Hey guys okay so this is a day late and i apologize but i was doing some hard core life stuff anywhoo about this chapter this is a major filler chapter cuz i was feeling a smidge angsty and there will be probably two more set-up chapters that won't be too long until we get back to the meat of the story! ... which Sam won't like! ha! ya get it? meat, ultra recyclo vegetarian? ... awkward

Yea i disclaimed it right here in invisible ink. build a brigde and GET A FREAKIN' LIFE ALREADY! hmm sorry bout that, sore subject...

Chapter 4

Sam had heard the news of her grandma Ida's passing about two hours ago. One of those hours she had spent in her father's arms holding on for dear life as she drowned in their tears. After that she had spent another hour next to him as he made arrangements and got all of the people out of their house. Her mother made her sick with her false sincerity. She couldn't leave her father's side though. He had just lost his mother and his wife was being a heartless bitch. The two of them had to grieve together because at the moment, neither of them felt more alone.

Jeremy then told Sam to get some sleep and that she wouldn't be going to school tomorrow. She had obeyed him without question. Her heart hurt too badly for words. So her limbs took her where they needed to go, without command from her temporarily un-operating mind. She made it to her room before Sam dropped onto her bed, fully clothed, and curled up into a ball. For the night and the majority of the next day Sam was going to start a very extensive and very long process of healing. That process began with crying until she had soaked her pillow through and refusing to think. It was like a medical coma, except an emotional one. Her mind had to shut down so that her thoughts didn't consume her and push her over the edge. Then and only then could the amazing creation of the human body begin the emotional healing.

Sam ignored knocks on her door and the buzz of her phone. She refused to speak or eat whenever someone tried to get her to talk or the butler came up with soup. Sam didn't want to do anything but fade into bed or into the dark of her room. She didn't want visitors and she didn't want light. All she wanted was for the world to stop spinning. If the world keeps spinning someone else is bound to fall off too. Sam sat in her bed and vaguely wondered to herself how she hadn't died. The human body could only take so much pain and for once Sam was sick of being strong. No matter who came and went she lay there and cried. It was a fine cry – long and loud – but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circled and circles of sorrow.

Finally the one person that would coax Sam from her shell walked solemnly into her room, "Sam, baby," Jeremy whispered to her. There was no reply, he continued anyway, "You have to keep living eventually and that includes talking," he sighed as Sam made no noise and no movement. She was under her covers and so Jeremy lifted them. He had every intention of taking them off of her until he saw her face. She was so broken and so hurt that he saw all of his pain reflected in her eyes. Instead of uncovering her he asked, "Can I come in?" very tenderly.

Sam simply nodded, still too hurt to speak or shocked at her father's question, was anyone's guess. She twisted around under her sheets and faced her father. She saw what her father had witnessed not seconds ago, raw pain. She uncurled herself a bit and gasped, "Daddy," in such pain that both of their hearts tiny pieces just kept breaking.

Jeremy reached out to his daughter and held her against his chest. He wanted to protect her from the world even though he knew he couldn't. There was no way he could protect her or himself from sadness without keeping them both from happiness as well. Sam needed happiness in her life now more than ever. He spoke softly to her, "I'm so sorry my little girl,"

"Daddy," Sam was so vulnerable it was as if there was nothing left off her but her soul. Bear for the world to see and trample on and nothing made her more afraid, "It hurts so much and all the time! Everything I see and everything I touch reminds me off her. She was so happy and so pure, how could she be taken from us!"

"Loss is the wounding of a heart; it is the memory that makes it our ruin," Jeremy told her. He had nothing more to offer his beautiful broken daughter because he had nothing to offer himself in the first place, "Family's exist for many reasons but one of the biggest reasons is to come together when someone dies,"

"I can't do this," Sam muttered, "How do I live without her?" It was a simple question that would remain unanswered simply because it didn't have one. It was not a matter of the body; her body would carry on as usual. The problem was located in the word how: she would live, but without the flame, the manner, the methods of living were lost to her. She would live, but she would have to relearn solitude.

"I wonder sometimes Sam," he confessed to her, "if this is it. Everything I see and everything I touch will be a shadow. That nothing could compare now that she's gone,"

Sam looked up to her father's face and knew that she had to be strong yet again. She wasn't the only one that had lost someone important. So they tried to be strong for each other, both failing miserably but appreciating the others effort, "Dad, I think that no matter how much this hurts, it hurts worse than anything I could have ever imagined, but maybe that's the point. We hurt, we come together, and we try our best to keep going. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe anything right now or know anything. Here let me start over. I don't know why this happened, all I know is that it hurts, but we'll hurt together,"

Jeremy Manson looked down on his daughter with pride swelling in his heart. She may be rebellious and a little out there but she was wise beyond her years. This event threw a lot of things into perspective for him and he knew he had to start to appreciate everything he has. He always knew what he had he just never thought he'd lose it. So now he was going to be a little brave and dream a crazy dream that one day the pain wouldn't be so intense and try to make that a reality, "Sam, me and you have to get through this. I think the best thing to do is to have a small ceremony for her and have her cremated like she always wanted. The sooner the better but if you're not ready,"

"Dad," Sam put her hand on his shoulder, "Do what you gotta do. When the time comes I'll be alright. I always am,"

"Yeah, you are," Jeremy sighed, "I wish you didn't always have to be," he removed his daughter's covers and sat up, "Thank you, Sammy," he said affectionately.

