"Oi! Wake up, mate."
Pickles snorted and woke with a jerk. Aiden Aughisky was bending over him, hotel phone in one hand.
"I'm orderin' breakfast. Ye want any?"
The drummer rubbed his face frantically, hardly believing he'd actually fallen asleep with a man-eating fairy in the room. Aiden looked perfectly human at the moment.
"Breakfast?" Pickles echoed.
"Yeh, if ye kin call it tha' . . . . nobody in this country would know a proper black puddin' if it hit 'em."
"Cinnamon buns?" Pickles asked.
"You lot know how t' do cinnamon buns?" The young man grilled room service. "Oh, tha' you kin do? Right, send up four plates. What ye want t' drink?"
"Beer?"
"Wit' cinnamon buns? Blech. T'ree glasses a' milk an' a beer. Yeah, fer breakfast. It's what he wants. Right then so." Aiden hung up. "It'll be up in a few."
"Why'd ya order four plates?" Pickles asked.
"I'm hungry," Aiden said simply.
Pickles curled up into a defensive ball at the head of the bed.
"Oh, relax; I only need t' eat human once every other week or so. Once a month if I'm slimmin'."
"Slimmin'?" Pickles echoed.
"Yeah . . . y'know; on a diet."
The red-haired drummer let out a giggle that wasn't entirely sane.
"Yeh kin relax," the seemingly young man said. "We aren' goin' t' eat you. Yeh're Pickles th' Drummer."
The ginger relaxed a hair.
"You're not gonna – but what if somethin' gets fucked up and you don't get your . . . . your . . . bodies or . . . or . . . souls or whatever you're gonna get off the crowds."
"Shite happens," Aiden said with a shrug.
Pickles relaxed another iota.
"So . . . so . . . . what kinda fairies are you guys?"
"We're kelpies," Aiden said, sitting on the end of the bed.
"The horses? I thought they just dunked people in water. I thought it was phookas that ate them."
"It's actually one in th' same," Aiden said with a grin. "Depends on how hungry we are."
Pickles let out a tiny shudder, but still considered the youth sitting on the bed.
"So . . . how old are you?" the drummer asked.
"Seventeen," Aiden answered.
Pickles gave him a dubious look.
"In Fae years . . ." the young kelpie amended.
"How long is dat in human years?"
"Uh . . .pfft . . . what year is it again? Um . . . two hundred an' thirteen, I think."
"Wow. Shit. Wow," Pickles muttered. "And th' others, they're – they look older than you, so . . .what, they're like five hundred?"
"As near as we kin figure, Padraig is somewhere in th' area of 5,200 years old. He's th' eldest," Aiden answered. "They didn't really track time all tha' well back then. Th' others came along in th' next five hundred years. Then we had a biiiiiiiiiig gap an' I wasnea born from th' waters until 1799."
"Dood. That's . . . . dood. So . . . if you're a teenager by Sidhe standards, does that means you were just acting like a douchebag kid for the last two hundred years?"
Aiden stared at him for a moment, then rubbed his head.
"I'm not a douchebag – look, it was just like bein' a human only longer! I was born from th' waters lookin' like a li'l bundle of teeth an' tentacles. Nessie an' Phooka raised me for a while – taught me how t' change shape an' lure humans away from th' group, how t' hunt, how t' make me first kill. I only look like a li'l shaver at first – just a toddler when I could first take human form. Nessie an' Phooka us'd me fer bait."
"Oh Gahd . . ." Pickles whispered. "Issat . . . issat like th' old stories where they'd lure women int' th' woods by soundin' like a cryin' baby an' then rape 'em or eat 'em?"
Aiden blinked for a minute.
"Rape -? Phooka's gay an' Nessie's a woman! Yeh met 'er last night!"
"Oh, yeah."
"Look, it isnea like th' old stories; we wouldnea eat just anybody. That's one a' th' first things they taught me about huntin' – take only bastards."
"W-what?" Pickles asked, laughing in spite of himself.
