When Jane awoke she realized she'd slept through the night, alcohol free, for the first time in months.

Sitting up, she groaned.

Her entire body ached.

Dragging Anna around, getting her leg cut, the emotionally draining events of the months prior- it all combined to leave her dog-tired and feeling like she had a hangover.

Slowly, she threw her legs over the side of the bed. Padding into the bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror.

She groaned at her appearance.

She might have appreciated her even more defined musculature if not for the motives behind it. And any improvement to her body was offset by the dark circles under her eyes, the pallor of her face, the wildness of her hair.

She looked like she'd walked off the set of a zombie movie.

Splashing her face with cool water, Jane took a deep breath and tried to center herself. She felt like she was marching into hell by walking into the living room and she had no idea what to expect.

When Jane found Maura, she was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. She took a long, slow sip before she was alerted to Jane's presence. Jane felt suddenly awkward in Maura's home, like she was trespassing in a place she no longer belonged.

"Good morning," Maura's cool greeting made her heart ache. "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

Maura stood without waiting for Jane's reply, filling a cup and preparing it to Jane's specifications.

"Are you mad at me?" Jane blurted as she accepted the steaming mug. She instantly wished she could take the ridiculous question back. Of course Maura was angry- she had a million reasons to be upset.

Maura frowned.

"No," she replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Just," Jane shifted awkwardly. "Because of last night. It's not that I didn't wanna, you know… I did- I do. But the timing was kinda shitty."

Jane cursed intentionally, hoping Maura's soft chiding of, language, Jane, would bring back some of the familiar give and take between them. She put her coffee down on the counter, waiting.

Maura didn't censor her.

"I'm not angry," she said instead. "You were right. My behavior was entirely inappropriate. I was merely reacting on an emotional level, not thinking. I apologize."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jane said sternly. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I just don't wanna screw everything up between us, Maura. I don't even deserve to be your friend right now, let alone anything else."

Maura's gaze fell.

"But I'm gonna make it up to you," Jane swore. "All of it, as best I can. I promise. I'm gonna earn back the right to call you my friend."

Maura was looking at her strangely. "Why?" she queried hesitantly.

Jane's brow furrowed.

"Why what?" she asked.

"Why would you put so much effort into being my friend?" Maura replied.

Jane felt confusion, and then a primal ferocity that made her want to rage against the world.

It occurred to Jane that no one had ever fought for Maura. Her life had been full of people who just gave up, walked away, washed their hands of her when things got tough.

Jane would never understand how someone could do that to Maura.

It made her normal protective instincts kick into overdrive and she wanted nothing more than to wrap Maura in her arms and shelter her from the world.

She had to take two slow, deep breaths to calm herself before she could respond rationally.

"You're my best friend, Maura," Jane said sharply. "And I love you- that's why."

Maura nodded, stepping shyly towards Jane.

Jane was surprised, but she opened her arms and Maura moved into her embrace.

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's waist, burying her face in Jane's unruly hair. Jane clutched at Maura's back with one hand, smoothing the other through her hair gently.

They stood in the kitchen, content to hold one another. Jane thought maybe she had saved a stadium full of nuns from death in a previous life- she must have done something pretty damn good to have Maura so willing and eager to trust her again.

Eventually, Jane's stomach growled loudly and Maura laughed, unsuccessfully hiding a sniffle as she pulled away.

"Would you like something to eat?" she offered. "I'm rather low on fresh vegetables but if my memory serves me, that's not a deterrent for you."

Jane laughed, and something inside her opened up, made space so she could breathe again.

"Why don't we go out?" Jane suggested. "Your choice- it's been a while since I've had company."

"Me too," Maura admitted, and Jane felt it pull tight around her heart.

"I'm sorry," Jane sighed. "I'm so, so sorry."

"No," Maura soothed, her face falsely bright. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't want you to spend the rest of our lives apologizing to me."

The rest of our lives.

Jane's brain stalled on the phrase, uttered so casually, and she missed the rest of what Maura said.

"Jane?" Maura's voice broke into her reverie.

"Sorry," Jane shook herself out of the trance. "What did you say?"

"I was merely suggesting that you get your apology out now, just one," Maura responded. "And then we can agree that you have apologized sufficiently and start to move forward."

"That sounds fair," Jane nodded. She doubted her ability to stop apologizing, it tended to slip out automatically when Maura got that hurt, haunted look, but she would try. She could apologize in other ways than with words.

"Ok," Maura smiled softly. "Go ahead."