"No problem, Dad," Sam took a shaky breath and sat up next to him.

"I called the school and told them you wouldn't be in for the rest of the week. Do you think the ceremony would be too soon if we had it in two days," Jeremy asked her, worry lines creasing his forehead.

"No, it's perfect. It's the winter solstice," Sam tried to keep her emotions in check, "she always said she wanted her ashes to be traveling the wind with the snowflakes on the winter solstice,"

"Alright, I'll go make the necessary preparations," Jeremy made his way for her door, "Oh, and Sam?"

"Yeah, Dad?" she yawned.

"I don't know how much longer any of us can keep Daniel and Tucker from beating down the front door," Jeremy chuckled lightly, "Please call them before I have to call a repair man,"

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips, "I will,"

"Thank goodness," Jeremy breathed as he shut the door behind him.

Sam rose from her for the first time in two days and grabbed onto her nightstand to steady herself. Sam let the dizzy light-headed feeling pass and then changed into her pajamas. She returned to the comfort of her warm bed and comfy black duvet. She let herself have two more minutes of peace them took a gulp of air before grabbing her phone. She flipped it open to reveal 7 text messages, 4 missed calls, and 5 voicemails. The cause of all of those messages? Danny and Tucker.

She drew another breath before she dialed a very familiar number. She pressed Send and awaited the millions of questions she would be berated with when the receiver of the call picked up.

"Hello?"

Of course he didn't look at the caller I.D., "Hey," Sam greeted, her voice distorting from all the crying and screaming.

"Sam? Is that you?" the caller asked, shocked.

"Yeah, it's me. You guys went a little nuts I hear?" Sam asked dryly.

"Ya think? You pulled the whole thing at school the other day and then just disappeared! We came by your house and your dad answered the door in tears! Your dad in tears! I had to topple Danny to the ground so he wouldn't go intangible and fly into your room that second," Tucker yelled into the receiver. Sam had indeed called Tucker first. It's not that she didn't want to talk to Danny or that she needed to call Tucker first it's just that Tucker could usually give her a good damage report more calmly than Danny could.

She could ask about homework, ghost-fighting, and of course how freaked Danny was, "So no run down today, Tuck. Just give me the bare bones on freaked Danny is,"

"He said he was going home to study," Tucker replied.

"Oh, man," Sam sighed. Danny never studied, which meant he was mad and probably went into the ghost zone looking for a fight.

"Can you tell me what's going on Sam?" Tucker said with all seriousness, any joking note had gone from his tone.

"I can't, not yet, Tuck. I will, it's just too hard right now," Sam pushed the words from her mouth as they fought past the knot in her stomach and lump in her throat.

"No problem, Sam," that was the best part about talking to Tucker, Sam decided, he never pressed her when he knew it was serious. But he never could help but throw his two cents into the mix, "Call him,"

Sam scoffed, "I doubt he's not beating down my door this very moment," Sam could almost hear the look on Tuckers face. It was screaming, 'Seriously?', "I will," she assured.

"Good. See you, Sam," Tucker said and Sam nearly hung up when he added, "You're stronger than you think Sam. You can make it through anything, whatever this is, included," Sam held her breath and prayed she wouldn't lose it. For once she didn't want to be strong, she just wanted to be broken, but still his words touched her heart. She gripped the phone tight until she heard Tucker hang up and the dial tone rung out into the silence of her room.

She took a minute to recover and braced herself to make one final call. She had to call Danny. She started to dial his number and then her finger hesitated over the Send button. Something inside her honestly didn't want to call him. She couldn't imagine why, she always wanted to talk to Danny. Why didn't she want to talk to him? She pressed Send anyway and the phone started to ring. It rang only twice before Danny picked up.

"Sam? Are you okay?" Danny was interrogating her from the get go. Sam had an urge to hang up but she fought it.

"Hey, Danny. No, I'm not alright," Sam answered in even tones.

"What happened, you wouldn't talk to us at school then you don't show up the next day? You had Tuck and I flipping out and… Wait, did you say you're not okay?" Danny stopped mid-rant. Sam always said she was fine, whether she was or not.

