Nathan hung in the water, watching the marine ballet unfold before him. Wow. It was like, all graceful and shit, but totally brutal at the same time. A tinny rattle made him look over at Toki. The young Norwegian dropped his noisemaker and held up a grease-pencil slate.
'We dos sumthng?'
Nathan kicked over to his side and took the slate.
'Like what?'
Behind the dive mask, Toki's eyes looked blank for a second, then looked over at the activity happening a few meters away.
'El ca'nt et hole guy, ca'n t?'
Nathan looked over to where an eight foot long moray eel was doing it's best to swallow the dive master whole. The diver had put up a pretty good fight at first, but once the eel had chomped down on his head, things went downhill. Nathan thought about picking up the dive master's fallen spear gun, but at this point hitting the eel anywhere was just going to get the dive master stabbed, too.
'If it can get past the tank I think it's possible.'
'Hough we feyend shraks?'
'Jesus, I feel like I'm talking to Skwisgaar. Your written English is fucking awful.'
Toki scowled and flipped Nathan off. The lead singer grinned and wiped the slate clean on his dive skin sleeve.
'I still have 2,000 pounds of air left. Want to see if we can find sharks? I'm not leaving until I see a fucking shark.'
'Sharks sopozd tu slep in caves. Let's luk in caves!'
Toki let go of the slate, letting it tumble down until it hit the end of its tether. The rhythm guitarist kicked towards the nearest cave opening. Nathan turned to watch the eel choke down the dive master. Satisfied that he was completely dead, Nathan turned to follow Toki.
Something shot out of the cave, grabbed Toki and took off down into the drop off.
Nathan let out a muffled cry, but something else shot by him. It was the invisible chick from the boat; her legs merged into a big fin. She paused on the edge of the drop off and turned towards Nathan.
"Stay here!" she ordered.
Later, Nathan might have wondered how she spoke underwater and came through loud and clear, but he was too busy watching that big fin ripple and change until it resembled the moray eel that had so recently eaten the dive master. The totally-not-a-sea-witch turned and dove down into the depths.
JB swore to herself. She thought she was just here to babysit a couple of morons that were borderline post-human. She didn't know she'd be protecting them from phorcydes! What the hell would a phorcyde want with a metal guitarist anyway? Were they hungry? Why would they risk snatching a borderline post-human? If it was just coincidence, then Dethklok officially had the worst luck in the universe.
"Hey asshole!" JB yelled. "That's mine! Get your fins off!"
The phorcyde paused in its headlong flight and turned to face her. This one was a particularly fish-like creature, looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon and Abe Sapien from the Hellboy series had spawned. Toki was struggling weakly in its grip. By the way he pawed at his ears and mask he was having trouble adjusting to the sudden change in pressure.
'Great,' JB thought. 'Even if I get him back in one piece he's going to get the bends going back up.'
The phorcyde hissed at her.
"Be gone, Fae! This one has power! He is ours now! We'll eat him and gain his power!"
"He's not for eating!" JB snarled. "Piss off!"
Toki seemed to remember his training and finally managed to equalize the pressure in his head by holding his nose and blowing it at the same time. Beneath the phorcyde, JB could see a few more of the creatures lurking forward. They looked like fearsome monsters, but Johnny Betty saw things a bit deeper. She was used to monsters and she saw how ragged the fins were, how dull the scales, how thin the bodies were. These phorcydes were starving.
On the one hand, that might make them easier to defeat, but on the other, it would make them desperate, too.
It's not like she could say anything about eating humans to survive.
The sea monster-in-training curved her now eel-like tail around in an intimidating posture.
"You can hunt here; I won't deny you the chance to eat. But you can't have that one!"
The two phorcydes not clutching Toki exchanged a look.
"Who are you to give us permission?" the third fish-man spat.
"This is my island," JB growled. It had been just a casual statement to throw off Nathan, but what the hell; it's not like anybody else was claiming it. Johnny Betty wouldn't mind looking after a whole island, anyway. She liked this place.
"We can hunt?" One of the empty-handed phorcydes asked.
JB tried to look as regal as possible.
