ASL Chapter 20

Real life is messy and painful

BPOV:

The next couple of months were really difficult on the whole family. I wouldn't say that I was happy to take in Maddie, solely because of the circumstances, but I did not mind in the least to help out. I had want to be there to help Tanya more, but everyone insisted that I limit my in-person interactions with her. Besides, I normally had Maddie and Ethan because Tanya was usually tired, weak, and nauseous from the chemo.

Ethan was old enough that he understood that his Mommy was sick and he had to be careful around her. He was good about making sure that he was as germ free as possible before going to see her. Unfortunately, it wasn't often that she was up to the kids coming to visit. Two months of chemo had taken their toll on her physically. She had lost all of her hair, and where she was already skinny she had lost a lot more weight from not being able to keep food down most days. Felix would try to stop by when he could but he was so busy taking care of Tanya to make it over everyday.

Ethan was a great helper through it all. One night when Edward was at work he told me that the whole situation reminded him of the time right after Edward had been in the car accident. Then, a lot had been kept from him due to his age. This time he outright asked Edward not to keep anything from him to 'protect him'. He felt that he deserved to know the truth about what was going on. He had been through so much and was so mature for a seven year old. So Edward and Tanya both agreed to be completely honest with him, including the days that we had news that was hard for us to accept.

As my pregnancy progressed it was harder for me to help out. It was getting harder for me to move, period. Esme or Heidi, Jane's girlfriend, would come to help me out with the kids when he had to be at the bar. Jane was going to be in charge of the bar when I had the twins, and Edward was taking time off for a paternity leave. Heidi and Esme had become the best of friends. While together the three of us planned out the nursery, the two of them did all the actual work for me, shopping and setting things up. They were an absolute God-send.

Maddie was a complete angel to take care of. She was such a calm and quiet baby. She rarely fussed about anything. She and I had a routine down, after returning from taking Ethan to school I would do a little minor housework, like dishes, while she played near me. Then after lunch we'd take a little nap until it was time to pick Ethan up from school. I wasn't allowed to do anything too strenuous.

Tonight Edward had taken the kids over to Tanya's for the night before he went to work. It was one of those rare nights that she felt good and wanted her children around her. Edward called Alice and Rose and they had arrived after they were done with work, with Chinese food and a case filled with enough nail polish to give the whole of the United States Armed Forces manicures and pedicures. I loved these nights.

Alice went for the TV to put in a movie for us to watch while we ate and pampered ourselves. "What are you putting in?" Rose demanded, "I don't want Edward jumping down our throats again if he comes home to find her sobbing again over some sappy movie we insisted on watching."

"Relax. It's just Down Periscope. There is nothing remotely sad in it. In my defense though, I had no idea she'd get that upset over Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Emmett told me that Edward told him that she cried all night because that monkey remained cursed at the end."

"Hey! I'm right here you know."

"We know, but at least we're talking about you behind your back in front of you, so you know how bad we are making fun of you and your crazy hormones."

"The only reason that I am letting you get away with that statement, Rose, is because you did the twin thing yourself."

I had a great night with the girls. Rose and Alice did my toes for me since I couldn't reach them anymore. Being seven months pregnant with twins had a way of making you feel like you are bigger than life.

I had fallen asleep long before Edward was due to get home from work. That was hardly unusual these days. I arranged my days around the kids and their schedules. That meant getting up early to get Ethan to school on time. This morning, however, that was Tanya and Felix's job. Today, I had plans to sleep in and cuddle with my husband for as long as possible. I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon that I had scheduled around Edward's work schedule. Today was his day off and I wasn't going to waste a second of it.

EPOV:

I felt Bella slip out of bed. It was rare that we got mornings alone. It was rare that we got much time alone these days. I wanted to spend the morning in bed with her. I sighed and rolled over and prepared to get up and go find her when I felt her climb back into the bed. I reached out and pulled her closer to me. I had to twist and reach more than normal to be able to kiss her good morning. I was about to reach my hands up her night gown when her stomach started to growl just as the babies started to kick. I laughed and sat up. Once I was standing, I kissed her again and told her to stay put while I went to make the three of them something to eat.

I am still not the best of cooks but I threw together some bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast for the both of us. Bella is the one that normally does the cooking around here. She's no Emmett, but she's good. After we were done eating, Bella went to take a shower while I took the dishes to the kitchen and cleaned up my mess in her kitchen before she came out here, found it, and got angry with me. I tried to avoid that as much as possible when she wasn't pregnant. As much as I knew that she loved staying with the kids, I knew that there was a big part of her that missed her job and hated being stuck in the apartment all the time. She kind of got railroaded into taking time off work to stay home with the kids. She couldn't exactly say no and not look like a total bitch.

