A big butt spider just went running across my floor and I tried three different times to kill it with one of my 700 page books, but amazingly it survived. It pulled itself under the safety of my bed and disappeared so if this is my last update ever, then all of you know I was killed by the giant spider seeking revenge. As my last wish, it would be great if everyone would review! If by some wonderful miracle, God sees fit not to let the spider cause my untimely death then I promise I will be updating again within the next few days!
Thanks!
Renee
It was funny, Tony had never realized how much silence was in his life until he was faced with noise.
A lot of noise.
"Tony!"
Stepping out of the back seat of Gibbs' car, he was greeted with a gentle bear hug by Abby.
"H-hi Abby."
Abby gently pulled him up the walk as Gibbs followed them slowly, keeping a close eye on Tony.
"Hiya sweetheart! Welcome home!"
Tony paused at that.
Home.
Welcome home.
Wow.
His lips twitched into a smile and he squeezed Abby's hand.
"Thanks Abby."
"Come on everyone's waiting on you!"
Tony glanced back at Gibbs.
"Everyone?"
Gibbs grinned and nodded towards the door.
"You've gathered quite the fan-club."
His brow gathered with both curiosity and anxiety, but he continued walking strengthening his grip on Abby's hand and double checking to make sure that Gibbs was close behind.
Abby pushed open the front door and and Tony looked in shock at the sight before him.
A large banner hung from the ceiling with Welcome Home handwritten in bright blue paint. There was a large cake sitting on the coffee table and several strange people standing in the room along with two smiling faces that started towards him the moment he entered the room.
"Tony!"
Without thought the boy moved to them.
"Mayer, M-Miguel."
The two older men hit their knees and pulled Tony to them somehow managing to move around each other to hold the boy at the same time. Tony buried his face in the men's collective chests and felt their relief at seeing him safe.
"Oh Tony. My niño." Miguel whispered.
Mayer buried his face his Tony's hair and took a deep breath, before letting go.
Tony took a half step back and to both the men's surprise looked behind him, his eyes searching the room until he caught sight of Gibbs. Seeing the other man, Tony grinned again and nodded to himself before turning back to his friends.
"I've m-missed you. B-both of you."
"We've missed you too Tony."
The three of them stood in silence, simply soaking in each others presence before a sneeze interrupted the reunion.
Tony started and looked behind him, meeting the eyes of a guilty looking Abby. The man next to her frowned and elbowed her in the side.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the moment."
Tony reached out and squeezed her hand.
"It's okay Abby."
Abby stuck her tongue out at the man next to her who rolled his eyes and grinned.
"See Timmy, Tony understands."
Mayer and Miguel both stood and greeted Gibbs who nodded back.
The man who elbowed Abby kneeled down so he was on eye level and smiled at Tony.
"Hi, my names Tim McGee but you can call me Tim. I work with Gibbs and Abby."
Tony glanced up at Gibbs who smiled at him and nodded.
"Hi T-Tim. I'm T-Tony. It's nice to m-meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
A dark haired woman that Tony vaguely recognized came to stand next to Tim.
"Hi Tony, my name is Kaitlin Todd. I'd love it if you would call me Kate. We met the other day."
Tony nodded.
He definitely remembered. He didn't want to, but he did. He pushed the memory out, he was living with Gibbs now, that meant he didn't have to think about certain things anymore. He focused on the warmth in the woman's dark eyes.
"I r-remember, it's n-nice to see you again."
Kate smiled at him, her face lighting up.
"It's wonderful to see you, I can't wait for you to try the cake, Abby decided that this would be a good chance for McGee to learn how to cook so she set him loose in Gibbs' kitchen. There was flour on every thing including McGee. It was a mess. We'll have to show you the pictures."
Tony looked over at Tim who was turned bright red and sputtering as Gibbs whirled and glared at him.
"McGee...what did you do to my kitchen?"
Abby leaning in close and whispered conspiratorially.
"Don't worry Tony, I have a back-up cake just in case."
Everyone looked up as the door swung open and an irate Ducky and an ashamed looking younger man stepped into the room.
"Honestly Mr. Palmer, I can't believe you missed the turn!"
"I'm sorry Doctor Mallard!"
Kate laughed and looked at the men.
"You got lost on the way to Gibbs' house? Seriously Palmer?"
The man shrugged and opened and closed his mouth helplessly.
Tony found himself pitying the man even as he grinned. None of the people in the room who were all showing varying forms of irritation actually seemed upset and the young man didn't seem anything worse than embarrassed.
Ducky seemed fed up with berating his friend and turned his attention to Tony.
"Ah my dear boy, I see you are being bombarded with well wishers. A bit much for you yet? I was concerned that having your party the day your were released would be hazardous to your recovery but Abigail would not be persuaded otherwise."
