permanent either angered the family member I was talking to, or made them cry. The only three people that I could talk to about it were Bella and Dr. Snow and Emmett. I knew that Dr. Snow was starting to agree with me, she even told me that the longer I went without regaining my memories the less likely it was that I would ever remember. In fact, she had had her concerns since I was brought in. Permanent memory loss wasn't unheard of with the severe head injury that I'd suffered.

They did finally go over the extent of my physical injuries. My left arm and leg were both broken in multiple places. I was going to have to wear the casts for a few more weeks. The only way that I was able to get up and move around was to have someone physically there to help me use a wheel chair. Bella had been having Tanya stay during my physical therapy sessions to practice helping me from the bed to the chair and back again. Getting in and out of a car was going to be another story. Bella told her that there were services with handicap busses that could pick me up and bring me in for all my appointments, and if we wanted to go that route she could arrange it.

The first few times that Bella had Tanya try to move me they showed her what to do and then Bella and two orderlies stood by ready to help if necessary. It was difficult for her to summon the upper body strength needed to support me, but like Bella said, most of the time Tanya was going to be the only adult there to help me so she had to know she could do it on her own. One of those first times we practiced, as she helped me get turned in the bed so that I was sitting on the edge my hospital gown came open and I accidentally flashed her.

"I'm sorry." I muttered while quickly covering myself up.

"It's fine, Edward. It's nothing that I haven't become very intimately familiar with over the last few years."

"Yeah, but that was…never mind." The look on her face stopped me from saying anymore. But she knew the truth even if no one wanted to say it out loud or acknowledge it; that it was different because that person was not me. There was this look of sadness in her eyes and this awkwardness between us that I knew we had to find a way to break through. I knew that it would all rest with me to find the way to fix this. It was like being in some kind of arranged marriage where you pledge your life to a complete stranger and then get to know them and hope that you fall in love, or at least hope that you can tolerate living with them. I just had to try harder to remember her. Dr. Snow told them to try to refrain from telling me anymore stories about my past, but to let me try to remember things using the photos and videos as prompts.

Tanya helped me maneuver until I was in the chair and ready to go, "Well done you two. You work well together," Bella commented as she made notes on my chart. "We're done for now so why don't you go take your afternoon stroll through the garden."

"Can we stop at the gift shop while we're downstairs? I want chocolate."

"I want chocolate too!" Ethan said running over from his toys in the corner.

"Oh my God!" she laughed. I did like seeing her smile. Tanya was pretty already but when she smiled she was radiant. "Fine, we can get you both some chocolate. But you need to hold my purse because I can't push you and carry it at the same time." Ethan went around to the back of the chair to 'help' her push me to the elevator. That was his job. He ran off the other day and when Tanya took off after him she left me stuck on the elevator. I thought it was actually funny as hell. Or maybe I have just spent way too much time stuck in that room. Unfortunately the panel with the buttons was just out of my reach so I just had to wait until someone came onto the elevator willing to help me. And I had no idea what to make of these earplugs that everyone seemed to be wearing until I realized that there were wires attaching the ear plugs to these…well…things. One lady had one that looked like Tanya's phone, and then I remembered that those phone things could play music and movies as well. That was overwhelming to discover too. All these new gadgets I had never seen before were so perplexing to me. I had made everyone in my family; the nurses, Dr. Snow, and even Bella show me their phones. One day Alice pulled this rectangular object out of her bag, swiped her hand around the thing a few times and then handed it to the kids. A few seconds later a lot of noise came from it. "It's Toy Story 3." She took it back and swiped her hand across it again making the volume go down. "It's one of their favorite movies."

"What is that thing anyway?"

"Oh, it's called a Nook tablet."

"That's what mom has, right?"

"Yes."

"Do I have these gadgets too?"

"Yes. You were always the first to get these things. Here," she said reaching into her bag and pulling out another one of those things out of her bag and came to sit with me on the bed, "I brought Jasper's with me too." I spent hours that afternoon exploring that thing until the battery died.

