30
Harm had been woken twice more in the night, once he had been able to turn over away from the light as Catherine attended to Beth's needs, the second time he groaned, and rolled out of bed, lifted Beth out of her bassinet and headed for the bathroom, cursing silently as he stubbed his toe on the leg of the bed, to change her before he took her downstairs for her bottled feed.
His third wake-up call of the day was much more pleasant as Catherine's tongue delicately traced the contours of his crumpled ear.
"M'mm…I'll give you forty years to stop that…" he murmured.
"So… you think we'll still be together in forty years?" Catherine's lazy early morning voice challenged him.
"H'mm… Is that your way of asking if I meant what I said last night?"
"Yeah, I suppose it is…"
"Well, I meant it, alright. Did you mean it when you said 'yes'?"
"Damn straight I did!" Catherine declared emphatically. "You'd better not be having second thoughts, sailor. I ain't letting you off the hook so easy!"
Harm turned his head towards her and gently kissed the tip of her nose, "Good! Because there's no way, I'm letting you slide, either!" He changed target and captured her lips with his, deepening the kiss for a few seconds, until she moaned softly, before he pulled his head back and smiled into her eyes, "Hold that thought, boo'ful!" he said as he slipped out of bed.
"Hey! Where are you going?" Catherine cried in protest, sitting up as he crossed the room to his closet.
"Nowhere!" he grinned as he returned to Catherine's side, sitting on the edge of the bed, and placing a small leather box on the sheets between them. "I asked mom to bring this with her, when she visited last month," he opened the box to show Catherine, "It's the Rabb family ring. It's been passed from mother to son for at least four generations, so the son can place it on the finger of the woman he asks to be his wife. I want you to have it as a token of my love for you and for you to wear it for the rest of your life…"
Catherine blinked back sudden tears, "Of course I'll wear it Harm!" She held out her hand, and Harm, after gently kissing her fingertips slid the ring into its rightful place. Catherine took a moment to gaze at it on her finger, feeling that never before in her life had anything seemed so… right!
"It's beautiful, Harm, and so was that little speech, but you said all you needed to say last night!"
"Yeah, well… I should have had the ring and the speech ready then, but…"
"I don't know about that," Catherine grinned, "Last night seemed like it was a good fit for us. We've been so unconventional about this whole relationship, right from the get-go, so why spoil a good thing?"
"You do have a point there, spook!" Harm said.
"I know I do!" Catherine twinkled, her expression and the tilt of her head once more forcibly reminding Harm of Esther, "So, shut up and kiss me!" she told him.
So he did.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
Mattie woke late and then took a leisurely shower and shampoo, sitting then in her bathrobe while she plied hair-dryer and brush over her wild mane. It had been kinda fun to get all dressed up the last couple of days, but now she was happy to slip back into a pair of jeans and sweatshirt and be herself again. And now dressed accordingly she made her way downstairs to the kitchen where Harm was dawdling over a cup of coffee, while Catherine was whispering to Beth, who seemed to be making a deliberate effort to follow Catherine's index finger as she slowly moved it left to right and back again across the baby's field of vision.
"Morning guys," Mattie said as she headed straight for the coffee.
Harm and Catherine returned the greeting, Harm adding, "What do you want for breakfast, Mats?" as he made to get up from his chair.
"What? After yesterday? You must be joking!" Mattie exclaimed as she slumped into her usual chair at the kitchen table. "I won't need anything to eat for a week!"
Harm grinned, "OK, I know you probably don't think you need anything, but you do need to eat something!"
"OK, OK," Mattie groaned, getting up, and rummaging in the pantry, "Here, a breakfast bar, OK?"
Harm nodded, it wasn't much, but it was a healthier option than many she could have chosen from, and tranquillity restored he was content to just sit and watch Catherine and Beth, and with gleeful anticipation of the teenager's reaction, wait until Mattie spotted Catherine's ring.
It seemed that Mattie wasn't particularly alert this morning, something that needed to be addressed before school started back just in case there was an issue that need to be taken care of, in the meantime he could barely restrain his grin as he noticed Mattie looking over the rim of her coffee mug at Catherine and Elizabeth without her mind registering what she was seeing – Catherine's ring was, after all, in plain sight.
Mattie took small bites from her breakfast bar, alternating them with sips from her coffee mug and gazing at Catherine and Beth, enjoying just soaking up the peaceful atmosphere at the breakfast table, so absorbed had she become in the ambiance that it was with a start of surprise she realised that she had finished her coffee, and with a flash of annoyance she glanced over her shoulder to check the level of the coffee in the carafe, with the intention of pouring a second mug, which she intended to enjoy to the fullest.
As she turned her head, however, she thought she saw a flash of something strange in the corner of her eye. At first she was inclined to dismiss it as a Gneechee, but it didn't look right, not even for one those mysterious only-ever-half-seen-beings, turning her head back towards the table, she tried to see what it was that had attracted her attention.
