Mass Effect 30 Day Challenge Day 6

Prompt 6: Favourite Side Quest

SPOILERS: Mass Effect 2

Misguided

2185 CE, Ilium

The bar's ambiance was similar to the Dark Star on the Citadel: bass-heavy music pounded over the sound system, a mix of Humans and Asari dancing or talking over drinks at tables along with the occasional Turian or Quarian.

"I think we should find out what's got the owner so upset before we meet with your contact Miranda," Shepard said. "Better a mess cleaned up now than a mess cleaned up later."

"Of course Commander," Miranda said, and Shepard resisted the urge to punch her. It was just something in her tone of voice, every time. Smarmy. Superior.

She caught Garrus looking at her, blue eyes speaking volumes even though he remained silent. Be nice, they said. We need her, just like we need everyone else.

Shepard scowled at him. She hated it when he was right. She moved towards the counter to the right of the entrance and could already hear the source of the commotion, a raised voice berating another staff member of Eternity. A human voice. A familiar voice.

"You're really holding out on me? I'm a man on the edge! I've got nothing to lose!"

Shepard stopped in her tracks and resisted the urge to rub her temples. This has got to be some kind of joke, she thought to herself. Or a dream, any minute I'll wake up and I'll still be dead.

"Is that…?" Garrus asked, and then he laughed. "Oh, this should be good."

"Someone you know?" Miranda asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

Garrus couldn't suppress his chuckles. "It's Commander Shepard's biggest fan."

"I will beat you to death with the stick up your ass if you don't can it, Vakarian," Shepard growled, and Garrus smirked back at her, unfazed by her melodramatic threats.

They approached the bar. The Asari tending behind it, tall for her species, stood with her arms folded and an elbow against one of the shelves, unimpressed by the blonde human's threats. Occasionally she said 'uh-huh' to one of his outbursts, looking more and more irritated with every passing second.

"Wanna see how far I can go?" the man yelled, jabbing his finger in the Asari's direction as Shepard and her team walked over. "I learned to shove a gun in people's faces from-"

He seemed to sense her standing behind him and he turned, his cocky, arrogant smirk instantly vanishing, along with most of the blood in his face. "C-commander Sh-shepard?"

Shepard bit back a sigh. Conrad Verner.

"Hey," the Asari bartender leaned over to speak to Shepard. "Do you know this idiot? Do me a favor and reign his ass in before I slap his ass with a singularity, okay?"

"Shepard?" Conrad squinted at her. "It's really you! I thought you were dead. Do you remember me? Conrad! Conrad Verner! I met you on the citadel, I wanted to become a Spectre?"

Shepard also bit back her urge to close her eyes and count to ten.

Conrad was still talking. Something about her shoving a gun in his face, showing him how to be extreme, learning his lesson. This was the very last thing she wanted to deal with today. Being on Ilium to help – what was it Jack kept calling her? The Cerberus Cheerleader? – with her family issues, that awkward exchange with Liara, the bigoted merchant down by the taxi stand.

Some days she just really wanted to hit somebody.

"Maybe you should stand back on this one," Conrad said. He looked absolutely ridiculous in the knock-off N7 armor he wore. Shepard thought of her long-dead friends on Akuze, and how hard they would kick his ass for impersonating one of their own. "Watch how it's done. I've got asses to kick!"

Shepard shook her head, closed her eyes, and let out a breath.

Fuck it.

She took him by the shoulders. "Conrad…"

Then she drove her right knee into his gut.

Conrad fell to the ground with a squawk of pain and the Asari bartender jumped up and smacker her fists together. "HAH, kick him in the quad!" she yelled. Then she smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, my father was a Krogan."

Conrad dragged himself to his feet, whining about how much his stomach hurt and something about getting better armor. "I don't care if you get angry," he said, wheezing slightly. "Someone had to do something after you died. I stepped up!"

Shepard rubbed the side of her head. She needed a drink. Possibly two. "Why were you trying to get the deed to Eternity?"

Conrad's eyes lit up. He looked like an excited puppy. "This place is a front for a red sand dealer. If I take it over, it'll crack the ring!"

"What." The Asari bartender gave Conrad a look that could have melted glass. "Who in the hell told you that?"

Conrad stepped back, stuttering. "The Asari who owns the weapons store by the carport. I introduced myself, she said she was an undercover cop, so she knows what she's talking about!"

The bartender settled both palms on the counter and glared at the man even harder. "Listen to me, crap-for-brains, we don't sell red sand, which doesn't even matter, because red sand is legal on Ilium. You just need a license."

Shepard shook her head again and sighed. You could only kick a puppy once before you felt bad. Conrad was annoying, but just a misguided idiot at the end of the day. "Look," she said, deliberately looking everywhere but at Garrus, who she knew was smirking. "I'll go talk to this undercover cop. Maybe I can figure out what he's talking about."

"Thank you," the Asari said, nodding to her. "If I kill annoying customers it tends to come out of my pay. You know, property damage."

Conrad gulped and moved hastily away from the bar as Shepard began to walk away. "Let me know if you need any help Shepard!" he said, his voice high-pitched and enthusiastic.

Shepard stopped and shut her eyes, letting out another exasperated breath. She turned back to the bar and flagged the Asari down.

Garrus leaned over, that damned smirk still on his face. "Having trouble with your biggest fan?"

She sighed. "When will we stop running into the crazy ones?" She addressed the bartender. "Get me the strongest drink you have. Make it a double."

Answer: Helping Conrad Verner

Note: In order to recreate the scene from the game (because I have a terrible memory) I made use of some actual in-game dialogue from this mission, which does not belong to me, it belongs to the writers of Mass Effect 2.