Disclaimer: I don't own the idea of Shadowhunters and blah blah. But these are my characters, my plot and my ideas. Well, some of them. Yeah…we all know the drill and what I own and what I don't.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, added my story on story alert and/or fav. Author. It means a lot to me! Thanks for all the love :)

Chapter 1: Alive

Selena's Point of View

The memory was excruciating, almost unbearable and was ready to pull me over. Tears streaked down my face like it was a never ending marathon and I wrapped my arms around my knees, rocking back and forth slowly on the ground, hoping that if I kept my physical form intact, then it would keep my emotional one intact as well.

But once the memory started, the rest flooded in as well, unstoppable. If it was up to me, I would have stopped it right then and there. But it wasn't.

The next morning I found myself in a warm bed and I snuggled deeper into the blankets, trying to keep the cold that was creeping on me away. As much as I tried, it didn't work and I opened my eyes, wondering what another boring day would have in store for me.

But once I opened my eyes and saw the room that was nicely furnished – but not over the top, the memories rushed back to me, so hard that I was left gasping for air before the hysterics set in. I didn't have time yesterday to cry, but today all I had was time.

Silent tears went down my face like turning on the faucet before I wiped my eyes and getting a tissue, trying to wipe them away if I couldn't hold it in. Everything came out, my frustration, anger, sadness.

Everything.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair, I kept chanting to myself to keep myself from thinking about what really happened. That this was a punishment for trying to hunt down a demon. That I didn't get killed in something that I should have, but everyone I loved did.

I stopped crying after a minute – I wouldn't have a real crying jag going on until I knew I was alone. But with the sunlight steaming in through the window and however brought us in this room was probably going to check on us soon.

And I didn't need their pity. And I didn't want to explain. That would make it more real. And maybe it was a horrible dream to teach me a lesson. Maybe I'm still in a dream.

But alas, I wasn't and I got up slowly, fire spreading through my legs, cramped from not being used in who knows how long. I opened a door attentively in the room, found a closet, quickly shut it and tried the next one, finding a bathroom.

I washed my face – which didn't look at all like I was crying if it wasn't for my slightly red nose. It was always like that, I could cry without anyone really knowing. I was glad – I didn't want anyone thinking that I was weak, seeing through my hard coating when really, on the inside I was soft.

Patting my face dry with a towel, I refused to look in the mirror that was right in front of the sink. I couldn't look at it without seeing my mother – the one who was now dead.

Because of me.

I walked out of the bathroom quickly and opened the right door that lead to a hallway. Padding down it, my footsteps were muffled by the carpet and I nearly screamed when I bumped into something hard. I bounced back, saying a sorry.

I looked up, to meet a handsome face. Brown, almost black hair a mop on his head and green eyes, he was pretty attractive. Oh by the Angel, I thought, was this the person that lived here? That was embarrassing, having someone open the door like that and seeing us there….

"Hello," he said, a smile curving on his face. The smile on his face looked good. And I grasped that distraction as hard as I could – I wouldn't, no couldn't think about other things. "You must be one of the girls that Nesha found. Come, I'll bring you to her."

I studied his back, trying not to focus – or worry – about who this Nesha person was. Muscles twined up his arms but not overly so. He was lean, tall – taller than me – and looked about fourteen, maybe fifteen.

We arrived in a big kitchen, and an elderly woman was at the stove, making what smelt like tea. Rich enough to have a maid? I thought, frowning. Well, this wasn't going to be good…

"Ah, there you are dear. I was wondering when you were going to wake up. Take a seat," she said, gesturing with her hands to the wide and long table. I sat down on one, nervous.

"I'm Nesha, as Zef has most likely told you." I immediately felt bad – she was Nesha, not a maid! And then I wondered who Zef was before realizing that she was talking about the boy. Grandchild? I pondered before nodding my head.

When I didn't say anything she spoke again, her face still kind. "And who might you be?"

"Selena," I answered, not giving her my last name. That would remind me of my family…who is now deceased. I had no family.

"Ah, suiting" she said, pouring us cups of tea. "You must be that blonde's sister, correct?"

"Suiting name?" I repeated dumbly, not registering her last words.

"Do you know Hebrew?" she asked me as I made a hand gesturing meaning sort of."Well, I know it very well. My family is part Jewish you know. It means Moon and it suits you." I got what she meant. I forgot how strange it must be to see this.

And I felt so stupid to think that she wouldn't know my family. Everyone knew us as the silver family. Of course, how could I have been so stupid? She just needed confirmation as to who I was.

"And what blonde?" I asked, once again, pretty stupidly. What was she talking about? Aden was an only child. Was it possible that his mom…?

She exchanged a look with Zef, who was right behind me as I scowled. "Sorry hun. But weren't you aware of the third person with you?"

"Yes…but who is it?"

"I don't know, I thought you would know since I assumed with you. Don't know how many people would decide to show up unconscious on my porch," she chuckled but it wasn't quite whole heartedly.

