Hey everyone! Sorry about the sweaty eyeballs. But I hope that you stick with me through it though it. In due course my friends.
Hurt Talk
/
Jane had to pull her car over to the side of the road. The tires rumbled against the graveled shoulder as they skidded to a halt. She kicked open the door so she could empty the contents of her stomach onto the pavement. She wretched as vomit splattered on the ground and after a few moments she was only dry heaving. She spat a couple times trying to rid her mouth of the bile. The detective collapsed back into her seat, gasping for air. Jane did not know when her ragged breaths transformed into tears. She fell against the steering wheel. She beat her forehead on the hard plastic attempting the eradicate the image of Maura sobbing in her foyer and then the eerily calm desolation that overtook the blonde when Jane had said the one thing she knew would push her away.
It's because you're not worth it.
Jane had never meant anything less in her whole life as nausea rolled over her again but she swallowed it down. She loathed herself for what she had done but she had to in order to keep Maura safe. A serial killer was murdering couples, specifically targeting doctors. He had apparently taken a special interest in the detective and sent foreboding messages about her girlfriend who by some hideous twist of fate was a doctor. There was no way she could justify staying with her if it meant her life was put in danger. Ever since she had read the note all she could think about was sitting in Maura's living room, bound and gagged with Maura fear-stricken and cheeks stained with tears. When Jane looked down at her knee she saw a white teacup with painted blue flowers rattling against a saucer. The thought was too much for her to deal with. As wretched as she felt right now betraying Maura's trust, it was only a fraction of the horror she felt just thinking about the man with no face deliberately walking towards the blonde. Jane would do anything to stop that from happening. She would do anything to protect Maura including causing this temporary unhappiness.
Maura would heal from whatever pain she was causing her right now. She would grow to forget about Jane and find some dependable and loving man to settle down with. They would get married and have kids. They would have the white picket fence with Bass slowly grazing across the front lawn. In that future the man waiting for Maura was good and handsome and made Maura smile like it was always Christmas morning. That would be enough for Jane, just to be able to see that smile from across the station when he came to visit her for lunch or sent her a sappy text message because if Jane stayed, if she was selfish, Maura's future was much more sinister. The only man waiting for her was dark and perverse and wielded a scalpel. That thought sustained Jane as she vigorously rubbed her eyes and pulled herself together. She sniffed and wiped her running nose.
"This is the only way." Jane whispered hoarsely. She put the car in gear and merged back into traffic. It was all she could to just keep moving forward.
/
Maura peeled off her gloves and threw them in the biohazard waste along with the blue smock flecked with blood from the autopsy she just completed. She grabbed her tape recorder and went back to her office so she could start making the final report in her office. The adult male in his late 20's had been found stabbed in an alley. The cause of death had been very straightforward. Puncture wounds to his chest had pierced his aorta, collapsed a lung and he bled out quickly. The weapon was a switchblade that had been found in the dumpster next to him. It was a standard case as far as everything was concerned and yet it was killing Maura.
It was the first case where she had to work with Jane since the detective broke up with her a week ago when she had eventually managed to get up off the floor shaky and dehydrated. She had crawled into her bed pressing her hot, tear-stained cheeks into the cool pillowcase to try and calm herself down. The throbbing pain that blossomed under her breastbone dulled to a controllable ache until she was able to numb herself completely. That numbness enabled her to get up in the morning. She could shower and scrub her skin in scalding water until she was red as she tried to wash away the remnants of that night. She could select her outfit to mask the wreckage she felt on the inside. She could meticulously apply her make-up to cover any trace of tears. Maura looked almost like the woman she had been 24 hours ago. That woman's eyes sparkled and her smile could light up a room. This woman's eyes were pools of sadness and her lips stayed in a flat, somber line.
