Disclaimer: Mass Effect doesn't belong to me, nor do I intend to profit from this work of fiction.
Kaidan found Shepard sitting on the floor in front of Ashley's locker, carefully packing her belongings into a box. She glanced up as he knelt next to her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, heedless of the others in shuttle bay. She turned into him; her face buried in his throat as she squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears threatening to spill over. She'd lost soldiers under her command before, but it never got easier.
"Thank you," he murmured to her. He swallowed the lump in his throat as she turned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly for a long time.
"Kaidan, you know I couldn't leave you behind," she whispered. "You're a ranking officer, a powerful biotic, tech expert, and a born leader. Ash was…" she breathed out a sigh, "She wasn't just a grunt, she was so much more than that. She deserved better than to die in a foxhole on a backwater planet."
Kaidan touched his forehead to hers, "I know. And I know why you picked me, logistically it makes sense, but I can't help but wonder, Shepard," he replied, his voice low to prevent them from being overheard.
She squeezed her eyes shut, "Kaidan, had you been the soldier, and Ashley the officer, I would have left you. But I didn't." She rubbed a hand over her temples, and held his gaze for a moment, "I hope you never have to make a decision like that, Kaidan. To decide between two friends, either willing to give their lives to ensure the mission is a success. But I'm glad, and I know that sounds selfish and trite. I'm glad I was able to save you," she cupped his cheek softly, and brushed the pad of her thumb over his lips.
"Shepard," he murmured, and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her close without a second thought. She pulled away, and gave him a sad smile, and got to her feet. He stood, and picked up the box with Ashley's belongings. Knowing she was about to record a videomail to send to Ashley's mother, he followed her to the elevator. "Shepard, you don't have to do this alone," he told her.
She gave him a slight smile, "I know, and thank you." He shifted the box to rest against his hip, and laced his fingers in hers.
"You never have to be alone, Shepard. I'm here for you, no matter what."
She stayed silent, just leaned her head against his shoulder as they rode the elevator in silence. This man was everything she'd ever hoped for, a true companion that didn't attempt to change her, and accepted her just as she was. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized she loved him, and probably had since she'd first laid eyes on him several months ago.
"Kaidan, I-" she trailed off, and her gaze met his.
He read everything in that one look, and with a hand at the small of her back, pulled her in for a deep kiss. He pulled away with a soft sigh, and followed her to her cabin.
She straightened her shoulders, and gestured for him to pull up a chair to sit beside her. She turned on her terminal, and after a deep breath, began her message.
"Mrs. Williams, my name in Commander Shepard, and this is Lieutenant Alenko. Your daughter has served with us with honor for the past six months. It is with the deepest regret and sympathy that I must inform you that she was killed in action on…"
Kaidan sat beside her, stone faced as she continued on, the customary message sent to the family of deceased soldiers punctuated be the emotion in her voice as she conveyed her message. When she was done and the camera was turned off, she crawled into his lap, and pressed her face into his chest, her back heaving with silent sobs as he held her, together mourning the loss of a good friend and comrade.