The doctor's visit was your typical, routine stuff. They measured her stomach and we heard the heat beats, which to me came second as my favorite part of these appointments. The only thing better was the ultrasound. We weren't scheduled to have another one of those until next month's appointment. I became concerned when they told Bella that they wanted to start seeing her weekly from this point on. The doctor said that she was always overcautious with her mothers of multiples in their last couple of months. It was easy for a complication to arise suddenly and she wanted to be able to catch anything right away.

With one last reminder to Bella that she wanted her off her feet more, the doctor left the exam room and we were free to go. I was hungry so I knew that Bella had to be too, so I suggested an early dinner at our favorite Italian place.

"Edward, I think we need to start thinking about buying a house. The apartment is only three bedrooms and eventually the twins are going to need to be in separate rooms, and I don't think it would be fair to expect Ethan to share. He needs a space with us that is just his." I wanted to gripe and groan about it but she was right. All three kids deserved their own space and the apartment just wasn't going to cut it forever. "I don't mean that we have to move right away or anything. But I think we should start considering where we want to move to, what we can afford…"

"I know you're right. I've thought about it myself. I've just gotten really spoiled being able to walk to work everyday."

"I know. We'll also have to get a second car again, too." I had given up my old car to Angela and never bothered to replace it. I hadn't had a need to. Bella had one and that was all that we needed.

"We also have to get you a new car. One that is big enough for all the kids." She grimaced. I knew that she didn't like the idea of driving a minivan, but we were going to need something that big. "Maybe we could go window shopping for cars after we eat."

"How about we go home and spend the rest of the night in bed? You heard the doctor say that I wasn't to be on my feet too much." She smirked, thinking that she had me there and she had won. I was not going to allow her to distract me on this. We were running out of time to replace her little sedan.

"I also heard her tell you that some exercise was good for you and walking around a dealership counts as exercise. We can lie about in bed later. Just one, maybe two dealerships, and that's it for the night." She pouted, knowing that she had lost the battle for tonight.

She griped and complained all the way to the dealership after dinner. I promised that we would stop for an ice cream cone after we were done and that didn't even appease her. Then we got to the Volvo dealership and Bella being Bella fell in love with a car immediately, but wasn't about to cave in and admit defeat. She was co cute about it, too. I knew the second that she had noticed the car. She didn't approach it right away, but pretended to be bored or look at the cars around while sneaking glances at it, trying to check out the inside of the car.

I finally walked up to the car in question, the XC90, and looked at the sticker. It was a smart choice for us and I believed it to be in our budget. We weren't there for long before a salesman approached us. It was a safe vehicle and big enough for three car seats, a seven year old, and two adults. Bella really fell in love with it when she test drove it. We told the guy that we wanted to think on it overnight and we'd let him know in the morning. I knew that if Bella really wanted that car, I would go back and buy it in a heartbeat. But I also wanted a chance to discuss it without a salesman looking over our shoulders influencing us. Besides, it was getting late and Bella and I had plans to lie around naked in bed tonight.

TanyaPOV:

It wasn't fair. I've said that a lot over the last few years. You would think that I had my fair share of tragedy after my marriage fell apart when my husband forgot who I was. But NO. I have to find lumps in my breasts in a routine exam.

I was not prepared for how hard this fight was going to be. I didn't realize how sick and tired the medicine would make me. I had to send my children to my ex-husband's new wife to take care of, even though Maddie wasn't even his child. It's not that I don't like and trust Bella, but that would be a hard pill for any woman to swallow.

My first inclination after the biopsy came back with the result that it was malignant cancer was to stick my head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge it. But Felix convinced me to listen to the doctor's recommendations and to have the double mastectomy and start the chemo treatments immediately.

That was the night that I went to see Edward at his bar and asked him for help. It wasn't easy, by any means, and I stood outside the bar for a half an hour before I finally worked up the courage to walk in and face him. I knew that they wouldn't refuse to help me. Edward loved his son but I did worry that sending two children, one being only one year's old, was going to overwhelm them. Bella was amazing with the children, but she was pregnant with twins.

It's not like I was able to actually take care of myself once the chemo started to take effect. I was so tired and tired of puking up everything that I attempted to eat. There were many days that I couldn't even gather the strength to get out of bed. When I could, I would usually end up spending the day lying on the couch drifting in and out of sleep. I tried to keep up with the house, but it was proving impossible to do.