It was how she had gotten through the past few days until she had walked onto the crime scene right into Jane Rizzoli. The detective seemed to have developed a permanent scowl on face but she was still gorgeous her dark wild hair and sharp eyes piercing. Seeing Jane tore off the weak bandage she had put over the gaping wound that was left from the break up. She had to fight through the dizzying pain to get through her preliminary assessment. Maura spoke her findings aloud, remaining professional and detached, but she never directed anything specifically at Jane who seemed to develop the same tactic. All of the detective's questions or statements were stated as if she were speaking to herself. The entire thing was an awful reminder of what she had lost. There was no playful flirting or teasing banter. Jane did not offer lunch plans or say she would bring coffee by later. Maura could not secretly hold her hand as Jane walked her back to her car. She was glad to be back down to her cold morgue where the people did not talk back. It was easier not to feel anything as she methodically dissected the corpses.
Maura signed the last paper of her report, verifying its legitimacy. She tapped the button for the intercom, "Yoshima, could you step in a moment?"
Seconds later her assistant appeared in her office. The younger man came from Japan and was quiet and self-sufficient. He relied on logic and science just as much as she did and she appreciated that about him. "Yes Dr. Isles?"
"Can you run this file up to the detective in charge?"
He glanced at the file, "Detective Rizzoli?"
"Yes." Maura turned to her computer to hide her grimace at hearing Jane's title.
He nodded wordlessly and hurried off to do as she asked. Maura bit her tongue and started doing long multiplication problems in her head to stop from crying.
/
"Detective Rizzoli?"
Jane turned to see Maura's assistant marching towards her. He extended manila folder for her to take, "Dr. Isles asked me to give you the final autopsy report."
"Thanks." She snatched the file and flipped it open. The young man was surprised by her aggressive action and scampered off as quickly as he could. Jane sighed. People running away from her seemed to be happening to her frequently this week and she could not really blame them.
Since she broke up with Maura, Jane had been lashing out at everyone like a wounded animal, which for the most part she was. She did not want to face the pain and being angry was the only way she knew how to deal with it. Seeing Maura for the first time today had been gut wrenching as she had watched the doctor glide onto the scene. She was like an oasis after being in the desert for a long time. Jane drank in her perfect honey curls and her graceful dress. Maura looked exactly as she remembered her and yet something was off. The light in her hazel eyes was out. Her expression was vacant as she mechanically listed off the facts only. People who did not know Maura would assume that she was fine. They would attribute her behavior as the norm for the Queen of the Dead but Jane knew better. It took a lot for her to restrain herself and not reach out to the melancholic doctor. She had walked away and she had to stick with that decision.
"Are we going to talk about this Janie?" Korsak asked gingerly.
"I'm going to call it an night." Jane leapt out of her seat acting like she had not heard him. She grabbed some files from her desk to take home with her.
"It's only 5." Her partner raised an eyebrow.
"I'm really tired. Here is the autopsy for the stabbing victim. We have saliva on the scene. DNA won't be processed until the morning." She pushed the report on him, "See you tomorrow Korsak."
"Jane…"
She did not stick around to find out what he had to say. She could not handle listening to Korsak talk about Maura. It made it all too real. She rushed out of the precinct but did not head to her car. Instead she began to walk down the street to the Dirty Robber. She definitely needed a drink after today. She wrapped her arms around herself as the breeze picked up. Autumn had finally begun to settle in Boston with a vengeance. Cold whipped through the city and stung her ears and nose so they turned pink. Jane relished in it. The cold reminded her of Maura. Her fingertips were always a little chilled and at night her feet were like ice blocks from standing around in the morgue all day. Jane loved nothing more than wrapping herself around the doctor and warming her right up as they drifted off to sleep.
Jane yanked the bar door open and went into the warm haze. She hesitated at the entrance. To the left was her normal booth where she would sit with Maura. She would spend the evening watching Maura sip her wine and Jane would do her best to make her laugh so she could feel the lightness in her chest that it brought. Instead she forced herself to make a hard right to plant herself at the bar. The wooden stool creaked under her weight and dug uncomfortably into her backside. Jane signaled for a beer. The bartender promptly slid a bottle across to her. She took a long swig then let the glass clink against the counter, "Keep them coming."