"Danny?" Sam asked with tears dripping in her very tone.

Danny sensed her mood from her tone immediately and asked as tenderly as he could, "Yeah, Sam?"

"I… I just…" Sam stumbled over her words.

"Sammy, can I come over?" Danny asked sweetly.

Sam nodded not trusting her words. Then she realized he couldn't see her so she spoke, "Okay,"

That was all Danny needed, he hung up and for the second time that night the dial tone filled Sam's room. She felt that was all her room would be filled with from now on, the sound of goodbyes. Sooner than she had expected she heard a tap at her window. It startled her but she got up and opened it anyway. Danny Phantom, in all his ghostly glory, was floating in front of her. Just the sight of a ghost sent her over the edge. Tears began streaming down her face as she dropped to her knees.

When Danny finished his conversation with Sam his heart had been racing a mile a minute and all he could physically do was get to her as soon as possible. He had jumped out his bedroom window while changing and flew as fast as he could to Sam's. He had thought he was worried before but now, as he took in her appearance, he couldn't even think straight. Sam's eyes were puffy and red, she looked like she hadn't slept or eaten in years, and her eyes were empty. That may have been what scared him the most. No matter what scenario, Sam's eyes always held something, when they had fought because of Desiree and she wished she hadn't met him her eyes held anger. The time he turned the test answers in meaning he wouldn't become Dark Dan they were happy. Whenever she argued with Tuck or rallied for a cause they held a persistent fire. Now as she fell to the floor in front of him those unique amethyst orbs held nothing, nothing except for tears.

Danny turned back into a human and knelt down to Sam and wrapped his arms around her, "Sam," he breathed, "Just tell me who did this to you and I'll kill the bastard," Danny seethed his eyes flashing the strongest green they had ever been in human form.

"Oh, Danny," Sam groaned as she sobbed, "She… she's… gone," Sam choked out between the wails that were causing her body nearly to convulse.

Danny knew in his heart what had happened without even needing to hear the exact words. He knew that Sam had suffered the loss of the only person she felt totally connected to. He looked down at her and his heart tore for her. He wanted to stop everything, he, just like Jeremy, wanted to protect Sam from everything. Danny unlike Mr. Manson decided he could and would do his best to do exactly that. He picked up the sobbing form of the girl that had stood beside him through everything and placed her on her bed. He made to detach himself momentarily to cover her but her hands refused to let him leave her. His heart swelled knowing that she needed him, and wanted him, around.

"Danny," she whispered, "I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying from the inside out," Danny realized that the one thing she needed protection from the most, he couldn't do anything about. Sam needed protection from herself and that was something Danny couldn't help with.

"Sam," he savored the name on his tongue, "You don't have to be strong. I'm here so you do whatever you have to so you can through this. I promise I'll help you but you have to promise to come back to me, okay? I can't help you if you don't promise. Sam I need you as much as you need the pain to stop. I know you can't come back to me whole, a part of you is gone or broken beyond repair, but the rest of you is needed here with everybody that loves you. You take all the time you need but you have to promise to come back," Danny was begging her to make sure that not all of her was lost in this.

She looked up at him with her eyes wide and her face stained with well-worn tear tracks. She had heard words from his that she had desperately needed. She needed someone to tell her she didn't have to be strong; she didn't have to be indestructible. So she made a promise she didn't know if she could keep, "I promise Danny," and she took her hand and ran it over his face. She was so tired so she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I would do anything to stop this," Danny whispered to her and stroked her hair as she, for the first time since she heard the news, slept.

The next couple of days were hectic at the Manson household. Everybody was preparing for the funeral with but a few words to each other. All three Manson's were silent, two of which felt as if they were dead themselves but their bodies just didn't know it yet. But they went through the motions, each for their own reasons.

Jeremy Manson was in his study on the phone, "Yes, thank you, of course, today yep, see you there, thanks again,"

Sam stood in the doorway until he had finished his conversation. She was dressed in black dress pants and a black blouse with black flats. Her hair was down and she wore no make-up. When her father hung up she said, "Time to go, Dad. The limo's waiting outside," she saw on him the same as was on her, all black clothing and despair written on his features.

He rubbed his forehead and sighed, "Okay, sweetheart, I'm coming," he rose from his desk and made his way over to his daughter. He took her hand and walked the hallowed halls of the empty house out to the yard and into the limo. They sat side by side, hand in hand, and looked out the window; the familiar silence of the past four days enveloped them once again.

"We've arrived," the driver of the outlandish vehicle called.

Jeremy Manson looked over to his daughter as she braced herself to leave the safety of the limo, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to, kiddo," he said taking her hand, "We can stay in here as long as we want," he tried to smile a bit unsuccessfully.

