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Chapter Three
I spent the rest of shift doing my best to avoid Sara, despite her earlier upset and my want to comfort her. I had instead solved my case, made the arrest and was in the process of closing the case's paperwork.
I placed my coffee cup down on the table in front of me, adding my signature to some of the papers in the file. I had an hour left of shift, but I planned on staying much longer, the thought of going home was currently unappealing - I loved Lindsey, she was the most important part of my life, but it didn't stop me feeling like I had nothing to go home to. My sister and my mother took such good care of her, there was always someone to get her from school or make her dinner, as much as I tried to be the mother I wanted to be for her, I couldn't help but to feel like I was an intrusion on a family I was barely a part of.
My body filled with guilt at my absence in Lindsey's life, I could reassure myself that I was paying for a roof over her head and her college education when the time came, but Iknew deep down it wasn't enough.
A few hours passed before I signed the final paper of my case. I sealed them all in a large envelope and placed my pen on the table. I had barely concentrated on the papers before me. I couldn't think straight. A mixture of shame over Lindsey and confusion over my feelings for Sara drove me to my feet, and to the nearest bar.
The bar was quiet, mid-morning sunlight pouring in through the small windows. The scotch stung my lips and burned my throat as it entered my system, but it felt good. I could feel a weight lift from my shoulders as the liquor intoxicated my senses.
I watched the few faces that made their way past me at the bar. Mostly men, in their late fifties or early sixties, they looked tired and sad. I guessed they'd been here for a while, with it being a 24-hour venue, and the fact they could barely walk, more of forward stumble between seating and the bar.
I knew a few of them were staring at me, I could feel their eyes on my body as I leant against the wooden bar, but unwanted male attention was something I was used to – something I had become used to since my previous employment.
It had come to a point where I didn't even doubt whether or not they were trouble. I knew it would end in tears, it had done so many other times, I didn't know if I could put myself through it again.
I downed another scotch. It burned less than the last, but I felt a wave a wooziness wash over me. It was time to go home.
Hailing a taxi, I rested my head against the headrest in the back of vehicle. Pulling my phone from my handbag, I checked for new messages – nothing.
I held the phone in my hand for a second. My mind was still filled with Sara. I felt an urge to contact her and my fingers were hitting keys on my phone before I could stop myself.
'Hope you solved your case. Catherine.'
Simple, to the point, but friendly, and I felt better having sent it. I turned my attention to the moving scenery outside of the car as it travelled through the Vegas streets until a few seconds later, my phone beeped.
I glanced down at it, still in my hand. It was a message from Sara.
'I did. Thank you. X'
A smiled formed across my lips at her response.
It felt good to reach out to someone.
It felt good to have someone reach back.