Chapter 10
Christine couldn't get the thoughts of the upcoming opera out of her mind. She knew what kind of man the Phantom was, but she could never bring herself to hate him. It's true that he frightened her beyond belief, but when she saw his eyes, they were crying out with a terrible sadness. She wished to run from him but she also wanted to run to him and take away his pain. Then there was Ashley. She didn't fail to notice the recognition that flashed across his eyes when he saw her face for the first time. And did Ashley have any idea what he meant by what he said? Have they met before? She couldn't shake these questions from her mind. Nothing was making sense! Christine decided that she needed to get away for a moment and would pay a visit to her father. She removed herself from her bed and slipped into a dark blue dress and put on her cloak with her red scarf hanging from her shoulders. She made her way from the opera house and found a carriage to take her to the cemetery.
"To my father's grave, please." She said and made her way.
Erik dismounted his horse when he reached the gates of the cemetery. He wasn't exactly sure why he came here, but there was a small voice in his mind telling him to come here. He walked through the rows of tombstones and passed the statues and crypts that littered the small enclosed area. Then, he heard a voice. A small, sad voice singing through the mist
Who… Then he saw her. Ashley was standing before the grave of Christine's father. What is she doing here? Then he heard the last few lines of her song…
"And will we ever end up together? No, I think not, it's never to become. For I am not the one." He didn't fail to notice the tear that slid down her face. Something in him urged him to go over and wipe that tear from her cheek and hold her, but he remained in his spot behind the tomb.
"Why is everything so complicated?" He heard her say as if addressing someone.
Ashley felt a harsh wind blow around her and caused her to shiver. She shouldn't stay out here much longer, since she was out all night which already put her at risk of getting sick. But just as she turned to leave, she heard the sound of a violin. And the melody was all too familiar to her. It was Once Upon a December.
Can it be? She thought and turned towards the crypt once again listening to the nostalgic melody.
"Ashley?" She was snapped from her euphoric trance when she heard Christine's voice. She turned to find the brown curly haired girl standing only a few feet away. And, just as she heard her voice, the music had stopped as well. "What are you doing out here?" Christine was here, and the music was obviously played by one person. Ashley clenched her fists and bowed her head, willing herself not to cry.
"Nothing." She said curtly. "I was just…" She could feel the tears ready to escape. Before Christine could do anything, Ashley bolted passed her and towards the gates, her tears streaming down her face as the last of her will shattered along with her heart.
By the time she had returned to the opera house, she had flung herself onto her bed and just cried. Everyone could hear her heart wrenching sobs as she cried away all her pain and anger.
"She won't see anyone, and she refuses to come out." Meg told her mother.
"Do you have any idea how she became like this?" She asked.
"No, she won't speak to anyone about it." Mme Giry had a vague idea that her sadness may have something to do with the Phantom, but she couldn't be too sure.
"What's going on?" They turned to find Christine coning down the corridor returning from her venture to the cemetery.
"Ashley has locked herself in her room." Meg explained. "She just ran in here this morning and started crying." Christine's face fell and looked down at her shoes.
"Christine, dear. Do you know something we don't?" Mme Giry asked.
"Well, I saw her while I was visiting my father." She told them and Mme Giry felt as if her suspicion may be true. "She was standing before my father's grave and seemed like she was in a sort of trance. But when I called out to her, I could see something in her eyes. She looked hurt, as if I had just caused her a terrible pain."
A trance? She thought. Did Erik follow her?
"You said she looked as if in a trance," Meg said snapping her mother from her thoughts, "what do you mean by that?"
"When I got closer, I could hear a violin." She said. "It was playing a rather… haunting melody. Haunting but still very beautiful."
Oh, Erik what have you done to her?
Ashley had stopped crying sometime ago, leaving her eyes feeling sore and puffy and her heart feeling heavy as she thought about that morning. There was no way he would have played for her. Of course he would play that song for Christine. But it was the song she sang. It was what first convinced him to teach her. He was toying with her. He's trying to drive her mad. And it was working.
"Then there's nothing to lose." She whispered into her pillow. "Let the darkness bind me." She got up from her bed and went over to her chest with her clothes and pulled out the ball dress she wore on New Years.
"Tonight we are betrayed..." She half-sang as she pulled out the dress. "we can't be saved… time to face my fate… Lead me to my grave… at the opera… tonight!"
Ashley stood in back of the curtains awaiting her cue. Everyone was astonished when Ashley said she would sing that night. But she made it clear it would be her final performance. But that's not what shocked them. It was the fact that up until this point, she would usually take care of the Phantom's warnings, but now she was throwing caution to the wind and going against him.
