Love Squares
Santana's POV
The halls are empty and I have been a long fucking time for Brittany to show up. I look at my watch from time to time. Minutes have never dragged out this long before. The front doors open which seems like slow motion. Perfect toned legs are the first I see to step through those doors into my territory. A Cheerios outfit follows soon after...and I know it's Brittany by now. Because all my other Cheerios are waiting in the gym.
"Brittany where have you been?" she doesn't even bother to look at me. She is still standing over there holding the door...like someone else is with her. Wait there is... "Brittany!" I yell through the halls. She hears this time, she turns towards me, her hand still holding the door as a girl walks in. I quickly turn back to Brittany, not planning on trying to care who is walking through the door.
"Where were you I asked." I am close enough to grab her if I wanted to, not to hurt her but just...hold her. "Oh Santana I was...I overslept." She stutters nervously...acting suspiciously uptight.
"Brittany" another girls voice calls her I snap my head towards the familiar voice. "Rachel" I nearly shout my fucking heart out. They both twitch I know now where Brittany has been...and she...she lied to me. Brittany never lies to me at all.
"Rachel out of all people Rachel!" now I am just screaming fake anger. Because I am mostly trying to get my own point across. I cheated on Brittany on Rachel and now it's happening the other way around. It has been reversed and I just seem to wonder is this how Brittany wanted to handle it but just kept it inside. Because that is the way Brittany settles things by holding them in or by having meaningless sex. To wake up to Brittany is a blessing because she always leaves after wards. But I am the first person that she stayed with.
I got to wake up to her cherishing brown eyes. And a caring arm wrapped around my waist. Her head laying on my chest, her hair splayed across my exposed body. That moment, that night was the night I learned about the gift of being able to add meaning to sex with someone you care about. I was just lucky it was Brittany.
"Santana I have to get this out before I get everyone else involved. You know I don't want to hurt you." She uses her slow voice the one she always uses to calm me down or try to.
"It sure as hell seems like you are trying." I put my mask on, it takes everything inside my living being not to shed not even one small tear.
"Santana, you hurt me every second of every day." She whispers...I know she doesn't want any conflict at all. She doesn't want to fight...because Brittany is just not a fighter. But I am and I can't help it.
"Do you think that I fucking mean to?" I ask, it just something I need to know.
"No" she sighs. I know she isn't telling the truth because her eyes flick away from me. Like she is ashamed.
"I lied, you don't hurt me every second of every day. You make me so happy that it scares me...the fear is what hurts me. I am scared Santana and I know you are too." She nearly breaks my heart even more if that's even possible. I am suppose to strong...Brittany is the only one of my whole entire life that I have let break my walls down, and make me weak. She is the only one that has never try to insult me...challenge me or fight me.
"...And I know you slept with Rachel too. I am ok, you just needed someone. And I am ok with that." She whispers, boldly taking closer steps to me, Rachel follows behind her. With no sense of emotions in her eyes, she just watches with plain eyes...like she is used to this.
"You shouldn't be ok with this Brittany...you deserve better."
"You are my better you just have to let it show."
"Let what show Brittany?" I am really curious to know why she stays with me after all I make her feel.
"How flipping great you are."
"Brittany you are so amazing." I whisper.
But I can't seem to stop looking at Rachel, the one that I want to say, ruined our relationship...but she didn't. Rachel was the one that played the role of meaningless sex for me to help. I am still mad at her but it's not as much anger that I expect to have.
"Rachel why the hell did you sleep with Brittany?" I ask, looking Rachel right into the center of her damn eyes.
"Santana please" Brittany worries.
"Brittany I am just asking a question."
Rachel just stands there, no movement...but she isn't scared and it bothers me. But I try to let any anger that I have locked inside of me come out.
"I have no answer for that." She simply say, not looking away.
I seriously want to hurt her, just so she can show a sign of emotion.
"Jesus Rachel fucking do something. You are just standing there like a fucking statue. And to add on top of that your ass still hasn't answered my question. Don't give me any of your shit." It feels good those words out, they were just laying on the tip of my tongue. My teeth tried to keep the back.
"I'm sorry but I honestly can't give you a answer. Now will you please excuse me I have to go to class." She says so fucking innocently and smoothly I can't hold it anymore.
"Fuck that...dwarf you are going to give me some damn answers. I am tired of playing nice just because I fucked you and you fucked Brittany doesn't mean shit. You don't own anybody."
"...And you don't own me." Rachel has grown fucking bolder I can tell you that much. No one I repeat no one ever stands up to me. Especially not Rachel fucking Berry.
"I ownz everyone in this damn school matter of fact I ownz the whole damn school. You know I can fucking tear you apart piece by shitty piece."
"Then do it! I don't fucking care anymore. Fucking do it!" Rachel screams at the top of her lungs and trust me its the loudest thing I have ever heard. The walls echo it too each other. It just intensifies every fucking feeling I am made off.
"Santana please" Brittany jumps in front of me when I raise my fist.
"Please Santana I love her too." That should make me push Brittany aside ant punch the living shit out of Rachel. But the real side of me doesn't do that. I slowly put my fist down and lay it by my side as it slowly uncurls.
"Ok" I whisper, almost chocking on that one word. I feel tears about to come so I walk away without a word even though there is more I wish I could say.
"Santana where have you been? Are you Ok?" Quinn's voice is annoyingly caring.
"Just...please leave me the fuck alone." All the venom from my voice is drained and I feel my tears about to drain also. I run to the nearest bathroom, Quinn follows and I wish she wouldn't. But I am afraid if I turn around and tell her to 'fuck off' the tears will start falling and I will break down in front of her. I run into the first stall and I thank God there is not anyone in the bathroom but me and now Quinn. "Santana what's wrong?" Quinn's voice is being so gentle just trying to comfort me. But I am just too broken for that.
"Leave me alone!" I yell and now I know she knows I am crying. Because my voice cracks. "Santana come out of that stall and let me help you." Quinn tells me I can see her feet sitting there still below the door.
"Last time I try to get help it only help me grow farther from the only thing I have ever loved or cared about." I honestly whisper.
"I am no that kind of help." She whispers back in a confident sure tone.
"What makes you so damn sure?"
"Because I care."
My hand reaches for the lock and unlocks it. She opens the door before I can I don't even think I was. She is in her Cheerios outfit and it's been awhile that we have stood face to face.
"What is wrong?"
"I don't have to tell you." I try to add something intimidating in my voice but it just isn't coming out the right way.
"No but you can give me hints." She tries to sneak humor into this moment and surprisingly it doesn't bother me.
"No...thank you." I say, half of me hoping she will leave the other half hoping she will stay. But Brittany has been the only one that even bothers to deal with me.
"Just one?..." she holds one finger in front of me. I slightly smile and push it aside.
"Brittany..." I whisper.
"Everything always gets better." She quietly says.
"Can you honestly say that without crying?" I ask because most of the time I can't.
"Sometimes but most of the time it's too hard to."
"Then you know what I am feeling. But give me a hint."
"Rachel" she painfully whispers.
"Yeah you know exactly what I am feeling."
"Rachel is just...like the way Brittany is to you. I love her and it scares me."
"This fear thing, is new to me..."
"Yeah I know" she laughs and I smile just a small smile. A smile that will hopefully get me by.