Tony shook his head and looked at all the people in the room, who suddenly seemed exceptionally worried about his response.
"I'm f-fine Ducky. Thank you."
Ducky smiled and turned to Gibbs and the two began speaking in low voices while the other man stepped closer very slowly.
"H-hi. I'm James Palmer. You can call me Jimmy if you want."
Tony felt an instant liking to this one. Something about him just felt...okay.
"Th-thanks Jimmy. You can c-call me Tony."
Jimmy smiled at him and Abby stepped back forward holding a spatula.
"I don't know about you guys, but I am starving. Come on Timmy, let's check out this cake!"
Gibbs spoke up from behind the eager agents.
"And then Timmy you will be cleaning my kitchen."
Tony's lips quirked when he saw McGee glare at a laughing Abby and reply.
"Yes Boss."
Miguel chuckled at the childish banter that was starting between the agents but started when Mayer elbowed him. Looking to where the other man was gesturing his eyebrows nearly met his hair line at what he saw.
Tony was slowly edging away from the mass of people and Gibbs was doing the same. The two met in front of the couch and Gibbs opened his arm, pulling Tony to his side. Tony looked up at him for a brief moment before melting into his embrace, closing his eyes and relaxing into the safety he knew was being offered.
Miguel and Mayer both blinked in shock. They had never seen him so relaxed.
Ever.
Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder and kneeled down, asking him something that the men couldn't hear. Tony's response caused Gibbs to laugh making Kate and Tim stop their chat and stare at the man incredulously.
Kate whispered just loud enough for Miguel and Mayer to hear.
"What. The. Hell."
"I don't know. He just...laughed."
Abby grinned and leaned on McGee while Ducky nodded knowingly.
"For such 'intrepid investigators' you all have missed so much about Jethro. Tony needs Gibbs, that is obvious, but I think you all missed how much Gibbs needed Tony. I firmly believe that there is a reason he and Tony kept running into each other, what is it Gibbs says about coincidences?"
"There's no such thing." McGee muttered.
"Exactly. I do believe those two were meant to find each other. They needed other."
Miguel and Mayer looked back at Tony and Gibbs.
The older man was smiling down at Tony who was leaning against him, the both of them talking quietly, not paying attention to the rest of the room.
They needed each other.
Yeah. Yeah they did.
XxxX
Tony stood in a room that was half the size of his previous one. The walls were a faded pale blue with three bookshelves, a dresser, and a desk crammed into the space. Tony stepped farther into the room and looked closer at the shelves. All his favorite books from the library were on the shelves, from the childish picture books to the mystery novels to the science texts, they were all there. Tony smiled as he ran a finger down the spine of the one books. Turning to another shelf he saw it full of DVD's and old VHS's. Leaning closer he covered his mouth when he recognized the titles.
It was every movie he had ever watched with his mother. Filling an entire three rows of a shelf were DVD's and VHS's. Memories that he had filed away. Moments that he had clung to.
"We gave him the list and he went and tracked down everything. Every single title. Added some of his teams favorites in there too I think."
Tony turned and saw Miguel and Mayer at the door.
"Can we come in?"
He nodded and the two stepped in, pushing the door shut behind them and moving around each other with an ease that could only be brought about by years of friendship and fighting for one thing.
Fighting for Tony.
The two sat on the bed and watched as Tony continued looking at the movies and books, letting his hand reach out and brush certain titles as he thought of the memories that occurred with them.
Without facing the men he whispered.
"The books?"
"We told him your favorites. The rest we assumed he picked out himself."
Picked out himself.
Tony suddenly found himself fighting back tears.
He turned to the men.
Seeing the water in his eyes, Mayer opened his arms to Tony and pulled him over to them, settling the boy between them.
"Tony?"
He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling a tear slip down his cheek.
"I d-don't know what to do."
"What do you mean niño?"
"I'm so sc-scared I'm going to mess this up. Gibbs has b-been so n-nice but what if he ch-changes his mind? What if I'm not g-good enough? What if f-father is r-right and I really am-"
The word stuck in Tony's throat but they all knew what he was going to say.
They had all heard it screamed throughout the house during senior's drunken rampages.
It was the word that echoed in all of Tony's nightmares.
The word that to him defined his very existence.
Worthless.
Mayer turned and trapped Tony's face in his hands.
"Tony, you listen to me. If you never hear another word I say, you listen to me now. You are an amazing young man. Smart, funny, kind, an amazing person, and Agent Gibbs sees that. That man down there cares about you. He sees how important you really and truly are. He isn't going to quit on you and he isn't going to send you away. He understands that you are something special and you matter so much to him already. I know you haven't know him long, but you already trust him don't you? You already care about him."
Tony nodded and whispered.
"That's the pr-problem."