Bella's friend from Florida, Angela, turned out to be an absolute Godsend. She knew exactly what I was going through from working with children that were fighting cancer. That was one thing that she corrected with me right away. We, patients that is, were not suffering from cancer, we were fighting it. She likened it be us being warriors in an epic battle for our lives. I thought that she was crazy at the beginning, but after just a couple weeks I started to see what she was talking about. There was this internal and external struggle for domination of my mind and body. There were times that I was so tired that I just wanted to give up, and Angela would yell at me not to let the cancer win that battle because that is what it wanted. Then she'd shove pictures of my babies in my face and I would take strength from my love for them to keep fighting.

I hated when I had to call Bella and tell her not to bring the kids over because I wasn't up to a visit that day. Maddie wouldn't know better, but Ethan did. I hated when he would get sad about me being sick. He was getting a pretty screwed up childhood on a whole, and that made me feel like a crappy mother, they both deserved so much better than they were getting from me.

Today, though, I felt good. I had finished the chemo a few days ago and I was well enough to have my babies home with me. I was thrilled to be sitting at the dinner table, just the four of us. It amazed me that tacos were still Ethan's favorite meal. He was talking a mile a minute about school and his upcoming birthday. I was glad that I was feeling better and was going to be able to take care of planning it for him. That was important to me. That was my priority tonight, Ethan's party. I had an appointment with my oncologist in a few days to find out if the chemo worked. I didn't think that I really needed to go. I knew what they were going tell me. It didn't work and I was going to have to go through it again. I'd worry about that later though. Tonight we were a happy family spending the evening together and I needed it to be a happy memory for me, for Ethan, for Felix.

"Your dad said that you want to go to Chuck E. Cheese for your birthday. Anything special you want to do?" And with that he was off, going on and on about whom he wanted to invite. There was a boy in his dad's apartment building that he played with when he was there, and he wanted to make sure that I knew to invite him. I promised that I would get his address from Bella.

Ethan stated that he wanted to have a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I even agreed to give him the chocolate ice cream to go with it. I asked if there was a theme that he wanted for the party, like Avengers or something like that, but he wasn't sure what he wanted. I told him that he had a day or two to think about it, but I would need to know soon.

As soon as dinner was done, Felix started cleaning the kitchen while I took the kids to the bathroom for baths and to get ready for bed. I put Maddie down first and then I went to Ethan's room, where I found him playing with his Legos on his bedroom floor. As soon as he saw me standing in his doorway he ran for his book shelf and grabbed The Phantom Tollbooth, a book that he and I had been reading. I'd told him that he could take it to his Dad's, that he and Bella would love to read it to him, but he refused. He and I had picked that book out together and he wanted to read it together. We cuddled on his bed and got a few chapters read before he was really starting to doze off. I kissed him on the forehead and started to leave the room. I was just turning off the light when he mumbled, "I love you mama."

Felix was already in bed waiting with my nightly pills and a glass of water. I took them and curled up into his arms. A part of me wished that we had gotten married, we had kept putting it off for a better time and now we were running out of time.

A/N:

There is one more regular chapter and then an epilogue left. I wasn't intending to put another TanyaPOV in but she was the only one that would talk to me this week.

Ok. Here is the deal-io. I have Chapter 21 done and it's about to go off to Sweetpea to beta BUT I am going on vacation next Saturday. I will post Chapter 21 on Friday night, since I have to be up at five in the morning for an eight hour drive. (pray for me please). I will be spending an entire week in the Ozark woods just outside, you guessed, Branson, MO. While I will be staying at a resort, the internet connection is spotty at best so I will not be able to reply to reviews. I will come home on the following Saturday and I would love to say that I will finish the epi before I leave or work on it while I am gone but I am going to be too busy parasailing and lounging on Moonshine Beach. Sorry. Well, actually I'm not. I do promise to not make you wait too long for it.

Now to address the whole ffn protest that is going on this weekend. I guess that it is obvious that I am not participating. It is not that I don't sympathize or empathize with the authors that have had their stories pulled, I just don't think that it is going to accomplish anything but punishing the readers by withholding updates from them. Ffn is a huge site that does not monitor when or how often any story updates and has stories archived that have not updated for years. Two days of a handful of people not posting is never going to register with them. That is just my little opinion.

Thank you so much for reading this story. Thank you to Sweetpea123 for betaing this and other things for me. I flove you for all that you do.

Reviews will get teasers.