Chapter 21: A Stubborn Woman
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.
He drove, muttering all the way to La Push, and slung his car keys across his worn out dresser when he reached home. Using more force than necessary, they skidded across the surface landing with a metallic tinkle among the dust bunnies residing behind it. Crap, he was not in the mood, and now he had to pull out the dresser, and rummage through the pile of dust to retrieve them.
Pulling the decrepit piece of furniture away from the wall, two of the loose drawers slipped out of their tracks landing on his feet. Billy heard him cussing as they thudded loudly.
His dad was already asleep and startled awake, when the racket started. He yelled from his bed, "What's goin' on in there, Jacob? I thought you were at the Swan's tonight."
"Change of plans." Big change.
"Had a fight, eh?"
Jacob picked up the strewn clothes hastily, returning them to the drawers and placed the wooden containers on his bed. "It was a pseudo-fight, okay? I left before it turned ugly."
"Well, these things happen. I'm going back to sleep. Tell me about it in the morning."
"Sure, sure." After I finish banging my head against the wall!
He pulled at the wooden monstrosity once more, creating deep gouges in the floor. This time the effort allowed enough room for his hand to reach behind the object. The keys glinted among the grey tufts of neglected sediment. Getting on his knees, he reached for them. His fingers finally curled around the keychain, cutting a canyon through the residue—no time to do any spring cleaning at this time of night.
Just wanting to get in his own lonely little bed, he pushed the damn dresser back into place and shoved the drawers onto the tracks. There! He flung himself onto his lumpy mattress, one arm resting across his forehead, and shifted uncomfortably. Jeez—was it always this small? How quickly he'd forgotten. These past few, months he had shared a double sized bed Charlie had gotten them. Sighing, he closed his eyes.
Bella … she had to be the most stubborn woman on the face of the earth. Didn't most women want to get married? Wasn't getting an engagement ring some big deal? Maybe that was the problem. He didn't carry a ring with him. He would try to fashion one this week, while she was busy mulling his proposal around in that head of hers. After all, he had sooo much freakin' time on his hands—after going to classes, doing more classes online, patrolling, taking care of Billy, cleaning up his home and doin' the laundry, helping Bella with her housework, and working a part time job. And what did he get for his efforts? A crushing blow to his chest, that's what. Why are you doing this to me? she had told him. It was still ringing in his ears. Jacob was doing everything in his power for her, not planning something awful to impose upon her. He wanted them to be together, always. Was that such a bad thing?
She had to think about it? What was there to think about? He loved her; he wanted her to be his wife. Then a creepy thought entered his mind. Oh god, had Renee convinced her that he wasn't husband material? Was that it? He was young, but mature in many ways. He'd work his fingers to the bone to keep her, to take care of her. Responsibility was impressed upon him at an early age, and he'd never faltered yet.
He flipped over onto his side; he needed to sleep—or forget, or both, dammit! Hours passed and images of Bella danced in his brain, mocking him. He scrunched up his eyes tightly, hoping they'd leave him alone. They didn't. Visions of her deep chocolate eyes with her long lashes, taunted. Those pink pouty lips, that shy sweet smile, the river of soft chestnut hair, that beautiful belly bump housing his child—the belly bump—that did it. How could he sleep when he wasn't snuggled up to Bella, inhaling her scent, and feeling her soft skin next to his? He was used to the little fella moving around inside of her and kicking him throughout the night too. It sounded strange, but it was sort of comforting, like crickets singing outside the window, lulling him to sleep.
All his frustration and anger was pushed aside. He'd only been away from his Bella a few hours and he missed her already. Okay, he'd give her some space to decide. He didn't want to be like that leech, always telling her what to do. But right now, he couldn't shut down and relax until he was with her again, to make things right. He scrambled out of bed, and scooped up his keys. On it was a key to the Swan's residence that Charlie had given him, so he wouldn't need to be climbing the tree to get to her. He hopped into the rabbit, and was back on the road to Forks.
Jacob had no trouble navigating through their home even though all the lights were out. He could hear Charlie snoring in his bedroom, but the noise coming from Bella's made him flinch. She was softly crying. He made his way up the darkened staircase and tiptoed toward her bed. She was facing away from him, and didn't hear his silent footfalls. He sat at the edge of the mattress, listening to her hitching breaths with each sob.
"Bells … he whispered." I'm sorry, honey. I'm so, so sorry. We can talk about this another time okay? I had to come back; I can't stand it when things aren't right between us."
He got under the covers spooning her closely. As his hand traveled to the front of her shoulder, she grasped it tightly, drawing it to her chest. Jacob leaned his head closer, nestling it along the side of her neck, inhaling that essence of Bella. He felt his tense muscles relax, and felt Bella doing the same.