All appearance of sleepy tranquillity dropped away from her as she suddenly started bolt upright at the table and yelped, "Catherine!"
Beth started to show signs of being disturbed at the sharpness in Mattie's voice and she received a reproving look and a "Ssh!" from both Catherine and Harm, and was forced to sit wriggling with impatience as Catherine soothed Beth back to peace.
After two or three minutes when Beth seemed content to lend Catherine's efforts a measure of success, she turned to Mattie with an air of inquisitive curiosity and asked, "Yes, Mattie? You wanted something?"
Mattie took a deep breath. And in a tightly controlled, level voice she asked, "Catherine, what is that on your hand?"
"What, this?" Catherine held her hand up as if to examine a ring that she hadn't been aware was on her finger, "Oh, this. It's just an old ring that Harm gave me last night!"
"B… but… it… it's on your ring finger, as… as if it was an engagement ring!"
"Well, yes… I suppose it does look like that," Harm chimed in, as he fought to keep the grin off his face.
Mattie realised that she was being teased, and made an effort to keep calm. Fixing an irate eye on Harm she asked, "Did you propose to Catherine last night?"
"Yes, Mattie, yes he did!" Catherine answered with a soft smile across the table at her new fiancé, "And yes, I accepted."
"That's so fantastic!" Mattie grinned, and slipping out of her chair she hugged Harm and Catherine in turn, and gently tickled Beth's tummy, "Did you hear that, Beth? Your Mommy and Daddy are going to get married!"
Mattie stood, smiled in the general direction of all three before re-filling her coffee mug. She sat down again at the table and with her eyes alive with excited interest, turned to Catherine and asked, "What, exactly, did he say?"
Catherine grinned across at Harm, "Oh… well, I told him that Mom had managed to talk to me on my own for a minute or do, and then he said, 'First weekend in April then?' I asked him if that was his idea of a proposal, and he said 'yes', so I said 'OK', and that was it."
Mattie's eyes opened wide with indignation and she gobbled like a turkey for several seconds before croaked out a strangled, "That was it? That was it! Harmon Rabb – don't you have a single romantic bone in your body!"
Harm couldn't resist any longer, and to Mattie's frustration he broke out into a deep chuckle, which caused Catherine to grin in sympathy with him, but did nothing for Mattie's disappointment.
Catherine came to their rescue before Mattie lost her temper, "Matts, we've told you all about our mock wedding with Bud Roberts 'officiating', but we've never told you the full story of how we eventually became a couple, have we? Well, it was just after Harm got fired from the CIA. I was five months pregnant with Beth…"
Mattie sat in silence as Catherine told her the full unexpurgated story of the unconventional start to their relationship, only occasionally blinking at some snippet or other of information and then nodded thoughtfully as Catherine's ended her tale with "So you see, after such an unconventional start, a traditional proposal just wouldn't have been us. And the way he did it, well… was just so totally right!"
Mattie smiled and shook her head wonderingly, "You guys…" she breathed softly and with a smile.
"That's it?" Catherine asked in surprise. She had been mentally braced for a storm of comments and queries. "No, eye rolling? No questions? No comments? Nothing to say?"
Mattie shrugged, "No. You told me what happened, and it… well, you're right… the whole thing is so off-beat, but, yeah, it is you, the two of you."
"Aren't you even curious about whom Beth's father is?" Catherine broached the one subject that she felt needed to be cleared up.
Mattie shrugged again, "No need to ask, I know; Harm's her daddy," she said simply.
Harm reached across the table and covered one of Mattie's hands with his own as Catherine followed suit, taking Mattie's other hand, "Thanks, Mattie," he said.
"Yeah, well… I've a sneaky suspicion that we're going to have to go to Kresge and tell Esther, so I've got a couple of chores I need doing before that, so, if you'll excuse me?"
Harm and Catherine watched her go, Catherine turning to Harm with a slight frown of concern on her face, "Do you think she's really OK with all that, or did I just dump too much on her all at once?"
"She'll be OK," Harm replied, "She's tougher and more savvy than most kids her age. Besides, she loves you way too much to let this get in the way of that!" 'I hope,' he added silently to himself.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
In the intervening two months Mattie had returned to school, where despite her initial reluctance, she soon settled down, made good progress and was making friends. Catherine had gotten one of the limited places at the on-site Langley crèche for Beth and had returned to work. Additionally, Mattie had given every sign of more than just coping well with the full story of Harm and Catherine's somewhat unconventional start to their relationship, making her position clear when asked if she was OK with the new information she had, she had grinned and said, "Hey, when you first brought Catherine out to the hangar, you introduced her to me as your girlfriend, and I could see even back then that you loved each other, even if you two were blind, and that was enough for me. It didn't matter to me then how you met, and it doesn't matter to me now. What matters is that you love each other and you love Beth, and I feel that you love me, well, at least I feel safe, secure and loved, so…"
"Oh, we do, Mats, we do!" Harm declared unreservedly as he folded the teenager in his arms, as she squeaked a protest at being crushed.
