In the days that followed, Jane could feel herself being accepted again. Things almost started to feel normal, almost started to feel like before.
She did her best to treat Maura better than ever before. Brought her little tokens- coffee, chocolate, wine, flowers, whatever she could think of. She picked Maura's favorite spots for lunch even though it was her own turn to choose. She opened doors and lifted crime scene tape and did anything she could think of to show Maura she cared, that she was worthy being considered a friend.
Maura seemed honestly delighted with Jane's efforts. She reciprocated whole-heartedly and her eager, open affection was compelling. Maura let her touches linger, laughed frequently, thanked Jane copiously for the gifts.
But she still hadn't said, I forgive you Jane, and for some reason Jane needed the words.
Frost and Korsak were easier to win over, well-timed jokes and skimming paperwork from their desks gaining back their familiar comfort with her. Jane bought the first round at the Dirty Robber each night they went out, and stayed sober so she could offer to drive people home.
Her mother didn't require convincing at all, and they fell easily back into their push-pull dynamic.
Frankie invited her to play basketball one afternoon and on the court, where it seemed less like a confession, Jane told him about Maura.
"Duh," he retorted, zig-zagging around her frozen body for an easy layup.
"What?" Jane stammered dumbly.
"I said," Frankie tossed her the ball. "Duh. I knew you loved the Doc from the beginning. Some detective you are."
Jane stared at him for a moment until he rolled his eyes.
"Stop being such a baby and check the ball," he teased. "You get somma that yet?"
Jane checked the ball much harder than necessary, satisfied at the uncomfortable oof that escaped Frankie.
"Don't be such a perv," she warned. "Maura and I are just friends."
"Uh huh," Frankie raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Whatever you say sis."
Jane beat Frankie soundly, and again when he demanded a rematch.
Two weeks had passed since she'd told her friends and family about the job with the FBI, and while it was going to take time to restore the trust she'd broken, she realized that the foundation was still sound. She simply had to keep working to repair the cracks around the edges.
"You'd better call Maura," Frankie's brow furrowed when he looked at his phone as they left the court.
"Why?" Jane felt panic slide up her spine.
"She texted me sayin' she's worried," he explained. "Says she can't get a hold of you."
Jane pulled her phone out, realizing it had been on vibrate while she played basketball with Frankie. Three missed calls. Two missed texts.
"Shit," she swore, knowing they were likely all from Maura. She dialed Maura's number, moving towards her car while it rang. "I'm sorry, Maur," she greeted when Maura picked up. "I was playing ball with Frankie and my phone was on silent. You're ok though?"
"I'm fine," Maura sounded uncharacteristically nervous. "Could you come over?"
"Sure," Jane assented, already heading towards Maura's home. "I'll be there in 15."
When Jane arrived, Maura let her in and then stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, wringing her hands together.
"I could use a drink- you want something?" Jane offered, feeling incredibly helpless in the face of Maura's obvious discomfort.
"No thank you," Maura replied.
"You're sure everything is ok?" Jane tried again, not moving towards the kitchen and feeling frozen.
"No," Maura said uncertainly. Jane's heart clenched and she took a step towards Maura, the urge to pull her into her arms almost instinctive. "Not exactly."
"What is it sweetie?" Jane soothed. "You can tell me anything."
"Are you still attracted to me?" Maura blurted.
Jane's eyes resembled sunny-side up eggs.
"What?" she stammered.
"I," Maura flushed, looking at the floor. The rest of her words came out in a tangled rush. "It's just you haven't… I love that you're trying so hard to be my friend but I don't, uh, I would like it if we were moving towards something beyond friendship. And I'm getting sort of tired of moving towards that point and I would like to know if we're going to get there anytime soon."
Jane tried to control her breathing.
"I'm not sure I understand," she admitted.
"I want you to kiss me," Maura said evenly. At Jane's wide-eyed stare, she looked away. "Among other things," she mumbled.
Jane swallowed and tried to focus through the haze of desire settling around her.
"I uh," she took a deep breath. "I didn't want to rush things, Maura. This is too important to screw up."
"Our relationship is too strong to be shaken by a few missteps," Maura replied. "So I think we should both stop being quite so cautious. That is what I'm attempting to do tonight."
"Be less cautious?" Jane clarified.
"Yes," Maura nodded. "I would like to be less cautious- with you."