Back to getting lost on the elevator, I was 'lost' on that thing for a good ten minutes before the door finally opened and I found Dad standing there looking frantic. A security guard behind him grabbed his walkie-talkie and announced that I had been found. Dad took me back to my room saying that I had had enough excitement for one day. When Tanya came into my room a few minutes after we returned she kept apologizing and crying. I told her not to worry about it. I was fine and that she couldn't help it. She had to go after Ethan before he got lost or hurt. By the end of the day everyone was laughing at my elevator adventure. I wrote in my journal that Bella gave me that night that my little elevator ride did more to relieve the stress and frustration that I had been feeling than anything else had. That had been an awesome day.

I loved the afternoon strolls we took through the gardens. It got me out of the room and out in the fresh air for at least an hour a day. That and I could usually talk Tanya into stopping at the gift shop and picking up candy or a soda. I hated having to return to that hospital room after my walk each day. It was like being a prison that gets a small taste of freedom only to have it yanked away from him again.

Tomorrow would be scary. I would have to face a world that I knew little about but I was eager and very ready to get out of this hospital. And even though it was all overwhelming, I was ready to deal with it, thanks to Bella.

I did not get my walk today. Bella hadn't shown up to with me and she was quite late. I rang the nurse's station several times until they finally told me that she had called, she was stuck in traffic but was on her way. I had no choice but to just sit and wait for her to show up.

I was watching TV and still waiting for Bella to show up while listening to my parents talking when a strange man and woman walked into the room. They look like they were unsure whether they should be there or not. I had the brief thought that I had no clue who these people were. Then I snorted in laughter at that thought. Even I did know them I would not remember them. It hit me that they might be my in-laws but I quickly discounted that theory. If they were Tanya's parents she would have told me that they were coming. Besides she looked just as confused as I did at their appearance in my room.

"Sorry to disturb you, but my daughter asked us to meet her up here."

"Chief Swan! Long time no see! I've missed hanging out with you." Emmett shouted happily as he and Rose walked into the room. So this was Bella's father.

The poor man just closed his eyes and started muttering, "No. Please God no."

Bella POV:

I never made it to Forks to see my Dad. I had another new patient that I was assigned to and I was just too busy to take off for a weekend. Dad understood. He was always the same way, when you work serving the people like we do, the job must always comes first.

He was driving up here today to spend the weekend with me. He was bringing his new girlfriend with him. I was speechless when he told me that. This was the first woman that I knew of that he had dated since my mother left him when I was a baby. I'm sure there have been dates and women that he's done things with that I really don't want to know about, but he's never talked about them to me, let alone opted to drive four hours to present them to me as his girlfriend. This was serious.

Since I had to work I told him to just meet me at the hospital and then we'd dump the cruiser at my apartment before going out to dinner. He said that he wouldn't be here until six so we agreed for them to meet me in Edward's room, knowing that I would be just about done there when they got here.

That was before I got delayed at the elementary school working with little Amelia. She was having a bad day. Some older boys had been running through the halls and accidentally knocked her down. They didn't mean to do and they felt horrible for upsetting her. I do think they felt even worse after they were assigned detentions for running in the halls. I finally had decided to call her mother and her psychiatrist and have them come down to help. By the time that we finally had her calmed down, school had been out for awhile and all the other students and staff had gone home.

To make matters worse, there was road construction on the highway back to the hospital and I got stuck in traffic for nearly an hour. I pulled into the hospital with a half hour to spare before my dad got here. I still had to work with Edward a little before I could leave again for the night. He was being released in the morning and I knew him well enough to know that he was uneasy about it. I also had to set up times for him to come back in for his physical therapy sessions.

I didn't even bother stopping by my office to drop off my bags, I just took everything with me up to Edward's room so I could just leave again when I was done. I walked into the room and was surprised to find my Dad standing there glaring at Emmett. I wanted to smack myself on the forehead. It had never dawned on me that Emmett might show up at the same time Dad did. I should have thought of that. I should have had them wait for me in the cafeteria or something like that. I had been warned by several staff members that it was never safe to leave my office door unlocked, even if I did lock all of my valuables in the desk. It was too easy for people to wander around and steal from offices; I guess it happens all the time.

I decided that I should probably intervene before Dad had an aneurism or attacked Emmett or something, "Dad, you're here early; I wasn't expecting you here until six."

