Hello dear readers! Here we are again with another chapter.
There is a small italicized part that indicates a little flashback which should not be too confusing. Just a heads up :)
Remember patience is a virtue.
So Close
/
"The truth? The truth is I love you Maura! You mean everything to me. I never want to see you hurt and when you are with me that is a real possibility! I couldn't live with myself if that happened. You're in danger and it is all my fault." Jane hollered and waved her arms empathetically as was her Italian nature, one of the many things Maura adored about her. But she was not thinking about that now. Actually, everything stopped as soon as the brunette had said 'I love you.'
The words replayed over and over again in her head long after Jane had stopped talking. She stared at the gorgeous brunette who was breathing heavily with the conviction she felt. Maura was having a difficult time reigning in her emotions. Jane Rizzoli had a definite knack for making Maura experience things with such a passion she had not known before. No one could make her feel as euphoric or cared as the detective and in the same instance make so her incredibly angry or hurt. All of it was whirling through her until one prevailed. Her eyes narrowed as she strode purposefully across the room.
It felt awkward as she drew her hand back then propelled it forward to make contact with Jane's cheek. Maura had never hit anyone before. She never had aggressive tendencies before but she would have an exception for Jane. Her fury at Jane's actions, no matter how noble she intended them to be, boiled over as she slapped the surprised woman's face. Her resentment towards Jane dissipated as soon as the cracking sound was absorbed into the air. She had been standing on her anger and it had suddenly been ripped out from under her. Maura felt herself falling into Jane who managed to catch her around the waist. The blonde dug her fingers painfully into strong shoulders as she forced her mouth onto Jane's. She did not want to give the brunette the chance to think. The kiss was bruising with an almost savage intensity as Maura tugged roughly on Jane's lower lip with perfect, white teeth. The detective did not back down from the near violent embrace. In fact, she held Maura closer graciously taking all that the doctor gave.
Logical thought began to evade the blonde as she started shoving Jane backwards down the hall. Her hands pushed the thin fabric of Jane's Red Sox shirt out of the way dragging her hands down toned abdominals. Still she need more contact. Maura tore herself away for just a moment so she could practically rip off the garment with Jane's help leaving the detective in a sports bar and low-slung sweatpants. She quickly reattached their desperate lips while Jane's finger deftly unbuttoned her plum blouse and pulled the material free from her gray high waist skirt. Calloused hands drew down her arms and took the shirt with them as it fluttered to the floor. The bedroom door flew open as they stumbled inside. Jane fell back on the bed first but Maura maintained standing. Her eyes remained locked on Jane's pitch black eyes as she stepped out of her pumps. Trembling fingers found the zipper of her skirt as she slid it down, letting the cotton pool around her feet.
Maura now only wore her lacy white bra and matching underwear while she climbed onto the bed with Jane, straddling her hips. The detective seemed to be in awe as her eyes roved hungrily and yet lovingly over her semi-nude form. The doctor took the opportunity to appreciate Jane's hard stomach and the sharp angle of her hipbone.
"Maur…" Jane started but she cut her off with another round of fervent kisses. She moaned into the brunette's mouth as she draped herself over her taller frame. Their heated skin brushed together with Jane smooth and solid beneath her. Gentle hands encased her ribs and ventured upward to cup her breasts making her whimper wanting more. Jane groaned as Maura rolled her hips into her with need. The detective reached around to unhook her bra and the article was banished away. Her warm hands returned to Maura's chest and the blonde's breath hitched at the feeling of Jane's palms rubbing against her stiff peaks. Their lips bumped clumsily against one another in a forgotten kiss as they moved together in passion.
Maura dipped her head to bury her face in Jane's neck, her tongue teasing the sensitive flesh there. She inhaled the unique smell of the detective and suddenly the memories of previous encounters rushed her along with the heartache that Jane had innocently inflicted. Moisture began to prick her eyes as she wavered. Maura watched as hot tears splashed onto Jane's neck. The detective was fast to realize that something was wrong.
"Maura, what is it?" Jane tried to look into her eyes, "We don't have to."
Maura shook her head, "I just need to feel you."
She frantically tugged on the remainder of Jane's clothing. The brunette helped Maura remove her bra and pants and soothed her in a hushed tone, "Okay, it's alright."
