ASL 12

Fractures

There was still one week before school was to start for Tanya and Ethan, so her parents and sisters decided to come down to visit us for a few days. Great. Another group of strangers that considered themselves "my family" that I was expected to try to remember. Everyone told me that they were nice people and absolutely doted on Ethan and spoiled him.

I don't know how Tanya really felt about their visit but it was overwhelming and nerve-wracking. I already had enough people around me that kept 'covertly' watching me. There was always somebody that was sitting there waiting for me to suddenly remember everything. They may not have been sitting there staring at me, but they hovered. They were always hovering. All they were really succeeding at was increasing the pressure that I already felt to remember everything, which increased my frustrations at the situation and at them. I was not going to suddenly start jumping up and down screaming 'I remember!', 'I remember!' Hell, I was not going to start jumping up and down period at this point.

It was decided that we would have another family BBQ the first day they were here. I say it was decided because I wasn't exactly asked my opinion. Things had been strange around the house since the night I went out with Emmett and stayed at their house. I guess you could say things were a bit strained and Tanya had definitely not been happy that I had not come home that night.

I really don't know what Emmett told her when he called her that night. Maybe I should have been the one to call her, I don't know. I have absolutely no clue how to how a situation like that. This being-married thing is new to me. Then again, maybe there was something else that was bothering her. I had noticed that she was sitting at her desk a lot pouring over a stack of papers while I was watching TV or playing with Ethan. When I would ask her about it, she would tell me not to worry about it, it was nothing. She kept insisting that the only thing that I needed to worry about was getting better.

I tried. I really tried to focus on remembering everything. The problem was that I was beginning to believe that I was fighting a battle that had already been lost. That revelation had hit me the other day when I was watching the history channel. They were playing one of those Civil War reenactments and it hit me. They could reenact those battles a million times and it was never going to have a different outcome. The battle would always end the same way, with the same winners and the same losers. I could watch the home movies and scour the photo albums day and night and it wasn't going to help. If that was the key to getting my memory back, it would have happened the first time I looked at them, not the hundredth. Or the five hundredth. Or the thousandth time I watched them. I had already begun to accept this as my reality and truth. I just couldn't declare the battle over without inciting tears from Tanya, my mother, or my sisters.

It probably didn't help anything that I had deliberately fallen asleep on the couch a couple of times since the night that I had stayed at Emmett and Rose's. I'd sleep on the couch every night if I could, except my leg and arm would kill me the next morning. The pain wasn't too bad the first time I did it. It was manageable. But the second time I had a PT session with Bella and I was convinced that I was dying by the time that it ended. I have two types of sessions with Bella, physical and occupational. In the occupational we just sat and talked for now. When my cast came off, we'd start some life skills, like computers. She was going to help me relearn programs she said I probably already knew. She kept talking about something called 'office sweet'. That was a stupid name for a computer program, if you asked me.

Like I said, mostly we would talk. Mostly I would talk about things that I saw on TV that had confused me. One night I called her and made her explain to me what a hybrid car was. It took the whole half hour that Tanya was taking a bath. There were now cars that you could plug in so you didn't have to use gas? Too weird. It sounded like it was like dad's rechargeable drill. When I mentioned that to Bella she laughed a little and said, "Yes, it was essentially the same concept with just a few major differences. Like, you wouldn't expect your drill to be able to do seventy down the highway after being charged. If it does you have more serious problems than I can help you with. You'd need an exorcist, not a therapist." That made me laugh. Talking to her was like talking to Emmett. I knew that both of them wanted me to succeed in getting my life back, but I could be honest and talk about my doubts that it would ever happen without seeing the frowns and tears of disappointment, in other words; without all of the guilt.

The morning after the family BBQ was the day I was getting my arm cast off. Tanya's parents came by early in the morning to pick up Ethan and take him to the zoo. I managed to upset Tanya again when, after she told me not to tell Ethan about the zoo trip, I accidentally let it slip. It took longer than normal to get him to lie down and go to sleep and I managed to accomplish that by letting him sleep with us.

She was still irritable the next morning when we were attempting to get ready to go out for the day. Ethan had asked for pancakes for breakfast and she unfortunately burned them and didn't have any mix to make more. Ethan was pouting about having to eat cold cereal for breakfast. Tanya promised that she would run to the store today while I was meeting with Bella. She hadn't stayed at one of my sessions yet, citing the desire to get some errands done.

I was surprised to find Bella waiting for us at the doctor's office. As Tanya got my chair situated against the wall she looked over at Bella, "Thank you so much for coming."