Not everything in the life of the little family had gone quite so well, though. In late January, Catherine and Mattie, with Beth were in the Lexus, once more heading for the Albemarle County Courthouse in Charlottesville. Tom Johnson had been tried on two counts, one of theft and one of fraud and had been sentenced to six years imprisonment, now after long and intense discussion the family were returning to court to petition for the repeal of Tom Johnson's parental rights and for the formal adoption of Mattie Grace.
Although Harm tried to project an air of quiet, calm confidence, as he retook his seat at the petitioners' table, flanked by Catherine to his left and Mattie to his right, he was all too aware that there was still plenty of scope for things to go wrong. He was mentally rehearsing his arguments in the face of any possible objections that the judge might raise, when the bailiff's voice rang out through the court-room, "All rise! The Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court of Albemarle County is in session, the Honourable Judge Madeleine Smith presiding!"
Judge Smith surveyed her court-room for a few moments before she took her seat, saying as she did, "Be seated!"
As she had on their previous appearance, she placed her reading glasses on her nose and swiftly refreshed her memory from the file in front of her before peering over the top of them, and addressing the petitioners, her voice level, but as before containing just the hint of warmth.
"Commander Rabb, Miss Gale and Miss… Grace, I see that you are now petitioning the court to terminate Thomas Johnson's paternal rights over Matilda Grace, a minor child. In the light of Mister Johnson's conviction of offences committed against Miss Grace, his incarceration consequent to that conviction, and in consideration of the fact that he had on a prior occasion abdicated his parental responsibilities, I grant the petition. The parental rights of Thomas Johnson in respect of Matilda Grace are terminated with immediate effect!"
Harm relaxed slightly, as did Catherine, but Mattie was too nervous to relax at all, and Harm felt himself growing tense once more as the Judge continued, "I see Commander Rabb that you and Miss Gale are also petitioning for the full, formal adoption of Matilda Grace, a minor child." Judge Smith took off her glasses and continued, "I have read the follow-up reports from Miss Le Moyne, who remains in the position of Guardian Ad Litem in respect of Miss Grace, and I note that you are still resident at the address found suitable by social services, and that Miss Le Moyne is satisfied that Miss Grace is adapting to life as a member of the family. I also note that Miss Grace has returned to school, and according to Miss Le Moyne's report her teachers state that she is doing well in her studies, and making prodigious efforts to catch up with the work she missed last semester. I also see that she has tried out for both the swim team and the volleyball team, and has been accepted as a member of the school's volleyball squad. Miss Grace, you are to be congratulated on the efforts you have made, and Commander Rabb and Miss Gale, you are to be commended on the efforts you have made in caring for Miss Grace. However," and Harm felt himself becoming more tense, "I am concerned that you are petitioning the court as Commander Rabb and Miss Gale. I am happy to extend the term of Miss Grace's custody under your guardianship until she reaches the age of majority, but I am reluctant to grant a petition of joint adoption to two single people. Commander Rabb and Miss Gale, do you have any plans to formalise your relationship?"
Catherine glanced at Harm before she stood, "We do your honour; we have arrangements made to marry on Saturday, April 2nd at the Episcopalian Church in Falls Church."
Judge Smith smiled, "The court offers its congratulations to you both, Miss Gale. But I am still concerned that at this time you and the Commander remain unmarried. Accordingly, the petition for adoption is, at this time, declined. However, you have the court's leave to re-present the petition for full, formal adoption at any time after your marriage when you are able to present it as Commander and Mrs Rabb! This court is adjourned!"
After the judge had left the court room, Harm sank back into his chair and smiled encouragingly at Mattie, "Well, that's half the battle won! We're yours until you're eighteen, and for as much longer after that as you want!"
"Yeah, but continued custody still isn't quite the same as adoption, though is it?" Mattie said, her lips trembling.
"No, not quite," Catherine confirmed as she comforted Beth, who it seemed had picked up on the tension in the air, "But you can take this to the bank, Kiddo: We'll be back here on Monday April 4th!"
"Yeah, I guess," a disconsolate teenager agreed half-heartedly.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
The drive back to the DC area was pretty well silent, which from Harm's point of view was not necessarily a good thing, he was as much subdued by the judge's decision as either Catherine or Mattie, but that disappointment was not the only subject preying on his mind.
Esther had been overjoyed when Catherine and Harm had visited with her the day after Christmas and shown her Catherine's ring and had eagerly joined in planning for the upcoming wedding, including, seeing that her Christmas expedition hadn't seemed to have had any ill-effects, her buying a new outfit in which to attend the ceremony, and then her spirits had received a further boost when Donnie's promotion was confirmed and he and Chrissie began a programme of weekly visits, often staying overnight on the Saturday with Harm and Catherine.
