Winter

Christmas 1915 was approaching and Edith's grief was starting to lessen. She still missed Bill terribly, but was able to think back to their time together with great fondness. Sybil had decided to take on some hours at the local hospital and Edith checked in on her brother-in-law most days to make sure he was getting his rest and wasn't over doing it. Sybil and Branson had told the family about their marriage and tensions from the announcement were running high in the house.

One afternoon Edith came in to find Tom sitting in the library after a confrontation with her father. When he had been working as the chauffeur he had always seemed so self-confident and cocky. She noticed a vulnerability about him since she had started to get to know him that she had previously never recognized. Edith thought back to the times he had shown her patience and kindness when everyone including herself would have given up on her. She had mentioned her disagreement with Mary and he had suggested she try apologizing. "He is a nice man, if the rest of them would just give him a chance," she had thought to herself.

That evening Edith joined Mary in her room while she was dressing for dinner. Anna had already left as Edith was still wearing black so didn't need her help.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Mary said. "I thought you would be helping the invalid."

"Tom's not an invalid, Mary. He's just weak. He will get well soon enough. Sybil is back from the hospital. She can see to him." Edith was nervous and a bit fidgety as she moved to sit on the footstool in Mary's room.

"I for one am certainly glad Papa hired a new chauffeur. It was dreadfully inconvenient without one."

"Yes, the new one seems competent," Edith looked at her hands. Her words came out in a rush. "Mary, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for writing to the Turkish Ambassador. I wish I had never done it."

"Your apology won't mend the trouble you caused."

"I know that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I don't want to fight anymore."

"I'll accept your apology for what its worth," Mary said turning back to the mirror.

"We should go down," Edith said rising to her feet and moving to the door.

"I'll be down in a minute."

Once Edith left the room Mary took a hanky out of her vanity and dabbed her eyes. Part of the mess she was in was Edith's fault for spreading gossip, but the majority of it was her own fault and there was little she could do about it. If she had accepted Matthew Crawley when he first asked her instead of worrying so much about status and position, she would now be married to the man she truly loved.

Christmas Day was a difficult one for Edith. She put on a brave face and took part in all of the holiday celebrations but part of her couldn't help thinking how she had expected to be a married woman by now. Sybil and her husband had seemed so happy together during the family gift opening that Edith couldn't help but envy them and wish that it were she and Bill sharing the day.

That afternoon Edith accompanied Cousin Isobel and Sybil to the local hospital. Surely there was something she could do for the patients. The hospital was full of the injured from the war. The sight of so many men with serious injuries pushed her out of self-pity and into action. Cousin Isobel directed her to first take a teacart around the ward and dispense tea or water as needed. Many of the men were lonely and asked her to come back and talk to them after she had finished her rounds. Isobel asked her to sit with three or four of the men who either couldn't read the letters they had received from home because their eyes were bandaged or couldn't write due to their injuries. Two of the men asked if she would come and visit again. Edith noticed how the men in the adjoining beds listened to the letters she was reading aloud as if they were looking for the tiniest thread of normal in a world that had been turned inside out. She resolved to start coming to the hospital at least two or three times a week to visit the injured and made arrangements with Cousin Isobel before she left for dinner and the evening's festivities at home.

The rest of the holidays passed pretty much the same as every other Christmas at Downton had over the years with one exception, Sybil's husband. Edith dreaded Mary's social maneuvering at her parent's parties. Mary's jibes and petty comments had slowed since Edith's apology but her desire to be the center of male attention at every gathering hadn't diminished one bit. At the first soiree Tom had attended at her grandmother's insistence he had made sure Edith was included in the socializing in the drawing room and deliberately started a conversation about farming with some of the men to allow her to shine. His naturally charming personality coupled with Granny's reinvented background had made him an instant sensation among the guests. Edith would miss her sister and brother-in-law when they moved to their own place in York although Edith suspected the others would be glad to have the constant reminder of Sybil's rebelliousness out of the house.

