Chapter Two: Persuasion techniques
Eddy sulking looked over at Saffy who was still poring over her new textbook, and then to Patsy who was pouring herself yet another large vodka and drinking it in one effortless gulp. Why Saffy can't just do this one little thing to help is beyond me, Eddy thought to herself. With one last rejected plea of 'Saffy, make mama a cup of coffee', she decided that she would show both Saffy who was refusing to make her the drink and Patsy, who was shouting 'Come on Eds, forget about the coffee and move onto the Bolli' that she could do it alone. Eddy looked down at the coffee machine and decided that it looked so very complicated that she was prepared to settle for instant although she hated the taste. Next, she set about finding a mug suitable for her coffee and after banging nearly every draw and cupboard she finally found what she was looking for and a spoon as well.
'Mum, you don't want a tablespoon of coffee, that would make it horribly strong and bitter you need a teaspoon', Saffy corrected her mother from across the kitchen. 'Well where the bloody buggery am I supposed to find a teaspoon in this kitchen? I don't know where anything is and I live here' Eddy snapped. 'I would hardly say you live here, you seem to hover somewhere between here and your office, swanning in and out of shops and going to loud and extravagant parties. Never once have I seen you drink something that didn't come out of a glass bottle and you only use the kitchen when you want to irritate me or make a drunken mess' Saffy scolded her mother with a look of bitterness burning in her eyes.
Turning back to her work, Saffy was clearly still fuming. She constantly resented her mother for all the problems she had in her life. She couldn't even get her work done ready for the campaign that she was going to run in the 6th form area during their lunch break with Sarah. Trying to make her mother move quicker, Saffy kept sighing and glaring at her and Patsy trying to make out she needed to get on with her work. But really Saffron had a much bigger secret she was trying to hide from her mum.
'Eds, are we having lunch today?' Patsy quizzed her friend loudly as she hated leaving the room silent for too long in case Saffy started talking again. Patsy hated nothing more than having to hear Saffron Monsoon's voice whining from the corner like a puppy that is being ignored- whimpering for attention. 'Darling, we go for lunch everyday- why would today be any different?' Eddy answered as she searched for the switch on the kettle to make it boil. Patsy satisfied that Saffy was absorbed back into her book and writing notes, sat back and lit another cigarette. But before she could take one drag, Saffy piped up again. 'Oh, are you going out mum? I thought you and Patsy had agreed to stay in today and play trivial pursuit and other board games today with me like we used to when I was younger'. Smirking to herself, Saffy looked at her mother and then to Patsy with an inquisitive look across her face. Knowing this was a sure way to get rid of them both very quickly.
Horrified Patsy almost dropped her cigarette and choked on a mouthful of Vodka, she shouted 'EDS! WHAT HAVE YOU AGREED TO NOW?', as she stormed across the kitchen away from Saffy. Surprised by this sudden outburst of noise Eddy managed to pour the boiling water all over the kitchen side rather than in her coffee mug. 'Bloody buggery bollocks, sweetie look what you made me do now' Eddy exclaimed, she looked from Saffy who was trying her best to look needy and Patsy who was downing the rest of the bottle she had in her hand, probably the thought of having to spend time with Saf. 'Sweetie, darling I have no idea what you mean' Eddy attempted to reassure Pats, 'but you promised me mum, you said you would talk Patsy round and get her to join in like the old days' Saffy replied, her brown eyes wide. 'No not about that, we never played board games with you when you were younger, did we Pats?' Eddy asked genuinely trying to remember back over 12 years ago to when Saffy was about 5. 'I can't remember, darling you know most things are blur to me', Patsy replied, lighting up a cigarette for both her and Eddy. Saffy, although trying to get her mother to leave by 'forcing' her to stay, wished once in a while she could live in a normal house where she could actually spend some time with her mother. She remembered the one disastrous time when both her mother and Patsy were high and decided to stop her from wanting a story read; they would play a board game:
Little Saffy ran over to her mother who was sprawled on the sofa next to Patsy watching TV, and in an attempt to get her attention pulled the sleeve of her mother's orange fluffy jacket which had been paired with a pair of leather pink trousers and an ill-fitting crop top. With no response, Saffy ran around to the back of the sofa her little curls bouncing up and down as she moved. Reaching up Saffy got a handful of Patsy's blonde beehive hairdo in her left hand and some of her mother's copper curls in her right and pulled sharply before ducking down to avoid the swinging arm which she had learnt came her way after this particular move. 'Sweetie, darling come so that mama can see you, there's a good girl', Eddy asked her daughter in the nicest possible way in her half drowsy half in pain state. 'Now go and get your teddy and play in the corner where I can't see you, would you so that Pats and I can watch television without you being in the way', Eddy continued to lecture her 4 year old daughter. 'Move it you piece of vermin I can't see the screen', Patsy shouted as she used her foot to push Saffy over in order to clear her view 'you're not bloody see through'.