But about three weeks ago, Esther had started to complain of increasing tiredness, and had more and more often started falling asleep in the middle of Harm and Catherine's visits. True, she seemed livelier during Mattie's visits, but Harm wondered if that was because the youngster did have an energising effect on Esther, or whether it was simply a case of Esther being determined not to let Mattie see how much worse she was feeling.
And almost as if she had been reading his mind Catherine asked, "Are we heading straight for home, or are we going by Kresge first?"
"I'm not sure… Yeah, we got half of what we asked for, so that's some kind of win for our side…"
"So why does it feel like we lost?" Mattie demanded, "And why does it make any difference to us visiting with Esther or not?"
"It feels a bit like we lost, Mats, because we didn't get everything we wanted," Catherine sighed.
"And it makes a difference because we visit with Esther to keep her cheerful. We don't want to load her down with our hurts!" Harm added.
"Yeah… OK…" Mattie said slowly even while her brain was racing and after a minute or two she spoke again, "Catherine… when you were a kid, and you fell over and skinned your knees, or fell off your bicycle, or even just felt icky, who did you go to, to make it all better?"
Catherine twisted in her seat to look at the teenager, and nodded, "You're right, Mats. I went to mommy. But… I'm not a kid anymore…!"
"No… but I am!" Mattie retorted, "And it's no good me going to you while I'm hurting, 'cos you're hurting the same as I am…"
Catherine nodded again, and turned her head to look at Harm, "She's right Harm. We do need our mommy."
Harm's faced creased in concern, torn between the need to let his girls seek comfort and the need not to cause Esther any distress. He drove on; his face settled in a frown for a good five minutes as he weighed his options and considered the possible outcomes. At last, he sighed heavily, and in a resigned voice said, "OK, we'll go straight to Kresge, but a warning: If Esther looks like she's getting too upset, then we say goodbye and head on to home! Agreed?"
"Yeah, thanks Harm!" Catherine and Mattie replied in chorus.
The decision made Harm, and although the journey was carried on in almost total silence, noticed an almost instantaneous lightening of mood.
Harm's worries were not totally allayed until Esther, told of the decision of the court struggled upright in bed and held out an arm, beckoning Mattie to come and sit with her. The teenager perched on the edge of the bed and Esther immediately pulled her close, offering unconditional support and whispering soothingly in Mattie's ear.
Mattie gulped, and sobbed, "Oh… Esther!" and then buried her face in the old lady's shoulder while a storm of tears shook her body. Esther looked up at Harm and Catherine, and with her eyes full of compassion, she caressed the teen's back and shoulders and at the same time patted the other side of the bed in a silent invitation for Catherine to join her while she made urgent 'go away' signs at her daughter's fiancé.
Harm, exiled from the room, wandered down the hall to the vending machine, where after a silent debate, he selected a black coffee – as he always did, and as he knew he was going to do before he'd even reached the machine. Grimacing at the bitter, too weak brew, he sipped his increasingly reluctant way through half of it before disposing of the rest of the contents and the paper cup in the nearest trash can before heading back to Esther's bedside.
He stopped on the threshold seeing Esther laid back against the pillows, her eyes shut, looking pale, wan and exhausted, while Catherine still sat on the edge of Esther's bed, her face a mask of concern as she gripped tightly her mother's hand, but of the teenager there was no sign.
"Where's Mattie?" he asked in an urgent whisper.
Although he'd kept his voice low, it was enough to cause Esther to open her eyes, and as she did so, Catherine, before her mother could see her expression, forced the worry from her face and replaced the frown with a slight, if artificial smile.
Esther pushed herself further up the bed, frowning slightly at the effort it took, "Hello, Harm, I'm sorry for sending you away when you only just got here!"
"That's alright, Esther!" Harm assured her as he crossed to the bed and bent to kiss her cheek, noting that once again she was using a nasal cannula.
Esther drew a deep, shuddering breath before she smiled up at him, "I sent Mattie away to the women's room to get freshened up – that girl just hasn't got the right colouring to be able to cry in public!" Esther made a further effort to smile, "So very few girls have, you know!" she confided in a stage whisper, and with a quick sideways look at Catherine.
Harm nodded, he had seen a puffy and red-eyed Harriet Sims on occasion as well as having survived a few of Catherine's pregnancy hormone driven outbursts, and appreciated the truth of what Esther was saying, but… "If Mattie's getting over her tears for a minute or two, then we can forget about her, and concentrate on the really important person… you!"
"Oh! Don't you dare say that, Harmon Rabb!" Esther replied with a hint of her old spirit, "Today was supposed to be all about Mattie, and she'd built up her hopes so much, and that there's bound to have been a reaction. Why, I'll bet a dime to a dollar that even if the judge had granted the adoption, Mattie would still have burst into tears!" Esther finished her rant and once again lay back against the pillows, her heaving chest showing how much effort she had been forced to make in order to deliver her scold.