She wished the affects of alcohol would kick in sooner as she deftly tossed down the rest of the bottle. Maybe tonight was more of a hard liquor kind of night.
"Drinking alone Detective?"
"Claire? What the hell are you doing here?" Jane's eyes hardened at the sight of the reporter.
"Just came for a drink, not an exclusive."
"Yeah, I've heard that before." Jane muttered into a new bottle of beer.
"Look, I'm sorry. It was nothing personal." She felt Claire sit in the space next to her.
Jane kept sullenly staring forward, "So you splashing my case across the news had nothing to do with me dumping you?"
"Well, that little detail certainly didn't hurt." Claire admitted. The detective scoffed. At least she was honest.
"So Jane, why are sitting here by yourself at 5 on a Wednesday? Things didn't work out with the little woman?"
"That is none of your business."
"Oh, I hit a nerve." Claire sounded pleased.
"Don't you have something better to do?" Jane was losing her fight.
"No, I can sit here all night."
"Well I can't." Jane tossed money on the bar to cover her drinks and stood up. She had beer at her apartment, and maybe some whiskey stashed somewhere. She could brood and get drunk there in solitude.
"Jane wait!" Claire called after her as she pushed into the outside.
"You really don't take hints, do you?" The detective huffed, striding briskly on the sidewalk. Claire jogged a little to keep up.
"Come on, am I really all that bad?"
"Yes." She said obviously.
"We've had some good times together." Claire was undeterred. "My bed has been awfully lonely Jane."
"Claire we were not together. We are never going to be together."
"I'm not saying that. I just thought you could take some frustrations out." Claire caught Jane's elbow and pulled her to a stop. They stood in front of the unusually quiet station as the reporter leaned into Jane. "I can help you forget about her."
"Nothing can make me forget her." The brunette said lowly.
Claire slid her hand along Jane's forearm, "Quit fighting. You know you want me."
"No, you disgust me."
Still the light blonde did not flinch away, "I can live with that."
Claire leaned in completely and forced her lips onto Jane's. The detective tried to find comfort in the kiss but all she wanted to rip herself away in repulsion. Everything about the other woman was a mistake, so excruciatingly not like Maura. Her mouth was clumsy and her tongue was almost coarse against the detective's. It was nothing how Maura kissed with fluid movements and skillful caresses. She wanted to get away from Claire's generic perfume and unappealing touch. Suddenly a padded thud and the sound of objects scattering caused Jane to shove Claire away. She looked to the noise and was horrified to find Maura frozen on the steps of the precinct. The doctor had dropped her Hermes handbag. Some of the contents had spilled out onto the pavement. Her wallet lay half in the purse, her keys sprawled nearby, and a tube of lipstick rolled towards Jane.
"Maur." She choked out.
"Well, isn't this a lovely surprise, Doctor." Claire smirked.
"Shut up Claire. Get out of here." Jane gritted out.
Maura knelt down and fumbled to gather her belongings while the reporter continued to gloat, "You don't mean that Jane."
"Get out of here now." Her voice was dangerous now and Claire finally seemed to know Jane had reached her limit.
"Whatever." She shrugged it off then sent one last barb, "When you want to get laid again call me."
Jane stamped down the urge to murder Claire, especially since she was right out in front of the police station. She did her best to ignore the reporter and looked back to Maura. She picked up the fallen lipstick and tentatively tried to give it to her. "Maura, I'm sorry."
The medical examiner did not pay attention to Jane's extended hand. She looked furiously at the detective, "You're sorry?"
"I didn't mean to-"
"You didn't mean to what? Break up with me over some… nymphomaniac!"
Maura stormed passed her with her high heels clicking rapidly. Jane chased her, "It's not like that."
"Then tell me what it is like Jane? Did you or did you not sleep with that woman?" Maura asked but did not stop on her fuming course to the parking lot.
"I did but that was before we were together." Jane rushed out.
