A/N: Okay, thanks for everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate it. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
Disclaimer: I get tired of saying that I don't own them but yeah, I don't.
Kendall woke up to the smell of, well, nothing. He couldn't explain it. It was a sterile smell, like something had just been cleaned. He slowly opened his eyes only to shut them again when the light assaulted them. Kendall found that to be a mistake and began to think. Where was he? Kendall opened his eyes again, slower this time, and when they finally adjusted to the small bit of light he looked around.
It was a room. He recognized it, a hospital room. The hospital, he was in the hospital. 'But why? What happened? How'd I get here?' Kendall wondered as he continued observing the room. The chairs were on the left next to the window that shined bright light into the otherwise dim room. He looked to his right. More chairs. Two of them were occupied. Carlos and Logan. It looked like they had been there for a while.
Logan was leaning his head against Carlos' shoulder and Carlos had his head on top of Logan's. Kendall thought it was kind of cute. He heard the constant beep of what he knew to be a heart monitor. He lifted his arm and found that bandages covered it and his other arm, an IV was injected into his left arm. He turned his head and looked to the ceiling, thinking about what had happened. 'What did happen?' He questioned himself in his head again.
Kendall was trying to think and he began to wonder, if Carlos and Logan are here then where is James? Suddenly, something inside him seemed to click and all of the memories came back to him. Everything at once. James avoiding him which lead to Kendall approaching him, that leading to the fight. Kendall remembered the pain and how much everything hurt, he remembered what James had said, what James wanted.
The pain had become crushing, he couldn't take it. It had hurt so much and he had found a way to end it. All of it. He had cut himself, deep enough to lose a lot of blood, he wanted to die. It all happened so fast, the memories came back so fast. He felt overwhelmed and his breathing had picked up. The heart monitor began to speed up and before he he knew it Carlos and Logan were by his side trying to calm him down. He started hyperventilating and saw Carlos press a button on the side of the bed.
Soon afterwards, a doctor had come in and quickly figured out what was happening. He quickly prepped a needle and injected Kendall with it. Kendall didn't know what it was, he had just began to feel calmer and eventually his breathing returned to normal. He saw Carlos look to the doctor. "What happened?" Kendall closed his eyes but he made sure that listened to the doctor's response, he was feeling a bit drowsy.
The doctor sighed beofre explaining. "Well, it's simple. Before he had fallen unconscious, he had lost so much blood that his brain became a little oxygen deprived. Because of this, he probably couldn't remember the events that had occurred before his...incident. Something happened to help him regain those memories. When all of the memories came back to him, he must've got a little overwhelmed. It was probably something that had a pretty big effect on him."
Carlos nodded though he didn't like the long explanation that was supposed to be simple. Kendall felt himself falling into another sleep even though he tried his best to stay awake. It was hard and before long he fell back into a dreamless sleep.
When Kendall woke back up, he opened his eyes and realized that he didn't have such a hard time adjusting to the light this time. He looked around and noticed two things. One, Carlos and Logan were no longer inside the room and two, it was still light out. Kendall's head throbbed slightly but he ignored it. He let his eyes drift toward the white ceiling once again. Someone had 'saved' him. Though Kendall didn't feel like he had been saved.
What did he have to live for when the love of his life hated him. He did the only thing he could, he tried to kill himself so that James wouldn't have to see him again. Someone had stopped him though, he didn't know how to feel about that. If he thought about it, he did feel angry but he didn't know who he would be angry at. And in all fairness, he would've done the same he were being absolutely truthful, who wouldn't have called the hospital?
It seems to be the natural reaction when you find someone bleeding to death on a cold bathroom floor. But in all actuality, Kendall would've preferred if he had just been left to die. He didn't want to live with the pain. He didn't want to see anyone. He wondered if they had read his letters, maybe, maybe not. He hoped not, if he wasn't going to die he'd just feel like a fool. Kendall stiffened when the door suddenly opened to reveal the doctor walking in with a smile on his face. Kendall didn't think that there was anything to smile about.
