Author note

Looks like I lied! I wanted to give you something before finals week and thus, this chapter was born! When I first got the idea for this it was just for Jorge then I thought "why not all of them". To escape my depression of Noble Team's death (cries my eyes out) I decided to do a parody version of how they died, its sick I know but I need to heal! "cough" moving on. Well next chap of this and my other two Noble Team fics should be out after next week so enjoy this time waster : P.

I do not own Halo.

Enjoy!

Jorge

Jorge carried Six to the opening in the massive Covenant cruisers side. He looked into her visor, his eyes calm.

"Looks like this is it Six." She said nothing, only clutching his hand tighter, her other grasping his dog-tags firmly. "Six," He started but paused, unable to finish."Yes Jorge?"

"Promise me something.

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll never let go." He said, inching her closer to the barrier between them and space.

"I promise Jorge." She said, trying to prevent herself from crying.

"Say the words."

"I'll never let go." He seemed content with that, and made to push her out of the cruiser, but her hand was still grasping his tightly.

"Six let go."

"But you told me not to!" She whined.

"Just do it!" He ordered sternly, trying to shake her off.

"No!"

"Fine then, I'll make you!" He took his free hand and shoved her forcefully, trying to get her off his arm. After a very difficult struggle, he managed to pry the Spartan III off of him. With one quick shove he dislodged Noble Six, and sent her falling through space.

"JOOORGEEEE!" Six cried, adding slow-motion movements to her overly dramatic fall back to Reach as she yelled Jorge's name as slowly as she could.

Six fell like a feather, also known as not fast at all. She was actually beginning to get board until she noticed something that definitely was not good.

"Wait, Jorge my helmet is loose! Aaaaaaahhhhh!" The spaceship exploded. "SHIT! NOO, JORGE!" She screamed, holding her helmet to her head as tightly as she could. She now officially hated space.

Kat

Noble Team ran to the two elevators, trying to escape the radiation flare. Carter, Emile, and Jun piled into one while Kat and Six got into the other.

"Oh God we're gonna die!" Jun wailed, clutching at Emile's arm in fear.

"You ALWAYS think we're going to die Jun! Now. Get. Off. Me." The aggressive Spartan growled as he shoved sniper off of him violently.

"Emile, stop being insensitive. Jun, just stop being a pansy!" Carter ordered, getting sick of his Spartans behavior, especially in such a small space.

"Told you Jun was a whiney bitch." Six muttered over the comm.

"Really? I can hear you!"

"All of you just shut up!" Kat yelled, her Russian accent thick with irritation.

"He started it!"

"Why you…"

"Jun, Emile, knock it off! That's an order!"

"Yes sir!" The two offending soldiers chorused as the elevator continued its rapid decent downwards. After a moment of silence, Six spoke up.

"Sooo… what we doin after we get outta here?" She asked casually, tuning out the explosions in the back round.

"Hmm… Oh we should have a scary movie night!" Emile suggested excitedly. He loved scary movies, which he thought were not scary but hilarious unlike any normal person.

"But I don't like scary movies, they give me nightmares!" Jun whined. "Last time we watched one I couldn't sleep for a week!"

"That's just because you're a sissy crybaby." Emile said as if he were explaining something to a four year old. Jun said nothing, instead he just stood in the corner of the elevator and sulked until they hit the desired floor.

"How about a Team dinner." Six suggested, stepping out of the elevator while ignoring the visible flaming city.

"Oh that reminds me! Carter, we're still on for dinner Tue-" Kat was cut off mid sentence by the Covenant sniper.

"KAT!" Carter yelled, his heart broken at the lost of his obvious lover.

"OH MY GOD!" Six exclaimed in shock as Kat dropped to the ground beside her.

"WAAAIIIT!" Jun yelled, immediately getting the attention of his shocked comrades, minus Carter. "What was she going to say?" Carter lunged for the sniper's neck.

Carter

"Mother! We can't get past it sir." Emile said as he looked at the giant Scarab blocking his and Six's path.

"No you can't… I'll have to get rid of it." Commander Carter replied from his position in the Pelican as he circled the large Covenant machine.

"How? Your guns on that thing aren't worth shit!" Emile pointed out. "And its on fire!" He said, staring at the burning Pelican.

"I'll have to ram it." Carter stated, accepting his fate.

"Wait why would you do that? We can just-"

"Shhhhh Six, the men are talking. Go pick flowers or somethin" Emile soothed.

"Excuse me?" Six yelled in out rage, Emile ignored her.

"I understand sir. Hit him hard boss." Noble Four said respectfully.

"Rodger that,"

"WAIT!" Six yelled again but was once again ignored by the two males.

"You're own your own you two. And for the record Emile, you're an ass." Carter's Pelican slammed into the Scarab in a burst of pretty lights.

"NOOO! God you two are idiots!"

"And why is that Six?" Emile asked like the cocky male that he was.

"One," She held a finger up in front of Emile's face. "my first suggestion was that you and I take another route so that the Scarab wouldn't have been a problem. And two," She held up a second finger and jabbed Emile in the chest with her free hand. "Why didn't you just tell the Commander to put that thing on autopilot so that he could have jumped out and lived?"

"Oh… didn't think about that… you know that would have been the smarter option." Emile mused thoughtfully.

"No shit Sherlock!"

Emile

"Emile watch out!" Six cried when she saw an Elite try and sneak up her last remaining team mate. She was to late, the Elite ran its energy sword trough the Spartans back killing him instantly.

"EMILE, NOOO!" Just as she said it Emile seemed to pop up out of nowhere onto the platform he had previously been on.

"Don't you know that Spartans never die?" He pulled out his Kukri. "They just respawn bitch!" He yelled and rammed the knife into the more than surprised Elite's neck, then pulled the both of them over the edge of the platform. "Oh shit there's another one!" Six heard a few shots go off, a variety of cussing out, and the mismatch of whatever sounds Elites make before she heard Emile over the comm once again. "Ha ha take that mother fudgas! I win! Oh shit I'm stuck! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" The plasma grenade detonated, taking Emile with it.

Yep, Spartans die.

This was random as Hell even for me. If any of you get the joke I made in a reference in the Jorge part you win a hug and some chocolate chip pancakes : D, though I'll tell you where its from in the next chap anyways but you have a week to guess! Kat's death was so sudden and shocking that I literally sat staring at my TV screen with a WTF expression on my face until the next level started, so I thought I would take that abruptness and make it funnyish… : (… Moving on. I do think that Carter could have easily done that with the Pelican if he wasn't already screwed but hey. And Emile my dear I just had to make you sexist for that, it was just to tempting.

If you have any ideas for this fic please tell me! I need funny ideas!

Love you all my precious reviewers and see you next time! Happy Holidays : D!

Shadow out.