Jane stared at the ceiling fan whirling above her head, counting the seconds as they slipped away. She shifted uncomfortably and rolled onto her side. The person next to her hummed sleepily but did not wake up. The brunette took it as a sign that it was okay to get up and escape from the tangled sheets. Slowly, she moved so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window where a low moon streamed pale light into the room. Dropping her head into her hands for a moment, she rubbed her face tiredly. She really did not know how she got here.
Actually, she knew exactly how. Ever since she had shown up at Maura's doorstep the night after her date with Claire, something in the air had changed. Nothing completely overt had altered. She and Maura still hung out all the time before and after work but the undercurrent of their relationship had become more electric. Sometimes Jane would catch the shorter woman blatantly staring at her with an unabashed brightness in her eyes as if Jane was the only thing in the room. The doctor had begun to give her lingering touches on her shoulders or forearm that left her skin burning with desire. The tone of her voice would drop sometimes making her words drip like honey and causing Jane to flush with unbidden pleasure. In short, Maura was flirting with her and it was driving her insane.
Powerless to express her longing to her best friend Jane turned to an exterior outlet. The first time had been an accident. Claire had called her after a particularly torturous dinner with Maura who had kept teasingly leaning forward and flashing her perfect cleavage at the detective. She asked if she wanted to get some late drinks and Jane indifferently accepted. Buzzed with the alcohol and frustrated by the unrelieved arousal provoked by Maura, she and the reporter had fallen into bed. The release had been just what she needed. The busy caseload at work on top of her inability to tell Maura her true feelings had begun to wear down on Jane. It had been on the tip of her tongue many times when Maura would vibrate with laughter or the sunlight would catch on her tresses or when Maura was curled up utterly absorbed in a book. But the fear of losing those sweet moments was greater than the ache from keeping it buried inside.
Jane's bare feet shuffled across the carpet and she set about the difficult task of gathering her clothes in the dark. She never stayed the whole night with Claire. She would always slip away as soon as the other woman drifted off. As good as it felt to release her frustrations, her encounters with Claire left Jane feeling empty afterwards. She would leave and have her days filled up with Maura then, when it became too much to bear, she would show up at Claire's in the middle of the night to drain it away. It was probably not the healthiest solution she realized. Her and Claire never discussed the arrangement. For now though she seemed content to just share a bed with Jane.
After she managed to get dressed, Jane stood at the foot of the bed. In the shadows the detective could pretend that the blonde hair splayed on the pillow and the curves hiding under the white blankets belonged to the woman she really wanted. It was almost enough to convince her to crawl back in and curl around the slumbering form. But the brunette knew better. She knew the woman lying there did not feel quite right in her arms; that she was just a shadow of what could be. Jane shook her head. She could not keep up the vicious cycle anymore. She needed to end things with Claire.
Jane made her hasty exit into the night. Though it was technically the morning according to Jane's watch. The dial told her it was just past one as she climbed into her Crown Vic. She backed out but as she hit the road she realized she was at a loss to where she should go. She should go back to her apartment and sleep but she knew that Maura had left a pair of red pumps there that made her want to lay kisses along every inch of the blonde's shapely legs starting at her slender ankle while she was wearing those very shoes. Her home was becoming filled with reminders of the doctor like the blue cashmere sweater still draped over a chair and a box of some disgusting health cereal on her counter. Maura possessions had claimed her space like the woman had claimed her heart.
It was too late or too early to go to the precinct and there was no way she would be going to her parent's house. Maura would be in bed by now since it was a work night. Besides it would not be a wise decision to go over in her state of mind. That left one place as she pulled up to a big gray apartment building. She punched in the door code from memory and walked up the first flight of stairs. She knocked impatiently at a door and waited.
"Janie? Why are you here so late? What's wrong?" Frankie Rizzoli answered with a carton of Chinese food in his hand, some of it spilled on his t-shirt.
"You're going to get fat if you keep eating like that." Jane pushed passed her little brother.
"Please come in." Frankie rolled his eyes when he recognized that no one was in any immediate danger.