Jane needed the physical tether of Maura's warm, skin so she grabbed her hands. Swallowing harshly, Jane met Maura's eyes with a penetrating gaze.

"I'm sorry, Maura," she said. "I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust, hurt your feelings, pushed you away, lied to you, all of it- I'm so sorry it feels like it will never be enough. I want you to know that it wasn't a reflection on how I feel about you or our friendship, and that it hurt me so much to do that to you. It still hurts me. I'm sorry."

Jane held Maura's gaze but after long seconds, it was too much. She averted her eyes, focusing instead on her feet.

"That was more than one, sorry," Maura scolded lightly. She squeezed Jane's forearm briefly, and Jane looked up.

"Sorr-" Jane stopped short, a sardonic grin on her lips. "Am I allowed to apologize for other things?"

"If you're going to continue to insist on eating at Spike's when it's your turn to choose for lunch," Maura smiled. "Then I should say so."

A silent moment of understanding passed before Jane broke the connection.

"Well right now it's your turn to chose," she said. "And make it quick, cause I'm starving."

Maura smiled, and even though Jane knew they were both forcing it a little, it felt good.

They settled on Maura's favorite café on Newbury, so Jane insisted they stop at her house so she could change clothes.

The late meal was nice, and Jane relished the opportunity to even be near Maura after so long without her. Still, at moments there was a false levity to their words, and a shyness in Maura that cut Jane.

Maura dropped her off at her apartment after they ate, and Jane felt awkward as she unbuckled her seatbelt and searched for the right thing to say.

"Jane," Maura broke the charged silence. "It's ok. We'll work on it."

Surprised at Maura's perceptiveness, Jane shot her a sorrowful, apologetic smile.

"Thank you Maura," she said. "For tonight- for everything."

"You're welcome," Maura replied. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes," Jane nodded. "I guess I better work on a lot more apologies."

Maura grimaced.

"Your family and friends love you, Jane," she told her. "I'm sure, in time, they'll learn to forgive you."

The words rang between them.

In time.

Jane didn't want to wait. She didn't want time to separate her from Maura, from her friends and family.

So much time had been lost already

She knew she couldn't rush their trust, their forgiveness, but it was totally at odds with her nature to wait around.

Opening her door, Jane got out of the car. Leaning down, she looked inside at Maura one last time.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Drive safe."

"I will," Maura replied. "Goodnight."

"Night," Jane said, heading towards her building as Maura's car disappeared into the night.

In the morning, Jane couldn't believe how nervous she was. She wasn't exactly sure what her friends and family would say when she told them why she'd done what she had, but she knew it would be difficult for them to accept the way she'd lied.

On the way to work, Jane stopped at Maura's favorite coffee shop- the one where all the cups were brewed individually and you had to wait forever and the names were all in Italian and Jane felt immensely out of place.

She also grabbed Korsak's favorite pastry, Frost's favorite comic book, Frankie's favorite candy bar. She knew bribery wouldn't make her friends and family forgive her, but she figured it couldn't hurt.

At the precinct, she was acutely aware of the wide berth she'd earned herself. Knowing she would need a little time to prepare, she'd come to the precinct early. She put her gifts of contrition on their respective owners' desks, Frankie's candy bar in her top drawer.

She was surprised when she went down to the morgue and found Maura already hard at work.

"Hey," Jane greeted her. "I brought you some coffee."

Maura immediately recognized the label on the cup and her eyes lit up.

"Oh Jane," she smiled. "Thank you! That's very considerate."

"I was thinking we could go to Parish Café for lunch," Jane suggested. "If you're not busy."

"I'm not busy," Maura replied. "But you're always complaining about Parish."

"You like it," Jane shrugged. "And the chicken salad is ok. One o'clock?"

"Alright," Maura agreed. "I'm sure I'll see you before then. If you don't mind, I really should finish this."

Jane nodded, and when she handed the cup to Maura, they both allowed their fingers to graze, linger.

"I didn't want to interrupt," Jane said. "I'll let you get back to work."

"I don't mind the interruption," Maura admitted softly. "I rather like them, actually. But I really should complete this."

"Sure," Jane headed for the door. "I'll see you later."

Steeling herself, Jane headed back upstairs, knowing Frost and Korsak had likely arrived.

Indeed they had, and both men were speaking in animated, hushed tones, their heads close together.

"Good morning," Jane greeted them evenly.

They looked surprised.

"Morning," Korsak replied gruffly.

Jane wanted to explain, to tell them the truth, but the words got stuck in her throat.