"Please don't leave me, Jake," she groaned.
"I'm not gonna leave you, Bells—not now, not ever. I love you too much to let you go."
Morning came much too soon and the Swan household was buzzing with activity. Charlie raced off to the station, Bella and Jacob to their respective schools.
After his classes ended, Jacob went to his own home to capture any pearls of wisdom Billy could throw his way. Standing in front of his dad at the kitchen table, he immediately sought out some fatherly advice. "Why do you think she acted that way, Dad? What did I do wrong—besides getting her pregnant, I mean?"
Billy put the sandwich he was eating down on his plate. "I don't know that you did anything wrong. Bella loves you; she's just scared of marriage in general. You know your mother and I had a very happy marriage. I love her to this day. We'd still be married if fate hadn't interfered, but Charlie and Renee—they didn't fare as well. I guess Bella has never seen what a good marriage looks like, especially one where the couple are so young."
"But that's not fair. I'm not Charlie and she's not Renee—thank god."
Waving his hands, in a warning gesture, Billy continued. "I wouldn't push the issue, Son. Give her some time, don't rush her. If she feels she's being backed into a corner, she'll claw her way out of it, and you'll be the unfortunate casualty. You know how stubborn she can be."
Jacob, rolling his eyes, quipped, "Bella … stubborn? Phht! Whatever gave you that idea?"
With the conversation still meandering in his brain, he decided to get busy on the ring, and he knew just where to get some fixings for it. Sue Clearwater made jewelry from polymer clay. She even had some that were silver when baked. He begged two little pieces from her, along with a mini heart clay cutter; after all, it was for a good cause. Sue instructed him in how to use the clay, the workings for the rest of the ring was right up his alley.
He cut out the hearts; baked and polished them. The remaining task would have to wait; he was anxious to have that talk with the little woman.
Bella was busy making dinner when he arrived in the Swan's home. He walked up behind her as she worked at the counter, snaked his arms about her middle, and nuzzled her neck just for the fun of it. Good thing his arms were long; a lesser man could never make his hands meet around that baby bump.
He waited until after eating to have the discussion. No sense ruining dinner. As they snuggled on the couch, Jacob carefully broached the subject. "I'm sorry about last night. I was so hurt, I just couldn't see straight."
Lowering her head, Bella cuddled closer. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to yell. You just took me by surprise, that's all. I wasn't prepared."
He wanted to see her face, so he gripped Bella's chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it up toward him. There was only sincerity in her eyes. He brushed her hair gently away from her forehead.
"Okay … can we talk about this now? I need to know … is it maybe my culture, or are you still hung up on my being younger than you?"
Her head swiveled back and forth in astonishment. "No … no … why would you even ask that? It had nothing to do with you—you know that, right?"
"Yeah, I guess I did know that. But, then what is it? What are you afraid of? Look, I'm … I'm just trying to understand here. I'm willing to listen to anything you have to say. So, do you want to tell me why you were so upset last night? I promise I won't get mad."
Her bottom lip started to quiver. She finally blurted, "I'm afraid we'll end up like my parents. You'll change and we'll wind up living separate lives, hurting each other and our children. I don't want that to happen. I can't stand the thought of getting divorced. Besides, what difference is a piece of paper going to matter, now?"
Jacob took a big gulp of air. He was treading in dangerous waters. His super-cute comebacks, and glib remarks were not tools he could utilize at this moment. He pulled Bella's arm so that her torso was turned in his direction, his hands encircling her wrists.
"All right, I get your point, but tell me something, Bells. Do you really think you could be anything like your mother? Let's face it, there's only one Renee. And I am definitely not Charlie, plus the only changing I would do is to stop phasing. Believe me, that is one change we would both actually welcome.
"Here's the thing though. If we don't get married now, how do I know you won't keep putting it off and then go marry some other guy? He'd be a father to my child and it'd kill me, Bells—absolutely kill me. I want you and my baby with me forever. That baby is mine; I don't want another man raising him.
"One more thing and then I'll stop. You said what difference can that little piece of paper mean now? My question is what difference will it make if we do have that little piece of paper in our hands? You said it yourself; with or without it, we're still together. I really want you to marry me, but don't make your decision now. Think about it and tell me when you're ready."
She struggled to get her arms around his neck, and whispered, "This really means a lot to you, doesn't it?"
Jacob nodded, and leaned his forehead against hers.
Charlie waltzed into the room and winked at Jacob. He left after picking up a sports magazine, executing a fist pump as he darted up the stairs two at a time. Jacob took this as his cue to get in a little more intimate lovin' even if it was on the couch. And Bella wasn't complaining one tiny bit.