"What does she look like?" I asked. It could be Aden's mom, who was a blonde. Or…or, it could be my sister. But her hair was silver tinted, a very light blonde.

"Well, like you. Expect her hair has a blonde tint to it and really light blue eyes." My heart stopped. Then picked up in double speed. Aden's mom has green eyes. My sister had blue eyes. Two plus two equals four.

"Courtney. Oh my god, that's my sister Courtney!" I said, getting up, and knocking down the chair in my haste in standing up. I didn't know she was alive! Oh my Angel, I wasn't alone after all. My sister was alive! Well! Healthy! I wasn't ever going to take her for granted ever again.

"Would you wish to show you her?" she asked, her hands folded in front of her.

"Yes please." My heart hammered and I couldn't believe it. Not all hope was lost. My sister was still alive. My sister was still alive!

My sister was the person who I was the closest to, despite our age difference. She just turned seventeen and despite that my brother was closer to my age – fifteen – she was always there for me, despite our bickering.

She was like my mom, my best friend and sister all in one. If she was okay, then we could make it through this. I excitedly pushed open the door, to see her just getting up from her bed.

"Courtney!" I shouted and flung myself at her, hugging her with all my might, with every fiber in my being.

To have a phoenix rise from the ash again made me feel so much better. There was hope. I could breathe just a little bit easier. I didn't kill my whole family.

"Selena," my sister said, sort of stiffly but I didn't mind. She was probably in shock. And she didn't get to cry over what happened like I did.

She looked over my shoulder and I realized that we weren't alone. "Would you like some food? Selena, honey, you didn't even touch your tea."

We obediently followed her to the kitchen and eat a food. "How about we wake up the boy? I think that he's slept long enough."

I didn't want to wake up Aden. He was probably in a better place where he was dreaming in then he was in reality. Yes, I had more people to lose, but he lost everyone in his family.

It was just as hard on him as it was for me. And we both shared the same guilt.

"How about you wake him up Selena? I think he rather wake up to his best friend then me," my sister said, still in that out of place tone and look.

I shrugged it off and went into Aden's room after Nesha explain to me where it was. "Aden?" I said, knocking on the door.

"Come in," was the faint reply.

"Oh, are you okay?" I asked, pulling him up in a hug. We both were hurting, and I felt that he needed this hug as much as I did. And since boys would never swallow their pride and hug me first, I decided to do it.

"Just as okay as you are," he said, his voice muffled. I let go and took a step back.

"Come in the kitchen to have food when you're ready," I told him as I turned to leave.

He held on to my wrist. "Let's just go together now. I don't think I could handle going alone," he admitted, his cheeks briefly turning pink.

I nodded my head and led him into the kitchen. "And who might this young man be?" Nesha asked.

"Aden, Aden Lovelace."

"Aden, Nesha, Nesha, Aden," I said, introducing them since I felt like it was the right thing to do.

"Okay, how about we have some food before we have a little chat." I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. Oh Angel, oh no. I knew that this was going to happen – no three kids pop out of nowhere on someone's doorstep wouldn't expect not to – but that didn't make it any less harder to do.

I just nodded and Aden ate quickly – only because he hardly took anything. I guess that would make sense, if I was told that then I would lose my appetite too.

"Okay, how about we go into the living room?" Nesha said, oblivious to the glum room.

As we all settled down the on the couches – me, Courtney and Aden on one and Nesha and Zef on the other – she started speaking again, wasting no time. "So, you want to explain how three kids appeared on my doorstep in the middle of the night?"

I licked my lips, looking sideways at the others to see if they were going to talk, but their lips were firmly pressed together, like they glued their mouths shut. I sighed, not really wanting to speak, but knowing that we would have to.

A minute went by before I found my voice. Or that was enough time to gather myself up so I wouldn't cry talking about it. "Well…." I started, looking down at my clasped hands. There were whiter than usual from pressing them so hard together.

"Our parents…we…they…died," I whispered, not really forming a proper sentence but getting the message across. I could hear the sharp intake of breath from Zef before he left the room. Nesha, however, just sat there, studying us quietly and beckoning us – or me – to continue.

"We were fighting a demon. Killed our parents as they held them off long enough for us to escape. Your house was the first one we found." I wasn't going to explain any more. I couldn't. I felt the unshed tears burning my eyes, and I wanted so badly just to lock myself in a room, put my face in a pillow and cry my heart out.

Even though doing that would accomplish nothing, it would make me feel a heck of a lot better. Nesha's face completely transformed from the nice, kind of prodding old lady to horrified and sympathetic. "You poor souls. They shall be buried in the City of Bones. May their souls rest in peace."

I don't know why, but hearing that made it just that much more real. My throat closed up and my eyes burned. I quickly blinked back whatever I was feeling and made myself like stone.

Cold, hard, unmoving.