"Thanks." Jane went straight to the refrigerator to help herself to some beer.
"What are you doing here?"
The detective ruffled her dark locks and sighed. "I just need to talk."
"Yeah?" Frankie prompted and flipped off the sports channel that was playing in the background. Jane waited for her brother to join her in the kitchen before beginning.
"I met this woman."
"Ah, girl troubles. What's her name?" Frankie said in understanding.
"Maura." Jane said almost wistfully.
"So what's the problem?" he said sensing there was more.
"She's painfully straight."
"Ouch."
"But recently there's something more there. I don't know. I can't be sure but it seems like she's flirting with me."
"And that's an issue why? Doesn't that mean she is interested?"
"It's more complicated than that." Jane picked at the label on her bottle. "This is going to sound mushy but she's really important to me. I have never felt this close to anyone before. I don't want to mess that up."
"So you would rather just play it safe as the best friend instead of getting the girl?"
"You make it sound so easy." Jane barked.
Frankie held his hands up defensively, "I'm not saying that. But Jane, I just mean that what are you really afraid of here?"
The siblings were quiet while Jane worked up the courage to speak.
"What if I'm no good?"
"No good?"
"You haven't seen her Frank. She is gorgeous and sophisticated and gentle. What would she want with a grungy blue collar stiff like me?" She took a drink then crossed her arms, "Even if we had a chance, I would just screw it all up. I would lose her."
"How would you lose her?"
"Just look at me. I can hardly dress myself and I'm cranky most of the time. I would end up pushing her away like I have everyone else. I don't know how to be in relationships." Jane admitted
"I think you're being a coward."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You're so afraid that you won't be enough that you are not even willing to take the chance to really be happy. It's not fair to Maura for you to make that decision for her and it's not fair on you either."
Jane had to look away. His words stung bitterly but she could not argue with him. He was right. She was hiding behind her good intentions but truly she was just scared. She was afraid to lose Maura and afraid to never have her at all. Mostly it was the thought of being totally happy that frightened her most of all. Frankie saw that he had upset his sister and spoke kinder.
"You know why? Because Jane you are good enough. You're always taking care of me and Ma and Pop. You're honest and loyal and the best damn detective in Boston. You got so much to offer. You have to at least give her the chance to see that."
Jane looked at her younger brother for a beat. A smile grew on her face, "Just in Boston, huh?"
"Alright, maybe the tri-state area." Frankie laughed.
"When did you get so wise little brother?" Jane playfully nudged him. She still had a lot to think about but facing the truth was a start.
"Since always."
"Right." Jane scoffed then added seriously, "Thanks Frankie."
"Anytime. Now get your ass out of my apartment and go to bed."
/
"Good morning Bass."
There was no response from the stoic tortoise. Maura was unperturbed by his silence however and rummaged in the fridge for some Romaine lettuce intended to be his breakfast.
"What shall we do to Jane this week?" Maura asked him while she washed the leafy greens. For the past two weeks the blonde had been doing everything she could to drop hints that she was interested in Jane to little success. It was not that Jane did not respond positively to her innocent flirtations and physical stimulation. As it would turn out, Detective Rizzoli could be a shameless flirt. Her pupils would dilate and her breathing would become shallow indicating a clear level of attraction but she still did not act on any of Maura's insinuations.
She plated the lettuce and put in down in front of her pet who stuck his head into his shell stubbornly. Maura patted him gently, "Come on. You have to eat."
She sighed. Maura knew that she was an independent woman, perfectly capable of asking an individual out and she nearly had. There were times when she almost asked Jane out with her but something was holding her back. She felt as though this was something the brunette needed to figure out. Jane was not a creature to be pushed so she patiently waited and ventured to enjoy audaciously flirting with her for the time being.
The shrill ring of her phone suddenly broke through her ruminations. Recognizing the number she answered, "Dr. Isles."
The person on the other line explained that there was a possible strangulation victim in Jamaica Plains. She told them she would be there soon and hung up disappointed. Another case meant less time with Jane and less of a chance that they would move forward. She looked down at Bass who was resolutely not coming out.
