Disclamier: Since I tested it out with my other fanfic, it seems like people actually read these things, so I have to say that I am not Cassandra Clare, but I am working on it.

Police: *clears throat* What did you say Icyfirelove3?

Me: Uhm…I LOVE YOU CASSANDRA CLARE! *runs away*

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, added my story on story alert and/or fav. Author. Especially since this is mostly OC.

Chapter 4: Anger, Hurt and Breakdowns

Selena's Point of View

I wanted nothing more to slam the door to my room, lock it, flop myself on my bed before crying into the pillow. Hard.

But, this wasn't my house. This wasn't my room, even if I am temparily living in it. I couldn't slam the door childishly like I could do at home.

Home.

How I missed home. Nothing more would be better to see the dark oak kitchen, the brown soft sofas with a zebra printed throw, and the red pillows that matched the curtains. But I knew I couldn't go home, even if I could. I mentally wouldn't be able to handle it.

A home wasn't a home without the people living in it. It was an empty shell now. A hallow, empty shell, not unlike what I was. I walked to the bed numbly before locking the door behind me softly. Just because I was sad, doesn't mean I have to bring everyone down like a wet blanket.

I couldn't be the little kid anymore. I had to toughen up. What kind of Shadowhunter wasn't tough? I sniffled, tears already kissing the back of my eyes. Quickly, I randomly pulled out a set of PJ's, and stepped into the shower, not waiting for it to heat up.

Icy water blasted out of the shower, and as much as I wanted to move away, I didn't. I stayed rooted to the ground, and the water eventually was warm. I just stared blankly at the titles, trying to not think. Escape from this awful reality. Maybe I'll wake up and it will be a horrible dream.

I still wish it was a dream. If only it was. Too bad reality still struck me still after so long. Really, I could complain about how horrible and whatnot while I had them…but now, now, what I would give just to spend even a second with them.

Eventually the waterworks started, first slowly, with a single dear tricking down my checks and before long, my tears were mingling with the water. I tried to stifle my sobs, but I was unable to restrain them.

Heaving, I slid to the floor, and wrapped my arms around my knees, my head tucked in. Maybe if I became small enough, I would disappear. Poof. Be gone. Never to be seen again.

But as much as I would love that, I couldn't leave Aden and Courtney like that. Losing one more person, would be one more thing to push them over the edge. I don't care that Courtney is mad at me for some reason. She's still my sister, and my family. My only family.

After a few minutes, the tears subsided and I got back up slowly on my feet, pushing my wet hair out of my face, reminding me of my mother. She would always push my hair back when it hung in my face, saying how she loved how I had the same hair color as her.

I dug my nails into my palms to stop the tears that were about to come again. I didn't need to start another jag yet. No, what I needed was to move on. I can't change the past, and I can't dwell on it. My parents wouldn't want me to feel like this.

I wanted to make my parents happy. And that would make them happy. So be happy, I told myself ternly, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand, realizing that it was a wasted effort since my hand was wet as well.

I smiled a bit at the irony before getting out of the shower. If I did, I would be tempted to start crying again. I needed to stay on the happier thoughts.

I got dressed and opened the door, climbing in my bed, snuggling the soft material against my face. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, I told myself. Just went I was about to fall asleep, I heard my door opening.

I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't budge. I sighed, thinking that I could just pretend that I was sleeping. They would probably go away and come back in the morning then.

After a while I didn't hear anything, even though something was telling me that they hadn't left yet. Trying to forgot about it, I curled up to the side, taking deep breaths.

Just when I was drifting again, I felt someone stroke my cheek. The rest of my body froze and I wanted to open my eyes, but they were glued shut. I didn't need to let them know I was awake anyways.

As I was trying to breathe normally, the person stopped. I heard them quietly start walking. It was then that I dared to open my eyes a little and try to see who it was. My room, however, was dark. And so was the hallway when the person opened the door. I only got an outline of their silhouette, dark against slightly less dark, before the person left.

Sometime, I woke up, my head foggy. I remembered what happened last night. Or was it a dream? Probably a dream, I decided. Who the hell would do something like that?

Groaning, I tossed my legs over the side of the bed and got up. The bed was so comfy, so warm and soft. I could picture myself snuggling against the blankets, tickling my cheeks with it's softnes…

And I marched into the bathroom, splashed my face with icy water. Feeling more then awake, I wiped my face before brushing and walking out of my room. I looked across the hallway, eyes pausing on my sister's door.

Would she be even madder if I went to talk to her now?