"Okay – yeh've got two men. One's good an' hardworkin' and goes t' church or whatever, loves his neighbors an' all that rot. Yer other man, now he's a right bastard. Drinks, brawls, beats his wife an' kids, makes everybody in town's life a livin' hell; just yer basic scum a' th' earth. When yer first man goes missin' people search for him. They rake th' moors and dredge ponds. His widow wanders th' night, pinin' for her lost love. It's bloody annoying."
Another snort of laughter escaped the drummer.
"An' it kin be dangerous if yer're too careless. Once people notice there's something draggin' people t' their doom, they want t' git rid o' it. They hunt th' night wi' iron bells an' crucifixes."
"Whoa. Really?"
"I wasnea alive fer th' worst o' it. Phooka an' Nessie had t' leave Ireland. But if you pick th' bastard, most people say 'Good riddance!' and they're missin' persons nobody misses."
"I don't know many bastards who'd go lookin' fer a lost child," Pickles said doubtfully.
"Who said I played a lost child?" Aiden asked. "Phooka'd dress me up in silks an' lace an' troll th' brothels. 'Evenin' squire, lookin' for somethin' sweet? Have a look at me dear boy here; he's young an' fresh. Only one guinea for an hour!' Then th' scum'd run t' be alone wit' th' two o' us."
Pickles gave a long, full body shudder, his face twisting in disgust. Someone knocked on the door. The young kelpie got up to answer it. He came back a minute later with a tray bearing four plates of cinnamon rolls, three glasses of milk, and a beer.
"Breakfast is served!"
Pickles took the beer and watched impassively as Aiden downed three of the cinnamon rolls and chased them with the milk. The young kelpie eyed Pickles' untouched plate.
"Yeh gonna eat that?" He inquired.
Dethklok's drummer slid the plate towards him, still lost in what passed for thought. Aiden ate the final cinnamon roll, then flopped down onto the bed, patting his full stomach. For the first time Pickles didn't flinch away from him.
"So . . . uh . . . how long are yeh gonna be hangin' out?" the ginger asked.
Aiden shrugged.
"Nessie tol' me t' keep an eye on you, so I'll do that."
"Oh. Um . . . Aiden? It's good that you eat bastards."
"Do you have any idea what you've done?"
Mercy paused and considered Charles. The Dethklok CFO was propped up in bed, IV still stuck in his arm, watching the press conference on CNN.
"No," she said. "Why don't you enlighten me?"
He really should have taken notice of the tone of her voice, but he was too busy wallowing in despair.
"The boys have to project a very distinct image to the public and – you've got them laughing."
Mercy looked over her shoulder at the television, where the press was engaging in a polite chuckle.
"I always felt you could put people at ease with a joke or two," she said coldly.
Charles shook himself.
"I still don't want you ever making a decision like that again," he said sharply. "Little building projects are one thing, but handling the band is something else entirely! It's bad enough when the boys wreck their public image, I don't need you girls adding to the disaster! It's important that you know your place!"
He expected tears; this was Mercy after all. She cried at the littlest things, but Charles had to be firm with her. He wasn't expecting the calm, calculating look she gave him. The red-clad triplet turned to her elder sister and ushered her towards the door.
"Faith, dearest, could you give us a minute? I'd like to speak to Charles alone," Mercy said in the same faux-sweet voice she had used at the press conference.
"He's under a lot of stress!" Faith said defensively. "And he's not well! Don't be too hard on him."
"Oh, crap. What's going on?" Hope asked, appearing in the hallway dripping wet.
Toki appeared behind her for a minute, also dripping. He squeaked in dismay when he saw Charles and ducked back around the corner.
"Nothiiiiiiiing," Mercy cooed. "Charles and I are just having a little chat. If you'll excuse us?"
Hope's brows knit in distress.
"I like him," she reminded her sister.
"I like him, too, that's why we're having this discussion."
Just before Mercy shut the door Charles saw Nathan peering around the corner.