"So what? I wouldn't out put so you moved on?" It was strange to hear Maura speak so angrily to her. Her words unexpectedly stung Jane.
"It's put out Maur." Jane could not help correcting her.
"Don't be condescending with me Jane Rizzoli."
"Maura, I never meant to hurt you." Jane offered lamely while Maura struggled to unlock her car. The shorter woman was stuck as she stood stock still in the cold night. She shivered. The brunette hovered inches away from the doctor's turned back. It would have been the easiest thing to reach out and wrap Maura into her arms. She almost did but the blonde spoke.
"Well, you did hurt me Jane. I can't-" Her voice cracked and it nearly broke the detective. "Just leave me alone."
"Maura."
"Leave me alone." Maura was definitely crying now though Jane never got the chance to see for herself because the other woman was suddenly in her car and the sleek black automobile was driving off. Jane fought back the tears and squeezed the small tube still clutched in her hand.
/
Maura knew she should not be driving with the moisture gathered in her eyes but she had to get away from Jane. The world was just dark blobs and bright lights while she cried through traffic. She tried to clear her vision with her palm but the waterworks persisted. When she had been leaving the precinct that evening the last thing she had anticipated was finding her ex-girlfriend kissing some other woman. Now the image was seared into her brain and she could not stop replaying the devastating moment over and over again. There was something else besides the sadness now though. Her blood pressure seemed to increase as she realized she felt anger, an emotion she normally could avoid, and jealousy. In general, Maura did not hate anyone but she would exclude Claire Jensen from that rule. Her crying became more subdued as she put more distance between herself and the incident. Her hysterical thoughts became clearer.
She really had not expected this kind of behavior from Jane. It had barely been a week since Jane had broken her heart on her porch and now she was already out pursuing other women. Logically Maura was having a difficult time understanding it. All evidence that she had gathered regarding Jane had indicated that she was a good woman. She had genuinely cared for Maura when they had been together. She had defended her honor and introduced Maura to her parents. That was not the actions of someone who was not emotionally invested in a relationship. No matter how many times the blonde went over things in her head, it just did not add up. There was information she was missing Maura realized.
She did not have the whole picture but she was determined to find out. But for right now, she needed a steaming bath perhaps with lavender oil to wash away the day.
/
Maura attempted to remain neutral as she walked into work the next morning. Still the thought of Jane and Claire making out pierced her as she passed over the very spot. Her exhaustion did nothing to help block out her feelings. She had not been able to sleep at all last night. Her bath had actually helped to soothe her nerves a little but it did not stop her thoughts from racing as her genius brain went over every fact in regards to her relationship with Jane. Maura had narrowed down the time frame to after the last appearance of the Surgeon. The detective had been aloof in the hotel room, then passionate to the point of desperation in her kitchen, only to be distant again at the second crime scene. She was not sure what had altered to make Jane behave so erratically. Her mind grasped for the missing piece of the puzzle.
She definitely needed an extra cup of coffee this morning as she passed through security. She veered into the café where Stanley was arranging the donuts so they were perfectly aligned and not touching. Maura was startled to already find Detective Korsak at the self-service pots. She almost turned around to come back later but decided against it. The blonde was perfectly capable of talking to a fellow co-worker, even if he was Jane's partner.
"Good Morning Detective Korsak." She said politely as she grabbed a cup.
"Hey Doc. I thought I told you to call me Vince." He said cheerfully.
"Right, Vince. How have you been?" She was relieved to hear his friendly tone. Honestly she missed talking with someone familiar. She had spoken to her assistant and the various lab technicians but there was no pleasantries or small talk about weekend plans. Maura had not realized that she had become accustomed to that contact. The Maura before Jane would have been perfectly content to bury herself in work and spend quiet evening alone with her medical journals and faithful tortoise. Now, the silence of her home was glaring and she found herself striving to make awkward conversations with people in the line at the grocery store just to be able to speak.
"Same old, same old." Vince chortled then looked her over carefully, "How have you been holding up?"