Maura's formal, bizarre way of saying, throw caution to the wind made Jane grin.
"That sounds interesting," she rumbled, stepping towards Maura but not touching her.
"What's stopping you?" Maura asked curiously.
"I don't feel like I've earned it," Jane admitted.
"I love you," Maura said, reaching out to stroke a cool hand across the back of Jane's neck, simultaneously using her hold to pull them closer together. "And I forgive you, but you need to forgive yourself or this will always be between us."
"I love you too," Jane softened under Maura's touch. "And I'm trying."
"Good," Maura said. "I'd hate for anything to stop us from being together. Now, I would like you to kiss me, please."
"Don't be so bossy," Jane teased, lowering her head slowly. She slid her hands possessively around Maura's waist. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck.
"I wouldn't have to be so bossy," Maura retorted lightly. "If you would just do what you're supposed to do."
"Well who says-"
Maura cut Jane off by pressing her lips to Jane's. They rested against each other for a moment but the arc of desire between them demanded more. Maura's tongue probed Jane's lips, and Jane opened her mouth to Maura's assault.
The kiss quickly took on a life of its own, growing heated and lustful in moments. Their hands roamed, Jane's sliding under the hem of Maura's shirt to find smooth, warm skin. Maura rasped her nails lightly against Jane's neck.
"Take me to bed," Maura ordered breathlessly.
Jane was helpless to deny Maura.
Running her hands down to the backs of Maura's thighs, she lifted the smaller woman, never breaking the staccato rhythm of their kisses. Maura's hands roamed Jane's body as Jane carried her towards the bedroom, and when Maura hit a sensitive spot Jane slumped against the wall, cursing.
"Language Jane," Maura scolded breathily.
Jane groaned and Maura giggled, making desire pool in Jane's gut along with an almost violent sense of possession.
Jane released Maura at the foot of the bed. Maura's body sliding down hers was a match striking, the delicious friction eliciting a moan from both women.
Without hesitating, Maura climbed up onto the bed. Jane watched with dark eyes as Maura laid back against the pillows, extending a hand towards Jane in invitation.
Jane crawled up the bed predatorily, pinning Maura beneath her. Maura's legs spread, allowing Jane to rest between them.
Suddenly unsure of herself, of the raging emotions inside, she avoided Maura's lips, instead making a slow descent from her earlobe to her collar. Jane kissed and nipped her way down, trying not to leave a mark but knowing it was inevitable.
When she reached Maura's collar, she tugged on the hem of Maura's sweater.
"Off," she urged. Maura obliged, removing the offending garment. Jane closed her eyes against the rush of blood pounding in her ears at the sight of Maura topless. "Bra too," she added, not at all surprised by how deep her voice was.
Maura lifted, unclasping her bra and sliding it off.
"So fucking perfect," Jane growled. She leaned back and adjusted her position so that both hands were free. Trailing them slowly up from Maura's hips, Jane's hands covered Maura's breasts and they both moaned.
Maura's breasts were slightly too large for Jane's long fingers and she loved it. The smooth, alabaster skin made her mouth water.
"I thought I'd lost this chance," she hissed. Her voice was dark, so deep and raspy, she almost didn't recognize it.
"No," Maura moaned. "You didn't."
"If I had," Jane laved her tongue across one of Maura's nipples and Maura squirmed beneath her. "It wouldn't have been worth it. Now that I know… nothing compares to this."
Leaning down, Jane pulled a pert nipple between her teeth and tugged. Maura writhed under her, nails biting into Jane's forearms. Jane's hand manipulated Maura's other breast in counterpoint. With her free hand, Jane grazed Maura's torso, tracing the flowing curves of her silhouette.
"Jane," Maura moaned. Desire spiked through Jane like lightening, consuming her like a flash fire.
"Again," Jane ordered.
Maura struggled to understand, her eyes finding Jane's.
"Say my name like that again," Jane commanded darkly.
"Earn it," Maura countered breathlessly.
Jane moved to Maura's other breast, puling it into her mouth. She licked across the nipple repeatedly, mimicking her plans for other parts of Maura's anatomy, before nipping harshly.
"Jane," Maura cried. "Oh god. I've missed you so much."
Jane moved then, pressing her lips desperately to Maura's. The heated tangle of their lips and tongues was groping and wet. The erotic feel of Maura's tongue, tentative at first and then bold, commanding, was nearly overwhelming.