"Take a few divers; the current at the north end of the island is strong and dangerous and no one will question the disappearances. You can have the fish as well. Eat all the lionfish you want; they're pests here and you can use their venom."
"Lionfish!" The other phorcyde hissed in delight.
"NO!" the lead creature cried. "We will eat the post-human and gain power! Then we won't take orders from some Fae bitch!"
The phorcyde reached across and tore the mask and respirator out of Toki's mouth. The Norwegian let out a warbled scream, releasing the last of his air into the sea.
"Damn it!" JB hissed, lunging forward.
She cannoned into the fish man and used her eel tail to knock Toki away. If he had any sense he'd grab his backup respirator, drop his weights and head for the surface. Before he had a chance to prove there was more than air in his head, the phorcyde grabbed him by the ankle and slammed Toki into the coral with punishing force.
Dethklok's rhythm guitarist went limp. Weight still on, air supply still useless, he started to drift down into the depths.
"Fuck it all! Matty owes me big for this!" JB announced to no one in particular.
Phorcyde and sea serpent made a dash for Wartooth. The fish man reached him a nanosecond earlier and sank his claws into Toki's shoulders. The phorcyde opened his jaw wider than should have been possible, preparing to literally bite Toki's head off. JB readied a hard-water spell but let out a shocked scream, the magic fizzling out between her hands.
A fishing spear was sticking out of her tail.
Just barely visible high up in the water column, Nathan Explosion looked down on the scene, the dead dive master's spear gun in his grip. A muffled grunt that might have been a 'fuck!' filtered down from above.
The phorcyde ignored this and chomped down. Then his head exploded.
It surprised the other two fish people. It surprised JB. It certainly surprised the phorcyde. Once the detritus cleared, Johnny Betty could see that Toki's eyes were wide open and glowing green. Etched onto the skin around his left eye like a glowing tattoo was a pattern of spirals and dots. It might look vaguely Celtic to the casual observer, but someone who had spent a great deal of time around faeries would recognize it as a seal.
"He's . . . Marked? Ooooooh shit. Matty's not going to like this," she muttered.
Toki's eyelids drooped and then closed, taking the glow away. Once his eyes were closed, the seal on his face disappeared from view and the young Norwegian began to slip into the depths once more. One of the remaining phorcydes swam in and grabbed him.
JB started up the hard-water spell again, but this fish man swam up to her and held out Toki like an offering.
"We can hunt here? We can take humans?" it asked.
"Yes. I won't stop you. We all need to eat. Just leave any post-humans alone," JB said calmly.
The phorcyde nodded its thanks and handed Toki to her. The other phorcyde grabbed the body of their slain leader and the pair disappeared down into the darkness.
JB grabbed up Toki's spare respirator, jammed it into his mouth, then powered up towards the surface. When they reached Nathan, JB gave him a cold glare and held out her tail, still sporting its impromptu spear piercing.
"M'orry," he grunted around his respirator.
The lead singer grabbed hold of the spear shaft.
"No, the other way!" JB yelped.
It was too late; Nathan yanked the spear out backwards, tearing the barbed point through her tail once more. The sea serpent in training screamed like a dolphin being harpooned, then bit down on one of her knuckles to muffle the noise. The great thing about being underwater is no one can tell if you're crying.
Nathan had a pretty good idea she was, though. The way the invisible mermaid chick curled her tail up like a window shade and curled around Toki like she was hugging a teddy bear were pretty good clues.
"M'orry," Nathan grunted again.
This was all kinds of fucked up; invisible mermaid chick had just gotten Toki back from the fish people and Nathan had already accidently shot her, then tore up her tail again.
The invisible mermaid chick uncurled her tail, grabbed Nathan by his BCD and powered through the ocean.
"Toki needs a decompression chamber once you get back on land!" she spat. "I'm pretty sure he'll be okay in the long run, though."
Marked? Oh yeah, he'd be all right. Depending on the powers of whoever had put their seal on him, Toki Wartooth might be functionally immortal.
At least for the moment.
"There's your boat. Kindly get the fuck out of my ocean!" JB released the two men, first filling Toki's BCD.
Nathan bobbed to the surface and pulled off his mask.