She clicked her tongue, and looked at us. "Well, you guys can stay here until you figure things out, get everything in order. I hope you guys are okay. I will leave you guys, and you can return to your rooms if you wish." Both of them got up and walked away while we all just looked at each other.

"Hey, dude, can I talk to your girlfriend for a moment?" Courtney asked, looking at Aden.

My eyes widened and I gaped at her. "I am not his girlfriend!"

"I'm not her boyfriend!" we both said at the same time. Normally, doing that at the same time might have made Courtney laughed, but she didn't. Her mouth was in a hard line and she wasn't looking at me.

"Fine, then, can I take her to a room and speak to her alone at least?"

I frowned at her, not getting what was going on. "He-llo, I'm right here you know," I told her, getting annoyed at being ignored.

She still didn't pay any attention to me. Just glared some more at Aden and got up before walking away.

"What the heck was that about?" Aden asked me when she was gone.

I sighed. "I don't know. You don't suppose that I should go back there and find out, do you?" He nodded his head and I sighed again. "You'll be find here?"

He nodded his head and I opened Courtney's door, but she wasn't in there. Mumbling to myself about how unreasonably she was being, I headed back to the living room.

"I'm guessing by how fast you came back and that look on your face that you didn't find her." I nodded my head and plopped down on the sofa. Family was suppose to help each other in the time of need. And she was the only real family I had.

So why was she acting like this?

"Look, whatever it is, she will get over it. After –" he hesitated before continuing, "after what happened, that's what she probably has learned. What we all learned." Even though he didn't really explain what we exactly learned, I knew what he meant.

We could be killed – as it happened to our parents and my brother – any time, and we had to realize how precious family is. "You think she'll come around?" I asked hopefully. I couldn't have her mad at me. I hated when she was. Unlike me, she didn't get mad over unreasonable things.

But what I didn't do anything! I thought. I was going around circles and I wished that I could just find her and shake her shoulders until she told me what was wrong. Seriously, did she even think how I would feel about that?

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my long hair, getting stuck at the end. Frowning, I pulled the hair to the front since it was in the back and I gasped. There was red, dried up blood crusted on my hair.

I swallowed back the bile that was threatening to come up and took in a shaky breath. "I'm going to go shower." I turned around and walked as quickly as I could without actually running.

After the nice, warm I should add, shower I took – keeping my mind away from what happened like I've been doing the whole day – I dried my hair, that no longer held any traces of red, with my towel. I refused to think about what happened. I sat on my bed, checked the time, realizing that I actually had woken up at noon – go figure – and that it was nearly night.

Venturing out into the hallway, I knocked what I thought was Aden's door. It could've been the one next door, but I didn't remember properly. The door was slightly ajar so I pushed it open when no reply came.

Peering through the tiny crack – I didn't want to intrude – I saw a mop of brown hair. I smiled slightly before it transformed into a frown. That wasn't Aden's hairstyle. This was shorter, and the brown was darker. Peering through it, I saw familiar silver-blonde hair and I gasped before backing away.

What the hell were they doing together? I thought before going opening the door next to it that was Aden's – hell, I had thought that Aden's room was Courtney's, no wonder I couldn't find her – and burst through his door, almost stumbling.

Rather ungraceful for a Shadowhunter.

What I saw, though, was totally unexpected.

Hey guys! So whatcha guys think? Selena is strong, so you didn't see her cry…yet. When she does, oh…well, you'll see ;) She's been trying not the think about it all day.

Anyways, tell me what you think! I really am working hard with this. Now you know why I didn't hate my characters as some of you did when you read CoGH. Now you'll understand why. They had a whole complicated life that well, made them do what they did.

So…hope you enjoyed. Oh, and I forgot to say in the last chapter, I'm doing the secret word again. For those of you that don't know it, it's when I include a secret word in my A/N to see who actually reads my rambling. (Don't worry, they will be shorter than this one – it's really long) and if you say the secret word in a review (you have to be signed in, but I do take anonymous reviews) then you get a teaser of the next chapter.

So the secret word this time is: headache. Because for those who read CoGH you knew all about that problem I was having. It's back…sadly. I have no freakin idea what it is and it hurts like hell. Ever had a headache that lasted all day? Was there when you woke up and when you went to sleep? Yeah…world of pain. Not fun. Anyways, goal? Same as last time? 7…so, 10 por favor?

Love you guys as always!

~Icyfirelove3

P.S. Read the other story I'm writing (I almost wrote two, which is a lie. Well, for fanfic. I'm only writing two (this and superhero). But I am writing my own personal story :D) anyways, it's called Superhero. But I DID NOT write the first three chapters. The person I beta for (coolestxnerd) did. She didn't have time to finish it so she gave it me.

P.S.S. sorry for taking so long. Truth is that I had this down like on Wednesday but that's when all the headaches and crap came and I haven't been feeling well due the goddamned headache.