Title: You Ruined Me

Pairing: Brooke/Lucas

AN: This story is an AU take on season four. It contains themes relating to drugs, alcohol, and depression. It is a very dark piece but I really wanted to try my hand at something angsty and dark.

Staring at herself in the mirror, she sees a trace of the girl she used to be. It's faint but it's there, hidden behind the lifeless hazel eyes and dried tears that cling to her pale cheeks. Remnants of the girl she had once been only remind her of everything she's become, everything she's lost, and everything she hates. Soft pink lips form a tight line that indicates neither a smile nor a frown. The line simply indicates emptiness. Transforming into a look of pure disgust and hatred; mostly for the way her life has turned out, a hand reaches out and punches the mirror with full force, cleanly shattering the glass that reflects a miserable version of a girl who had once been happy and content with her life into tiny shards of nothing.

She refuses to shed even a single tear as her back slides down against the bathtub, her body sinking onto the cool pristine white tiles. Her life has become a completely out of control mess; fueled by drugs and alcohol. Initially, reverting back to her old habits had been a harmless way of mending her still broken heart. Now it controlled her life as she sunk further and further down.

Clutching the bottle of vodka that lay by her side, she feels her body quiver, before bringing it to her lips and chugging a good portion of the 26 ounces of poison. She should feel a burning in her throat and deep in the pit of her stomach but instead she feels nothing; nothing but numbness. She craves to feel something but she hasn't felt anything in months so the alcohol and drugs fill that void.

The bag of powdery white substance beside her seems like a good idea as she slowly dumps some on a C.D. case that Peyton had given her. She feels her veins pump with rage as she thinks of Peyton Sawyer. That bitch ruined her life. Fixing herself a line with a razor blade and a twenty dollar bill, she lets out a deep sigh. Cocaine has become her new love, replacing Lucas in her heart. "At least, you'll never leave me," she whispers painfully, before lowering the rolled up twenty dollar bill to the C.D. case and inhaling the lethal substance into her nose.

A few lines and the rest of the vodka bottle later, she feels her head grow heavy and her eyes grow tired as she begins slipping from a state of consciousness to unconsciousness. Laying her head to the side, her eyes slowly shut and everything goes black.

"Brooke…" he whispers softly, knocking on her bedroom door. He isn't surprised when she doesn't answer. "Come on… I know you're mad at me but…"

He waits for the witty, sarcastic reply that showcases undertones of anger and resentment. He grows worried when that reply doesn't come. Brooke would never just ignore him. She always has a jab to throw back at him; always.

He pushes the door open cautiously; afraid of what he might find on the other side. He's shocked to see nothing; the room is empty. "Brooke, where the hell are you?" he mumbles to himself, scanning the room anxiously.

The bathroom door is closed and he lets out a sigh of relief. He slowly knocks on the door only to get an empty response. "Come on Brooke… open the door. I just wanna talk." Nothing…

"Brooke! Come on, I know you're in there!" His fist beats the door harshly, receiving no response.

Getting tired of the same old reply, Lucas lets out a deep sigh before bringing his fist to the door one more time. "Brooke, open the door, now!"

When he is greeted with the same reply as before, he knows something is wrong. Bringing his leg up to ninja kick the door, he feels the wood cave in beneath him as the door falls down.

He brings his fingers to his mouth when he sees her sitting with her back against the bathtub, her head lulled to the side. An empty vodka bottle, a bag of what looks like cocaine, and a container with a few pills in it, lay by her side. Shards of glass that he guesses came from the broken mirror are splayed across the floor, resting at her feet.

"Brooke!" he yells, bending down to touch her. Her skin is cold and pale; almost lifeless. "I'm gonna get you some help honey," he promises, pulling his cellphone out quickly.

"No…" she whispers inaudibly; her voice weak, like the life has been drained from it. "Please don't."

He shuts the cellphone and looks at her with pleading, sympathetic eyes. "Brooke, you need help…"

"I'm fine… this happens all the time," she mutters softly, her eyes slowly opening.

"Brooke…"

"I don't want your damn help!" she snaps harshly, her hazel eyes forming a glare.

"What happened to you, Brooke?" he whispers painfully, reaching out to touch her soft cheek with his rough hand.

"Life happened," she whispers, bitterness tainting her words. "You happened. Peyton happened. You and Peyton happened."

"This is about me and Peyton?" he is surprised to uncover this information.

"Partially…" she shrugs.

"What do you mean partially Brooke?"

"I started reverting back to my old ways after we broke up because I was hurt," she shrugs casually. "Then, I saw you and Peyton together and it broke me… that is when I went off the deep end."

"But, I thought you…you…" Lucas stutters as he tries to process what is happening. "You gave us your blessing."