"I know you're right, Esther," Harm admitted, carefully not raising his eyes to meet the anguished look Catherine sent in his direction, "But although I love her to bits and Mattie's remarkably mature in some ways, she still needs to understand that the whole universe doesn't revolve around her, and that there are more important things in life than her feelings."
Esther had relaxed slightly, and once more she managed a smile for Harm's benefit, "I know, I know, Harm. Anyone seeing you and Mattie together can see the love between you, and you are a wonderful father to her, but… you do need to unbend that stiff navy neck just a little bit more!"
What Harm might have been said went unheard as Catherine interrupted the talk with "Speak of the devil and she's bound to appear!"
Harm turned to face the door and saw a fresh, but pale-faced Mattie standing in the doorway and smiling uncertainly. She had also, Harm noticed with a wry grin, seized the opportunity to unbind her hair from the braid which Catherine had painstakingly fixed for her that morning.
"Esther…" she said falteringly, "I'm sorry… so sorry… I didn't mean…"
"Oh, hush, child, hush! Everyone needs a good cry now and then!" Esther affirmed, her head tilted in Mattie's direction, "Come and sit by me again! And you," she turned her again sparklingly bright eyes on Harm and winked, "Move your great big carcass and make room for a little one!"
Harm chuckled and retreated to the safety of the bedside chair, while Mattie with a still somewhat tentative smile, nodded her thanks and slipped once more into the circle of Esther's comforting arm.
Harm and Catherine, ably supported by Mattie, managed to keep the conversation light and cheerful for the reminder of the visit, which Harm, keeping a careful eye on Esther brought to a close after another twenty minutes or so.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
The late lunch at Woodford Road was a quiet affair as each of them silently acknowledged and struggled to come to terms with Esther's deteriorating condition; Mattie eventually gathering together her plate and mug before putting them on the worktop next to the sink, saying "Well, I got to go log on; the Dragon Lady said she was going to post today's test on-line for me to complete before the end of school today!"
Harm and Catherine looked at each other as Mattie left the room. Both knew an excuse when they heard it, but both also recognised the teenager's need for privacy.
Slowly during the afternoon, run of the mill chores and the necessity of taking care of Beth's needs allowed a semblance of normality to settle over the household, and it wasn't until Harm and Catherine had settled Beth for the night and slipped into the comfort of their own bed, that Catherine raised the subject of Esther's condition.
"She's getting worse, isn't she, Harm?" Catherine asked as she wormed her way into Harm's embrace, her head resting on his chest.
Harm didn't even try to pretend not knowing about what and whom Catherine was talking, "Yes, I'm afraid she is, sweetheart," he said slowly, "but she's had bad spells before and pulled through. Doctor Alison looks after her like she was her own mother; she'll make sure everything's done that can be done. You'll see, your mom will still dance at our wedding!"
"And what if she doesn't, Harm? What if she doesn't?" Catherine burst into tears, soaking Harm's t-shirt where her head lay on it.
"Hush, sweetheart, hush. Esther will be fine, you'll see. In a couple of weeks she'll be laughing at us for being worried about her!" But even as he spoke and gently rocked Catherine in his arms Harm wondered to whom he was lying; Catherine or himself.
Catherine suddenly broke free of his hold and rearing above him she knelt on the bed for an instant as she tore her nightshirt off over her head, before she crashed down on him again, capturing his head in her hands and mashing her lips against his, her tongue invading his mouth. "Oh, Harm, make love to me, make me stop worrying, make love to me now!"
Since Catherine had been given the all-clear by her Doctor, Harm had been surprised and delighted by the exuberance and fervour with which, even with her fatigue, she accepted his bedtime approaches and wasn't at all shy about taking the initiative. But this… this was all wrong… it was for all the wrong reasons…
Taking her shoulders gently in his hands, he flipped her over onto her back and dropped a soft kiss onto her forehead, "No, Catherine, not now, not like this…"
For a second Catherine went rigid under his touch and Harm thought she was about to scream at him, but instead she went as limp as a rag doll and burst into tears again. Harm took her in his arms once more and rocked her as she cried herself to sleep.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
Subsequent visits to Esther failed to reveal any improvement in her condition, and once again Harm saw that despite her best efforts to put on a cheerful front for her visitors, she was become more tired. Weaker and her skin seemed to be drier, more parchment like and transparent. A conversation with Alison Cameron, which he had kept from Catherine and Mattie, had done nothing to reassure him, "I'm sorry, Harm," the petite brunette had said, "there's nothing more we can do except palliative care, by the time Esther went to see her doctor she was already too weak for corrective surgery," Alison smiled sympathetically, she had conceived a real affection and admiration for her patient, and a genuine liking for her family, "I'll keep a very careful eye on her, of course, and we'll try increasing some of her meds to ease the strain on her heart, but there will come a time when nothing that we do will be of any further help to her." Alison frowned, "I'm not even sure we'll move her to ITU. It won't help her," she continued hastily as she saw thunderclouds gathering on Harm's face, "And it might even hurt her by scaring her. Harm, I know this is hard for you, and I really wish I had better news for you, but…" she spread her hands helplessly.