"Never hesitate to ask for help. You cannot do it all by yourself, and trying to be stubborn and independent will only lead to failure. Go run your errands and don't come back until you've relaxed with a cup of coffee."

An hour later I was sitting in Bella's office with her, playing around with being able to move my arm and be able to use it again, at least a little bit. Of course the muscles were so weak from lack of use that it was difficult to use the arm.

"This is why we want you to wait a few days before starting crutches. We need to strengthen that arm before you use it to support yourself". She hand me a small little barbell and showed me how she wanted me to do lifts and curl my arm. She told me to do five sets of ten. My arm was so tired and sore by the time I got my third set done.

"I know it hurts Edward, but you haven't used those muscles in a long time. We have to get them strong if you want out of this chair and to be able to move yourself around. Isn't that what you said you really wanted your first goal to be? That you hated being at everyone's mercy to get around?"

That helped me get my second strength and finish the last two sets. As soon as I was done, Bella went to a little mini fridge in the corner of the room and grabbed us each a Dr. Pepper and sat back down with me. This was my favorite part of our sessions, when we could sit back, relax, and just talk.

I was so lost in our conversation that I did not realize that I was using my arms to move myself backward and forward while I vented my current frustrations. I had been home for over a week and I was beginning to feel suffocated, and at times I was feeling like I was being held hostage and forced into living someone else's life.

"Look at you being mobile!" Bella smiled at me. I smiled back at her. It was a great feeling to know that I was about to get back a piece of my independence. Even if it was just a small piece.

Alice POV:

"How is your brother doing?" That was the million-dollar question, wasn't it?

I had left my little shop early today for an appointment with my therapist. I was feeling a lot better about some things and I did have less guilt. She kept telling me that I did nothing to feel guilty for. I could not control my body and I was completely unable to control any of the decisions that Edward made. She was right. While I knew that he had been here all night, I did not know that he was going to work that day on no sleep. I had no way of knowing that he would drive home so exhausted that he was suffering a severe impairment. She made me admit that had I known, I would have done everything in my power to stop him from driving that day. That revelation switched my feelings from guilt to anger. Why didn't anyone stop him? Why didn't someone take the keys from him and drive him home? Did they even try? Surely at least one of the nurses had to realize that he was in no shape to drive.

That is where we were in my therapy. I was angry now. I was angry at the family a little. My doctor was trying to get me to admit that they could only do so much to stop him if he was determined to drive. I called bullshit on that. If he had been drinking I am sure that they would have wrestled the keys from him if they needed to. Driving while sleep deprived could be as bad, if not worse, than driving while drunk. I was mostly angry with Edward for putting himself in that situation and hurting the entire family. That one brought me back to guilt. I felt bad for being angry with Edward when he is suffering so much already. It was a viscous cycle that I was stuck in and there were days that I was still struggling to keep from drowning.

"Edward is the same. Always the same."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. It will happen. I know it will."

"Alice, we talked about this. The longer it takes the less likely—"

"It is that he'll remember everything. Yeah. You've said that, but we are not going to give up."

"Where do you draw the line between encouraging him and pushing him too far?"

"I know what you're saying and we are not going there. Failure is not an option."

"It seems like that is a lot of pressure to put on him. What about the alternative?"

"What alternative? There is no alternative."

"What if he focuses on moving on from where he is and starts anew."

"That is just ridiculous. Of course not. He wants to remember. Edward doesn't take well to failure."

"I wouldn't necessarily call it a failure if he can't regain his memories. It really is beyond his control. I do believe that as time goes on you need to truly consider that this is a new reality for you and your family."

I just shook my head no. Edward had made off-hand comments once or twice about that but we were not about to let him give up. She decided that we should move onto another topic before our time was up and asked how I was still handling being back to work with the new baby.

"It's getting better. I'm still really tired, but I took your advice and I had a couch added to my office and I take a nap in the afternoon. I feel comfortable driving myself to and from work."

"That's great news." We continued to discuss how I was dealing with my post-partum depression and how I was doing on the medicine that she prescribed me when I first started coming here.

After the session was over I normally would have driven to my parents' house to pick up the kids, but my husband had asked me out on a date for tonight so I went straight home to get ready to go out.

I was really excited for this date. It had been almost three months since Aiden was born and it was longer than that since my husband and I had made love. With everything going on I just hadn't felt up to it. That is where my husband is so amazing, he knew how to be just so affectionate and showing me that I was still attractive to him, and that he wanted me without making me feel like he was pushing me for sex. But I knew he wanted to. We've always enjoyed our sex life immensely and I was eager to get that part of our marriage back myself.

