When the Dark Lord woke up, the first thing he did was head to the kitchen. As always, another pie (a peach one this time) was waiting for him on the countertop. It was true, he hadn't only ordered Narcissa to make him pies for dinner. He also had ordered her to make them for breakfast and lunch, too.
He quickly gobbled up the pie and slowly headed to his newer bedroom. It was puzzle time! He picked up the box for the puzzle with a picture of dead puppies. He dumped the pieces onto the floor and sat, thinking. What if Harry Potter had found his Horcrux? That thought had never crossed his mind before. He brushed the thought away. The chances had to be a million to one that he would discover it. What a coincidence that would be! He laughed at himself for being so stupid. He worked on the edge pieces of the puzzle for a while. When he was done and it looked like the dead puppies had only heads and no bodies, he began working on the middle pieces. This was probably the hardest puzzle he had ever done- two hundred pieces! His previous record for puzzle with many pieces was one of dead Harry Potter- another he had created himself. It had had 150 pieces.
It was true that time flew when one was having fun! Before he knew it, Voldemort was finished with his puzzle and it was time for lunch. He waddled to the kitchen (he couldn't walk well, he was gaining more weight with each pie) and wasn't surprised to see a key lime pie waiting for him. He got out a fork, thinking of how boring it was to eat with a fork. So he immediately abandoned the fork, picked up the pie, and smashed it right into his own face. It was a new experience. He licked at the pie with the pie tin still on his face. Soon the pie tin fell off, so he picked it back up and licked all the rest of the pie out.
Just then, Lucius walked in. "CRUCIO!" shouted Voldemort automatically. Had Malfoy still not learned not to interrupt the Dark Lord? Obviously he had not! Lucius collapsed onto the floor, screaming. Voldemort smiled, feeling powerful again. "When will you ever learn?"
When Lucius settled down, he said, "Soon, My Lord."
"Soon? Soon is not soon enough. I will be torturing you every time you forget. Then you will learn," said Voldemort.
"Y-yes, my Lord," replied Lucius. "But why were you-"
"Ask no questions!" shouted the Dark Lord. "What I do is none of your business!"
Lucius bowed submissively and exited the room. Voldemort also left the room, but for a different reason. He had eaten too much pie again and had to go lie down on his bunk bed. He gazed at his belly, knowing that he should lose weight. But what if he died tomorrow? He might as well eat as many of Narcissa's delicious pies as he could.