Singing of Lust

Chapter 7: What a mess

Quinn's POV

A/N: Song used VNV Nation- Illusion Underlined is Quinn singing and Bold is Santana singing. Both Underlined and Bold is Quinn and Santana singing together.

Who was I to go along and mix myself up? Everyone has hurt Rachel I am just one of the names added to the list. List of the ones that shouldn't be trusted. I watch Rachel leave hand and hand with Brittany, she sure knows how to get under my skin. To leave her presence in deep in my heart. All I can seem to think about is if Rachel is meaning to hurt be. To avenge all the years of torture I gave her. I wonder if she always knew I was going to betray her. That maybe she just acted as if she loved me all this time to get back at me. But that's my mind and my heart trying to comprehend together. And even if that is the truth that it was just a big scheme. It doesn't matter because I know I left something for her to hold to or grab it when she needs it. I made sure of that. I don't deserve to feel self pity for myself. So I don't allow it.

But I am allowed to feel some sort of pain for my screw up. The girl of my dreams, the one I was suppose to never let down. Is walking away from me, and I still can feel more disappointed in myself. I am dumb, and being afraid isn't an excuse. It was stupid low self confidence, or my poor outlook on the future. She was going to be a Broadway star anyone can see it. Even all the jealous jerks that insulted her, her whole high school life, know that. Such as I, I saw it the most out of the rest. Santana even came to realize it. Sometimes she admits it, even if it's still kind of rude. That's just Santana.

Santana has problems too just like any other human being does. Some people don't even think she is human. She loves Brittany, it's kind of obvious at this point. But before she was afraid to show it. She hid herself from everyone it's a good thing that Brittany actually took the time to look for her. And soon enough she found her. Time has passed though, and everything has changed, went through different stages but finally stopped here. Where Brittany leaves Santana for Rachel, and Rachel leaves me to be with Brittany.

"Class dismissed" Mr. Schue rids us of this painfully boring class. I take the time to look at Santana, who still hasn't moved a muscle. Mr. Schue doesn't even notice and he walks out with the rest of the glee crew.

"San" I whisper because I feel that it's necessary.

"Will she ever come back to me?" She asks, putting her head in her palms, to catch her now forming tears.

"San of course she will. It will just take a little bit of time. Just let things work themselves out." I try to give her some hopeful advice. But I also try to take it for myself. I notice that me and San are more alike than we both ever knew. I sit beside her, and rub her back, because I know that words can't heal as much as touches.

"Brittany is mine I tell you, mine." Anger takes over her so quickly that it flashes before my eyes. I see her forcefully rubbing her tears away with the back of her hands.

"Not Rachel's... MINE!" She stands up making my hand quickly fall off her back. And the chair she sat in, fall back.

"San" I raise my voice a little, but try to not make it seem that I am trying to start a fight.

"You need to get your Manhands away from my Brit!" She screams at me and it makes me break. I quickly stand up against her.

"I have been nothing but nice to you. I showed you fucking sympathy for you losing Brittany. You have...no...fucking right to insult Rachel. No Fucking Right!"

"Maybe if you didn't fuck up yourself, none of this would have happened!"

"You fucked up too let's not forget that!." I feel my blood boil and heat take over my body, I begin to feel that I am not Quinn anymore.

"Fuck you Tubbers just get your damn Hobbit before I hurt her."

"You won't fucking hurt her! You want to know why? Because I will fucking hurt you and you know damn well you love her too!"

"Fuck off Quinn no one will ever love her except for you!"

"Oh really...you are bullshit! Stop hiding your emotions behind insults. You are such a coward!"

"Says the one who ran off with her girlfriends ex boyfriend, that she had no real feelings for!"

"We are both dumb." I lower down the unnecessary screaming, and it surprises Santana so much she stops talking completely.

"Fuck...yeah we are." Santana says, clearing up the silence. "And I am sorry for insulting or threatening Rachel. I know if you would have done that to Brittany I would have kicked your ass. But you Quinn...you're something. You have a lot of willpower."

"Thanks San and you have a lot of strength."

"Ha no I just hide very well."

"San let's sit back down and talk this out, like we should." She nods walking over to the chair on the floor to pick it up. She sits down the same time I do.

"I think it would be easier if we sung a song instead."

"Oh Q, Rach has rubbed off on you so much."

"Rach?" I cock my eyebrows at her and she seems to catch what she did.

"Ok well what song?"

"I know its hard to tell. How mixed up you feel. Hoping what you need. Is behind every door."

"Each time you get hurt. I don't want you to change. Cuz everyone has hopes. You're human after all."

San walks over to the piano and begins to play the tune and I smile because I didn't know she knew this song. But she also sings along with me.

"The feeling sometimes. Wishing you were someone else feeling as though, you never belong."

"This feeling is not sadness. This feeling is not joy. I truly understand. Please don't cry now."

"Please don't go. I want you to stay. I'm begging you please. Please don't leave here. I don't want you to hate. For all the hurt that you feel. The world is just illusion. Trying to change you."

I silence my voice for a little bit to let Santana sing on her own for a little bit. To have her freedom.

"Being like you are. Well this is something else. Who would comprehend. That some bad do lay claim. Divine purpose blesses them. That's not what I believe. And it doesn't matter anyway."

She let's me sing this time, and I just sing with all I can. I feel hot tears stream down my face, washing away the previous nights of them. I feel my hands curl into tight fists.

"A part of your soul. Ties you to the next world. Or maybe to the last. But I'm still not sure. But what I do know. Is to us the world is different. As we are to the world. I guess you would know that."

She joins her voice into mine again so they become intertwined. And the rhythm of the piano stays in it's beat to play along.

"Please don't go. I want you to stay. I'm begging you please. Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate. For all the hurt that you feel. The world is just illusion. Trying to change you."

"Please don't go. I want you to stay. I'm begging you please. Oh please don't leave here"

"I don't want you to change. For all the hurt that you feel. This world is just illusion. Always trying to change you."

"Please don't go. I want you to stay. I'm begging you please. Oh please don't leave here. I don't want you to change. For all the hurt that you feel. This world is just illusion. Always trying to change you."

"I feel so much better." San whispers I walk over to her without a word and hug her. Because I know she needs it.

"Q I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh it's ok everything is ok. I forgive you for everything."

I feel her tears roll down my neck. All Santana needs is someone to care for her, and that is me. All I need is for someone to understand what I feel, and here she is. She is my best friend and I can't lose her too. I kiss her gently on her cheek and then her forehead. I am just hoping that everything works out in the end like I said.