Title: Double Love

Pairing(s): Brooke/Lucas, Lucas/Peyton

AN: The italics resemble excerpts from Lucas's book "An Unkindess of Ravens". The story is told solely through Lucas's POV and takes place circa end of season five (a while after the Lucas/Lindsey almost wedding). We all know that Lucas was still in love with Peyton but is it possible that he could have still been in love with Brooke to some degree? I think so. His love for Peyton just outshone the slight feelings I think he could have also felt for Brooke.

xxxx

He's over her. He knows that he and Lindsey are history and that the love that he thought he had for her wasn't real. It wasn't like the love he'd felt in high school. It was practical and it was safe. But, it wasn't one of those epic, head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, fall crazily in love kind of romances.

The tequila slides down his throat, burning on its way down. But it's a good feeling, a good burn; it numbs the pain that he is experiencing in this very moment.

Four years ago it all seemed so clear. He was in love, he was ready to conquer to world, and he was so sure of himself. His life had seemed mapped out for him, perfectly, and he liked it that way. Now things were so fucked up; he didn't even know who he was anymore or who he was supposed to be. Life had somehow become a complicated, fucked up puzzle full of missing pieces that had yet to be found.

TRIC is hopping tonight. Bodies are crammed together tightly as people dance and laugh and drink. It reminds him of old times, of the way that his life used to be and the way that it should still be.

Haley and Nathan seem happy; happier than they've been in a long time. A smile creeps across his face as he watches them across the bar. After everything, they are finally in a good place. He praises them, he really does, because he knows that in a situation like theirs it's easier to give up. But they didn't give up. They fought through the obstacles and the pain and came out even stronger and more in love than before. Mouth seems to be getting along quite well with Millicent, Brooke's assistant. He wishes that some of the happiness that seems to be infecting everyone else would find its way to him.

His eyes cut over to Peyton Sawyer. She is sitting on a barstool talking to Mia but her eyes seem to be wandering aimlessly around the sea of people that surround them. She looks lost and broken. In part, he hates that he caused her to be that way. He knew that she still loved him and a part of him still loved her, in fact a part of him would always love her.

She still looks the same as she did in high school; a mess of blonde curls, green eyes as dull as razorblades, a tangled mass of long and slender limbs, a faded black Guns N' Roses t-shirt adorning her torso-in fact he remembers that shirt from high school-underneath a worn in leather jacket, thin ripped skinny jean clad legs, scuffed up black original Chuck Taylor converse's dangling from the barstool, and a distant, broody smile curved upon soft lips. She hasn't changed one bit.

He remembers the first time that he ever met Peyton Sawyer. The memory is still clear in his mind along with many other memories that he shares with the tortured blonde artist.

She was beautiful, complicating, distant, tortured, blunt, rebellious, and witty all rolled into one. She was a riddle wrapped in black; one that nobody could seem to unravel. I may have only been thirteen at the time but when I first laid eyes on Peyton Sawyer, I knew that I was hooked. We shared English class together. She sat beside me, but her nose was always buried in that tattered old sketchbook, her pencil moving carefully across the page, headphones jammed tightly in her ears. She always kept her work hidden with her arm. Even if I squinted to catch a glimpse, I couldn't see a thing. One day she looked up from her work, casting me a sidelong glance. She didn't say a word, she just stared at me with a certain sadness welled up in those beautifully tortured green eyes.

There was something about her that I couldn't quite grasp. She was so intriguing, so beautiful, yet dark at the same time. That day would be the beginning of a four year long crush. Even though we never spoke one word to each other in those four years, I would watch her from a distance, trying to gather as much information about her as I could by simply looking at her. A certain sadness was reflected in those eyes; one that I would later learn was acquired from a lifetime of pain inflicted upon her at such a young and tender age.

I had then made it my mission to save Peyton Sawyer-from everything. I didn't want her to experience anymore of what was causing her such misery-she didn't deserve it. I wanted to shield her, to protect, from the evil in this world.

We were sixteen when she officially let me into her world. It was a long, dark, and windy road filled with tumultuous twists and turns. But somehow we got there. We built a solid friendship, dated other people, and even fell in love with other people. But somehow, at 17 we managed to find a way back to each other. Our torrid love affair was not as easy as people seem to think it was. Other people sacrificed their own happiness for the sake of Peyton and I-the whole town believed that we were meant to be together. It was the night of the state championship that I realized I was in love with Peyton Sawyer and I probably always would be. After watching the orange ball swish into the white mesh effortlessly, signaling that we-the Tree Hill Ravens-were the North Carolina State Champions, I reached a moment of clarity. I was in love with Peyton Sawyer-I always had been and I always would be. A wise person once asked me, "Who do you want standing next to you when all of your dreams come true?" At the time I believed that it was someone else, but in that moment I was certain that the answer to that question had been in front of me all along. It was Peyton Sawyer and it always had been. After all true love prevails all.

Somewhere along the way we fell out of love with other people and in love with each other. And I couldn't have been happier. Peyton Sawyer made me believe in the beauty and the pain of music and art and love. As she once put it 'every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music?'

A pain of nostalgia washes over him as he watches her. She isn't the same girl he fell in love with all of those years ago and he knows that. But, a part of him wants to know the woman that she has become. A part of him would always love Peyton Sawyer and be dedicated to saving her and protecting her from the harsh world, no matter what the future held for them. In that very moment, he knew that he was in still in love with Peyton Sawyer.

