There was yet another light, tapping sound. "Keiden? Are you all right?"
As the cramps intensified, I held my breath, trying not to cry out. "Just. . ." I winced. "Tummy troubles. Remind me not to take up Naruto's offer on another trip to Ichiraku's," I continued weakly, curling into a ball while maintaining my seated position.
I should've known. . . I should've known. . . Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, burning my skin and landing with a tuh, tuh, tuh on my shirt. I held my stomach tightly, afraid I was going to be sick; the trail of fire that ended with the heavy flow between my legs was anything but comfortable. "It's for the best," I mouthed, my heart wrenching at the truth of those words.
I cleaned myself as well as I could before limping to the door, the muscles of my thighs twisting into throbbing knots. Searching for the doorknob, I turned it with a shaking hand.
"My shirt's getting uncomfortable. . . d'you mind if I borrow one of yours?" I didn't know how to tell Neji yet. . . and things were happening too quickly; before I'd know what hit me, I'd be—
Something familiar and flowing tickled my fingers— Neji's pajama shirt. "Thanks," I told him, pouring as much gratitude as I possibly could into that single word and closing the door. I held in the sobs that threatened to overpower me as I removed my own shirt and slipped Neji's over my head; it smelled so much like him. . .
"Are you sure you're feeling all right?"
I had to keep this act up for just a little longer, but I was so tired. I navigated my way to his bed and brought my knees a bit closer to my chest. "I'm okay," I murmured invitingly. Please, stay with me, Neji.
His weight soon hit the mattress, and all I wanted to do was hold him, touch him—
A hand that could only be his brushed my ribs, making me jump.
"The skin's a little sensitive right now. . ." I lied, hating myself for denying him intimacy. Concentrating on the buh-dummm beside me, I tried coming up with a way to tell him that. . . that our baby. . . was. . .
I twitched awake, the plan formulating itself with every blink. "Much better." I found Neji's hand. "Are you tired?"
"Not at all." His lips touched my forehead.
"D'you mind taking a walk with me, then?" I said quietly. Sensing his hesitation, I continued imploringly with, "Just in the garden. I'm feeling kind of stiff."
His strong hands lifted me from the bed, and he kept an arm around my shoulders as he guided me to Hinata's garden. The scent of newborn lilies danced lovingly through the air.
"It was fun, helping Hinata plant these." I remembered how hard we'd laughed when we'd tried watering them; we'd ended up spraying each other every time. "She made me promise to take care of them whenever she went away on missions." Hinata. . . I'm gonna miss her. . . "You know. . . promises can be such beautiful things. But they're also terrifying. I mean, once you make a promise, no matter what it is, you can't break it."
Neji didn't seem to be getting it, which stung— this was going to kill us both.
"I remember," I confessed in a whisper, facing his heartbeat and using my eyes in an attempt to tell him the rest. Please, please don't make me say it out loud!
"You. . . remember. . .?"
"Everything," I said, defeated.
My fingers found the holster at Neji's hip, but he made no move to stop me. Heart cracking, I removed his kunai and reached for the hand I knew as well as my own, placing the knife into his palm.
"You can't break your promise, Neji," I said softly. A sound I never, ever wanted to hear come from my husband again caused my eyes to close tightly. "I'm a spy for the Akatsuki. I'm the enemy," I finished shakily, cursing myself for my lax in control.
Neji's heartbeat headed swiftly toward the ground, stopping at a point level with my waist.
"Listen to me," I whispered. "I'll explain everything as quickly as I can: the title of Tenten's book acted as a trigger. Hypnosis. Itachi Uchiha doesn't need his Sharingan to put people under his control— he knows the inner workings of the mind almost as well as Ibiki Morino does— but I don't think he expected me to remember my mission until the moment I was to return to the Akatsuki hideout. My mission was to infiltrate Konoha and commit every scrap of information I could gather to memory—"
"You're lying. . . please. . . tell me you're lying. . ."
I wish I was lying. "I knew your name, Neji. And you wanted to know how."
"No. . . stop it. . ." The agony in his voice almost brought me to my knees.
He needs to know everything, Keiden. "Zetsu records many things. He recorded your voice when you, your team, and Team Kakashi were sent to save Gaara from the Akatsuki, all those years ago. He always relayed his recordings to us; and when Itachi hypnotized me, he only wanted me to remember the voices of three people when the trance took affect: Kabuto, because he was a spy for Sasori. . . Sakura, because she's a renowned medic and her information is invaluable. . . and you." Because both Zetsu and Itachi knew I'd fall in love with you. . . they'll pay for this. . . "When my mission is complete, I'm supposed to go back to them." I pressed my palm against my eyes, holding in the tears. "I don't want to go back to them."
"I'll hide you. They'll never find you."
"It's not me that I'm worried about! Besides, if you hide me, they'll come here. They'll kill anyone who gets in their way." I shuddered inwardly at this grim prospect. "You have to kill me. Word of my death will spread in a matter of days. They'll leave you alone—"
"You're pregnant!" Neji cried.
"I miscarried!" I countered without thinking. I. . . I miscarried. . .
This time, I really did fall to the ground, and the tears I'd worked so hard to contain began pooling over. The realization that our baby, that little Hizashi, was actually gone— it was too much to handle. And telling Neji what I'd planned on naming our child wasn't an option at this point, which ripped at my heart even more.
"Please. . . Neji," I wept. "I already told Lady Tsunade. It has to be tonight."
Suddenly, he was at my side, helping me to my feet. The carefulness of his movements told me one thing: he wasn't going to be able to do it.
"You promised," I reminded him, cursing my stupid tears. "You promised. . ."
At that moment, I decided I'd have to take matters into my own hands: focusing for the final time, I picked up the sound of Neji's sleeve raising itself a few inches and the metallic smell of his kunai coming closer to my face, leveling itself with my heart.
"Keiden. . . I can't do it. . . I-I can't—"
I lunged at him, clamping my lips together as I missed and the tip of his kunai dug deeper and deeper into my abdomen.
"You p-promised," I coughed, feeling myself falling again.
"No. . . n-no." His arms were around me once more, and I gently hit the ground. "No, please. . . please. . ."
"S-shh. . ." I coughed again, tasting blood. A quivering hand held my head up.
Neji's thoughts were screaming in ways that frightened me; I knew he was figuring out a way to save me.
"No," I breathed, resting a hand on the knife and preserving every cry within my throat. "It's all r-right. I-I can't feel. . . it any. . . more," I lied. This pain didn't matter, anyway. Spare him. . . spare him. . .
I reached for him, yearning to touch his face. "You're. . . s-safe." The skin of his cheek was ecstasy. . . his own hand held mine. . . I could die happily. . .
Now, blissfully numb, I gave a small smile. This was it—
"Neji. . . Hyuga."