"Hey, at least we didn't fuck up the reefs!" he bellowed.
Invisible mermaid chick didn't answer, just took off into the water again.
"My lord!"
Gears waved from the dive boat. Nathan waved back.
"Toki's hurt!" he thundered, grabbing his bandmate by the arm. "He needs a decompression chamber!"
"Sheventy dollarsh? Geez, that'sh kind of shteep . . ." Murderface muttered, looking down into a case of silver charms.
"For you, my friend, I make a deal!" the vendor declared.
"You ever thinks maybes you don'ts gets laids because whats you ams a cheap asshole?" Skwisgaar inquired.
The lead guitarist had just spent enough that he was personally responsible for sending three different jewelers' children to college. Six Gears trailed after him, carrying jewelry, flowers, expensive liquor and chocolates. The chocolates hadn't been specified by historical evidence, but both Skwisgaar and Murderface agreed that chicks liked chocolate.
One Gear carried Murderface's purchases, which consisted of a box of chocolates, a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of cheap tequila and a handful of silver charms.
"Fuck you, Shkwishgaar! Thish goddessh of yoursh should be grateful for anything she getsh!"
"Okays, buts don't be surprised whens all you gets ams a quickie," the lead guitarist said, looking down into the glass case. "Dat's big necklace wit' de gold and silvers togethers; I takes dat," he added, pointing.
The vendor who had been helping Murderface abandoned a fifty dollar sale for a five hundred dollar one.
"You really think throwing jewelry into a pond ish going to get ush laid?" Murderface asked. "You really need the help?"
"I don'ts needs de help, but I nots goinks to bes young and gorgeous forevers. Ones of deses days I mights has hards times, but if I hases a goddess of sexes on my sides, I mights what's nots has to worries abouts dats."
"You really believe in her, though? Religion ain't metal."
Skwisgaar fell silent for a long moment.
"Whens I was littles boy, somebodies tells me I should prays to Gods to helps my moms whats not bes a slut. So I tries dat. I tries and tries and its don't does no goods. Not'ing I asks Gods fors ever comes. So I gots ins de scrape and I asks Odin for something. And I hears . . . nots withs mines ears, but you knows . . . in mines head I hears dat he giveses me what I wants, but I my life ams his. Ands I agrees. Ands it works." Skwisgaar paused to rub his left eye. "So, Old Gods . . . . dey works. Dey don't gives bullshit stories abouts testing and beings goods and shits. Dey just makes bargains. 'You does dis for mes, I does dis for yous.' Dey work. So I giveses Ixchel pretty flowers ands jewelries ands chocolateses. And she makeses me sexy forevers."
Murderface considered this.
"Shkwishgaar? You're fucking crazy, you know that?"
"Whatevers; fucks joo, Murderface."
Whatever else might have been said was drowned in the scream of an ambulance that hurtled down the street outside.
Charles stepped out of his room, freshly shaved and showered.
"How do I look?"
"Not hung over at all," Conway said. "Not exactly rested and bursting with je ne sais quoi, but not like you spent the last two hours puking."
"Oh. Breath check."
Conway leaned in as his boss huffed experimentally.
"Minty fresh," the blond said. "You know, if your women haven't seen you in three months, I don't think they'll be picky about how your seams are pressed."
"I'm . . . . I'm actually not happy about them being here at all," Charles admitted.
The pair started down the hallway to meet the limo. The Noh sisters were still at the airport, but the hired limo was bursting with flowers and wine to properly welcome them to their tropical vacation.
"Really."
"That sounds . . . . uh . . . pretty horrible . . . but . . . I'm just not sure about having them around the boys."
"Ah, you think Dethklok will be mean to them?"
"No, I don't think they'll be mean to them, just . . . . ah . . . they'll just be Dethklok."
"The boys are actually pretty nice when you get to know them," Conway offered.
"In their own way, yes," Charles sighed. "But my ladies . . . they're ladies."
"Ah," Conway said in sudden understanding.
"Mercy teaches second grade; I don't think I've ever even heard her swear. Hope is a classical pianist; she gets excited about Beethoven. Faith makes jokes about nineteenth century literature."