Miguel wrapped his arms around his shoulders and rested his forehead on Tony's shaggy hair.
"Tony, let Gibbs take care of you. Let him love you. You deserve someone to love you. You don't have to be scared of him."
It was silent for a moment before Tony's voice, shaky and quiet spoke up.
"I'm n-not scared of him. I n-never really w-was. I think th-that scared me m-more than anything. Do...do you r-really think he could l-love me?"
Mayer and Miguel looked at each other his head before speaking. Already that man had showed more protective instinct and more caring towards Tony than his father ever had. Tony seemed to gravitate towards him and Gibbs always welcomed his presence. They completed each other. If they weren't already father and son, they would be soon.
"Yeah Tony. I think you've finally found your family."
…
Gibbs leaned his head against the wall and sighed.
He didn't mean to listen in on the conversation, but while walking by he had overheard Tony saying he was scared and paused, wanting to make sure he was alright.
What he had heard next was not what he was expecting.
He rubbed the back of his neck and squeezed his eyes shut as he thought about what he overheard had revealed.
Hadn't anyone ever told him that he was loved?
He isn't scared that I'm going to hurt him, but the idea that I could care about him…
That shocks him?
Gibbs swallowed hard and turned back down the hall, not wanting to hear anymore.
This was their moment.
When Tony was ready to talk to him, he would.
XxxX
"Here it is."
Tony blinked, and titled his head to the side running through a mental checklist to make sure he was really seeing what he was seeing.
The concussion has been resolved.
All the painkillers are out of my system.
No new hits to the head.
Okay no excuse, so that must actually be a-
"Nice b-boat."
Gibbs smiled and led the boy down the stairs.
"Thanks, it's not quite done yet. Want to lend a hand?"
Tony looked up at the man, his eyes worried.
"I-… I don't to m-mess it up..."
Gibbs handed Tony a sander and began to guide his hands down the ribs of the boat.
"You won't mess it up. I promise. Just go with the grain."
Tony looked nervously up at him and began to sand, the two worked in silence until Tony murmured something to himself.
"What?"
Looking to the man, Tony gave him a small but genuine smile.
"Sawdust. Your c-coat smelled of sawdust. I w-would sleep with it in my p-pillow so I could smell it. It...it made me f-feel safe."
Tony shuffled his feet anxiously while Gibbs stopped guiding his sanding. The two stilled and regarded each other, Tony somewhat cautiously, worried that he said something wrong, Gibbs staring deep into his eyes.
"It made you feel safe?"
Tony nodded.
"I'm glad. And I am very sorry it took me so long to make you safe. I should have been there sooner."
Tony glanced at his feet then back up to Gibbs.
"You c-came Gibbs. That's what's important. You kept y-your promise. You d-didn't make me go back. You...you d-did more than anyone else."
He bunched his mouth up and whispered so quietly that Gibbs could barely hear him.
"You brought me home."
Gibbs swallowed against a tight throat and turned the boy back to the boat, beginning to sand again.
"Yeah I did. And no ones taking you from here. Ever."
Tony gave a quiet sigh of contentment and leaned his back against Gibbs' chest as the two of them worked on the boat.
The rhythmic sound of the sanding was the only noise as each were lost to their own thoughts.
When Tony began speaking quietly, their movements didn't slow, but Gibbs' looked down at his boy, listening intently.
"I used to h-have this p-pen pal named Spencer. He l-lives in Las Vegas. I used to th-think he knew everything. He's k-kind of a g-g-genius. He always s-s-said that intelligence c-c-can't be accurately qu-quantified, but I th-think that j-just means he's too smart for his own g-good."
Gibbs smirked and raised an eyebrow, curious to where this was going.
"We w-were t-talking about sky-diving once and he t-told me about f-f-free falling. He said that a f-free fall is any m-motion of a body wh-where its weight is the only f-force acting upon it. There's nothing else p-pushing it, t-telling it where to go or wh-what to do. No one m-making it be anything b-but what it is. It's j-just g-going, just falling. I n-never really understood th-that, but I always w-wondered what it would be like."
Tony's voice faded out and his hand slowly wrapped his small fingers around Gibbs' strong hand he whispered.
"I think I know wh-what it feels like now."
Gibbs squeezed his hand, he understood.
"Is it what you thought it would be?"
Tony smiled and leaned against him.
"Better."
…
It was dark.
Not scary dark, not comforting dark, just dark.
Tony looked around himself, confused.
Where was he?
The park. He was at the edge of the park, standing in the trees. He looked past the branches and saw the pond and the figure of a man standing by the water.
Gibbs.
Tony smiled and reached his arm out to wave but a grave voice made him freeze in his tracks.
"Where are you going Anthony?"