"Ashley, you don't have to do this." Mme Giry said trying to coax her from her performance.
"No, I do." She said flatly. "It has to be done."
Erik watched Ashley from Box Five. Somehow, he believed that she would have been smart enough not to go back out there after the Masquerade, but she obviously didn't get the message. He still remembered what had transpired that morning; while Ashley was listening to him play her song, he thought he saw something in her features. But when Christine made herself known, she didn't think to hide her hurt. She must have done this to get back at him. Just as she stopped in the middle of the stage, she sent a brief glance to Box Five, catching his gaze with her own before returning to the audience.
"I'd first like to thank you all for being here this evening." She began. "Now, due to recent events, this will be my final performance. So, I hope you all enjoy it."
She pulled her iPod from her dress and pressed play. The song that began to play sounded sad and a bit desperate. Erik noticed as her mask of indifference melted away and her eyes shined with unshed tears and holding a desperate plea behind them.
There's only so much that a heart can take
Before it starts to break
Please don't make me love you
Please don't make me need you
I've no room in my life
For something like this
Please don't take my mornings
Please don't steal my summers
I know they will vanish
The moment we kiss
She brought her arms around herself and had an almost dreamy look on her face.
I grow weak when we talk
I'm confused when we touch
I should just walk away
But that's asking too much
She dropped her arms and her dreamy look was replaced once again by her saddened persona.
Please don't make me do this
Please don't make me want this
All my dreams were taken
Until I met you
You're the one I think of
Soon as I awaken
Funny how the heart tells
The mind what to do
She shrugged a bit when she mentioned the heart telling the mind what to do then turned slightly towards Erik, but only enough so that the audience didn't realize that she was now addressing him fully.
I'm not sure I can go through all the joy and the pain
Much better not to let these dreams take flight
She fell down to her knees, feeling her heart crying out for him to understand and becoming weak from the strain.
Please don't make me live you
Please don't make me need you
Simplify my life
Just by setting me free
Promise me you'll do this
Only you can do this
She looked to Box Five and managed to find Erik's eyes. She noticed that he wasn't pleased that she disobeyed him, but she could care less. She didn't think he understood her at all and felt her resolve breaking.
Please don't make me love you
Unless you love me…
As Erik watched her, he felt every word she sung like a knife to his heart. He knew she was singing to him, trying with all her strength to make him see. And, he could feel it working. By the end of the song, he saw her eyes become dead and she collapsed to the floor. The curtain closed just as soon as she hit the floor. Erik sprang from his seat and ran from the box.
"Ashley!" Christine was the first at her side as the curtain closed. "Madame Giry! What happened?"
"Meg, hold these under her nose." She handed her daughter some smelling salts and Meg knelt down and held them under her nose. Ashley inhaled and started coming too. She looked around at the group around her, feeling a little claustrophobic.
"Please…" she said weakly, "…I… I can't breathe… I need… need air…"
"Christine, got fetch her cloak." Mme Giry ordered. Christine nodded and dashed off towards the dormitories. "Meg, lead her up to the roof. Wait for Christine there." Meg nodded and began helping Ashley to her feet. She stumbled a bit but managed to stand.
"Here, give me your arm." She took her arm and slung it over her shoulder. "Just lean on me."
"Th-thank you Meg." Ashley said weakly trying to smile and her friend and was led away. The crowd soon dispersed; everyone returning to their duties, while Mme Giry lingered a bit longer. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and had the distinct feeling of being watched.
"So, you were watching?" She asked.
"How could I not." Erik said stepping from the shadows. "The girl disobeyed me. And yet… I cannot be angry with her."
"Because you know who she is." She stated. Erik said nothing. "I get the feeling you always knew it was her. You just could not bear to hope, that she would not be who she seemed." Erik leaned against a support beam as he tried steadying himself.
"I saw her eyes." He said. "They were crying out for me. I've only caused her pain Madame." He looked in the direction where she was led away. "She thinks I don't love her. That I've moved on from her."
"Have you?"
"Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. Of what they did to her. They killed her… and I could do nothing but let her die!" He flipped over a table that sat in the corner. Mme Giry flinched at the sound. "Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. That fourteen year old girl… so young… so innocent… that girl who feared me… yet loved me…" He thought back to when she was singing, the look she gave him. "She looked at me with those same eyes… when we first met. She was afraid of me. And yet… I saw her love in those eyes." The ballet mistress smiled and moved beside him.
"Then go to her." He turned to her with a fearful expression. "If you can say all this to me, then you must tell her the truth."
