Chapter 6: Love isn't easy.
Rachel's POV
I feel horrible and steamed...i was so careless. Brittany was Santana's first, not mine and Quinn I miss her. I know I will see her in Glee club but that is not the kind of miss I am talking about. Things are not as they used to be, there used to be fireworks instead of just plain little sparks between us. The chemistry still just sits there...and waits patiently for one of us to reach out to it. Quinn is just a girl I will never get over and I have just came in terms with that. Because something snapped back to me when Santana was yelling at me...about to hit me. Brittany protected me...she jumped in front of me, willing to take a hit.
But I am sure she knew that Santana wouldn't have hit her. I noticed that, that was true love though. Santana didn't hurt me because Brittany said she loved me also...and I am sure that hurt her. To hear that after discovering we stayed together after sex...because it wasn't suppose to be that way. And I didn't plan it until Brittany stopped me from leaving...I just missed that feeling, of someone wanting me to stay. I know it isn't right but sometimes I see Quinn when I look at Brittany. But I am sure she sees Santana when she looks at me...the kinder side of Santana that is.
"Rachel don't feel bad it had to come out sooner or later." She tries to comfort but I don't need it as much as Santana and that's all I can think about.
"It was just too soon." I whisper, walking off to my class. Because talking about what just happen out loud is just not something I want to do.
I walk in through the classroom and no one looks up...no one cares, I am used to that. At least I am not late. I don't even pay attention to the teacher and that's definitely a first. Even after Quinn and me separated I still tried to do my best in school, it was just harder.
When me and Quinn separated, it wasn't just all of sudden just broken apart. We slowly slipped away from each other but at the same time we both tried to hold on. I wash away the teacher's voice and drift away deep into my thoughts, my memories.
Flashback:
'Rachel please...' Quinn whispers, her hand barely touching Rachel's arm.
'You said you loved me. And now you are cheated on me with Finn. I left him for you, was this just some sick joke?'
'No Rachel I'm just scared..."Quinn tried her hardest not to cry and so does Rachel.
'I have heard that same fucking line everywhere. What the hell are you afraid of. What me? How the hell is that even possible? I give you all the love I have...all my gentle love.'
'I just don't want to lose you.' Quinn grabs Rachel's arm.
'So you thought cheating on me with Finn would help you hold on to me?' A tear drops from one of Rachel's eyes but it seems like she is so angry that it just evaporates.
'Rachel I really really love you.' Quinn is not just pleading anymore, she is trying to apologize, trying to explain. But there is no way she can possibly explain this to Rachel.
'That is really hard to believe anymore.' Rachel whispers, yanking her arm away from Quinn's grip. And it literally pushes Quinn to a certain point that she is about to have a mental breakdown.
'But it's true...' Quinn truthfully whispers but Rachel isn't believing anything that breaks away from Quinn's lips.
'Stop lying, you just don't have to anymore.' Rachel voice grows weaker and weaker the more she tries to stay there. So she walks away, away from Quinn with tears filling her eyes. Threatening to fall.
'Rachel please!...I don't want to lose you! Please Rachel!' Quinn is breaking down on her knees now, reaching out to Rachel. Her tears dripping to the floor and she doesn't bother to wipe them away.
Tears finally fall from Rachel's eyes to be free, like Rachel is trying to be...
I wake up and find my way back to reality. Tears already sitting in my eyes, that memory will always effect me. That's why I tried to be like Santana and fuck feelings away...but that doesn't even work for her anymore. The bell rings and it's time to go to Glee club I try to roll my eyes but my tears drip from my eyes. I don't know how much truthfully I can say this but I am so tired of all these damn tears, it seems like they are always there just waiting to be tempted to take over.
If tears were a way to let feelings go I wouldn't care if I cried but they aren't well at least not for me. If each tear was a painful memory I would let them go. I would let them go all the time until I forgot everything. Until I became someone else. I wipe my tears away with my sweater sleeve and away from the desk and I hurry walk out of the classroom. The hallways are filled with so much people that I don't want to see.
I am expected to get slushied but it doesn't really matter anymore like if Santana would have hit me. She would have possibly killed be because once she started Brittany wouldn't have been able to pull her off no matter how hard she would have tried. But the truth I wouldn't have cared at all, I wouldn't have fought back I would have took it.
Two girls and three guys walk over to me together will slushies in their hands. Right before even one of them drops one on me. Santana yells "Hey y'all better back off of that hobbit over there. Or I will have you're ass on the fucking floor!" They all freeze before running off.
She rushes up to me and I expect to hit me now that Brittany isn't here so I flinch just a little.
"Damn Berry I'm not going to hit you." She growls.
"Oh..." I whisper and I am brave enough to look at her straight into her eyes. I just stare for while and I swear I see some sort of softness in her eyes. I know I see eighty percent hidden pain, twenty percent anger some real some fake and just ten percent softness.
The longer I hold her glare it gets softer and softer then she realizes.
"What the fuck Berry? Is this some fucking staring competition or something?" She harshly asks.
"Sorry, sorry I mean for everything I have done." I whisper and barely realize my back is against the wall and the hallways are now empty.
"Just..." she whispers, stepping closer to me and fear stands close to me in my head.
"Just kiss me...so I..." One of her arms is now stretched out and her hand lays on the wall beside my head.
"So I can taste Brittany one more time." She whispers deep into the core of my ear and my legs wobble just a little. She lays her hand on my cheek, so softly that it confuses me. My eyes widen as her face moves closer to mine.
I don't know if I should run or do her this one favor. It's better than her beating me up that's one thing for sure.
"Berry close your eyes, pucker those lips and kiss me." She still has some venom in her voice but that's just Santana I guess.
I follow what she says and close my eyes...and pucker my lips. Soon after I feel her lips slightly brush against mine. Then I feel her push me against the wall.
"If Brittany loves you, you better love her back. Don't fuck it up and hurt her because I swear if you do I will literally kill you."
It surprises me so much that I choke and my legs bend a certain way that I almost fall but Santana catches me by the waist.
"I do love her, but how can I be with her without hurting her. I love Quinn too." I whisper and Santana is still holding me.
"I don't know but you better figure it out. I would give anything to have Brittany back the way I did before so don't ruin your chance." She whispers back to me.
"She still loves you."
"I know Berry but she loves you too and I seriously don't know..." I look up at her into her eyes again waiting for her to finish her sentence but she never does.
"Why did you tell me to kiss you if you don't want me to hurt Brittany?"
"I was testing you..." she answers, easily lifting me back up and laying me back against the wall.
"Now let's get to class." She says walking off and I follow her, it feels really weird to me. But I do it anyway we walk into Glee club and everyone's eyes flick over to us. Everyone is shocked and confused just as I am.
"You're late" Mr Schue calls out to us. Santana rolls her eyes and walks over to the chair by Brittany and sits down. I sit on the other side of Brittany. And that quick class starts.
I glance down at Quinn by Finn I don't even expect her to look at me back. But she does for a split second and I am so allured in by her beautiful eyes. I would quickly take her back now and that's the problem because I just can't do that anymore.
"Berry don't you have anything to say?" I know it's Santana asking me because no one calls me Berry anymore other than her. And plus only her voice has that tone that I just can't even explain.
"About what?" I ask turning away from Quinn to look at Santana.
"Mr. Schue asked you would you like to tell him why you aren't paying attention."
"Oh sorry" I look at Mr. Schue he just shakes his head and continues but I drown him out again. And look back at Quinn, who isn't looking at me anymore. I sigh and look back at Mr. Schue and just try to force myself to listen.