Maura was surprised by the concern the older man exhibited. He had always been welcoming to her but they had rarely delved into personal matters. His apparent worry for her touched Maura as she faltered, trying to accurately describe her emotional state, "I've been managing."
"You can still talk to me you know." Korsak put an unprecedented hand on her shoulder, "I'm not on anybody's side here."
"Thank you." Maura felt her eyes misting, "That means a lot to me… I've been confused and…"
"I'm sorry Doc. Between you and me, I think she is being an idiot."
"Vince, do you know why? That might be the worst part, not knowing why she…" Maura could not finish her sentence. It hung between them. The worst part was not knowing why Jane left her.
"I have a pretty good idea but it's not my thing to talk about it." Vince said regrettably. "I can tell you Janie has been miserable all week."
"Then I don't understand why she is-"
"It's not my place to say." The detective shook his head.
"I don't know if I can talk to her." She felt defeated. "The pain is not going away. I wake up every morning and it feels like there is a gaping hole in my chest."
"Just give it some more time." Korsak sympathized. "And I will try to knock some sense into her."
"You don't have to. I don't want your partnership with Jane to be compromised."
"Don't you worry about that, Jane and I will be just fine."
"Vince thank you, for being here for me." Maura felt some of her loneliness dissipate.
"Anything for a classy lady like you." He blushed, "I got your coffee."
"You are truly a gentleman." She smiled for the first time in days as they went to the counter and Vince paid for the hot beverages. They walked out together to the elevators. Maura pushed the down button while Korsak indicated the up.
"I'll see you later Doc. Keep your chin up." He said as the elevators arrived.
"Goodbye Vince. Thank you for the coffee. I really appreciate it." She stepped through the sliding door finally feeling some peace.
/
"Let's try this again. How do you know Ray Bishop?" Jane stared hard at the bulky man across the table. His head was shaved and a tribal band tattoo stretched around his huge bicep. His wrists were handcuffed in front of him. When Jane and Korsak showed up at his apartment, he had tried to book it down the fire escape but the man was all brawn and no stamina. Jane had caught up and tackled him by the end of the block.
"I told you. I don't know him." His voice was raspy like he had smoked too many cigarettes.
"Then explain to me why your number was the last to call his cell phone."
"My phone was stolen from the gym last week."
"Was it now?"
"Haven't seen it since." He shrugged. "Anyone could have."
"Well let's see." Jane whipped out her phone and dialed the number before the man could stop her. An annoying rap song filled the interrogation room and the man's back pocket vibrated.
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow. He looked away with a scowl firmly set in place.
"So, Slade, would you like to try again? Or would you like me to tell you about the steroids that Ray was selling you." Jane was done messing around. The DNA found had been matched to Slade Michaels, the beefed up man who was glowering in front of her, who had prior convictions for aggravated assault and possession. She and Korsak had spent their morning interviewing a bunch of muscle heads about Slade until the manager of the gym talked about overhearing an argument between the two men. Slade needed some juice and Ray was not pushing the man had said.
"I want a lawyer." He said before sealing his jaw shut once again.
"I bet you do." Jane stood up. "Because your under arrest for the murder of Ray Bishop."
"Bullshit! I didn't do anything!" He raged.
"Your DNA says otherwise." Jane countered, "You know spitting is a bad habit. We have you placed at the crime scene."
His eyes shifted nervously, "That doesn't prove anything."
"You have a history of violence. And we know you threatened to kill Ray when he stopped selling to you." Jane sneered. "I think that will be enough to put you away for a good long while."
She began to walk out, "Wait."
Jane looked at him unimpressed. His eyes shifted nervously, "I want a deal."
Jane smirked triumphantly, "I'll send in the ADA with your lawyer and you can discuss that with her."
She left victorious but the normal satisfaction of catching the bad guy was absent. Korsak, who had been observing behind the one-way glass, was there to greet her, "That was some nice work in there. The case was weak without that confession."