By mid February Edith was out of mourning attire and a regular visitor at the local hospital. There didn't seem much to do on the home farm in winter and she was rather bored. One of the men who had recently been brought in asked her if she could obtain a copy of an agricultural circular, as he wanted to catch up on the news before he returned to his family farm.

"I didn't know there were circulars dedicated to farming," Edith said. "I've been taking an interest in the home farm on my family estate but there doesn't seem much to do in winter."

"There is always more than enough to do on a farm," replied the Lieutenant. "I was looking into winter crops before I left for the war last year. The seed is the key and ordering it well in advance. There are all sorts of new theories. I studied agriculture at the University of Aberdeen."

"I didn't know there were courses at the universities," Edith said. "I find it all very interesting."

"There are a few schools offering agriculture and there are lots of books and circulars. I think there are even some courses offered by post."

"That is very interesting. Tell me what you know about marketing of produce? Last fall our farm produced more than we could use, yet the avenues to sell the goods seemed rather restricted."

Their conversation continued for another half hour with a few of the other men who were up on the topics they were discussing joining in. By the time they were finished Edith had a number of new ideas to look into and promised the Lieutenant that she would look for the circulars the next day when she was in Ripon. The men would have happily kept chatting longer, but she had ended their conversation when she noticed the Lieutenant starting to tire.

Edith stopped by the hospital on her way back to Downton the next day to share the assortment of agricultural circulars she had found in Ripon with the Lieutenant. She had been surprised at the variety of topics to do with agriculture that were available. He had been very happy to get a copy of the particular publication he was interested in and pointed out an article that he though she might find interesting.

On the way out Edith stopped to talk to Cousin Isobel.

"Your visits are making a world of difference for many of the patients. It's a shame there is no where for them to go for a convalescent stay," Isobel Crawley remarked. "As soon as they are well enough to walk they are sent home. So many would benefit from extended rest."

"Mama and Papa won't give permission for even a few of the rooms to be used," Edith said. "But they won't listen to me. You and Dr. Clarkson will have to convince them. If you could convince Mary it might go a long way. Sybil is only at the house once in a while for the odd visit. I doubt they will listen to her."

"Have you given any thought to what you might do with your time?"

"I'm still interested in the operation of the home farm," Edith said. "One of the officers told me he studied agriculture at university. I thought I might look up some books. I've got a number of circulars to read through. I have to find something to occupy my time."

"Well, you know my views. I think women should be allowed to pursue their own interests. I wish you luck with it."

Over the next few days Edith eagerly devoured every word of the circulars she had purchased. She went through the books on agriculture in her father's library but found most of them were out of date and didn't take into account any of the latest innovations in machinery or new methods of harvesting. She was frustrated with the lack of information available to her and decided to write to the university in Scotland. She also decided to talk to the estate manager and obtain a list of projects that were planned for the home farm until spring planting.

Three weeks later a course catalogue along with a letter outlining the application procedure arrived for her. Edith looked at the catalogue with trepidation. Her father still mentioned from time to time how much he regretted allowing Sybil to attend nursing school in London. He would never allow her to go to Scotland. The college listed an Associate Program that could be done through correspondence. Undertaking applied projects could award some of the credits. She found the course descriptions rather confusing and decided to show the catalogue to Sybil and Tom the next time she saw them as they had both attended college and would understand things better then she.

A few days later Lord Grantham had a late meeting in York and Edith asked if she might accompany him under the pretext of dropping off a hamper from Mrs. Patmore for her sister.

"Tom had said you called, Edith. He said you had something you wanted to share with us."

Sybil and Tom didn't have a telephone at their flat, so Edith had called him at work. In Edith's mind they didn't have much of anything but Sybil was always happy to see her, which made the flat more inviting in turn.

"I've received a course catalogue from a university in Scotland. They have an Associate Degree. I didn't understand it all so I wanted to ask your advice," Edith said while reaching into her handbag for the catalogue.