"Alright." She conceded to him and got out some British strawberries and placed a few on his plate as well. At the sight of the red fruit, Bass's head emerged and slowly began to devour them. Maura smiled affectionately at him then went back upstairs to change for the day, perhaps into something low cut. It was going to be a long week.
/
Jane was glad for this week to be over. However, it did not mean her work was done as she took this time when the office was empty to obsess over her favorite side project.
"Jane, you got that confession?"
"Confession?" Jane scrambled to cover up the photos she had been looking at as Korsak came up behind her.
"Yeah from the boyfriend in the Wilson murder." Korsak scanned her desk for the document. Jane shuffled through papers in attempts to find it.
The detective reviewed the case in her mind, trying to switch gears. A young woman, Karen Wilson, had been found strangled inside her bedroom with no signs of forced entry into her apartment. They had a few days of dead ends but then found out she had a boyfriend, Jacob Lowell who had a history of anger management problems. After his alibi fell through and Maura had managed to get two latent thumbprints off of the victim's crushed trachea, it was easy to see that he would not be getting away with it. Jane and Korsak pulled a confession out of him with the evidence piling up. Apparently Karen was trying to leave him sending him into a blind rage. The brunette remembered being disgusted by the utter lack of remorse in his eyes.
"It should be here somewhere." The female detective grumbled.
"I think about it too Janie."
"About what?"
"The serial case."
"Korsak…"
"Jane." He looked meaningfully at her. She could see he was offering to listen to her.
"Every second that he's out there is another chance for him to take a life. And Cavanaugh has it sitting on the back burner!"
"I know. I want to get the bastard too but we got other cases we can't ignore."
"Well what are we supposed to do then? Just sit on our hands until more evidence just miraculously shows up? It means another body, another two bodies. Two more people dead and we can't do anything about it!"
"You think that's what we are doing? Nothing?"
She slumped into her chair deflated, "That's what it feels like."
"Jane, we arrested a man today for murdering his girlfriend. He's going away for the rest of his life. You think that's nothing?"
"I know we're still putting away bad guys. But there is just something about this case that puts me on edge." Jane confessed.
"Me too." Korsak patted her shoulder, "We'll get him though. You're a great cop Jane. For a girl."
She smirked, knowing that he was not serious, "You are too for an old timer."
"Come on. I'll buy you a drink at the Dirty Robber."
"Whoa, I must look glum if you're willing to buy."
"Can it before I change my mind."
"Detectives." The silky voice joined them and Jane wondered how she had missed the sound of heels coming their way.
"Dr. Isles," Korsak nodded, "We were just about to head out for some drinks. You want to join?"
"Yeah, you deserve some drinks to for pulling those prints off of the neck like that."
"It wasn't me. Thank Ninhydrin. The dye binds with the proteins in the latent print. It's rather fascinating."
"Well we're not taking Ninhydrin out for a drink so that leaves you." Jane teased.
"Jane, it's a chemical. You can't take it out to drinks and I don't recommend you drink it." Maura said seriously but Jane could see a twinkle in her eye.
"Thank you Dr. Smarty-pants. Now let's go. Korsak is buying."
It was a nice night. The sweltering summer seemed to have taken a brief reprieve with a refreshing breeze that swept through the city. They took the opportunity to leisurely walk over to their favorite local haunt. The bar was rather busy that night with people enjoying the weather. Jane still managed to get them their normal booth though she did have to flash the group of businessmen her badge before they reluctantly moved.
Korsak ordered the first pitcher of beer for him and Jane while Maura stuck with her usual glass of wine. The atmosphere was easy between them as they let the worries of their jobs fall to the wayside for the time being. It felt good to laugh even when Korsak was telling embarrassing stories from when Jane was a rookie.
"And then she wheels around and pops the guy in the nose." Korsak was already laughing, "But it turns out it was Crowe."
With her best efforts Maura tried to stop the laughter at Jane's expense from bubbling up her throat, but she did not quite manage it, "Did you really punch Detective Crowe?"