Sam returned his gaze and knew that if she, they, if they didn't do this know they wouldn't ever be able, "You're not trying to chicken out on me, are you?" she said softly.

He hugged his daughter and whispered, "That's why you're the brave one, my strong little girl,"

She returned the hug and then announced, "Here goes everything," and they both exited the car. They saw the whole field where the ceremony was being held was covered in lilacs and lavender, Ida's two favorite flowers. The seats were under a large white tent and had a podium at the front. The two made their way slowly to where Sam's mother was already seated, at the front. They paid no attention to any of the people around them and waited for the ceremony to begin.

After a half hour of official church sermon's and the like Jeremy rose to his feet.

He walked over to the podium and picked up an urn that held the remains of Grandma Ida as he announced, "Thank you friends and family for being here in our greatest time of need," he took a deep breath to calm his fluttery stomach, "In my hands I have my mother, one of the greatest persons I have ever known. She also had one of the most fiery attitudes," he smiled for a moment, lost in thought, "She always said that she was trapped in a human body and wished to do so much more. She wanted to travel, to improve the world, and most of all to live each day to its fullest. What she said to me before she passed was that she had been cooped up in a body for 67 years and she didn't want to spend the rest of eternity in a box either. So she told me to have her cremated and have her fly on the wind among the snowflakes. So as her wish requests she will spend that time flying across the world," he opened the urn and when the wind was just right… he upturned the jar slightly away from the crowd and Grandma Ida was swept away in a most beautiful performance with the rest of the world's elements. Jeremy stifled a sob as he unconsciously waved goodbye, "Now, I assume you're all expecting a eulogy? I will have the person who knew her best speak now," he looked over to Sam as she rose.

Sam was shaky but steadied herself as she made to stand behind the podium, "Thanks everybody for all you done for us," she said unevenly. She looked at her father who gave her a nod of encouragement. She then searched the crowd and found two boys she loved to see. They both looked at her sadly and lovingly. She searched within and carried on, "I…" she stumbled over her words, "I was broken and all I wanted was for everything to stop and grieve. It was hard accepting anything at first but with the help of some very wise and important people in my life," Sam saw before her and in her mind's eye her father and Danny and Grandma Ida too, "I learned a couple of things about losing someone. See, when you wear all black then kindly irritating strangers will touch your arm consolingly and inform you that the world keeps turning. They're right, it does. However much you beg it to stop. It turns and sends harsh rays of sunlight into my room and I wake up and feel happy for three seconds and then I remember…" she paused trying to keep composed, "It turns and tips people out of their beds and into their cars, their offices, an avalanche of tiny men and women tumbling through life. All trying not to think about the end of it all. Sometimes it turns and sends us reeling into each other's arms. We cling tight, excited and laughing, strangers thrown together on a moving funhouse floor. Intoxicated by the motion we forget all the risks. And then the world turns and somebody falls off and…" she pushed back a sob,

"Oh, god," she breathed, "it's such a long way down. Numb with shock, we can only stand and watch as they fall away from us, gradually getting smaller. We gather in cemeteries, tense and silent as if for listening for the impact; the splash of a pebble dropped into a dark well, trying to measure its depth. But sadly no impact comes and we're just left without closure and the pain of knowing the world keeps spinning. It's a scary thing, the future. For everybody the future is a bit scary, right? Not for my grandma! They say it takes a lifetime to learn how to live but I think my grandma had it down pat the moment she was born. She hated it when people said live like today is your last day. She promised herself that she would live like she was going to live forever and that she had no time to waste. Every day was a gift to her and she used them all so well. She left a wake in her path, so many people that loved her. She would tell everyone the cold truth no matter what and some day's she was the only reason I made it through. She also decided that every day she would list one item that made her happy. She talked about her husband, she talked about books, she even talked about her daughter-in-law. She mentioned cookies and bingo and she never forgot to mention me. A wise man once said to me, "Loss makes the wound; memory is our ruin," but I won't let it be. I'll remember every detail of that rebellious streak she had and how she loved to argue with my parents for me. I'll remember when she used to call out Bubbeh's hot tonight, every time I get a strike while bowling. These great little memories will be with me forever and I will make sure she isn't forgotten. As hard as missing her is, and trust me it's hard, I will live for her because that's what she wanted me to do. Live every day as though we don't have time for the same adventure tomorrow when we live in a world where time just keeps going on," she finished with one tear streaming down her face.

Wow, that was and over-dramatic ham stuffed with cheesy cheese sauce, and garnished with a side of what the heck? anyway as i said the next couple chapters are still set-up this is a seriouso fic so if you came looking for humor sorry to say this one is not quite the case. you haven't forgotten someone important yet/already have you?

R&R!

bye!