The doctor latched back onto Jane, pressing her face into her collarbone as she continued to cry. A lean arm covered her shoulders and the other stroked her hair as a husky voice whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Maura."
She did not respond. The blonde just held on tighter and focused on the feeling of Jane alongside her. She was getting so tired while her sobs began to taper off. As Maura gave into sleep, she heard a final phrase from the apologetic detective, "I love you."
/
Jane watched as Maura slipped into unawareness, her body giving out to her exhaustion. Jane tampered down the desire that Maura caused to rage through her body content to have her back in her arms. The doctor's kissing had been punishing with the force behind them and Jane gladly took that retribution. She rested her swollen lips against Maura's forehead with her nose nestled is sweet smelling locks of blonde hair.
The detective resigned to the fact that Maura was safer here with her than anywhere else. Subconsciously Jane strengthened her embrace around the smaller woman as if someone were going to come and try to take her away. The elusive serial killer was dangerously close to doing so already. Her plan to keep the medical examiner out of harms way had failed. The Surgeon had not been deterred at all from specifically targeting Maura. The only thing she had managed to accomplish was breaking the heart of the woman she loved. Maura had unequivocally trusted her and Jane had abandoned her like everyone else in her life had. Jane cursed at herself. If she could, she would take it all back. She never would have let Maura believe that she was not worthy. Jane was the one who did not deserve someone as pure and wonderful and so utterly beautiful as Maura. She cursed to herself internally. She cursed to herself internally. She had really messed this up.
The fact that Jane confessed her love to Maura abruptly caught up with her. She had not intended to say it. The words had just flowed from her without a second thought. Now that they were out, nothing sounded truer than that simple expression of devotion. Maura had not returned the sentiment but Jane could not really expect her to with all of the things she had been through. It did not stop her from hoping that Maura would eventually say it back to her. The blonde's hand curled over Jane's steady heart beat.
The detective was too drained to think anymore. That was all she had been doing for the past week and it had gotten her nowhere. She shifted her attention to the relief she felt to have the blonde tucked safely into her side and prayed that Maura would be there tomorrow.
/
The first thing Jane was aware of when she woke up was that the gentle weight on top of her was gone. Her stomach sunk with disappointment as her hand traveled the cool surface of her bed and not finding a warm body next to her.
"Good morning."
Jane was startled by the voice. She opened her eyes to find transparent hazel ones watching her carefully from the end of the bed. Maura sat pin straight with the sheet wrapped around her. The skin around her eyes was still a little puffy and she seemed a little paler than usual but she was still radiant as the golden afternoon light played in her mussed curls. Jane sat up pulling the comforter up with her, though her posture was much slouchier than the immaculate doctor, "Hey. You're here."
"I am."
"Maura, I'm so sorry."
"I know."
"Can you understand why I had to? Why I had to try and keep you away from him?"
"Yes, I understand."
"Please, Maura tell me what you are thinking."
Maura thought for a moment, trying to verbalize her feelings. Her brow crinkled slightly in concentration, "When you said those things, when you left me… I can never feel that again. I have never felt so broken."
"I thought it would be better for you to not be with me. I thought I could protect you." Jane rubbed her watering eyes. "I never wanted to cause you that pain."
"Why didn't you discuss it with me instead of pushing me away?" Maura's hurt came through.
"Because I can't say no to you." Jane defended lamely, "You would have refused. I thought it would be easier to end it now. Before he had a chance to kill you. Before I had a chance to screw this up."
"Is that what this is about?" Maura demanded, "You think you will ruin our relationship?"
"No. Maybe. I don't know." Jane rubbed her brow, "What I do know is I'm grumpy and I push the people I care about away. It's unfair to you to put up with me."
"No, what's unfair is you deciding this without consulting me." The blonde scowled. "You can't make me love you Jane then take it away."
"You… love me?"
"Yes, Jane." Maura sighed. "Even now when you make me so angry, I still love you."
"God, I love you too." Jane could not stop the tears from falling heavily down her cheeks as her walls came tumbling down. She had not allowed herself to cry since the night she had gotten sick in her car. She had been carrying around the pain like an anvil on her chest and now it became too much to bear as she fell forward placing her head in Maura's lap and mumbling 'I'm sorry' repeatedly. The blonde welcomed the touch as she ran her fingers through Jane's thick mane, skimming down her naked back occasionally.