"Yeah," she nods dryly. "What was I supposed to do? The boy that I loved was in love with my best friend. I wasn't going to stop two people who love each other from being together. The heart wants what the heart wants."

"So, you sacrificed me for Peyton?"

"I did what I had to do… even if it hurt me."

"But if you loved me you wouldn't have…"

"I did love you Lucas!" she yells, standing up slowly, her legs threatening to give out beneath her. "When your best friend tells you that she loves your boyfriend and you know that they are destined to be together, you get scared and you run! I knew that as soon as you found out about Peyton's feelings, I would just be a distant memory so I let you go while I had the chance. I wasn't going to be the footnote again."

"Wait a second, what did you just say?"

"I said…"

"I know what you said," Lucas mumbles, throwing his head back in the air. "Peyton told you that she was in love with me?"

"Yeah… I… God, I shouldn't have opened my mouth. What was I thinking?"

"This changes everything," he mutters to himself. "How could she do that to you? To us?"

"Yeah, I was wondering the same thing," Brooke shrugs, her eyes suddenly tearing away from Lucas's. "You stopped fighting for me Lucas. I honestly don't think you ever really did. But, you never stopped fighting for Peyton."

"Brooke I…"

"It's over," she mumbles. "Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Brooke I… I want to help."

"No you don't Lucas, you never loved me and you never cared about me!"

"That's not true, Brooke. I loved you so much and I will always care about you, you have to know that."

"You loved the idea of loving me," she states for him, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "So you can stop trying to play hero to ease your own guilt, and return back to your precious Peyton."

"Brooke, I'm serious. I want to help you, I hate seeing you like this," he whispers, brushing a strand of her hair away from her eyes.

"No…" she shakes her head angrily; a fire burning in her hazel eyes. "Just go… leave me alone!" she screams, pushing him away from her hard. He loses his footing and stumbles back. His hands grip onto the edge of the bathtub as he pulls himself up.

"Brooke… please?"

She rolls up the sleeve of her shirt and shoves her wrist in his face. "I hate you Lucas," she yells distastefully.

He examines the deep cuts that cover her wrist and he feels a tear prick at the corner of his eye. "Brooke…"

"You did this to me!" she screams, her voice rasping with anger and hatred. "And I don't think I can ever hate someone as much as I hate you. You ruined my life!"

"I didn't ruin your life Brooke," she shakes his head as he runs his hand gently along the cuts on her wrist. "You ruined it."

"It was your fault. I was so hurt when you and Peyton started dating. And the worst part is you didn't even see it. You were so wrapped in Peyton that you didn't even think about how I might be feeling. You didn't see through the fake smile and you didn't even notice my change in behavior. It was like you just cut me from your life."

"You cut me from your life too, Brooke!"

"Yeah, I did… because I couldn't stand to see you with Peyton. Lucas you never fought for me because you were too busy fighting for Peyton. You forgot about me and I drowned because of you. And because of you, I hate myself."

"Brooke… I'm so sorry…"

"I hate myself so much."

"Then change."

"It's not that easy Lucas… I just want to feel something again… I just want to be somebody again."

"You need help Brooke…"

"I know… But it's just so hard… I don't know if I can."

"I'll help you…"

"But what about Peyton?"

"What about her? All that matters right now is you… and getting you help. The rest can wait."

"Come here," Lucas whispers as he wraps Brooke in his arms. "It's gonna be okay."

She clings to his chest tightly, letting the tears fall from her eyes like rain, bleeding tracks of mascara down her pale face.

"Come on, let's get you to bed. And tomorrow, we will figure out the game plan."

She nods as he stands up, ushering her into her bedroom. He pulls the covers over her and bends down to tenderly kiss her forehead. "You're gonna get better."

She nods weakly. "Have a good sleep Brooke… I'm just going to be right over…"

"Stay," she whispers meekly, scooting over and patting the spot beside her on the bed. "Please?"

He nods, slipping in under the silk sheets. "Thank you," she whispers, grabbing his arm and placing it protectively over her stomach.

"Anything for you Brooke," he smiles, stroking her stomach lightly with his hand.

As she begins to drift off into sleep, Lucas is left staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Brooke…" he whispers softly, only to get no reply. "I was stupid for not seeing anything that was going on with you. I know you always wanted me to fight for you and to save you. This time I'm going to do both. I love you, Brooke Davis."

She cracks an eye slightly, a ghost of a smile appearing on her face. She'd finally heard the words she had desperately wanted to hear escape his mouth for so long.

"I love you too Lucas Scott… more than you'll ever know," she whispers so inaudibly that he can't hear.

AN: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in like forever but you know how life can be. I've been really busy as of late but things are finally starting to slow down a bit so hopefully I will have more time to update sooner.