"Yeah, well, it was quiet at the station so I took off early and there was virtually no traffic on the highway in."

"That's because they were all on the highway that I had to take to get from the school back here. That's why I am running late." I looked around the room and noticed that the majority of Edward's family was standing there watching us, "Have you been introduced?" When Dad and Sue shook their heads no I went on to introduce them, "and you already know Emmett, and this is his wife, Rose."

"I'm sorry." He said holding his hand out to shake Rose's hand.

"Dad!" I admonished him. At least he had the decency to look sorry that he just insulted my patient's family member.

I was embarrassed until Rose started laughing, "He can be a bit trying to a person's patience."

"I'm sorry but I do need to work with Edward for a bit before I can go."

"Come on, Chief. I'll buy you a cup of coffee while we reminisce about the good ole days." Emmett threw his arm around Dad's shoulder and started leading him out of the room. I mouthed an 'I'm sorry' at Dad as they left the room. The rest of Edward's family quickly volunteered to go along. I hoped that someone in that group would be able to keep my Dad from killing Emmett.

As soon as we were alone, I lowered Edward's bed and started working with his non broken leg. This was the time that Edward usually used to talk about the things that he had written in the journal I had given him. He told me once that concentrating on other subjects helped keep his mind off the pain that I was inflicting on him. But today he was quiet and seemed lost in his own thoughts. When he did finally say something, it wasn't about his journal, "So how do you and your dad know Emmett?"

"We're both from Forks. We went to high school together. I actually tutored him."

"Your Dad doesn't seem to like him." I told him how Emmett lived to cause my Dad trouble back then.

Then he got quiet for a minute before he quietly said, "What if she wants to have sex?"

Ok. I was not expecting the conversation to take that turn, "It's going to be a while before you are well enough for that."

"But then…what if she wants to."

"I don't think I understand what you're asking."

"What if she wants to and I'm not ready to go there with her. I mean, I am her husband and she's going to expect it, right?"

"Edward, the right to say "no" goes both ways. If you are not ready tell her that."

"But it would hurt her feelings, right? And probably make her cry."

"Probably. I would definitely be careful about how you word it though."

"I'm not saying that I'd never want to. It's just that right now, I don't think I could. I feel like an ass because if she's my wife I am supposed to love and cherish her, and I just don't feel it." He said more to his hands than to me.

"Edward, look at me." I waited until he looked directly at me, "Do you want to go home with Tanya or would you rather go to your parent's house?"

"I don't really have a choice where I go."

"Yes, you do. You can go anywhere you want."

"But everyone expects me to go with Tanya and Ethan."

"Yes, they do but that doesn't mean that you have to."

"I have to. Ethan is excited that I am coming home. I can't hurt him like that. He's just a baby and he would never understand. I have to go with them."

"I understand that you don't want to hurt either of them, Edward, but just know that you have other options. But you need to find a time to talk to Tanya about how you feel…about everything."

"Yeah that is easier said than done. I mean I should want to…with her, right? I've obviously been with her before, so why do I feel so weird about it?"

"I think that you are trying too hard too soon. You're overwhelming yourself with what you think you should feel. Just relax and wait and see what happens once you are home and your life gets back to normal. Well, as close to normal as you can get at this point."

He and I had already talked about his feelings for his wife. I knew that he was frustrated. In his mind he was a sixteen year old boy, living with his parents and sisters, and trying to survive high school. Then he woke up one morning in an alternate universe where he was suddenly an adult with a wife and kid to take care of. The kicker was that he had no way of actually taking care of them. Whoever said that an education was the one thing that no one could ever take from you obviously never imagined a situation like this. We had yet to tell him that unless he was able to regain his memories and prove his competency there was no way that he was going to be able to practice medicine again. Carlisle and Tanya both knew that Dr. Snow and I had to submit reports to the licensing board regarding Edward's accident and severe memory loss. They both understood that our hands were tied by legal obligation. It didn't mean that we didn't feel horrible for taking away something that we all knew he'd worked so hard to achieve.

A/N:

Happy Saturday! Thanks to Sweetpea123 for Betaing this for me. I made some changes after she gave it back to me so any mistakes or errors are my fault!