"Yeah and I would do it again." Jane grinned. "And don't call him Detective."
"But isn't he?"
"Barely." Jane did not like to be reminded that Crowe had managed to pass his detective's exam last month. "I'm out of beer again."
The brunette went to move but Maura stopped her with a hand to her forearm, "I will get the next round."
"You don't have to."
"No, I want to look at the wine list anyway." She said sliding out the booth and headed over to the bar. Jane could not help but watch the way her hips moved as she walked away. The brunette quickly shifted her gaze down into her empty pint, trying to gain control of her leering before her partner noticed.
"So," Jane looked to Korsak who was nonchalantly sipping his beer, "When are you going to ask the doctor out?"
Her jaw dropped open to make a retort but she was too stunned for anything to come out, wondering if she had been that obvious. Vince chortled, "Don't look so surprised. I'm a detective. And I have eyes."
"We're just friends." Jane attempted to recover as she toyed with her glass.
"Jane, we're just friends and you have never looked at me the way you look at her."
"I don't know Korsak… You think she would go for someone like me?"
"Trust me. She's looking at you just as much as you're looking at her."
Jane felt her cheeks heat up and she glanced over to Maura. However, she froze when she found that the doctor was not alone. One of the businessmen from earlier on was sloppily hanging off the bar while he chatted her up. Hot jealously crawled through her as she watched the man's eyes practically undress Maura. Jane felt the searing emotion in her veins slowly grow into anger when she saw that Maura was clearly uncomfortable from her defensive posture. She was rigid and trying her best to lean away from the man who was obviously inebriated and beyond the point of recognizing her discomfort. He was gesturing to the corner of the bar where his buddies had migrated but Maura was shaking her head and saying something Jane could not hear.
Whatever it was seemed to upset the man as his brow furrowed and he began to wave his arms more dramatically. The blonde took an uncertain step back and his hand shot out to her wrist to stop her. When Jane saw his thick hand tugging on her delicate skin, her vision went red. Without a word to Korsak she stood and walked over to the pair.
"Let go of me." She heard Maura saying stiffly.
"Just one drink." The man continued to pull on her.
"I would let her go if I were you." Jane interjected. Her voice was dangerously calm.
Both Maura and the man turned to look at her. Maura looked relieved. She breathed out, her voice calling to every fiber of the detective, "Jane."
The man's frown deepened but he still did not release her, "Who are you?"
"I'm her friend and I believe she asked you to let her go." Jane was rapidly losing her patience.
"Oh yeah? You going to make me?" He tightened his grip on her arm and Maura winced under the pressure. Jane lost any illusion of control as she snapped sending her fist flying straight into the man's mouth. He staggered onto the bar from the force, losing his grasp on his captive. Maura stumbled; teetering in her heels from the momentum and Jane was easily there to catch her from toppling over.
"You bitch!" The man was clutching his face and blood was seeping out from behind his fingers.
"I told you to let go." Jane kept her hand on Maura's side.
"I'm going to-" The man began to pull himself up and Jane was already adopting a protective stance in front of the blonde but Korsak stepped in between them. Jane could not remember seeing him follow her over there but of course she had been very distracted.
"You are going to what?" He brandished his gold shield. The man faltered and then looked about for a getaway. "That's what I thought. Why don't you go rejoin your pals?"
As soon as he was dismissed, the drunken man all but ran away, tripping over his shiny shoes and muttering how she was not even worth it. Korsak turned to Jane who was still simmering with her fury. Her partner addressed her with soft authority, "Why don't you take Dr. Isles home for the night, huh?"
Jane nodded not quite trusting her voice as she turned without looking at Maura and stalked out of the pub, assuming that she would follow. Jane heard the blonde catch up with her long strides when they hit the pavement and silently walked along side of her. Jane stewed quietly in her rage all the way to the car and then for the entire drive to Maura's house, until they were parked in her driveway. Neither woman moved to get out of the car. Jane sat stonily with her hands clasped tightly to the steering wheel. Maura's hands fidgeted uncharacteristically in her lap as if waiting for Jane to do something. Finally she broke the tense silence that pervaded the air.