His eyes begin to stray and suddenly they cut over to Brooke Davis, who is leaning over the bar countertop, flirting with Owen. He doesn't know why but it makes his blood boil. Brooke Davis is the exact opposite of Peyton Sawyer but in a good way. His relationship with Brooke Davis was much different than his relationship with Peyton Sawyer but yet again in a good way. She still resembled the Brooke Davis that he knew in high school. She was different but there were still remnants of who she had once been, hence the constant flirting with Owen. Her chocolate brown locks which once spilled beneath her shoulders in soft waves were cut short, barely falling to her shoulders and dyed a slightly lighter shade of brown, her hazel eyes still showcased an iridescently beautiful array of color but the sadness that lurked behind them was still present to Lucas, infectious dimples graced her soft cheeks as a heart melting smile etched across her cherry red lips, skin tight jeans hugged her legs and accentuated her curves, a revealing white top covered her toned torso, and long black heels covered her feet. Brooke Davis was still as beautiful as he remembered, if not even more so. And she had changed more than anyone he had ever known in four short years.

He still remembers the day that he met Brooke Davis and the complicated love affair that they had tumbled into so quickly. The memories of their burned romance are still imprinted fondly in the corner of his mind.

She was beautiful, brave, brilliant, kind hearted, strong, independent, selfless, confidant, passionate, determined, stubborn, brutally honest, and spontaneous. Brooke Davis was one of the most complex, yet endearing and memorable people I had ever met. When I began my infatuation with Peyton Sawyer, I also noticed Brooke Davis. She wore far too much make up for a thirteen year old and she flirted with boys way more openly than any other eighth grader I had ever met. She was confidant and beautiful, which made her the most popular girl in school-not to mention she was also rich and so far out of my league that it wasn't even funny.

When I was sixteen my world collided with Brooke Davis's and they collided hard and fast. For the first time in my life, I fell in love. I wish that I could tell you that our relationship was beautiful and scripted from a fairytale romance but sadly I can't. Our romance was filled with ups and downs, fears and trust issues and alot of pain and tragedy mixed with happiness and a wonderful feeling that I had never know until now. She was vulnerable and I was indecisive. We were nothing alike-I was quiet and reserved, always consumed deep within my own thoughts and confined to my own little world and she was spontaneous and full of energy, always living life to its very fullest, she always believed that there was so much more out there than just the life that we were living. She had become my addiction; I just couldn't get enough of her and my infatuation with Peyton had slowly faded and turned into my obsession with Brooke. We hit more bumps than most relationships hit in a lifetime during the short time that we were together. But, I'd never felt more alive or carefree. I hurt Brooke in ways that even I can't fathom. I don't know why I did it but my heart was so confused, it didn't know what it wanted. But hurting Brooke was the last thing on my mind. Yet, I still did it anyway.

My world shattered the day that she broke up with me; the last day that we were together officially. She told me that she had suddenly stopped missing me. I couldn't think of the right words to say in that situation-I suppose that there were no right words in a situation like that because when somebody tells you that they suddenly stop missing you, there's not much you can do. However, in that moment I would have given anything to make her stay, to convince her that she was making a mistake. But to this day, I still maintain the belief that she was sacrificing me for the sake of Peyton because she couldn't stand to have her heart stomped on yet again. And in so many ways, I respect her decision. She is probably the most loyal person that I know, just for that act alone. For a long time, she believed that she was always the footnote in me and Peyton's love story, the roadblock standing the way, the distraction. But she never was. Brooke and I had our own love story, it was just a lot different and a lot more complicated and hard to understand than me and Peyton's.

Brooke Davis changed my life in so many ways and there was a time when I really did picture her next to me when all of my dreams came true. It wasn't that I didn't love her enough, because I did. I just didn't fight enough to keep her. I would never regret my relationship with Brooke because it brought me here to all of this and I truly do believe that without her in my life, I would never be the man that I am today. And I can never thank her enough for that.

Brooke Davis, she was fiercely independent, beautiful, brilliant, and brave. Brooke Davis is gonna change the world someday, she's already changed mine, and I'm not sure she even knows it yet.

He smiles as he thinks back on his relationship with Brooke. It had been way too complicated to ever work out and it still would be. She's a great friend and he couldn't stand to lose her. But, a part of him wants more. A part of him misses the way that they used to be and a part of him silently wonders what could have been. He knows that they could have been great together, they've just never been given the chance. In a way he would always love Brooke Davis, a part of his heart would always belong to her, his first love. After all people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end right?

As she stares back and forth between the two girls that still consume the majority of his heart, he can't help but wonder, is it possible to love two people at the same time?

AN: I've been re-watching alot of the older OTH episodes in my spare time, hoping for inspiration, particularily seasons 5-7. I am not against Leyton in any way. They aren't my favorite couple but I can't deny them of their love story and I'm not upset that they ended up together. And even though I love Brulian, Brucas was the first TV couple that I ever fell in love with so no matter what a part of me will always ship them and wonder what could have been. I always wondered in season five if Lucas still harbored some feelings for Brooke beneath the obvious feelings he still held for Peyton and I wanted to explore that because let's face it no matter what, the BLP triangle will never fully be laid to rest no matter how happy they are because it was such a core part of the show for so many years. Anyways, I was really hesitant about this one so I just hope I did okay.