"If you value our relationship, you will never utter the words 'know your place' around me again. Ev-er. Are we clear on this?" She said in a tone that could have frozen water.
"Ah. That was a poor choice of words," Charles admitted. "However—"
"Do not even start with me, Charles!" Mercy cried. "All three of us have put up with an incredible amount of bullshit on this trip! And we have tried – dear God, we have tried to bear it with good humor! If you want to be angry with how this situation turned out, fine! But don't you dare try to blame it on me!"
"I run this corporation like a well-oiled machine," Charles growled.
"HA!"
"-and I don't need over-enthusiastic lovers jumping onboard with no experience or training!"
"Jumping onboard? We didn't sign up for any of this! We didn't even know you were rich when we started going out, much less the CFO of Dethklok! And that's another thing-!"
"Don't change the subject! That was another matter entirely!"
"You lied about everything but your first name for the first eight months of our relationship! And we understood! We were fine with it! Now we're getting fastballs pitched directly at our heads and you're yelling at me for catching one!"
"Conway should have—"
"Conway's dead, apparently! Toki said he got eaten by the Kraken!"
"I seriously doubt we've seen the last of him."
"He was nowhere to be found this morning! We tried calling him and none of the Gears knew where he was! Nathan and Toki wouldn't help and you were still dead to the world! What was I supposed to do?"
"Anything besides outing Toki?"
"If he'd done the press conference himself the outcome would have been the same! He told me he wanted to come out! I was ready to lie for him if that's what he wanted!"
"If you want to handle the boys right, you have to tell them what they want!"
"Pardon me for not being bloody psychic!"
They paused for a moment, both still angry but having nowhere to go from there.
"I'll – I'll accept that this situation wasn't your devising," Charles finally said. "But do me the favor of never doing it again."
Mercy stared at him, obviously expecting something else. She wasn't going to get it.
"I am trying to keep my work and home life separate," the manager stressed. "A little help would be nice."
The middle triplet narrowed her eyes dangerously.
"Right," she said in a cold voice. "I'll have to start behaving like arm candy, is that it?"
"That isn't what . . ." Charles trailed off as Mercy went to the drawer holding his personal effects, found his wallet and helped herself to a few of his credit cards.
"Mercy, that's not very mature."
Mercy shot him a look that could have killed, then strode to the door.
"If anyone needs me, I'll be laying around uselessly, like a good trophy girlfriend!"
She yanked open the door and almost ran head-on into Matthias Conway. The CFO's personal assistant was slumped, exhausted, his suit in tatters and the remnants stained with stinking mud. In spite of this, he held a small bag of candy in his hands.
Mercy took the bag of gummi worms, then cast another dark look at Charles.
"He won't be needing those," she announced coldly, handing him back the bag. The middle triplet swept out into the hallway, where Nathan, Toki, Hope and Faith were peering cautiously through the doorway.
"Men!" Mercy spat.
"Don't look at me," Conway rasped.
The blond eyed Toki, still dripping, and Charles, laid out in an infirmary bed.
"Sir, I'm . . . I'm taking a personal day," Matty said weakly.
"That's understandable, Conway," Offdensen sighed. "Leave your phone on."
Matthias nodded, then turned and staggered down the hallway, shoving the gummi worms into Toki's hands as he passed. Toki opened the bag and started to eat the candy, his brow still knit in worry.
"I'll go talk to Charles," Faith said, starting for the door. She wasn't prepared for the enormous hand laid on her shoulder and nearly fell over backwards.
"You go talk to your sister," Nathan instructed. "I'll handle Charles. This is dude stuff."
Faith gave him a skeptical look, but nodded. She went after Mercy. Toki and Hope shared out the gummi worms, looking wretched.
"What exactly were you going to do with those?" Nathan asked. He appeared to think this over. "You know, without getting too specific?"
Hope looked down at the stretchy candy in her hand.