"Are you alright?" Jane asked carefully.
"Yes I-" Maura's voice wavered, "I'm fine."
"You aren't hurt?"
"No, I- Jane you are bleeding." Both women looked at Jane's left hand where she just noticed a scratch cutting diagonally across her knuckles with blood pooling there. It was slightly swollen and she figured it would probably be bruised tomorrow.
"I must've caught a tooth."
"Come inside. You need to get that looked at. Human mouths are teeming with bacteria." Maura ordered as she got out of the car. Jane obeyed and she went along with Maura into the house.
/
Maura went directly to the kitchen and strained on her tiptoes to reach for her first aid kit in the cabinet above her stove. When she turned around Jane was already seated in one of the stools, studying her slight injury. Maura walked around the island to stand in front of the sullen brunette.
"Let me see." Jane allowed her take her hand and begin to wipe away the blood. As she disinfected the area she tried to think of something to say. She wanted to tell Jane that the man's advances had been completely unprovoked. She had been waiting on their drinks when he had clumsily made a pass at her much to her chagrin. But Maura was not unpracticed in deflecting unwanted attention. She was clear and polite in telling the man that she would not enjoy his company for the evening. The blonde had not anticipated him becoming aggressive when she rebuffed him. She tried not to let on but she had been a bit shaken with his fingers digging roughly into her radius and ulna.
Then Jane had suddenly been there in her moment of panic. The detective swooped in and did what she was the best at; beat the bad guys. Maura knew that she should scold Jane for her use of physical violence when there were less obtrusive ways to defuse such circumstances. However, she could not bring herself to honestly disapprove of Jane's actions. The taller woman had been so steady and sure that she could not see how it had been wrong when it felt so right.
"Thank you."
Jane looked up startled by Maura's small words, "For what?"
"For stopping that man." Maura gingerly rubbed ointment onto the cut.
"You don't have to thank me." Jane tensed her jaw.
"He could've hurt you Jane." Maura chided. Her mind flashed to the first time she had tended to Jane's wound, careful suturing tiny stitches into her arm while she tried to hold it together. She wanted to fall into the detective's arms like she had that night, and make her promise not to do anything reckless ever again. But that was not Jane, "You are hurt."
She finished applying a bandage to her knuckles. Her unwilling patient instantly pulled her hand away flexing it against the adhesive but did not say anything. She stood and walked to the other end of the counter while Maura occupied herself cleaning up the supplies. She had not meant to upset Jane. Insecurity leaked into her mind as she felt responsible for the whole situation. Nothing in her previous experiences had prepared her for something like this. She could not recall a time where someone had defended her leaving her with no idea of how to proceed and Jane's unyielding silence was not helping her figure it out.
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" Jane asked flabbergasted.
"I didn't mean to cause any strife."
"You- What?" Jane clarified, "Maura, I'm not mad at you."
"You're not?"
"No! It's that jackass at the bar. He had no right to lay his hands on you." Jane was becoming worked up, her words spilling out before she could stop them, "He's lucky I didn't pull my gun out and shoot it off. No one puts hands on my girl."
The words hung in the air and Maura stopped short looking at Jane perplexed. The detective, not realizing what she said, gave her an incredulous look, "What?"
"You called me your girl." Maura told her not breaking eye contact.
Now Jane stalled, shaking her head, "No, I didn't-"
"Yes you did." Maura pushed, "My girl, a popular colloquial term especially in the blue collar community, in reference to a level of romantic intimacy and belonging to an individual."
"Thank you Google." Jane grumbled.
"Jane," The blonde furrowed her brow at Jane's deflection, "Is that what you meant?"
"Maura, please. I don't want to ruin anything between us." The taller woman begged, "Can we just drop it?"
"What if I don't want to drop it?"
"Huh?"
"Haven't we been dancing around the bush for long enough?" Maura implored.
"It's beating around the bush, Maur." Jane corrected.
"Stop avoiding the question Jane." She demanded.
She sighed in resignation, "You sure you want to know?"