He turned and looked and saw the man, standing close to him. Shadowed and hidden, a silhouette against the trees. His outline revealed his frightening stance, he stood so tall, towering over the boy, with arms longer than Tony himself, his hands wide and strong. His fingers were long and misshapen, they made his back burn just looking at them. The figure reached out for him and began to chuckle.
Tony gulped and tried to back away but he couldn't move. He looked down and saw that his feet had become a tree trunk, bound together and firmly rooted into the ground.
He opened his mouth to try to speak, but a branch wrapped its' way around his mouth and began to squeeze.
Tony squeaked as the air was forced out of him.
"What do you think you are doing Anthony? Did you think you could leave me? Where would you go? Who would want a worthless little screw-up like you?"
Tony whimpered and squirmed but was unable to get away as the figure began to move towards him.
He looked past the dark man to see Gibbs but the man was didn't see him, he was walking away.
'No! Come back! Please!' Tony screamed but the words wouldn't come out.
The shadowed form encroached closer.
"You can't get away from me Anthony. You'll never get away."
The man's arms reached back and let loose, coming down to strike and Tony looked into the cold eyes of his father.
"You're mine Anthony."
The screams were nothing like Gibbs had ever heard. He was out of bed and half way down the hall with his Sig in hand before he realized he was even awake.
"Tony?"
Running towards the sound Gibbs flung the door open, ready to face whatever was attacking his charge.
"Tony?"
The room was empty except for the boy who was thrashing on the bed, tears streaming down his face as he cried out. Gibbs set the gun on his dresser and hurled himself to the floor, landing with a grunt on his bad knee. He leaned over Tony, gently placing one hand on the side of Tony's face and pulling the boy to him.
"Tony, Tony you need to wake up. Come on kid, it's alright. I'm here, you're going to be alright. I'm right here. Everything's okay."
Tony flinched at the contact but began to settle when he heard Gibbs' voice. Gasping, his eyes opened and frantic green met Gibbs' concerned blue.
There was a brief moment were they both froze and then Tony whispered.
"You're here."
He threw himself out of bed and wrapped his arms around Gibbs' neck, nearly knocking the man to the ground. Gibbs held the sobbing boy to his chest and allowed him to cry, rubbing small circles on his back and murmuring nonsense.
"You're okay Tony. You're alright. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."
Tony's breathing began to slow and his grip slowly loosened. He began whispering something into Gibbs' chest, but he couldn't quite catch what he was saying.
"Tony? I can't hear you bud, what did you say?"
Tony drew his face back and looked up at Gibbs, his eyes still wet with tears.
"I'm s-sorry Gibbs. I d-didn't mean to w-wake you. P-please don't be angry."
The boy was shaking in his arms and Gibbs could see conflicting emotions in the boys eyes. The need to be close to him, to feel safe and free from his nightmare but the same fear that he was going to turn him away or be angry at the intrusion. Tony knew, he knew, that Gibbs wasn't his father, he wouldn't be upset with him, but just coming out of a nightmare, confused and disoriented, he did the first thing he could think to do.
He apologized.
D*mn that man. When I find him I swear...
Gibbs pulled him back to him and pressed his face back up against his chest, carding his fingers through his hair, careful not to let his anger bleed into his voice.
"Tony, it's alright. I'm not upset. It was a nightmare, it wasn't your fault. I'm not angry. Are you listening to me? I'm not going to get angry with you, I promise. You're okay. Everything is alright. I'm here. I'm here."
Gibbs settled himself on the ground and leaned against the nightstand, holding the boys weight as Tony clung to his shirt. Tony drew his legs up so he was curled up on Gibbs lap and took a shuddering breath.
Feeling the boy start to calm, Gibbs spoke quietly.
"Tony? What happened?"
"M-my father… I c-couldn't g-get away"
...it's going to be a slow death.
Gibbs sighed and tightened his grip on Tony.
"Your father's not going to bother you again Tony. I promise. I'm going to take care of you. You're mine now."
Tony stiffened and looked up at Gibbs.
"Y-You really mean th-that?"
Gibbs nodded.
"Yeah Tony. I mean it. You're mine and I'm yours. You're safe."
Tony smiled at him and buried his face in his shirt.
"W-will you st-stay?"
Gibbs laid his head on top of Tony's.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Tony wearily nodded his head and closed his eyes, Gibbs' shirt still gripped in his hand.
Gibbs felt rather than saw Tony fall back asleep, but couldn't find the will to get up and put the child back in bed. He shifted into a more comfortable position and closed his own eyes.
He rubbed small circles on the boys back, breathing in the scent of his hair, the salt of tears mixed with minty sweetness he couldn't put a name too.
The scent of his son.
He whispered again.
"I'm not going anywhere."
The room was quiet as the new tiny family fell asleep.