Maura's hands roamed every inch of Jane's body they could reach. Jane knew she was being greedy, possessive, knew that Maura deserved so much more, but she couldn't seem to slow down.
She thought of all the ways she had hurt Maura, of all the things she had done wrong. She thought about how easily Maura had forgiven her, about the selfless, compassionate things she had done to help Jane the night she brought Anna to the doctor's house.
Jane tamped down on her own desire as best she could, determined to worship Maura the way she deserved.
Maura was trusting herself to Jane despite the fact that Jane still wasn't sure she deserved that trust, so she was going to show Maura that she could be what Maura needed.
Pulling back, Jane pressed a soft kiss to Maura's cheek, nose, forehead.
"I love you," Jane rasped. "So much."
"I love you too," Maura replied, her hand stroking Jane's cheek softly. Jane turned, kissing Maura's palm.
Jane sat back on her heels, looking down at Maura. Flushed, naked from the waist up, her hair tangled and her eyes dark, Maura looked like a goddess. Jane wanted to dive into her and never come out.
Maura squirmed slightly under Jane, her eyes seeking out Jane's in the dim light of the room. There was no shyness there, but Jane could see uncertainty- as if Maura thought Jane was going to pull away and abandon her.
"Nothing could drag me away from you now," Jane rumbled. "If the earth opened up right here I wouldn't move from this spot."
Maura's lips turned up, her eyes softening.
"For someone who claims to have trouble with words," she teased. "You're doing an awfully good job."
"I just don't want you to doubt," Jane sighed, her head bowed. She felt something in her gut swirling violently. "I want you to know, to be certain, of how I feel. I know that I've given you a lot of reasons to doubt me over the last few weeks, and I can't take that back. But from this point forward I will do anything, everything, to make you sure."
"I am sure," Maura laced her fingers through Jane's. "But don't take that to mean I wouldn't mind a bit of reminding every now and then."
"Well let me start right now then," Jane grinned, and the way Maura's eyes darkened and her lips parted went straight to her core.
"By all means," Maura allowed gracefully.
"I love…" Jane scanned from Maura's hips to her eyes before focusing on her chest. "Your heart." She leaned down and kissed the skin over Maura's heart, lingering for a minute.
"Oh?" Maura asked shakily.
"Uh huh," Jane confirmed, lingering over the smooth skin there. "You're so kind and gentle and caring, sometimes it makes my heart ache at how lucky I am to have you in my life."
Jane sat up, once again scanning Maura's body.
"And your hands," Jane sighed dreamily, picking one up to kiss each finger. "So delicate and strong. They are so beautiful. Sometimes just looking at your hands makes me shiver."
Maura swallowed harshly.
"You don't have to do this," she whispered, so soft it was almost inaudible over their ragged breathing.
"You don't get it," Jane was bewildered. "Do you?"
Maura looked up at her curiously, brow furrowed.
"You are," Jane paused, trying to find the right word. "Phenomenal. Amazing. Perfect. You're everything to me. I want to tell you, to show you, all the reasons why. I can't do that in just one night- it'll take a lifetime to even come close. But let me try, starting now."
Maura nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. Jane brushed it away tenderly.
"Hmm," she pretended to consider. "I love your big brain." She pressed a line of kisses across Maura's forehead. "Sometimes it's annoying as hell, but I love how smart you are. I'm honored that someone as intelligent as you is willing to be around someone like me."
"You're very-" Maura tried to interrupt but Jane stopped her by pressing a finger to her lips.
"Right now it's my turn," Jane said softly.
Maura nodded her agreement, kissing the tip of Jane's finger.
"Oh, and your stomach," Jane ran her hands across the smooth plane of Maura's abs. "I know I make fun of yoga but if it helps keep you looking like this I'll just shut up." Maura squirmed a little and Jane's head snapped up. "Maura Isles, are you ticklish?" she asked in faux shock.
Maura bit her lower lip and tried not to smile.
"A little," she admitted. "Some scientists believe it's a physiological response alerting us to a threat, such as bugs or parasites crawling on the body."
Jane laughed, loudly, her head thrown back carelessly.
"I don't care what science says," she grinned. "You're ticklish!"
"Well it's not like it's something I can control," Maura sighed dramatically, practically pouting.
Jane lightly trailed her fingers across the same spots that had elicited Maura's reaction the moment before, delighted when Maura smiled and squirmed.
