a/n: well hello all. here's another chapter. sorry it took so long to update. it was like writers block and then camping fml without wifi. it was awful, guys.
Please read review and enjoy. (: okay woo.
JJ shifted to move. She had been holding onto Riley for at least fifteen minutes now. They had just sat together silently.
"JJ don't go," Riley begged, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears again.
"I won't," JJ whispered. Riley grip on JJ tightened, as if letting JJ go would destroy her.
"I'm just so scared….of everything," Riley whispered.
"I…" JJ wasn't sure what to say. JJ was the media liaison and she was usually so good at talking this out, and using her words to control people and persuade them but at that moment, she didn't know what to say to fix anything.
"You don't have to speak," Riley whispered, as if she had read JJ's mind, "I'm just talking out loud. I'm not looking for answers. There aren't answers," Riley said shaking her head. She snuggled her head into the crook of JJ's neck.
"Hey JJ?" Riley asked.
"Yeah, Riles?" JJ replied.
"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" Riley asked.
"No," JJ said pausing, "But I believe that all things done for the sake of love have a reason. Everything will turn out fine," she murmured.
"There's a plan," Riley whispered, "We just…don't know what it is yet, right?"
"Right," JJ agreed, even though she wasn't totally sure.
.oOo.
It had been a few weeks since Emily and Riley had returned from the hospital. Riley's wounds were almost healed and physically everything was starting to get back to normal. Emily was always tired because she was constantly up with Jennifer. Being a single parent of a little boy and a teenager was hard enough, but then there was a new born as helped Emily with Jennifer and Declan as much as possible, but she was still feeling uncomfortable in her own home with her mom all the time.
"Riley will you change Jennifer? I need to call JJ…and Hotch," Emily groaned. She looked exhausted.
"Sure," Riley nodded quietly and went took Jennifer out of Emily's arms.
"Dec," Emily called anxiously.
"Right here," he said quietly. She turned around quickly and saw him on the couch reading a book.
"Hey, bud, would you be okay with hanging out with Jack or Henry for a little while today?" Emily asked softly.
"Yeah sure. How come?" He asked.
"I just need some time with your sister…we need to talk, you know?" Emily asked.
"Yeah, I know," He nodded, "What are you gonna do with Jennifer?" He asked.
"I'm going to see if JJ or Derek will come over and watch her, while Riley and I talk," Emily explained.
"Ok," He nodded. Emily pulled out her phone and called Hotch.
"Hotchner," he answered.
"Hey, it's Emily," she said with a small smile.
"Hey how are you?" He asked.
"Exhausted," she groaned, "hey are you busy today?"
"Just hanging out with Jack and Beth. Why what's going on?" He asked chuckling.
"How do you feel like adopting another boy for the day?" Emily asked.
"Absolutely. We were going to go to the park and then out for pizza. Declan into that stuff?" Hotch asked laughing.
"That would be perfect, Hotch. Thank you soooo much," Emily exclaimed.
"I'll swing by in a few to pick him up," Hotch said.
"I owe you," Emily said.
"An extra stack of paper work once you get back and we'll call it even," Hotch teased.
"Deal," Emily agreed.
"Bye," he said and hung up. Emily then called JJ, asking her to come babysit Jennifer. JJ agreed instantly.
.oOo.
The door bell rang.
"Declan would you-?" Emily called.
"He left with Hotch a half an hour ago!" Riley called irritated that Emily forgot.
"Can you get it?" Emily called.
"Changing the baby's diaper!" Riley reminded her, rolling her eyes.
"Right, uh, sorry!" Emily called, as she pulled yet another load of laundry out of the wash and loaded it into the dryer.
"I'm sure," Riley muttered under her breath. Emily, frazzled, left to answer the door.
A few minutes later Riley came down stairs and entered the kitchen. She saw JJ bouncing Jennifer on her hip.
"JJ?" Riley asked surprised, as she climbed onto a stool.
"Hey, Riles," JJ said with a smile.
"Not that I don't always love to see you...but why are you here?" Riley asked suspiciously, "And why did you send Declan with Hotch for the afternoon?" She said, beginning to turn to Emily.
"Because you and I need to talk, Riley," Emily said. Riley turned around angrily, not noticing that JJ was walking away with Jennifer, to give the two some privacy.