To Saffy this treatment was normal, so she wandered off to her tiny bedroom to find something to do. But she didn't own very many toys and kept her favourite teddy bear she kept hidden from Patsy, as the last one went missing mysteriously and then she kept finding its limbs scattered around the house. Taking a several boxes from her wardrobe, knowing she may be playing alone for some time before she was put to bed- Saffy ran back to the lounge with them. Settling herself nearer her mother's side of the sofa- to avoid getting another cigarette burn on her arm from Patsy, she opened the box of Scrabble so she could practise spellings words she heard spoken on the television programme that was on.
After around 15 minutes, Eddy noticed her daughter had returned and was playing some sort of game next to her on the floor. 'What are you doing, S…S...S...sweetie? I said you could play a game!' Eddy questioned her daughter, 'this is a game mummy, I like it' Saffy replied confused. 'When has spelling ever been a game, it's a bit boring if all you have to go is make words- where is the fun in that?' Patsy joined in the discussion. Looking sideways at the little girl on the floor, Patsy had a much better idea of a game that would be more interesting and perhaps get rid of the little girl. 'You, come over to Auntie Patsy', she asked but Saffy looked immediately unsure and recoiled further away from a woman who terrified her beyond belief. 'I want to play hide and seek with you!' Patsy said to Eddy's daughter. 'I don't want to, you didn't find me for two days last time', Saffy stated, shuffling further away from Patsy. 'Fine then, I want to help you with your spellings, darling' Patsy added, irritated her original plan hadn't worked. Eddy looking shocked wanted to see Patsy interact with Saffy, so persuaded her daughter to sit with her best friend on the sofa.
'I am going to change the rules slightly, but it will still be fun' Patsy smirked out of the corner of her mouth, a devilish plan unfolding in her head. 'Eds, we are going to spell words and Saffy is going to check them for us, to make sure we did it right' Patsy explained. Eddy was about to question the fun aspect of this game but with one look from Patsy knew better than to ask. Patsy began the game spelling the word 'Vodka', Saffy excited that someone was actually paying her some attention was ready to check the word was spelt right. Once Saffy had verified the word was spelt correctly Patsy told Eddy it was her turn, she came up with 'La Croix'. 'Now Eds, whoever has the least letters left gets to put them back' Patsy explained to her friend who was heading out the room for more champagne. As she did this she held Saffy's mouth open and fed her the last few letters that she had, while muttering to herself that there were no words she could think of that needed 2 letter I's and an X.
After forcing Saffy to swallow the 3 letters, Patsy decided it would actually just be more fun to see how many letters she could make Saffy swallow before Eddy got back from the kitchen with another bottle of bubbly. It seemed that Eddy was taking forever and Patsy was having far too much fun to stop after the scrabble letters had all been swallowed and having managed to pin Saffy to the sofa with her leg, she moved onto the Chess set.
Snapping out of the recollection and back into the real world Saffy shuddered, remembering the hours she spent in A & E with her Gran waiting to have the letters and chess pieces removed from her stomach. Suddenly, Eddy's phone rang and after listening to the person on the other end for several minutes with an increasingly more confused expression on her face she let Patsy have a listen. For a further minute Patsy listened intently and reluctantly passed the phone to Saffy who had come over to help her mother. Putting the phone to her ear Saffy immediately recognised the voice as Bubble, calling from the office but then had to decipher what she was saying; 'The giant mouse food decrees the hippo waddles to the arena of operations or we go tubby bye byes', it seemed like Bubble had got confused and thought she was an answering machine as she said 'You have reached the office of Edina Monsoon, I'm afraid she is not here to take your call at the moment, so please leave your message with me the receptionist after the tone *BEEP*' and the relayed the same message as before.
Saffy sighing pressed the red button to end the call and explained the mysterious riddle to her mother 'Bubble says your boss needs you to get into the office and do some work before you become the PR company closes and you become unemployed'. Eddy, still not seeing the logic of the message thought for a minute, taking a last drag on her cigarette and stubbing it out. 'I don't have a boss; I run my own office…' Eddy said although clearly thinking out loud, she continued 'Unless, NO! That bloody Claudia Bing has probably been sniffing around, come on Pats we have to go now!' Patsy looking horrified that Eddy was actually going to go into the office looked around for another bottle to take with them. Saffy making sure that her mother was going once and for all added 'But I thought we could play scrabble before I cook us some lunch, I was really looking forward to that'. 'You know very well that Patsy can't even remember how to spell her own name darling, so that would never have worked', Eddy told her daughter as she kissed her on each cheek. 'Anyway, that little toad swallowed all the pieces, and I would not have touched them before then let alone after they were removed from her stomach', sneered Patsy stubbing out her cigarette on Saffy's textbook before turning and scuttling up the stairs behind Edina.
Smiling to herself, Saffy brushed the ash off the book, closed it and reached for the mobile phone her mother had insisted on buying her. Just as she was scrolling down to Christopher's name on her contact list in order to text him, she heard an almighty crash and her mother screaming upstairs. Dropping the phone, Saffy sprinted up the stairs 2 at a time to see what had happened…