"Sir, your ladies also live in the real world. And I'm assuming you have sealed the deal, so they aren't exactly blushing virgins either, right?"
"True."
"They've seen Dethklok on TV and stuff, so I think they'll know what to expect."
"Good point."
Conway opened his mouth again, but before he could speak both his and Charles' cell phones rang. The two men pulled out the phones, put them to their ears, then exchanged alarmed looks.
"I'll go to the decompression chamber!" Charles declared. "You meet my ladies at the airport and give them my regrets!"
"Are you –"
"Yes, I'm sure! Go, now!" Charles snapped his fingers and a car pulled up to the door.
The manager leapt inside and the driver tore off towards town. Matthias gaped like a fish, but before he could comment, JB appeared at his side, wet, bedraggled and bleeding from a gash in her leg.
"You owe me so fucking much," she growled. "Is there a bar in that limo?"
"Nathan! Nathan, what happened?" Charles asked, running up.
Nathan turned away from watching the staff adjust the decompression chamber.
"Charles. Oh, dude! We went diving, but there was this chick on board and only I could see her and she said it was because I was close to water or something and we got into the water and I threw up and then a fucking eel ate the dive master and then Toki went into a cave to look for sharks and fucking fish people grabbed him but the invisible chick went after them – she was a mermaid then – she went after them and I tried to help but I stabbed her with a spear gun and I thought we were fucked, but she brought Toki back anyway and said he needed a decompression chamber, but I didn't fuck up the reefs like she asked. Then we came here. The end."
Charles stared at his front man for a long moment. Sadly, knowing what he did about the way the world really worked, that story made perfect sense. He wondered if he should worry about that.
"How's Toki doing?"
"He came to on the boat, but then his joints started hurting him real bad, so they brought him here." Nathan pointed to a large chamber that looked like nothing more than a small submarine. "They say he'll have to be in there for three hours."
Charles rushed to the decompression chamber and peered in a glass porthole. Toki was sitting on a thin bench wearing a dive skin unzipped to his navel. He had some gashes on the side of his face and the whites of his eyes were completely bloodshot. That puzzled Charles for a second until he realized Toki had ruptured the blood vessels in his eyes from the change in pressure.
When Toki saw his manager through the glass, he waved cheerfully. Charles waved back.
"Fish people?" He asked.
"Yeah, fish people. And a mermaid. An invisible one. I could see her, though."
"I think I need to have a word with my assistant."
"Toki Wartooth is Marked?" Matthias asked coldly.
"Yeah. By someone fairly powerful; the seal blew the head clean off a phorcyde. Also, I think I claimed the island," JB said, mixing up an impromptu margarita from the mini bar.
"Marked by whom?" Matthias asked.
"Um . . . . my Faerie isn't that great . . ." JB hedged.
Matthias sighed through his nose.
"You can stop trying to be nice. Phooka is Toki's fairy godfather. It only makes sense that he Marked Toki when he made the investment."
"Well, like you said, Toki's an investment . . ."
"He never Marked me when I was mortal."
"Um . . . he couldn't, could he? You had power over him."
"Could you stop being so goddamned reasonable? It's very annoying. And don't bleed on the upholstery."
"Piss off! I was just supposed to be babysitting some idiots! Not going into battle! The phorcydes never touched me; this is from Nathan shooting me with a spear gun! He could see me, by the way! You said they were mortals, not post-human!" JB said, slurping her drink.
"They are mortals! Just –"
"Nathan's borderline post-human! And Toki's Marked, that bumps him up, too! The media calls them 'gods' all the time, you think that's not going to affect things? You and I both know it's all about belief."
Matthias went quiet.
"Anyway. I'm going to hit up the cenote and soak this out." JB gestured to her leg.
"Mmm. Thank you, by the way."
"No problem, godly one," JB said, saluting.
The limo pulled up to the Cozumel airport. A little shimmer went over JB as she worked Glamour on herself. A Gear opened the door for Matthias, and JB slipped out behind him unseen. She limped over to a nearby puddle of water and teleported through it.
Matthias Conway straightened his linen suit and lifted his chin.
"Right. If it's time to play, then it's time to play," he murmured.