"Goodness, I would have no idea," Sybil said after looking at the section Edith indicated. Nursing has a predetermined curriculum so there is no choice of courses. Tom would have a better idea than me. He'll be home soon."

Sybil continued unpacking the hamper Mrs. Patmore had sent while Edith sat on a chair at the kitchen table.

"I don't think Papa would let me attend the actual university," Edith said. "That's why I was thinking of correspondence."

"No, I doubt he would either especially as I tricked them into sending my fiancée with me for the interview process. They'll expect you to come home with an unsuitable match as well. I'm sorry I've ruined your chances, but I'm not sorry I went to college or that I tricked them."

"Sybil, what did you get up to on that trip?" Edith teased her.

Sybil's bright red face was its own answer.

"Can I ask you something?" Edith questioned. She started fiddling with the edges of her handbag.

"What is it?" Sybil had finished unpacking the hamper and started setting the table for tea.

"Where you frightened? I mean the first time."

Sybil stopped what she was doing and came to sit with Edith.

"I was mostly upset. I had said, "No" then things just sort of happened when I was least expecting it. I don't regret it though."

"I was frightened," Edith confessed. She still hadn't looked at Sybil. "It isn't right how they never told us anything."

"Bill?"

Edith nodded a tear trickled down her cheek.

"Don't regret it Edith. You loved him."

"I don't regret it. If I ever have children I don't want them raised that way. In a way I wish I had gotten pregnant."

"You'll find someone. They might not satisfy Papa or Granny, but I'm sure you will."

Just then they heard the key in the latch and Tom came in. Edith had dabbed away her tears and put on a brave smile before he entered.

"There you are, darling," Sybil greeted him. "Look at the lovely care package Edith has brought us."

"Hello, Lady Edith," he said. "It's nice to see you."

He walked over to give Sybil a quick kiss. It embarrassed Edith slightly that they were so open with their affections in front of other people, but at the same time she thought it must be nice to be self-assured enough to allow it.

"Hello, Tom," she replied.

"Edith's brought a course catalogue. Can you look at it for her? I can't make heads or tails of it," Sybil said.

"Yes, I'd be happy to after tea. What's for tea? I'm starving."

"Go clean up," Sybil pushed on his shoulder.

"His illness certainly hasn't affected his appetite," Sybil commented when Tom had left the room. A devilish smile was directed at her sister, "for anything!" she continued in a conspiratorial tone.

Edith blushed and began to giggle covering her mouth with her hand. She got up and helped Sybil place the food on the table.

Tom read through the catalogue after tea flipping back and forth from the full program to the Associate Program.

"The Associate Program isn't that much different than the first two years at the university," he finally said. "They have a working farm in Scotland. Time is divided between class work and time spent at the farm. For the Associate Program you have to send regular reports on a project you have chosen and that has been approved by the university plus complete written course work. After the two years you can decide if you want to transfer to the full time program for the next two years."

"I think I would like to do the Associate Program or at least try," said Edith. "I don't know if Papa will allow me to make decisions about the farm though."

"I don't know farming, but I do know politics," her brother-in-law said. "If you make a good financial argument he won't have much choice. The food shortages are going to get worse the longer this war lasts."

"You maybe right," Edith replied. "The home farm is there to supply the estate and it costs money to run. I was trying to get some of the extra produce to market last fall. I had some success but it was difficult."

"It always seemed silly to me, to leave the orchards to the deer after the household was supplied," said Tom. "I used to go down and pick a few baskets once the workers had left. The rest went to waste. I'm sure there are lots of projects you could find to do."

"Thank you for your help," Edith said. "I'll have to think this all over."

"Don't get discouraged," Sybil said. "I'm sure you can figure out something. You know the farm as well as father, perhaps even better."

There was a knock at the door. The chauffeur was there to collect Edith for the return trip. Edith rose to leave and thanked them both for their help again. She sent off her application to the university a few days later. Somehow she would find a way to convince her father, but first she had to be accepted.