I ran into my room and came to a quick halt when I noticed that our bed had been made and I knew for a fact that I had not done it. I rarely did anymore. Jasper and I already shared the housework pretty evenly before Aiden was born, but he was determined that I not get overwhelmed with two kids and my shop so we made a list of housework chores. That we could eliminate making the bed every day was on that list. We also decided to hire a service to come do the lawn work so he could spend more time helping me with the kids and the inside of the house.

When I reached the bed and went to drop my purse down I noticed that not only had Jasper made the bed, he had changed the sheets. I laughed to myself when I realized that I was not the only one planning on having sex tonight.

I could hear my husband out in the main part of our bedroom when I stepped out of the shower. I wrapped myself in my towel and went to sit at my makeup table and pulled out my hair dryer and curling iron. Men were so lucky; they did not have near as much to do to get ready to go out. Even with my short simple hairstyle he was always ready to go at least a half hour before I was.

I couldn't help the smile on my face when I realized that he was taking me to my favorite indulgence restaurant. I had many 'favorite' restaurants. My favorite romantic restaurant was this little Italian bistro; it was by no means fancy but it was all about candles and ambiance. Tonight was a place that he knew that would have me smiling and relaxed by the time we left.

The host, who was in this ridiculous cowboy hat that was way too big for him, showed us to our table and then left us with a wink and a nod. We each indulged in one glass of wine since I wasn't nursing Aiden full time anymore. Neither of us needed to look at the menu to know what we wanted to eat. I ordered the same thing that I get every time I came here, the T-bone, well done, steamed vegetables, a side salad, and the loaded baked potato. The smartass waiter thought he was being funny when he asked me if I wanted the sixteen or twenty ounce steak. I looked him right in the eye and answered, "Well, duh, I want the twenty ounce." It was all Jasper could do not to laugh as he told the waiter that he would have the same.

I was putting our leftover steak in the refrigerator later that night when Jasper came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and started kissing my neck. I giggled and he tightened his grip on me, "What would it take to entice you into my bed, sexy?"

I turned in his armed and kissed him soundly, "hmmm…I don't know. Watcha got to offer me?"

"How about a chocolate decadence cake?" My eyes shot up to his and then started to search the kitchen for any sign of the cake. "It's over here," he said as he took my hand and led me over by the oven. I couldn't believe that he did this. It was his mother's recipe and the only dessert that my husband could make, short of ice cream sundaes. Emmett has been trying to get Jasper and his mom to give up the recipe to him for years, but Jasper's Mama had refused every time. Her answer is always the same, 'It's a family recipe that can only be passed on to a Whitlock'. Emmett even offered to legally change his name to Whitlock just to get his hands on the recipe.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Jasper's voice in my ear, "Why don't you go on upstairs and get ready for bed while I cut us a piece of cake and bring it to you. Now hurry, sexy!" I giggled again as I turned and ran out of the room and up the stairs.

I ran into my closet, shedding my dress as I went along and grabbed the new negligee that I had made for tonight and quickly slipped it on. I grabbed our favorite scented candles and laid them out across the room. I had just finished lighting them when I heard Jasper coming up the stairs. I turned off the overhead light and ran across the room and jumped onto the bed.

Jasper walked into the room carry a huge piece of cake and a large glass of milk. He walked over to the bed and crawled up beside me. He handed me the glass of milk to hold. This was our normal routine. He would feed me bites of cake and I would feed him drinks of milk.

As soon as our dessert was done, he took the glass from me and placed it and the plate on the night stand behind him and then he attacked me with fervor. I went back at him with just as much passion as he was giving me and it wasn't long before we were naked and completely wrapped up in each other in every way imaginable.

When we were finally sated and completely exhausted, Jasper got up to blow out the candles before jumping back into bed and pulling me back into his arms. That is how we would spend the rest of this wonderful and rare night alone, naked and cradled in each other's love.

A/N:

I hope that everyone had a great Easter. I spent mine in the ER with my brother. I did however get a ham dinner from the cafeteria. But he is home now and even though he drags his foot a little when he walks and drops the ball often when playing catch with my son, he is alive and will be able to keep his life pretty close to what it was pre-stroke. That is why this is posting later in the day than normal. I just couldn't get into a writing mood most of the week. I just got 13 done and its ready to go off to Sweetpea.

Things are going to move along pretty quickly from here on. Time moves on and so do my characters. There should be an update as normal next week. Thanks to Sweetpea123 for beating this for me. She is so sweet and wonderful. Hugs to all. Reviews will get teasers!