"Please."
"God Maura," Jane began to pace in agitation, "I have never met anyone like you. You know that? You're so damn smart and refined and beautiful. You're everything I am not."
"Jane-" Maura wanted to protested.
"No, let me finish." She held up a hand, "Maybe that's why I am so drawn to you. I don't know but you make me feel something I have never felt before. When you are around, everything feels lighter, like I can breath easier. You remind me why I want to make the world a safer place."
Maura's heart was pounding erratically in her chest as she heard Jane confessing her feelings. The detective was slowing down, "I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. I hope we can be okay, because you mean so much to me, even if we are only ever friends."
"I feel it too Jane." Maura's rushed sentence completely halted the other woman. She looked at Maura in disbelief as the blonde explained, "I've never met anyone like you either. I had never experienced such an immediate bond until you. I don't think I have ever been this close with anyone, someone who will put up with all of my less appealing tendencies."
"Maur, I like that you can rattle off obscure facts off the top of your head and yet don't know what macaroni and cheese is." She assured her.
Maura smiled as she slowly approached her, "I like that you can pop a guy in the mouth and then say something incredible sweet."
"I would do anything for you Maura." Jane said candidly.
"I can tell. You're the strongest, most courageous person that I know. You make me feel not alone anymore and I will be forever grateful for you."
"So, what does that mean for us?" Jane asked looking down at her still not entirely sure what Maura was telling her. They hovered inches apart. The room was heavily laden with repressed actions and desires floating between them.
"I don't know." Maura tentatively broke the barrier and brought her hands to rest up on Jane's shoulders. Her fingers experimentally brushed against her t-shirt, "But we could figure it out together."
Jane finally lifted her arms to wrap them around Maura's waist incidentally pulling the blonde closer. She could feel Jane's warm breath on her cheek and see how her eyes had nearly turned black. The detective smelled like lavender and something uniquely Jane that made her weak in the knees. Maura felt if Jane were not holding her she might very well collapse with the way her blood rushed deafeningly in her ears and her breath shortened depriving her of the proper amount of oxygen. She watched as the brunette nervously licked her lips, "Maura I- Can I? You…"
She tilted her head up, bringing their mouths that much closer as she whispered, "Just kiss me."
Jane's breath hitched in her throat as she leaned down the rest of the way and gently pressed her lips to Maura's for the first time. They had barely made contact when Maura gasped faintly as she felt a spark start in her stomach and shoot through the rest of her being. The sound caused Jane to intensify the kiss, pressing her more firmly against her. The taller woman's tongue flicked out at her lower lip seeking to deepen and asking permission all at once. Maura instantly opened up to her with a slight whimper and Jane began to explore her mouth, their tongues playing languidly. The doctor heard a rumble in the other woman's chest as she thread her fingers through her dark curls.
Next thing Maura knew she was pushed securely into the counter and the detective's hands had developed a mind of their own as they tugged on her blouse and slipped under it. They covered her ribs and traveled down, leaving a heated trail, to rub her skirt-clad hips. Months of sexual tension manifested as Jane ripped her mouth from Maura's and began to suck and nip the flush skin on her neck, her hands still roving hungrily. The blonde groaned deeply while she tugged encouragingly on Jane's roots until she remembered herself.
"Jane, wait." Her grip fell from the back of Jane's head, onto her shoulders to push her back slightly.
She pulled away abruptly, panting lightly, "I'm sorry. I got carried away."
"It's alright." Maura kept her hold on the detective so she could not run away, "Could you just remove your hands from under my shirt?"
"What? Oh, sorry." Jane removed them quickly but placed them on the outside of her clothing, stroking the fabric apologetically.
"It's fine. It is just- I have not done this before, with a woman. I want to go slow."
"Slow is good." Jane instantly agreed. "Slow is great. I can do slow."
"Good." Maura smiled with her hazel eyes shining.
"Good." Jane husked while she grinned back at her like a fool. She deliberately dipped her head down for a slower kiss and that Maura gladly accepted as she let herself get lost in Jane once again.