A/N: I'm sorry this is so late. I had written the chapter but I didn't like it so I had to change some things but then my computer broke. And by then I had decided to give up on this story but I changd my mind. So, at the risk of me rambling any longer...

Disclaimer: I don't own BTR

"I know about you." It seemed surreal when Carlos had first spoke those words. They still resonated through Kendall's mind as he thought of the implications of that statement. Carlos knows about him. What does he know?

Kendall felt like panicking but knew that that would just give him away. He inwardly calmed himself and put a smile on his face. "What are you talking about? " Kendall tried to seem casual, like he had nothing to hide. Carlos scowled which surprised Kendall, he didn't usually act like this. "Kendall, I know that you're not as happy as you try to make everyone believe. Sometimes, I notice things about you."

Kendall felt his panic level skyrocket. How could he have figured that out? What 'things' did he notice? Kendall didn't really know what to say. Had he really been caught? Regardless, he had to stay calm. He refused to tell Carlos something he didn't already know. "Not happy," Kendall faked a confused tone. "I don't know what you're talking about." Carlos frowned, yet another uncharacteristic thing he was doing.

"You don't have to lie, I'm supposed to be your best friend. You can tell me what's going on." Carlos said softly. Kendall's breathing picked up slightly. He didn't know what to do. He knew that Carlos meant what he said but could Kendall really tell him? Would he even understand? Kendall sighed, wishing he had went to bed earlier to avoid all of this.

"Fine. I'm in love with James. There, I said it." Carlos smiled, further confusing Kendall. "What's so funny?" Carlos' smile grew a bit bigger. "I'm just happy that you told me what was bothering you. Continue." Kendall rolled his eyes, at least he had the regular Carlos back. Maybe it would make him feel a bit better if he got some of this off of his chest.

"I love him, so much. But he doesn't even notice. It's been hard. I helped him get his girlfriend," Kendall said it as if it disgusted him, and it actually did. "Not because I thought it was good for him or anything. Just because I knew it would make him happy."

Carlos interrupted. "But it made you sad." Kendall nodded. "It killed me. But his happiness means more to me than my own. I'd do anything for him. Carlos looked at Kendall with sad eyes though Kendall could not see. He kept his head down. "Why are you with Jo then? If you're in love with James?" Carlos wondered aloud.

Kendall had forgotten about the annoying girl. "I thought that if I still had a relationship with her that it would make it seem like I didn't have feelings for him." Hearing this, Carlos leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kendall. At first, Kendall was surprised but he soon wrapped his own arms around the other boy.

He couldn't help the few tears that escaped his eyes. He didn't like to cry but he especially hated doing it in front of other people. He wiped the tears as they both pulled back and Carlos offered him a small smile. "I'm sorry, Kendall. I'm so sorry." Kendall returned the smile and nodded his thanks. He didn't want to tell Carlos how badly it was affecting him, that he had begun to cut himself to help deal with it.

"You know you can talk to me any time, right? It doesn't matter, I'll always be here for you." Kendall felt a little better now. A little less alone, a little less pain. "Alright, we should go to bed. It's pretty late." The blonde boy began walking back to his room and his shorter friend followed behind him. They wished each other a good night before they walked into their respective rooms.

*Two Weeks Later*

Kendall sat in his bed thinking over his latest problem. James. Everything was fine for a while after his first initial talk with Carlos. Well, as fine as it could be but it was better than how it usually was. After a few days though, Kendall felt like James was avoiding him. And that was weird. It had started with their conversations getting smaller and smaller, until they barely talked at all. It's not like Kendall hadn't tried an extended conversation, it was like James always found a way to cut it short.

Soon after that, James would begin to go out more often. Sometimes staying out for the entire day. This bothered Kendall, he thought that he might be getting close with his girlfriend, and that was something Kendall did not want. He didn't want her to take James away from him. He tried making plans for the two of them to do something but James had always said the same thing.

"Sorry Kendall. I'm busy, maybe some other time?" But there weren't any other times. It had soon become painfully obvious that James didn't want to spend time with him. And this hurt. It seemed as if James did not even want to be near the blond. Kendall would wake up to James having an empty bed and would go to sleep before James even came inside. Some nights, Kendall wondered if he even set foot inside of their shared room.

He had tried talking to Carlos but he had no idea what was going on so he couldn't really offer any advice. Kendall was brought out of his musings by his phone vibrating. He looked over to it wondering who it could be. Sadly, it was Jo. She wanted to know if he wanted to do something later. Kendall had been ignoring her lately. She was becoming more and more unbearable. So he was prepared to do something he didn't think he'd regret. He called her. Kendall waited as the rings continued.

"Hello," she answered.

"Jo, I've got to tell you something."

"What is it?" she inquired.

"I'm breaking up with you."

"W-What?"

"I'm breaking up with you." he repeated himself though he knew that she had heard him the first time. He actually began to feel a little bad for her.