"Just another thing I love about you," Jane breathed, pecking Maura briefly on the lips. Maura wrapped her hand around the back of Jane's neck, trying to pull her in and deepen the kiss.
"Uh-uh," Jane scolded lightly, leaning back. "I'm not done."
"Jane," Maura groaned. "I'm glad that you love me but certain parts of me are getting a bit frustrated."
Jane laughed.
"Patience is a virtue, Maura," she admonished teasingly.
"I don't want to have patience," Maura sassed. "When I want you inside me."
Jane shuddered involuntarily and bit her bottom lip as white-hot desire threatened to derail her plans.
"In a minute," she purred.
Returning to Maura's breasts, Jane put one hand over each, her palms rasping against the nipples. With her fingers splayed wide open, she massaged gently.
"You have the most amazing breasts," she growled. "When you lean over at work and I can see them, spilling out of those damn dresses, I just want to reach over and nibble on them so everyone else knows they belong to me."
To emphasize the point, Jane did just that. Bending down, she placed her mouth against Maura's succulent flesh and began marking her.
Maura's breathy sighs were making her almost delusional with the need to claim her.
"They're mine," Jane nipped harshly, causing Maura to gasp in surprise.
"Yes," Maura agreed.
Jane moved her lips up, tugging Maura's earlobe between her teeth. She ran her hand over Maura's breasts as she worried the skin with her lips and tongue.
"You're mine," she breathed into Maura's ear.
"Yes," Maura repeated.
"And I'm yours," Jane promised, leaning back to meet Maura's gaze.
Maura's eyes were glassy, her lips swollen, and she nodded.
Jane sat back and reached for the waistband of Maura's pants, deftly flicking them open and coaxing them off Maura's legs. She wasted no time, taking Maura's delicate lace panties too.
There would be time to enjoy Maura's taste for expensive lingerie later.
"Your legs," Jane ran a palm up the outside of each leg, from ankle to hip. "Jesus they're so fucking sexy. When you flaunt around the precinct in those skirts, I want to grab you, wrap those legs around my waist so I can feel your skin against mine."
Maura attempted to wrap Jane up in just that way but Jane put a hand on the inside of each knee.
"Later," she cautioned. "I've got other plans right now."
Starting at Maura's ankle, Jane kissed a trail up each leg, ending with a kiss to each hipbone.
Maura was trembling under her, and Jane was feeling lightheaded from the look in Maura's eyes, from the exertion of holding her own desire at bay.
Finally, Jane set her sights on Maura's center. The glistening skin was covered in a dusting of hair and Jane sighed.
Finally.
With her thumbs, Jane gently parted Maura's folds, her heart beating so hard she thought she might pass out.
Using her hands, Jane thoroughly explored Maura, trying to focus on what made her squirm, sigh, clench the sheets between her fists. When she slid a finger home inside of Maura, Maura gasped.
When her lips touched Maura for the first time, Jane thought she must have died. Surely nothing could be this good. Given the way she had acted lately, she should have been punished. And this sweet, sweet torment was too good to be anything but absolution, forgiveness.
She worked her tongue through Maura's folds almost greedily, the noises Maura made driving her blindly forward.
"Jane," Maura's voice trembled.
Jane looked up, and Maura was gazing down at her with a piercing look that made Jane's hands shake.
"I want to feel you," Maura added, reaching a hand down towards Jane.
Jane accepted, moving to lie partially across Maura's torso. She pressed two fingers back inside of Maura grazing her thumb across Maura's clit.
Maura clutched at Jane's body wildly, her fingernails digging into Jane's flesh.
"Jane," she moaned, her body quaking.
Jane felt a rush of power more heady than anything she'd ever experienced. She doubled her efforts, using her free hand to manipulate Maura's breast. Stretching to her full height, she found Maura's lips with her own, kissing her softly, at odds with the frenzied movement of her hand.
Maura clearly had other ideas, and she sucked on Jane's tongue, kissing her with a ferocious passion that momentarily distracted Jane. When her hand stalled, Maura bucked her hips wildly, urging Jane back into motion.
A few more seconds of the glorious feeling of Jane's fingers inside her and the firm strokes against her clit was all it took to push Maura over the edge. Jane wanted to watch, to see Maura's face as she was suspended in the sweet agony, but Maura held her close.