Harm nodded, fighting to keep his emotions under control, "It's going to be worse for Catherine… and oh God, Mattie… she idolises Esther, and so soon after losing her own mother, she's going to be devastated. Is there really nothing you can do, Alison?"
Alison Cameron shook her head sadly, "Sorry, Harm, no…"
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
The departure of Faith Coleman to her new billet and the subsequent cessation of Frank McBurney's twice weekly visits did much to lower the tension in the SecNav's legal office but although Harm did his best to not to allow his personal life and the impending tragedy to impinge on his professional life, and although less tired these days as Beth's overnight demands decreased, the worry over Esther's health more than took up that slack and he found himself becoming less tolerant and more irritable with his staff.
Harm had not discussed Esther's situation with anyone at work, but his increasingly frequent absences from the office and snippets of overheard telephone conversations were sufficient for his staff of attorneys to piece together enough evidence to come up with a reasonably close version of what was happening. It was what they did; they were professionals and they were good at their job.
Jennifer, of course, by virtue of her continuing friendship with Mattie was in possession of many more facts and much fuller information than either Lydia Bellingham or Mike Sheddan and so when Lydia had just about decided on a second intervention she was stopped by Jen Coates. "I'll speak to him, ma'am, if you don't mind."
Lydia looked at the Legalman doubtfully, "I don't know, Coates. It seems it would be better if he was approached by someone nearer to him in rank…"
Jen smiled apologetically, "With respect ma'am, I've known him a lot longer than you have, I'm friends with his ward and I think I know more about what's going on at the moment. I've seen him trying and failing to cope with personal tragedy before… and besides, you've got more to lose than I have, he's already written my fitrep for this year!"
Lydia couldn't help but smile at Jen's final argument, but it was with grave doubts that she gave the go-ahead.
Jen knocked on Harm's office door and waited for the command to enter. Doing so, she crossed the expanse of carpet and halted in front his desk, "Do you have a couple of minutes to spare, sir?"
Harm looked across at her and read the concerned expression on her face, "Is this work or personal, Coates?"
"Personal, sir. But it is affecting work, sir"
"You'd best take a seat then, Jennifer," Harm sighed, wondering what bombshell the young woman was about to burst on him. Was she going to tell him of her impending marriage, or that she had managed to get herself pregnant and that the father had bailed on her? Or perhaps Mattie had done something stupid and Jennifer was coming to tell him about it?"
"I'm worried about you, sir, in fact we're all worried about you…" her vague gesture included the outer offices and possibly even other areas of the DoN.
"How do you mean, Coates?" Harm stiffened instinctively.
"Sir, It's pretty obvious these past weeks that something's bothering you. You never lose your… well, you hardly ever lose your temper at work, and when you do, it's usually because it's something that's bothering you that you can't fix. Commander Bellingham and Major Sheddan have pretty much guessed what's happening with Mrs Gale… and, well, I know a fair bit of what's going on..."
"And how do you know that, Coates?" Harm demanded, interrupting her, "have you been listening in on my telephone calls, my private telephone calls?"
"No sir! Of course not!" Jennifer was horrified and hurt by the suggestion and let slip something that she hadn't meant to, "I am Mattie's friend," she reminded Harm, "and she tells me things, offloading stuff that's bothering her that she can't talk to you or Miss Gale about!"
Harm took a deep breath, "No, of course you don't listen in, Jennifer, I apologise for that remark. I do know you wouldn't do that, and I shouldn't have asked! But Miss Grace and I are going to have a discussion about her indiscretions!"
"Oh, don't do that sir, please. If you do, then Mattie will know that I let it slip and then it's almost certain she'll never confide in me again, and there may come a time when she'll really need to!"
Harm took in the almost begging expression on Jen's face and relented, "Alright, Jennifer, I won't tackle her on this – this time! But leaving aside the question of Mattie, do you think that my Legalman has any right to come in here and bug me with questions about my personal life?"
"No, sir… Maybe not, but not so long ago, you called me your friend, and maybe sir, your friend does have the right to be concerned about her friend?"
Unconsciously echoing Admiral Chegwidden, Harm frowned, "Jennifer, are you taking law classes?"
"No, sir! Still sticking to the psychology course!"
Harm studied her again, "Dammit, you are too! You just talked me into a better mood, as well as delivered a wake-up call! OK, I'll try not to bite anyone's head off for the rest of the week!"
Jen smiled, "Then my work here is done!" She rose to her feet, "If you'll excuse me, sir?"