"Yeah." Jane said despondently. It did not matter when she could not tell the one person she really wanted to.
"Jane, we have to talk about this." Korsak sighed
"Talk about what?" Jane sent out a warning glare.
He was not intimidated, "About what happened with you and the Doc."
"No, we are not talking about that." Jane said tersely.
"You can spit and snarl all you want Jane but you don't scare me." Korsak bit back, "Now I am your partner and we have to trust each other with everything."
"Korsak, we broke up that is it. We didn't work out." Jane tried to appease him.
"I don't believe that for a second. At Frankie's graduation, you two were like Johnny Cash and June Carter. Then after the hotel room, you could barely look at her."
"You don't know jack shit."
"I'm getting fed up with this pit bull routine. This is about the letter and we both know it."
"You don't-"
"Jane, stop lying to me."
There was a moment of silence. Korsak pressured her, "What are you doing Jane? That poor girl is really torn up."
"You think I don't know that?" Jane yelled, "I know because I feel it too!"
"Then what are you trying to do here?" He shouted back. People in the hall stopped to stare at the arguing partners. A quick glare sent them on their way.
The brunette let out a shuddering breath and hardly spoke above a whisper, "It's not safe for us to be together."
"Just because he wrote you a note doesn't mean he is coming after you."
"There's nothing that this guy does without purpose. Our relationship puts her in immediate danger."
"You can't really believe that."
"Korsak, this psycho is killing doctors. Doctors. Maura can't be with me right now."
"You really think that she safer out there without you?"
"I think if she is alone then a man brandishing a scalpel is not going to come and try to slice her neck open because he likes to watch couples suffer."
"You are being unfair. Don't you think you should include her in that decision?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I know she would stay."
"Jane…"
"I can't live with myself if she got hurt Korsak."
"Well it's too late for that." Korsak clomped off and left her standing in the hallway gaping slightly. She hit the wall in frustration before storming off herself.
/
Maura was honest to god tired as she slid her key into her front door. She unceremoniously kicked her heels off in the entrance and let her purse fall to the floor. She had decided to stay as late as she could at the office, typing out paper work until her eyes blurred and she could not see the computer screen anymore. Then after that she reorganized the chemical cabinets. She needed a reprieve from her cycle of thoughts. The doctor forced herself to work with the expectation of falling into bed for some dreamless sleep.
She turned on the CD Player to drown out the quiet. Edith Piaf sung out desperately in French as Maura poured herself a glass of red wine. The blonde drank it quickly not bothering to enjoy the tannins or tart grape taste. It was another step in hoping for an alcoholic haze to help put her out. Alcohol depressed the nervous system, blocking neurotransmission between synapses, and made congruent thinking difficult, which is exactly what she was relying on. She readily poured a second glass.
Maura rubbed her neck, attempting to work out the knot that had formed there. She heard Bass's shell scraping alongside something, maybe the coffee table. She pulled out strawberries for him but found her stomach growling for the treat. She was sure the tortoise would not mind sharing. Biting into the juicy fruit, her mouth watered. It had been along time since she had eaten and did not realize how hungry she was as she helped herself to another one.
Picking up her wine glass again a chill ran through her. That was odd she thought. Since the weather turned cold she had definitely turned off the air conditioner and yet the room felt as though there was a draft. Maura caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She whirled around and found the curtains covering the door to the patio billowing in the breeze. Her heart began to pound in fear. The door had been left open. Against her better judgment, she cautiously approached the door. She was certain she had not opened it recently but she could not remember locking it either. Perhaps it had been cracked this entire time and she had not realized until the weather changed.
She drew back the gauzy white fabric and screamed. The wine glass in her hand fell, breaking on the ceramic tiles and sending red liquid oozing across its surface. The shattering sound was a strange continuation to her own abrupt cry. Her knees shook as she ran to her phone. Trembling fingers dialed a number. The person picked up on the other line, thought it did little to relieve her panic as she desperately said one word.
"Jane."
/
Bum bum bum. Reviews are good for morale :)