"It's alright Jane." Maura murmured the words that Jane had been telling her last night and for the first time the detective believed them. Listening to the doctor say them gave her clarity, like things would work out. It fortified her. The brunette sat back up as her emotions ebbed somewhat and her eyes cleared. Maura's delicate fingertips ran over her cheeks and wiped away the moisture that had gathered there. As Maura extracted her hands, Jane asked cautious, "What happens now?"
Maura considered the question. "I don't have the energy to fight you. I don't think it would be in our best interest to be apart right now. I'm still hurt though Jane. You didn't trust me enough to tell me about the letter."
"I don't expect you to forgive me for that."
"I will forgive you." Maura silenced her by grabbing her hand. Jane held it, running her thumb over her knuckles. "We need some guidelines though if this is going to work again."
"Okay." She waited to hear Maura lay down the law.
"You don't get to decide if we break up unless you are honestly unhappy with me." The doctor started. "I don't want you to stay out of obligation."
"I have never felt obligated to you." Jane shook her head.
"Still, I don't want you to think you are bound to me."
"Alright, the same goes for you."
Maura nodded and continued, "You can't lie to me Jane that includes omitting information. We work on things together. We are a team."
"No more lies." Jane promised with a kiss to the back of Maura's hand.
"We are going to get into fights because I'm high maintenance and you are bull-headed." Maura let a small smile slip onto her face.
"Yes we are." Jane smirked.
"So we can't leave an argument without letting each other know we still care." Maura insisted, "I know we may need to take a step back and get some space but I don't want to leave it feeling like you are not coming back."
"Okay, we won't leave angry." Jane agreed, "And I'll always come back."
"We're going to be okay, aren't we?" Maura asked though it was more of a statement.
"Yes we are." Jane opened her arms for Maura to rejoin her. The blonde crawled back up to the head of the bed, careful to keep her sheet in place while fitting herself into Jane's side. The detective became painfully aware of her how naked Maura was just under the thin white cotton and memories of last night flooded back to her. She had never seen someone so perfect as Maura. Her unblemished skin had glowed in the dark room. Her stomach was taut from all of the yoga she did but she had the beautiful curves of a woman unlike Jane's more athletic frame.
Jane accidently groaned as she thought about the feel of Maura's full breast against her. Maura looked up at her, "What is it?"
"Maura as much as I love laying here with you. We need to put some clothes on before I go insane."
The doctor laughed in surprise but did not move away. She nestled into Jane neck, moving her lips gently across the skin there as she spoke, "I'll get in the shower then you can while I make us breakfast or lunch I suppose. It is after 12."
"Sounds good." Jane kissed her forehead once, then again. Jane flipped Maura so she was suddenly on her back. The blonde squealed in delight as Jane peppered her face with kisses. Her giggling broke up the somber feeling of the morning and the sun seemed to shine through the windows a little brighter.
"Jane stop." Maura said half-heartedly, "I need to shower."
"Fine." The detective rolled off of her and Maura primly rose from the bed. Jane watched her tiptoe across the room like a Greek goddess swathed in white. The blonde paused in the doorframe and sent a sly grin over her shoulder.
"I won't be long."
"Great." Jane smiled at her until she was gone. She flopped back against the mattress, exhaling heavily. Her shower was definitely going to be a cold one.
/
Maura pulled out the eggs and bacon that Jane miraculously had in her refrigerator. Her feet slid easily along the linoleum in the pair of Jane's work socks that fell loosely around her ankles. She had stolen them from the bureau along with a baggy BPD sweater and blue and white striped boxers that she rolled up to fit around her hips. She retrieved the skillet from its usual cabinet and set it on the stovetop, flipping the burner on to heat the pan. She dropped in a pad of butter and waited for it to melt, the yellow liquid slowly spreading around the pan.
She cracked two eggs and dropped them in the pan. They sizzled pleasantly as they instantly began to cook. As Maura flipped the eggs there was a knock at the door. She paused unsure whether or not to answer but Jane came barreling in wearing basketball shorts and a hooded sweater shirt, her hair still drenched, yelling, "I got it."
Maura kept cooking and listened to the conversation at the door.