"There's nothing to talk about!" Riley exclaimed, "Why didn't you ask if we could talk first?"
"Because I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you Riley. Because I'm sick of asking you and begging you and trying to work shit out, when you're not willing to say two words to me!" Emily exclaimed.
"No," Riley said shaking her head, "There's nothing to talk about. I have nothing to say," Riley cried, hopping of the stool. She began to walk away when Emily grabbed her hand.
"Then I'll talk, and you'll listen," Emily said firmly, "Riley I know shit went down and that I screwed up, but I'm still your mother and you have to respect that!" Emily exclaimed.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Riley cried.
"What happened is my fault. I take the blame for it all. I should have told you about Ian so much earlier than I did. I shouldn't have left. I should have gone to my team instead of trying to deal with him myself. I should have never let him get to you or Declan. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. I shouldn't have had sex with him. But I did. I can't change what I did. And what I did, gave us a beautiful little girl. I shouldn't have gotten involved with Ian like that, but I did and she's here now and I know you don't like her! I know you have issues and-" Emily said, practically in one big breath, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Did JJ tell you what I told her?" Riley asked quietly.
"What?" Emily asked, taking a breath. After all that and Riley wasn't even mentioning something related?
"Do you know why I have issues with Jennifer?" Riley asked again, and Emily shook her head no.
"It's not because I'm bitter, or I think that she's a mistake or anything like that. I don't resent her. I don't regret her. And I don't hate her. I hate what's happened to her. How she's going to want to know what happened to her father," Riley whispered.
"Oh my god, Riley," Emily murmured. That had never even dawned on Riley.
"Mom," Riley said, using the word 'mom' for the first time in a while, "I shot her dad, and then you put a bullet between his eyes. You killed Jennifer's dad," Riley said, putting it into perspective, "Did that even occur to you?"
"I didn't…I never," Emily stuttered.
"No kidding," Riley said, shaking her head, "Do you think that when she grows up and learns the truth, she will ever love me? Ever want to have a relationship with me? With the girl that killed her dad?"
"Riley…It's just…" Emily was on the verge of tears.
"It's just what, mom?" Riley asked, exasperatedly.
"It's just a mess. I know. But…do you remember what I said to you in Italy?" Emily asked. Riley shrugged.
"That we need to stick together… because we're all we have," Emily whispered.
"You used to be my best friend…not just my mom," Riley whispered, as she wiped a way a few rogue tears.
"And now?" Emily asked.
"It's just not the same. But I want it to go back to the way it was," Riley said.
"Me too," Emily nodded.
"When I…you know," She motioned to her wrists, "I wanted it to go back to normal, and I thought that I had to forget it everything that had happened to do that," she explained, "And now I have these scars and I'll never forget," Riley said quietly.
"Scars remind us where we've been, Riley. They don't have to dictate where we're gonna go," She said, reach for Riley's hand.
"I have scars too, babe," she murmured, lifting up her shirt slightly to let Riley's hand trace the scars on her abdomen from the stake Ian put through her. Riley pulled her hand away as soon as she realized what her mother was doing. Releasing the bottom of her shirt, Emily unbuttoned the flannel and showed her the clover branded into the top of breast, "I have them outside and on the inside."She moved Riley's hand to touch the clover.
"Did it hurt?" Riley murmured, tracing the clover gently. Tears were sliding down her cheeks.
"The branding...or the shame?"Emily replied, equally quiet. Riley didn't answer. She just stood there looking at the clover.
""I think I just have to come to terms with this all. Say, 'it happened' and then move on," Riley said shrugging.
"That's gonna be hard...not an easy task, so instead of doing it alone, can we move on together?" Emily asked.
"Yeah. Okay. I think we can," Riley nodded. The stood there awkwardly and quietly for a moment.
"Mom," Riley said quietly.
"Yeah?" Emily said.
"Will you hug me like you used to…just hold me?" Riley requested, her voice cracking.
"I will. And I won't let go," Emily promised. She wrapped her arms around Riley and Riley held on tightly.
"I really missed you and I'm sorry, mom," Riley whispered into her ear.
"I missed you and I'm sorry, too," Emily whispered back.
"I love you, Riley," Emily said.
"I…love you, too," Riley said, returning the 'i love you' for the first time since Italy