I decided to ignore that and just go visit her. The worst that could happen was that she could be annoyed at me. It at least showed that I cared. That had to count for something, right?

I stopped infront of her door, nerves building up in me. I took a deep breath and…

The door creaked open and I peered in her room. The bed was lumpy. I silently tip toed over to where she was to look at her. At least her face wouldn't be twisted into fury when she saw me – it would be gentle and worry free in her sleep. I hope.

I frowned when I couldn't see her face. I pushed back the covers to see that the bed was, in fact, empty. I muttered a string of curse words under my breath before exiting her room, making sure to close the door.

I went into the kitchen, telling myself that I would see her at breakfast. I had to.

In the kitchen, everyone was there. Everyone, that is, except for Courtney. I felt tears fill my eyes but I blinked them away. I am rock now – nothing can hurt or break me.

Still, a sadness echoed deep inside of me as I shook some cereal into my bowl. Zef and Aden exchanged worried glances but I ignored them. I poured milk and sat down on the table, staring at my food as I ate it. I didn't have the heart to look anywhere else.

"Want anything else, Selena?" Zef asked, sitting across from me.

I shook my head and dug my spoon into the bowl again. I could feel eyes on me and that did it for me. I looked up, eyes hard as I looked at both of them. They both quickly looked away, but not quick enough so I didn't see.

"Do you mind?" I snapped icily. I felt bad after I saw a shadow cross Aden's face but I kept repeating to myself that I was the moon – hard, cold, and distant.

"Sorry," Zef muttered, helping Aden.

I sighed, dropping the spoon into the bowl with a splash. "Where's Courtney?" I asked, spitting it out. They probably knew what was chewing me up from the inside out anyways.

"She went outside to take a walk," Zef answered. Aden still didn't look at me but when I heard what Zef said, I went crazy.

"What?" I asked, eyes widening. "You do realize that your house was the closest from where we almost died? Why would you let her do that!"

I wanted nothing more but to get up and bash their heads together. Pushing the though away, I focused on worrying about my sister, even if she couldn't care less about me right now.

"Well, she said she would be fine. And I made her take a seraph blade so she will be fine," Zef consoued me.

"How do you know that she's not trying to get herself killed? Or going after that monster again?" I snapped, wanting to bash his pretty little head off.

Zef looked away, apparently not thinking of that possibility. "Where the hell did she go?" I demanded.

"I don't know!" Zef exploded back.

I exhaled sharply and fixed him with my best piercing looking. "Where is your weapons room?"

He looked like he wanted to do nothing more to refuse me but thought better of it. Aden, on the other hand, hadn't thought apparently. "Sel, we'll go after her," Aden said, on his feet already.

"She's my sister," I retorted, getting up and exiting the kitchen. "I will find her."

"And what if you get hurt?" Aden asked, following me as Zef guiltily lead me to the weapons room. Clearly, he hated being in the middle of a fight.

Wait, fight? Aden and I never had a real fight. Play fights, yes, but a real one, never. I scowled, mad at Courtney for causing this.

First I have her bitching on me, and now Aden is all protective of me. "What if you guys get hurt?" I shot back. "You better not be sexist right now or else I seriously will slap you."

Aden shut his mouth then, even though he looked like he was ready to argue some more. I looked at the weapons room, glad to see familiar things.

I found a belt, stuck a bunch of knives in there, and in my pocket I shoved a witchlight. Thinking about it, I took a short sword as well. "Well, what are you waiting for?" I asked, seeing that they hadn't move from their postion near the door.

Hearing my voice, they jumped into action and I saw Zef taking twin blades with him. Aden, though, had a shield in one hand. I raised an eyebrow at it but said no more.

I took a deep breath and started searching for her, starting to call out her name but stopped. Maybe that would just made her that much more reckless. Not finding her in any open space, I moved to the forest that was their backyard, getting a sinking feeling.

I walked quietly in the forest, cursing when I stepped on a twig that crunched under my boots. There were way too many things on the forest floor for me.

I cautiously kept walking before I heard a rustle of a leaf. I froze in my track before slowly walking backwards and hiding behind a tree, blade in hand, the name on the tip of my tongue.

A dark shadow loomed across the forest floor and I whispered the blades name almost inaudibly, ready to spring.

I haven't done a cliffy for this yet, I think, so enjoy aha

Sorry that this is late. I've been busy and I know it's short…sorry for that too. Yeah, might as well make the secret word sorry since I keep saying sorry.

But I'm trying so…don't hate me? XD

Right, so i'm just going to give out teasers if i feel like it (prob will) cause im too lazy to make a secret word

~Icyfirelove3