"Korsak? What are you doing here?" Jane asked.
"I know it's our day off but I thought we could go over some facts on The Surgeon case. I've been feeling antsy about it and-" Korsak paused, "You got someone in there Janie?"
"Yeah, I-"
Korsak interrupted her angrily, "How could you do that to Dr. Isles? She is heartbroken over you and you already got some other woman warming your bed? That is low Jane. You can't just-"
"Korsak!" Jane stopped his ranting and opened the door farther to reveal Maura in the kitchen.
"Hello Vince." She said brightly, "How do you like your eggs?"
"Oh, ah, sunny side up." He said sheepishly upon seeing the doctor.
"No problem." She added two more eggs to the pan, "And thank you for defending me."
"You're welcome." Korsak chortled as he walked in, "I'm just glad to see Jane got her head out of her ass."
"Hey!"
"Yes, she did, only after I did some of my own detective work." Maura said proudly.
"Yeah, you're a regular Nancy Drew, Maur. Speaking of, you never did say where you got a copy of the letter."
"I got it from Detective Crowe's desk." Maura began to fry up the bacon.
"So you stole it?" Jane raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't steal it. I just took it for scientific inquiry." She looked at Jane whose expression did not change, "… I guess it was like stealing. Do you think I will be arrested?"
"I won't tell if you won't." Jane winked indicating that she was teasing her.
Maura's eyes narrowed for revenge, "Jane, dear, will you make the toast?"
It was a question but there was no doubt that Jane was being told, "Yes, darling."
The detective obeyed, starting to put the wheat bread into the toaster. Vince laughed from his seat at the breakfast bar, "I'm glad to see some things never change."
Maura just smiled while she served him the eggs and bacon.
After everyone had their fill, they gathered in Jane's living room to look over notes on the serial killer. Korsak reclined in the worn armchair and Maura sat close next to Jane on the couch, their knees brushing. The folder had exploded onto the coffee table while the three occupants browsed through the content.
"We lost our window of opportunity." Jane said with frustration, "The trail has gone cold again."
"Yeah, we have to wait for him to emerge." Vince scratched his goatee.
"Well, there was a year in between the first and the second murder. Then only six months between the second and third." Maura looked at the timeline.
"So if he sticks with the pattern it will only be 3 months before his next attack." Jane finished her thought.
"Exactly." Maura nodded.
"So we are looking around December, maybe January. What else do we know about this guy?" Vince wondered aloud.
"We know he uses scalpels on his victims and targets doctors." Maura listed off, "But why?"
"Well, he has had some medical training. Perhaps he resents them for their success." Jane theorized. "He could have failed at becoming a doctor and now is taking it out on them."
"That is speculation." Maura objected.
"I went to a profiling seminar a while back. It teaches you how to think like a serial killer. Men like the Surgeon are not your average criminals. They have a whole different set of motives that we cannot understand." Jane explained.
"So we could be looking for someone who dropped out or got kicked out of medical school?" Korsak caught on.
"Yes, that would be a good place to start." Jane agreed.
Maura countered, "Or we could be looking for a butcher's son. We don't know."
"You're right. It's not an exact science but we have to start somewhere." Maura could hear the dissatisfaction in Jane's voice.
She relented, "So what else does profiling say?"
"He feeds off of control with the way he tortures the wives in front of the husbands, leaving them incapable to do anything." Jane said in disgust. "He likes to watch people suffer."
"And the messages." Korsak mentioned, "He is controlling the contact with the police department."
"Yeah, the messages." Jane muttered while she laid out the three that were addressed to her and looked over them critically, "There is something about them that I cannot quite figure out."
"What about the video?" Maura posed the question, "Is there anything else we can get from that?"
"We know he is white, male, approximately 6'1" in his early 50's." Jane shuffled through papers until she found the screen cap of the thin man. "But that is about it. I followed up with Frost and he said it was the best we can do."
"Too bad the kid is stuck in Robbery." Korsak said thoughtfully. "He would make a good homicide detective you ask me."
"Yeah, I like him." Jane leaned back into the cushions, "We aren't getting anywhere."
"Give it some time." Maura abandoned the documents she was holding to curl up into Jane's side.
"We'll get him." Vince determined.
"Yeah," Jane sighed and kissed Maura on the cheek.