"But she-"
"Has waited six years for you. Don't leave her alone like this." He thought about her words for a moment and knew she was right. He had to see her; to let her know he still loved her. With a new resolve, and with a swish of his cloak, he disappeared into the shadows to find his lost angel.
Christine handed Ashley her cloak and helped her, along with Meg, to the roof.
"Do you want one of us with you?" Christine asked. Ashley just shook her head.
"I want to be alone." She said and forced out a smile. "I'll be okay. I just need some fresh air." The girls didn't seem convinced, but there was no use in arguing with her.
"Just let us know if you need anything." Meg said and patted her shoulder. Ashley stepped forward and turned the handle of the door leading to the roof. As she stepped out, she was greeted by a flurry of frigid air and fresh falling snow. Christine made to help her but she held out her hand firmly motioning her to stop. When she stepped outside she closed the door so she could have her privacy.
"Let hopes pass, let dreams pass, let them die…" she whispered to herself, "…without you what are they for?" She walked over to the edge and looked out at the city.
Erik had arrived only moments before she did, taking the secret passages leading to the roof. He currently hid behind the statue of Apollo and watched the young woman standing alone in the snow drift. The tears running down her face did not go unnoticed to him either. As he thought back to her song, he recalled the words she sang.
"You're the one I think of
Soon as I awaken
Funny how the heart tells
The mind what to do
"Simplify my life
Just by setting me free
"Please don't make me love you
Unless you love me…"
Unless you love me… How could he not love her? She was all he could think of since her death. Long before then even. Since the night he heard her humming in the darkness of his underground world he knew she would become his. But now, this girl who once raised her voice with all her love and devotion to him was losing hope that their love would survive.
Once upon another time
I loved you yet left you alone
He heard her begin to sing.
But that's not all I did
I left you with my heart
Were it still that other time
If only I somehow had known
I'd come back home to you
But now there's not much I can do
I've known this from the start
I'll love
I'll live
I'll give what I can give
And take what little I deserve…
Before she could sing another note, she fell to her knees and began crying. Crying for those six long years not knowing of this world's existence and her involvement in it, for all her pent up frustration to those years spent living a mere façade of a life, pretending to be happy with the world around her, and for the man she had loved, and still loves, knowing he despised her. She raised her head to stare at the cloud covered sky and allowed the falling snow to encompass her, granting her a small fragment of peace in their delicate caresses to her flushed skin. She wished she could become the snow and drift away on the wind and far from the hurt of the world.
Before Erik could approach the sobbing girl, the door opened and Christine stepped outside and moved towards her first.
"Ashley, maybe you should go to bed now." The younger brunette said to the older girl. "It's getting cold out here anyway." Ashley slowly turned her head to see her friend then nodded. She got back to her feet and let Christine lead her back inside. Erik watched with a pang of guilt at the retreating duo. He should have approached her; took her in his arms and let her know everything would be alright. That he still loved her.
"I'm so sorry, my perdue ange."
Ashley placed her cloak back in her chest and slipped off her shoes and climbed into bed without even changing into her night clothes. She just wanted to sleep. At least in her dreams she was free to live a life she wished she had lived since the beginning.
"Leave the hurt behind…" She whispered as she drifted off to sleep.
However, not even her dreams managed to bring her solace this night either; filled with haunting nightmares of her death on the roof of the opera house. She awoke shooting up in her bed as soon as she was hit by the bullet and hearing Erik shouting her name. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her head against them trying to quell her rapid heartbeat and regain her senses. As she took in the familiar dormitory room, she had the distinct feeling that someone was watching her. She remembered how she use to take comfort in this feeling, knowing the Angel of Music was watching over her and protecting her. But now, it just gave her a sense of dread. She knew he must be upset with her for going against his orders.
"I need to get out." She said and threw the covers from her body still in the ball dress that she had worn for the performance. She didn't bother changing into her usual shirt and trousers but just grabbed her cloak and slipped on her sneakers before making her way from the room headed for nowhere in particular, as long as she was away from here.
The songs used in this chapter were Tonight We Are Betrayed from Repo! The Genetic Opera, Please Don't Make Me Love You from Dracula the Musical, and some of Once Upon Another Time (with altered lyrics) and reference to 'Til I Hear You Sing from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies.
Yeah, so they don't get right together after the show. And yes, I did see Love Never Dies (the Australian version) while I was working on this reedit. It's actually not that bad. But, then again, they did make some major changes from the original London version. But I do like it. My favorite songs from the show would have to be 'Til I Hear You Sing, Devil Take the Hindmost, Beauty Underneath, and Love Never Dies. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME!