Title: Ships In The Night

Pairing: Brooke/Julian

We're just fumbling through the grey

Trying to find a heart that's not walking away

His chest rises and falls slowly with every breath. She loves watching him sleep, he always looks so peaceful, as he draws in slow jagged breaths and exhales them, whilst a content smile never leaves his face. As the moonlight illuminates his handsome face, carefully outlining his feature in vivid detail, she feels her heart break painfully. He's perfect. She's not. They're like fire and gasoline, a toxic combination that equals one thing; danger.

She's falling in love with him but she'll never admit it. She's too guarded; too vulnerable; too fucked up. Her heart is fragile. It has been broken and scarred so many times that it can't even surivive the smallest of cracks. It's covered in battle scars and wounds; reminders of a love now lost.

She sighs deeply, wondering why she is even here. He leaves tomorrow, back to LA. And she's not going with him. Of course, she hasn't mustered up the courage to tell him yet.

She's afraid so yet again she runs from love. It's what she always does. It's all she knows how to do.

"I love you Julian Baker," she whispers inaudibly into the dark, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. She wishes she could say them to more than just the darkness that surrounds them. But, she can't. Her heart is still inflicted with too much pain to let someone get that close to her again. She throws her legs over the side of the bed and lets them drop to the floor as she begins collecting the clothing that she ripped feverishly from her body last night in a moment of passion.

She doesn't even leave a note. She just leaves, silently closing the door to his hotel room in an attempt to not wake him up from his peaceful slumber. Because when he awakes in the morning, he's going to be anything but peaceful.

Xxxx

"Fuck!" A disgruntled sigh escapes cherry red lips as a petit hand runs its' fingers through disheveled chestnut brown locks. The brunette has done nothing but toss and turn in a restless slumber since she left the comfort of Julian's arms. It doesn't feel right being in this bed; not without Julian. Finally, she'd found the first guy to make her heart flutter since him and she runs away. All because she is scared. Suddenly, she doesn't feel like the strong and fiesty woman that once fought for everything she loved with a fierce determination and passion.

Pressing a hand to her forehead, she walks into the kitchen, in desperate need of a coffee or something to wake her from this horrible nightmare.

Amused blue eyes stare up at her, a perfectly shaped eyebrow shooting up as a condescending smirk is shot her way. "Sleep good?"

Brooke simply rolls her eyes, she doesn't even have the energy to muster a comeback to the rebellious teenager and she always has a jab to throw back at her.

"You look like shit," Sam finally smirks, her voice laced thick with a patronzing tone. She hands Brooke a pristine white mug filled with coffee as she sits at the kitchen table.

"Language," Brooke warns as she takes a seat directly across from Sam, rubbing her sleep-filled eyes as she takes a long, much needed sip of the hot liquid.

"I thought you were sleeping at Julian's last night," the teenager kinks an eyebrow as a grin stretches across her face. Great, it's interrogation time.

A heavy, weighted sigh escapes her lips as she exhales deeply. She needs to tell Sam about Julian's proposal as much as she doesn't want too. She can't run from everything.

"We need to talk…" Her voice is detached, void of emotion, as she swirls the black liquid around in her cup absentmindedly.

"Oh my god, you're pregnant aren't you?" Sam interrupts, a smile inhabiting her face.

"What?" Brooke blinks, confusion twisting across her face as she tries to register what Sam just blurted out. Pregnant, where the hell did that come from? Sure, the teenager had always been very forward but pregnant, really? You don't just ask someone if they're expecting."No!" she quickly shakes her head as she watches Sam's smile fall.

"Well then… what is it?" the teenager asks impatiently as she stands up and places her coffee mug in the sink, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "Cause, I'm gonna be late for school if you don't hurry up and just tell me."

"Julian's going back to LA…" she breathes out, her breath shaking with every word. She didn't even realize how badly that it was hurting her until she had said the words aloud; they twisted like a knife that was mercilessly stabbing away at her heart.

"What?" Sam's face falls as she fights to blink back the tears that threaten to fall from her mascara coated blue eyes. "I'm so sorry…I…"

"He wants us to go with him…"

Sam's lips curl up to form a wide smile. "Well you could have just gone with that," she rolls her eyes dramatically as she wraps her arms around Brooke's shoulders. "Guess, I should start packing when I get home from school, huh? When do we leave?"

"Julian leaves tonight…" She sees how happy Sam is and she hates that she's about to tear her dreams of the three of them being a family down.

"Julian? Well, when do we leave?" Sam repeats, staring Brooke hard in the face as she emphasizes the word we. She has a feeling that Brooke isn't telling her something.

"We're not…"

"What do you mean we're not leaving?"

"I said we're not…"

"I know what you said," she snaps, disappointment crawling across her face, instantly replacing its' previously prominent smile. "Brooke, you love Julian, or at least you could. We could finally be a family… like you've always wanted."

"I can't Sam…" Brooke's voice cracks as the tears fall freely, rolling down her cheeks like a flooding river. Once they start falling, she can't stop the cascading of them. "My life is here. Your life is here. I can't just uproot my entire life because Julian wants me too. Tree Hill is home…"

"What about love?" Sam protests, her hands firmly planted on her hips as her blue eyes narrow into accusing slits of anger.

"It wasn't meant to be anyways…" She feels wrong saying this because she doesn't want to believe herself but if she wants to ever most past this, she has to make herself believe the lies that fall so easily off of her tongue.

"You don't know that!"

"I just have the feeling. We're staying here Sam, no arguments."

"Fine," the young brunette scoffs, bitterness tainting her words. "How's Julian taking the news?"

"He doesn't know…"

"Brooke! You have to tell him… It's not fair. He invited you to LA with him, the least you can do is at least tell him that you aren't going."

Xxxx

Like ships in the night

You keep passing me by

We're just wasting time

Trying to prove who's right

And if it all goes crashing into the sea

If it's just you and me

Trying to find the light

Like ships in the night

She takes a deep breath as she steps forward. Her heart aches with every agonizing step that she takes. Her breath feels strangled and her heart feels broken. She never wants to feel this way again. She's suffocating.

She spots him from afar. He's standing in line, rocking back and forth anxiously on the balls of his feet. "It's now or never," she mumbles to herself as she makes her way towards him slowly as if she is trying to stall what is about to come. She doesn't want to break his heart. But, she has no choice. He deserves better.

Blue eyes lock on hazel and a wide smile breaks out across his incredibly handsome face. Suddenly, leaving those iridescently beautiful blue eyes and ought-to-be illegal grin seem like a bad idea. He jogs over to her, sweeping her up in his arms and twirling her around.

"Hey…" he smiles once he puts her back on her feet, his forehead resting against hers.

"Hey…" she reciprocates her voice barely audible. She wants to look anywhere but into those eyes; those eyes that she finds warmth, love, and safety in.

"I thought you weren't going to come," he whispers softly, stroking her cheek with his finger, his touch burning her soft skin. She has to tell him now because she isn't sure how much more of his soft, gentle touch she can take before she caves.

"I'm here…" she whispers, struggling to find the right words. She supposes in a situation like this there are no right words. It's all about to come tumbling down, everything they've spent the last few months building up; the trust, the promises and the unconditional love. The soft reassurances of a beautiful future now seem like broken, empty promises.

"Where are your suitcases?" he asks frantically, his eyes searching for her bags. "Where's Sammy?"

Brooke lets out a strangled breath as she pushes herself away from him and looks into his eyes cautiously. "She's not coming…"

Silence consumes them. He looks at her sadly, his eyes nearly enough to break her. And she hates what she is about to do. It literally makes her sick to her stomach. She never wanted things to turn out like this. It wasn't how she'd planned it.

"And neither am I…"

His smile drops, his eyes cloud with desolation and his face grows pale. The silence between them grows deeper, it's defeaning. It's almost as if they are both afraid to speak; to move. Their eyes stay locked on each other, their breathing jagged and heavy.

"I…" she cracks, an attempt to break the silence that is driving her mad. She lifts her hand, using it to cover her mouth. She can't even speak; that's how damaged she is.

"Guess, that explains why there are no suitcases or Sam," he attempts to shoot her a weak smile but she can see the pain that lies beneath his eyes. He is masking that pain because he wants her to feel more at ease with the situtation. That's how he's always been. He does everything for her rather than himself. "I get it," he nods slowly. "You're not ready."

She looks at him sadly and nods, tears streaming down her face. "I didn't want to hurt you… I-I never wanted it to be like this. It wasn't my intention, I swear."

"I know you didn't," he gives her a sad, heart-breaking smile. His flight is called overhead and she knows that this is the end; the end of something that could have been great. "I have to go," he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. She doesn't want to let go, she wants to relish this moment forever. She wants to picture her life with him in it, the two of them conquering the world together. But, she can't.

He looks at her sadly before turning around and walking away, heading back to where he came from but not to where he belongs.

"Julian?"

"Yeah?" he turns around. She catches a glimpse of the man that she fell desperately and irrevocably in love with. Her heart screams at her to tell him how she really feels. Her head tells her to apologize. Her head almost always wins.

"I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, me too," he nods as he disappears from her view, fading quickly. She tries to hold it together but she is falling apart in the middle of the Tree Hill airport. Lucas had spoken those same words to her so many years ago. And that was the last time that she had let love go. But this time, the pain hurt much worse, the cut was much deeper. This wasn't just two high school kids who thought they were in love; this was two adults who were deeply in love but just too scared and broken to admit it.

Someday, you'll be ready to let someone in. I guess today just isn't that day…

His words ring through her ears as the image of him walking away burns in the back of her mind. She remembers their first fight and how far they've come since then; only to have it all ripped away from them. She really thought they'd get through it all; the insecurities and the trust issues.

"Maybe someday you'll be ready to let someone in. I guess today just isn't that day," she repeats inaudibly to herself as she turns and runs out of the airport to the safety of her car. She never wants to feel this pain again. She really hopes that day comes soon.

AN: Okay, so honestly I'm not terribly fond with this story but as many times as I've tried to tweak it, I've learned that I just can't perfect it and it's not going to get any better than this. I love Brulian and as much as I hate to admit it, they've replaced Brucas in my heart. I know it's been super long since I've updated but I've had a terrible case of writer's block and then suddenly inspiration hit me while I was re-watching all of the newer seasons.