"Say, isn't the game on?" The older man checked his wristwatch.
"In about 15 minutes." The brunette responded.
"Let's turn it on." He reached for the remote and clicked on the television, "We've had enough of this for today."
"Yeah, the Pats are looking good to beat the Cowboys." Jane said clearly glad for the distraction. Korsak flipped through the channels until sports announcers came in view discussing the possibilities of the game, something Maura did not quite understand. The loud, raspy men arguing about the teams had no impact on the outcome of the game and it appeared that they had not been on a football field in quite some time, or been on a treadmill for that matter.
"I'll get us some drinks." Maura stood. "Beer?"
"I'll take one." Korsak nodded.
"Thanks babe." Jane kissed her hand then let her go to the kitchen. Maura pulled out the refreshments and rooted around a bit for snacks. She scoffed at Jane's selection. They would have to go shopping together again. The blonde picked a bag of corn chips and dumped them into a glass bowl. Maura settled for a cereal bowl to pour salsa into. She smiled as she heard Jane and Korsak already arguing over statistics in her absence. It was good to see something things never changed.
/
Lunchtime was the best time Jane thought philosophically as she headed down to the morgue to pick up Maura. Since the blonde had shown up at her door a couple weeks ago, the two women seemed to be closer than ever. After Maura had initially been wary of her, it had been easy for them to fall back into their habits. Jane took great pleasure in the fact she could hold Maura's hand again and catch her in a quick kiss as they parted ways at the elevators. They could not help the attraction that they felt to each other.
It had not been smooth sailing the whole time. A few days ago Jane had tried to stop Maura from climbing a ladder to get to a suicide victim who had hung herself insisting that it was too dangerous. The medical examiner had done it anyways without a problem and been mad at Jane for treating her like she was incompetent. Jane winced as she remembered the argument.
"Jane, I am a professional. I'm the Chief Medical Examiner, not a little girl. If my job requires that I climb a ladder, then I very well can." Maura roughly dropped her purse on her countertop.
"That ladder was rickety at best. I'm not questioning your ability. I just didn't want you to fall." Jane snapped back as she followed the irate woman.
"But you are. You are questioning my judgement. I said it was fine and it was fine." Maura yanked open the refrigerator and took out some fennel grass and turnips for Bass. She started washing them thoroughly, "You should have believed me."
"Well, I'm sorry for looking out for you."
"No, you are acting like I can't make decisions for myself, once again." Maura threw the plate of vegetables down in front of Bass who ducked in his shell, startled by the movement. The blonde did not even fawn or apologize over her turtle for scaring him because she was so mad.
"This isn't the same as that." Jane's voice jumped an octave.
"Yes it is!"
"Look, I'm sorry I doubted you but I'm not sorry for trying to keep you from getting hurt." Jane said stubbornly.
Maura pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't want to do this right now. You should go home for the night."
"Maura…" Jane whined.
"I just want some space. That's all."
"Fine." Jane turned on her heel to storm out. She made it half way to the door before she turned back around having forgotten something. She found Maura pouting in the same spot in the kitchen. The brunette walked right up to her and pulled her into the circle of her arms. "I love you so much."
"I love you too Jane." The detective could hear the smile in her voice. Jane held her back slightly to plant a loving kiss on her lips.
"Thank you." Maura said as she toyed with the lapels on her blazer.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Jane assured.
"Tomorrow... Now go. I'm still upset with you." Maura shoved her playfully but Jane snuck in one last kiss.
"Yes ma'am." Jane grinned as she went home to think about what she had done.
The next day the detective had been more understanding and Maura more receptive to her apology. They made up and promised to do better. They survived a fight and came out better for it.
Jane walked passed the empty autopsy room to Maura's office, "Hey babe. You ready for lunch?"
As the taller woman peaked in she found Maura sitting at her desk chewing on her lips nervously. She instantly knew something was off, "Maur? What is it? What's wrong?"
"Hm? Oh Jane, nothing is wrong." She replied distantly.
"Then why does it look like you have seen a ghost?" Jane relaxed a little and slumped into a chair in front of her desk.
"My parents are in town for the Fairfield's charity banquet. Both of them."
"And that is bad?" Jane asked trying to get a grasp on the situation.
"No. Yes. No."