"Go on," Harm smiled, his first real smile in days, "Git!"
That was one conversation the details of which he shamefacedly shared with Catherine.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
The following Saturday Harm, Catherine and Mattie's visit to Kresge found Donnie and Chrissie already at Esther's bedside. Donnie looked strained while Chrissie looked on the verge of tears and Esther looked exhausted and frailer than ever.
Their greetings, affected by the tension in the room, were subdued and they had barely arranged themselves around the room, Harm having borrowed two more chairs from an empty room, when Donnie thrust a sheet of paper in Catherine's direction.
"Here read this!" he snapped, his voice thickened with emotion.
Catherine took the paper and started to read, but after only a few seconds, her eyes filled with tears, and a choked, "Mom!" burst out of her lips.
Harm reached for the document, already half-knowing what it was, and took it from Catherine's suddenly nerveless fingers. While Mattie burst out, "What? What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's my living will…" Esther breathed, her voice barely audible, "I asked the hospital attorney to do it for me… No heroic measures… I told 'em…"
Donnie stood, "I can't listen to this crap again!" he said, "C'mon Chrissie, let's get a coffee or… or… something. Harm, Catherine" he begged, "You're attorneys, can't you find something wrong with it? Or get a court order, or an injunction, or something? Or at least talk her out of it!"
Chrissie took a frightened look at Esther who now seemed to have trouble breathing, and then looked again at Donnie, "Come on, honey. Let's go get that coffee and get your blood pressure back under control. Besides, you're not doing Esther any good!" and she gently shepherded Donnie out of the room receiving a grateful look from Harm as she did so.
Once peace was restored to the room, Catherine slid on to the edge of Esther's bed, "Mom, you can't mean this, surely?"
Esther opened her eyes, which she had closed as Donnie and Chrissie quit the room, "Oh, I do, darling. I mean every word of it. So don't try and… talk me out of it… Donnie's just the last to try… I had the attorney, the hospital administrator… Even Nurse Brigid…"
"Alright Esther, we won't try…" Harm assured her, waving an agitated Mattie to silence, and shooting a warning look at Catherine who returned his look with a tear-filled glare, but grudgingly nodded her head.
"Alright, mom… we won't try… but that doesn't mean we like it… or won't ask why! So why, Mom? Why are you giving up now?"
"Oh, Catherine, sweetheart, it's not me that's giving up; it's my heart that's giving up on me! I'm old, Catherine, I'm ill, we all know I'm dying…"
Mattie's furious "No!" went unheeded as Harm and Catherine concentrated on Esther's reedy voice.
"I don't want to go, Catherine, I want to dance at your wedding, I want to see Beth take her first steps and hear her call me Grandma, I want to dance at Donnie's wedding too. But I'm not going to get my druthers… not this time 'round…" Esther's voice faded into silence, but before Catherine or Harm could find words, she took another breath, "I'm tired Catherine, so unbelievably tired, and my body tells me I need to go, and sweetheart you and Donnie and all of you, you need to let me go. And besides, I believe in the Lord, and I believe him when he promises us an after-life. I'm not scared, I think I've led a Christian life, and I miss your dad, Catherine; I have missed him every day since he passed on. And now I'm going to be reunited with him, so… don't… think of it as me… leaving you… just think of it as me… going on ahead… waiting until you get ready to go… getting everything ready for you… your dad and I looking out for you…"
"You've always done that, Mom," Catherine wept silently, as she clung to Esther's hand while Harm took an equally tearful and bewildered Mattie into a comforting hug.
"There's just one thing more… I need you to promise me, Catherine… you too, Harm… I'm not going to be here for April… so I need you to promise me that you'll go ahead with the wedding… just as you planned… Don't postpone anything just because I'm gone…"
"Mom! We couldn't…"
"Promise me, Catherine! Promise me that!" Esther said fiercely, "I won't be able to rest easy otherwise!"
"OK, Mom, I promise. We'll go ahead with the wedding as planned…" Catherine said.
Esther relaxed back against the pillows, "Good, I've already got Donnie and Chrissie's promise… I won't be there to see it, but I'll rest easy… knowing that you two are finally settled down… Harm, you will look after them, Catherine, Mattie and Beth?" Her eyelids fluttered closed and her breathing settled, her chest gently rising and falling.
"Of course I will, Esther," Harm said softly, and then sat silently, still holding Mattie close to him, as Catherine raised her mom's hand to her lips and gently kissed it, and then reaching into her purse for a Kleenex she blotted her eyes and said shakily, "Mattie, how about you show me where that handy bathroom is?"
The family, including Donnie and Chrissie were sombre that evening. Dinner was an almost silent meal, and with the weight of the afternoon pressing on them, nobody was late to bed. And again Harm held the softly weeping Catherine as she slipped into sleep, finally leaving him free to indulge in his own silent tears which he had been fighting all afternoon and evening.
xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx
Sunday, Monday and Tuesday saw Esther slipping ever further away, and the three members of the little family took to eating, sleeping, working and even showering with their cell 'phones never out of reach.