Obliging Maura's need for the contact, Jane released Maura's breast, wrapping her arm around the smaller woman to pull her close. Maura shook for what seemed like an eternity, Jane's fingers drawing out her pleasure until she couldn't take any more.
Jane rested her forehead against Maura's collarbone, distantly aware that she herself was trembling almost violently.
How could she have so recklessly gambled this away? What if she had been wrong? What if she had never known this feeling?
It was only then she realized she was trembling because she was crying.
Maura seemed to climb through a fog to find her.
"Jane?" her concerned, breathless voice made Jane pull her closer. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane tightly, holding her close.
"I'm sorry," Jane whispered. "For everything I put you through. I'm so sorry."
"I forgive you," Maura said. "You did a good thing, Jane. You wouldn't be you if you didn't think of others before yourself. It's one of the many things I love about you."
Jane inhaled deeply, soaking in the scent of Maura's sweat and skin and lingering hints of her perfume. Rolling over, she pulled Maura to rest on top of her, worried that her weight must be crushing the doctor.
"I won't do it again," Jane swore. "Now that I know… if I lost this. I'd die, Maura."
Maura cupped Jane's cheeks in her hands and urged Jane to meet her eyes.
"You'd do it again," Maura said with conviction. "I wouldn't expect any less of you. I love you for who you are, Jane, not for who you think you should be."
"I don't want to lose you," Jane admitted, herself afraid of the very thing Maura had just expressed. She was afraid that, in a similar situation, she might do it again. Her life was certainly not worth that of more than a hundred children, but Maura's was.
"You won't," Maura assured her. "No one has ever loved me like you do. I'd be a fool to throw that away." Maura sucked Jane's lower lip between both of her own. "Now if you don't mind, I'm very curious if you taste as good as you smell."
"Maura," Jane breathed harshly, exquisite agony in her voice.
Maura took advantage of her position on top of Jane, sliding her body against Jane's erotically. Jane's eyes closed.
"Take your shirt off," Maura ordered, already tugging at Jane's shorts. Jane complied, whipping her shirt off.
She realized that she was wearing a sports bra, that she smelled of sweat and that she wished she'd thought to shower for Maura. She took off the bra and tossed it aside, wincing.
Maura sensed her discomfort.
"You're perfect," Maura said matter-of-factly. She stroked Jane's breasts firmly, skimming the nipples with her thumbs.
"I'm all sweaty and gross," Jane scoffed.
"I love the way you look when you've just worked out," Maura admitted, continuing her erotic assault on Jane's breasts. "Your muscles are all so artfully tensed, and the way you smell… sometimes just thinking about it arouses me."
Jane groaned, and it turned into a choked sobbing sound when Maura put her nose against Jane's curls and inhaled greedily, pausing for only a second before running her tongue firmly through Jane's folds.
"Hmmm," she hummed. "Better than I imagined."
Maura used her lips and tongue to explore every intimate inch of Jane, driving Jane to the brink of insanity and then easing off time after time.
Eventually, Jane snapped.
"Please Maura," she gritted, looking down at her eager lover.
Maura seemed surprised when she met Jane's eyes. She blushed, and Jane bit her lip.
"Sorry," Maura apologized, her voice a breathy whisper. "I got a bit carried away I guess. You just taste so good, and your skin is so soft."
Maura's heady words and the steady movement of her lips and fingers pushed Jane over the edge into a trembling mass of desire and release. Slowly, Maura pulled back and crawled up Jane's body to lie on top of her.
"I can't wait to do that again," she sighed dreamily, and Jane's body twitched beneath her.
"You're going to kill me," Jane rasped, a choked laugh escaping her.
"I've not encountered any research that suggests orgasming could result in death," Maura yawned.
Jane rolled her eyes and laughed.
"Ok," Jane allowed. "But there's a first time for everything."
Maura rolled slightly to the side and tucked herself up against Jane, her head in the crook of Jane's neck. Pulling the comforter over them, she placed a chaste kiss to Jane's shoulder.
"I love you Jane," she said.
"I love you too," Jane responded, and she soaked in the absolute perfection of going to sleep with Maura, naked, in her arms.
"Goodnight," Maura whispered.
"Goodnight," Jane returned, kissing the top of Maura's head softly.
Jane wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep, her thoughts running a mile a minute, but Maura's warm, soft body and her gentle breathing soothed Jane into slumber.