"What do you mean 'breaking up with me'? You can't break up with me! I should've known you'd do something like this you-" Kendall no longer felt bad for her. If she was going to go on a rant then he didn't want to hear it. So he hang up the phone. She'll understand sooner or later, he thought to himself.

He felt his phone vibrate again and noticed that she was calling back. He ignored it and put his phone on silent. He didn't feel like being bothered with her anymore. Kendall thought back to James. What should he do? Carlos had told him on more than one occasion to try telling him how he felt but Kendall didn't want to do that. He didn't want to make James' life complicated because he had fallen in love with him.

Kendall sighed, his life always seemed so hard even when he was trying to make everything alright. Maybe I should just ask him? Kendall knew that that would be the straightforward approach but that was the only thing he was really willing to do. He hopped up and walked out of his room to see if James was actually in the apartment.

To Kendall's surprise, James was in the kitchen. He walked up to him. James had his back turned to him as he looked into the fridge. When James felt someone poke him he turned around and Kendall noticed how his demeanor changed when he saw him. "James, we need to talk."

James raised an eyebrow. "Sorry Kendall but I'm about to go for a run. When I get back, okay?" James said as he began to walk away. Kendall scowled, he grabbed James' wrist. "No, it's not okay. Tell me why you've been avoiding me." Kendall felt how James tensed up when he touched him and that became another stab to his heart. What had he done to him?

James didn't turn around. He kept his head down, his hair covering his eyes. "I haven't been avoiding you. Now let me go." Kendall grit his teeth, he was getting mad. James was lying to him. "Yes, you have! Why?" James remained silent. "Tell me." James didn't move, "I haven't." Kendall felt his anger flare up. His grip on James' wrist tightened. "Stop lying to me! Just tell me the truth."

Kendall was surprised when James gave him a heated look. It was the first time James had stared him in the eyes in a while. "I really wish you would go away. You really want to know why I've been avoiding? It's because I can't stand being around you. I hate it. I hate you! " Kendall felt his grip go slack when he heard that. James took that chance to run out the door.

Kendall felt like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on. He felt the tears come but he couldn't stop them, it was too much for him to handle. Kendall had a hard time breathing as he forced himself to go back inside his room and shut the door. He locked it before he sat there crying. He cried thinking of the things that James had said to him.

"I really wish you would go away!" It played in his head over and over like a broken record that he couldn't turn off. "I can't stand being around you." Kendall hated this, feeling so vulnerable. "I hate you!" He felt like a kid as the tears kept coming, it seemed like they would never end.

It hurts, he thought. It hurts so much. Kendall now knew. The reason to James avoiding him, it was because he hated him. He really wished he had just stayed in his room, and never decided to confront James. He should've just dealt with it because the pain he feels now is so much worse. Kendall tried to wipe his eyes, tried to stop crying but he couldn't. He couldn't and he hated it.

The one person he had truly loved. The one he would do any and everything for. The one who he felt that he would never stop loving, hated him. And Kendall felt like his whole world was crumbling. Kendall sat there for hours, with his back against the door. He was glad that Logan and Carlos went to the pool.

Kendall felt the tears begin to stop. He still felt like shit but at least he wasn't really crying anymore. He sat there hugging himself. He didn't know what to do, he just wanted everything to stop. Kendall crawled to his bed and looked under it to find his savior. The razor blade, still hidden in his hat. Kendall held it between his thumb and index finger. "I really wish you would go away!" James' words echoed once more.

That was it. His way out. He'd be free from the pain and the misery. It was what James wanted. He wanted Kendall to go away and Kendall could do that. He'd go away and leave James to be happy with his girlfriend. Kendall gave a bitter smile, it was perfect. He found a piece of paper and a pen and began writing. He'd leave a note for each of them. His friends, his family, and the one he loved.

Each note had a few of his tears on them. He couldn't help it. He made sure that they didn't blur out the words and when he finished the last note, he smiled. He left them on the night stand that separated their two beds and quickly entered the bathroom with the razor blade. He shut and locked the door. He walked over to the mirror to look at himself. His eyes were red and puffy, you could see fresh tears come through every now and then. His hair was everywhere but Kendall didn't care.

He walked over and leaned his back against the tub. He gave a sigh before ripping the bandages off of his arm. This would be the last time he would feel pain. The last time he would cut himself. A few more tears made their way through as he dragged the blade across his right wrist three times, making deep cuts. He did the same to his left wrist and allowed the blade to fall to the ground. He held both his arms in front of his face, watching the blood ooze out of the freshly made cuts. He let them fall to his sides and closed his eyes. All he had to do was wait.

Kendall opened his eyes halfway when he heard the front door open and some one call out to him. He closed them again. He knew it was already too late as he began to feel light headed and cold. He smiled as he felt himself being pulled away. He faintly heard knocks on the bathroom door and door knob being messed with. He heard his name. He heard the door forced open.

He didn't care. He let the darkness take over and lost conscienceness.