"Okay… Maura, you are going to have to explain this one to me."
"I don't think I have seen my parents in the same place since I was 17."
"Wow, really?" Jane could have slapped herself. That was not the emotionally supportive girlfriend thing to say but fortunately Maura did not seem to notice.
"They are expecting me to attend."
"So are you going to go?"
"I have to." Maura sighed.
"I'm sorry." Jane thought a moment. "If you'd like, I'll go with you."
"Really? You would do that for me?"
"Of course." Jane smiled easily, "Didn't you tell me ladies are escorted?"
Maura giggled, "I guess I did."
"Then I will be glad to go with you. But I'm not wearing a dress."
"Fine but we are going shopping for a new suit." Maura bargained.
"I can deal with that." The things she did for this woman.
"Something in Armani. Mother loves Armani." The blonde said as she eyed Jane's proportions.
"Have you… told your parents about us?" Jane asked delicately.
"No, not yet. It is not exactly something you call up and say over the phone." Maura looked down, "But you know I can't lie. I will tell them."
"Whenever you are ready. I'm not pressuring you."
"I know but I want this to be as real as possible. I don't want to hide."
"You know I will support you in whatever you want to do." Jane smiled.
"Thank you." Maura seemed to become nervous again, "There is something else I should tell you."
Jane leaned forward concerned, "You can tell me anything."
"Just promise you won't be upset." Maura looked at her with those puppy dog eyes that she could never deny.
"Maura, just tell me."
"The Fairfield's are close family friends. I grew up with their children." Maura started out slowly, "Garrett is my age. We have a romantic history."
"So we will be running into one of your exes?"
"It was more than that. We were engaged." Maura confessed.
"What?" Jane yelped a little too loudly.
"I know. I was 20 and had just finished my undergraduate studies. At the time, everything was serious." She rushed to explain.
Jane continued to be floored, "You were engaged and you didn't tell me?"
"That's not reasonable Jane. I don't know about all of your past relationships. I only recently found out about Claire." Maura said her name like it was a bad word. Jane realized that Maura was right, for as close as they were, they were still learning things about one another. She reeled in her feelings of jealousy.
"You're right. I'm sorry." Jane calmed down to start thinking rationally, "Why did you not get married?"
Maura cautiously carried on, "I broke off the engagement. He wanted to go to Milan to start a fashion business. I wanted to go into medicine then Doctors Without Borders. We would have been miles apart for years. Though, that was just the superficial reason. I think deep down it was because I new it was wrong. I didn't really love him."
"That's good. You shouldn't be in a loveless marriage." Jane encouraged her.
"My parents were not pleased. They said it was a perfect match. They just want me to marry within my social class. I'm afraid that this banquet is an excuse to try and throw me at Garrett again." Maura cringed.
"So you are telling me I have to watch my girlfriend tried to be sold to some spoiled, probably charmingly good-looking aristocrat?" Jane groaned.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not you fault." Jane offered her a smile. "Just expect me to be possessive and rude around him."
Maura chuckled ruefully, "Why am I not surprised?"
Jane got serious as she tentatively spoke, "Maur, about Claire and that night on the stairs. She surprised me. I didn't want to- I mean she just forced herself on me. It was never serious with her. I always only wanted to be with you."
The detective rambled awkwardly until the doctor finally put her out of her misery, "It's okay Jane. I understand. I don't have to like it but I get it."
Maura stood from her desk chair and walked around to Jane while she talked. She slipped easily onto her lap and Jane held onto her waist while her pale finger played the detective's dark hair, "Just expect me to be possessive and catty around her."
Jane laughed, "Of course. Now are you ready for lunch? All this ex talk is making me hungry."
"Really? I'm not very hungry anymore." Maura said coyly as her tongue flicked over the shell of Jane's ear. The detective shuddered.
"Yeah, me neither." Her throat was suddenly very dry.
"Maybe we can just… talk some more on the couch." Maura purred suggestively.
"Oh yeah." Jane got up with Maura still in her arms, eagerly taking her over to the couch to 'talk' some more.
/
We are at the end again! I know people want them to ah, consummate their relationship. But I have never written anything like that before so you need to be patient with me. Sorry ha, ha.
I love hearing what you guys think. Reviews are like cupcakes.