Korsak studied her intently for a long minute.

"You know anything about this?" he indicated the pastry box on his desk.

"Uh yeah," Jane admitted. "About that."

"What do you want, Jane?" Frost asked harshly. "You in some kinda trouble or what? What's with trying to butter us up?"

"No," Jane shook her head, approaching the two men she trusted with her life but who no longer trusted her with their own. "I gotta explain the way I've been acting. If you could just hear me out…"

Neither man responded and she took it as the grudging allowance it was.

Briefly, she relayed the events of the past months, omitting the parts that involved Maura.

"Jesus," Frost swore when she finished. "You shoulda told us. We woulda helped."

"I didn't have a lot of influence in the situation," Jane replied. "I wanted to- I considered it. I'm real sorry for the way I've treated you both. I hope you can eventually forgive me."

"What did Maura say when you told her?" Frost asked, and Jane's eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" she asked.

"Come on Jane," Frost urged softly. "You wanna earn back that trust then now's a good time to start being straight with us. No pun intended."

Korsak guffawed and Jane blushed.

"Yeah, alright," Jane sighed. "She's hurt. But I think we're gonna be ok. She said she understands, that she thought you guys would too."

"We do," Korsak chimed in. "But it's kinda hard to wrap my head around it."

"Well wrap your mouth around that pastry," Frost snickered. "And cut Jane some slack."

Frost met Jane's eyes and Jane swallowed harshly to suppress the emotions welling in her throat. His look conveyed clearly the love and trust that Jane had worried would be gone forever.

"Alright nerd," Korsak snorted. "Read your little picture book and let me get some work done."

The two fell into their routine banter and Jane realized it had been silent, absent, for so many months.

Jane found Frankie, offered him the candy bar and explained. He reacted much the way Korsak and Frost did, although he gave her quite a bit more flak for not telling him, not reaching out.

As she prepared to leave, he pulled her into a brief, crushing hug.

"I missed ya' Janie," he breathed gruffly into her hair.

Jane squeezed him tightly.

"I missed you too," she replied.

Frankie stepped back from the hug and punched her on the arm.

"Ow!" Jane exclaimed. "Hell was that for?"

"Don't you ever go doin' nothing stupid like that again," Frankie warned. "Or I'm gonna have to beat you up."

His tone was light and teasing but the seriousness in his eyes, the compassion, told Jane that it hurt him but he understood.

"You couldn't beat me up if my hands were tied behind my back," Jane snapped laughingly.

"Well let's just see about that," Frankie retorted.

Their playful banter followed them down the hall towards Angela, and when her mother saw them, she froze, her brow furrowing and her eyes darkening in suspicion.

"Good luck," Frankie laughed.

Jane groaned, approaching her mother hesitantly.

"Got a sec, Ma?" she asked.

Not looking up, her mother continued wiping the counter.

"What is it Jane?" her cool tone erased the levity Jane had gained at Frankie's side.

"I gotta tell you something," Jane said. "I want to apologize."

Angela's hand faltered and she looked up hopefully.

"I'll explain it all later if you want," Jane began. She outlined the important parts of her situation, and by two-thirds of the way through Angela had thrown her arms around Jane's neck in a crushing grip.

"Oh Janie," she cried. "I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're ok- I'm never letting you out of my sight again!"

Jane groaned playfully.

"Maaa," she pulled back.

"Did you and Maura make up?" her mother asked insistently. "Go tell her right now- oh she's been devastated at the way you've been treating her."

Jane's eyes darkened, sorrow slipping over her shoulders like a familiar cloak.

"I talked to her Ma," Jane admitted.

"Oh thank goodness," Angela exclaimed. "I couldn't take much more of her tears."

Oblivious, Angela began telling Jane about the barbeque they should have. Jane allowed her mother to happily prattle on for a while before she broke into her mother's rambling.

"I gotta get back to work," she said.

"Alright," Angela grinned, hugging her daughter once again. "I love you Jane."

"I love you too Ma," Jane replied. "And I'm real sorry."

"You're forgiven," Angela brushed her apology aside. "You'll always be my daughter, and I will always love you, but there will be hell to pay if you ever put me through something like this again."

Jane smiled and nodded her assent.

"See you later Ma," she said.

"Family dinner on Sunday!" her mother called after her.

Jane's revelation traveled through the precinct rapidly, likely from Angela's incessant chattering. Some versions of the events got warped- Jane was shot, Jane was kidnapped by child smugglers, but the essential facts got around.

Jane was back.