"Oh. Um . . . well, when a guy's dick—"
"Too specific," Nathan declared. He wasn't normally squeamish about discussing sex, but somehow it felt wrong when Charles was in the equation.
"What you does?" Toki asked.
Hope looked at Nathan, then gestured for Toki to bend down. The youngest triplet whispered in the Norwegian's ear. Pale blue eyes widened and he looked at the candy in surprise.
"Dat's ams genius," he declared. "I saves de rest of dese for laters."
Nathan let out a frustrated grunt.
"Okay, you try telling me, Toki. Maybe it won't be weird coming from another dude."
"Wells, when a guy's cock ams sos big you can't opens joos mouth that wide—"
"AUUGGH! I was fuckin' wrong!"
A splash behind Matthias let him know he wasn't alone. He still waited until he was well out of sight of Nathan and the others before he straightened and began walking normally.
"And the Academy Award goes to . . ."
JB snickered and leaned towards him eagerly.
"Soooooooooooooooo, how did it go? Since you're not really walkin' wounded I'm assumin' it was good?"
"Well, I am a little sore in places," Matty admitted, giving his rump a rub.
"I want every filthy detail an' don't spare the dirty words where appropriate!" Johnny Betty ordered.
"Faghag," Matty snorted. "Phooka . . . Phooka was still grieving. For me. He hadn't got over the fact that I was dead yet. And I took off before he came back. He just needed some time to get his head on straight."
"An' he couldn't have told ya this before he took off?"
"Flaky-ass fairy," Matthias declared, but there was warmth in his voice.
The pair reached Matthias's suite, guarded by a pair of Gears. They ignored JB completely – evidently she had her Glamour on.
"Conway, 4,583 said you were dead," one of the hoods stated bluntly.
"Rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated," the blond said with a smile. "But I do need a shower and about fourteen hours of sleep."
Matthias made his way into the suite, JB trailing silently behind. He headed straight for the bathroom, shedding the remains of his suit on the way.
"So where is Phooka? I thought you'd be all lovey-dovey and snuggly."
"We lovey-dovey'd all night long," Matthias declared with a sigh. "But he's plotting something with his brothers and sister. Evidently they had a plan to get a piece on the board as well."
"They aren't goin' t' trust you t' get the job done?" JB asked.
The newborn goddess halted outside the bathroom door. Matthias only shut the portal part way so that they could still talk. Many would have thought it odd that a goddess of sex would talk to a god of love around a door rather than see him naked, but Johnny Betty was raised post-human and liked to think she had manners.
"Hey, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, either," Matthias said, starting the shower. "They started a band to gather the energy of their audiences and feed off of the scumbags in the music scene. Nessie thinks she can blackmail Pickles into letting them open for the Dethklok, but if that doesn't work, Phooka's going to seduce Toki and coast off of the fame."
"What?" JB squawked. "Phooka's going to seduce Toki? But what about-?"
"I understand the urgency of the situation. And when the shit hits the fan, I would not mind having seven kelpies backing us up."
"Point," JB conceded. "Are ya sure you're okay with this?"
"Hey, I never minded flings. Love is my concern," Matthias said, shutting the water off. He appeared in the doorway toweling off. "Why is it no matter how high class the hotel the towels always feel like sandpaper?"
"I wouldn't know," JB sighed. "But you guys are really better?"
"Yes, thank you for the meddling, dear heart," Matthias said, tossing the towel aside. "It's good to have my husband back, even if we do have to keep it a secret."
"You're sure you're—"
"Hey, you can only have sex with immortals, right?" Matthias said out of the blue. "I did mention Phooka's five brothers are here, too? Five beefcake kelpies who are very much straight?"
JB considered this.
"None of them are dicks or idiots are they?"
"Shit, you are picky," Conway said, climbing into bed. "Go torment Nathan or something. I'm going to bed."
The newborn goddess nodded thoughtfully, went to the balcony and stepped off, plunging down five stories to land lightly on the pavement before casually strolling into the surrounding jungle.