Monday had seen Esther's nasal cannula replaced by a mask in effort to deliver more oxygen to her system, while on Tuesday she was once again hooked up to a monitor, her heart beat, blood pressure and oxygen saturation level under constant watch. She had been conscious for the visit on Monday and had seemingly rallied, her eyes full of mischief once more, as she teased Mattie about a boy at school that the teenager had been incautious enough to mention. But on Tuesday she had been semi-conscious at best and barely aware of her visitors.
The 'phone call in the early hours of Wednesday morning came as no surprise to Harm, he had barely managed a light doze as he anticipated the summons to Esther's bedside. Swiftly and as quietly as he could he told Catherine, who had awakened as soon as the 'phone started to ring, "It's Alison, Catherine. We need to get to the hospital, now!"
Catherine nodded wordlessly, but her heart was in her eyes as, like Harm, she hastily dressed in jeans and a sweat shirt, stuffed her feet into loafers and started to wrap a half awake and grizzling Beth into a couple of extra blankets and strap her into her porta crib.
As quick and as quiet as they had been, they were neither quick enough nor quiet enough to avoid Mattie who dressed in a sweater and jogging bottoms met them on the second floor landing, a scrunchie held between her teeth as she twisted her hair into a pony-tail.
"Mats," Harm said gently, "I don't think it's such a good idea, coming with us…"
Mattie turned on him, her red-head temper rising rapidly to the surface, "Harmon Rabb, Esther has been a second grandmother and even a second mom to me, she accepted and loved me, and I love her, and if you think for even one second, that I'm going to bail on her at the last minute, then you are a hell of a lot dumber than anyone ever thought you were!"
Harm blinked, "Mats, sweetheart, it's going to be hard…"
Mattie cut him off again, "I couldn't be there for my Mom, but I can and I will be there for Esther! And if you won't take me, I'll get a cab, or take Catherine's car!"
Harm, despite his misgivings felt his heart fill with pride at Mattie's words, and he caved in, "Alright Mattie Grace, grab your jacket and put some shoes on your feet. Meet us downstairs in five minutes, or we're going without you!"
The delay was caused by Catherine grabbing three bottles of her milk from the fridge, the bottle warmer and her breast pump and stuffing them into the diaper bag. Mattie was waiting for them in the hallway and with an impatient, "C'mon, people, let's go!" she was out of the door and halfway to the Lexus before Harm had picked up the car keys.
Esther's room was dimly lit, but there was sufficient light for them to see her eyes open as they entered and a smile cross her face as she mouthed, "Thank you" behind her oxygen mask. Harm pulled up a chair for himself and Catherine, while Mattie took her normal perch on the side of the bed, clutching Esther's hand fiercely in her own, while Catherine, after gently kissing her mother's forehead, held her other hand, occasionally brushing Esther's fine hair away from her forehead.
Time passed so slowly that Harm was sure it was hours before the door opened to admit Donnie and Chrissie, but checking his watch he found to his surprise that it was only an hour and twenty minutes since he'd been jerked out of his doze.
Once again Esther seemed to sense the arrival of one of her children, and again her eyes opened briefly and again she managed a brief gentle smile, before tiredness overtook her again. Mattie grudgingly made room for Donnie and Chrissie to kiss Esther's forehead and cheek, and then was gratefully pleased when Donnie stood back and said, "Sit down again, Mattie… I… I know what you two mean to each other." He hurried out of the room and came back with two more chairs which he placed on Catherine's side of the bed, taking the one next to Catherine for himself, while Chrissie slipped onto the third while Donnie offered support and physical comfort to both sister and fiancée.
No-one was in the mood for talk as they sat vigil in a silence broken only by the intrusion of a nurse to check Esther's vital signs and the regular beeping of the machines recording those signs, until at last the machine's monotonous note ceased for an instant and then became a long single note as the on screen peaks and valleys that showed Esther's heart beat became a single continuous, flat line and the various figures rapidly unwound to read zero.
Mattie looked up in alarm and twisted her head to see the display, and then turned back towards Harm, "What does… does that… She's gone, Harm, hasn't she? She's gone!" Mattie demanded.
Harm nodded sadly, "Yes, Mattie, she's gone on ahead, just like she said she would."
"Oh, Esther, I'm going to miss you so much!" Mattie said in a surprisingly calm and controlled voice, and then stood, bending to place one last kiss on the old lady's forehead. "I'll see you outside, guys," she said, "Give you a chance to say your goodbyes." And with silent tears streaming down her face she walked quietly and with dignity to the door, opening it just in time to allow Alison Cameron to enter.
"I think you're a bit too late, Doctor," the teenager said bitterly.