"You're awake, that's good. You've been in a comatose state for about a week. You're making good progress and your injuries are healing up nicely. Any questions?" Kendall shook his head 'no' though he was still thinking about that fact that he had fallen into a coma for a while. He didn't expect that, he wondered if anything happened during the time he was asleep.
"Good. A psychiatrist will be in shortly to talk to you." Kendall frowned. 'I knew they would try some shit like this.' He thought to himself. He didn't want to talk to some stranger about his problems. He just wanted to be left alone.
The doctor left and soon a woman came in dressed professionally in a plaid skirt and black button down shirt, tucked in. She wore black rimmed glasses and red lipstick that matched the red shown on her skirt. She had began by asking things about him but Kendall barely answered her questions. Eventually she asked him why he had attempted to kill himself but Kendall didn't answer. He refused. He didn't want everyone to know that secret and he doubted she would keep it to herself.
When Kendall had begun to outright ignore her she left the room. Kendall sighed, nothing had gone right. Absolutely nothing. He began thinking about James, even though he knew that he shouldn't. Even after all that had happened, Kendall still was in love with him. He couldn't help it. He wanted to be with him, he wanted to make him happy. He just hoped that that girl would make him happy, since he couldn't.
Carlos walked into the room, Kendall noticed that he had a glass of water with a straw inside that he handed to Kendall to drink. Kendall was thankful becasue his throat was really dry and no one else had brought him anything. He drank all of the water quickly before putting it on the small table next to the bed. The sound of his hospital gown rustling like stiff leaves in the wind annoyed him.
"Kendall," Carlos' voice sounded sad and Kendall felt terrible. "Why," Kendall couldn't look at him, he didn't want to see his face. "Why did you do it?" Tears were forming in Carlos' eyes. Kendall didn't want to tell Carlos, though the other boy probably had a pretty good idea of why, he just wanted to keep it to himself. But Carlos was one of his best friends, if he could talk to anyone it was him.
"I...I'm sorry. It...I-" Kendall sighed, looking down dejectedly. "He said he hated me and I..I couldn't take it. It hurt so much, everything hurt." Kendall finally got out after stumbling over his words a bit. It was hard, saying it out loud, but Kendall pushed forward. "I didn't know what to do and the thought just...slipped into my mind. It was the easiest way to make the pain stop. To stop myself from hurting."
"Who?" Carlos asked quietly. Kendall didn't want to say his name. He didn't want to remember it all again. "Was it James?" Kendall nodded, thankful that Carlos decided to help him out even if it wasn't the hardest thing to guess. Carlos hugged Kendall tightly and Kendall wrapped his arms back around Carlos.
"I'm sorry." Kendall whispered again when he felt tears slowly soak into the back of his hospital gown. Kendall had begun crying too, it didn't seem like he could do anything to stop the tears. Kendall didn't mean to hurt Carlos. He didn't want to hurt anybody, he just wanted everything to stop. "It's okay. Just...just don't do it again. Please." Kendall nodded against him, "I won't." He promised the boy in his arms.
"I don't think he meant it." Carlos said when they pulled away from each other. "He did." Kendall said silently after what Carlos had saaid registered in his mind. "Kendall, James is your friend. You should at least try to talk to him and find out more about what happened." Kendall sighed, he wasn't sure.
Carlos had a weird expression on his face before he smiled. "Do you want to go home? The doctor said it was okay." Kendall felt relieved, he wanted to get out of this damn hospital. Kendall nodded again and Carlos handed him some clothes that were sitting in a chair. 'He must've just brought those,' Kendall thought. 'I didn't see them earlier.'
Carlos left the room and Kendall begun to dress himself with minor difficulty. He left out of the room, leaving the gown on the bed. He signaled to Carlos that he was ready before they both walked to the front desk and signed Kendall out. The doctor had spoken with them, Kendall would have to be back in a week to make sure everything was fine.
"Anything happen while I was out?" Kendall asked as they made their way outside of the big building. "No, nothing really. We've just been focused on you." Kendall nodded.
They hopped in the BTR mobile, Carlos in the driver's side and began to pull out of the spot. Kendall had a few more questions to ask as the ride began. "Where's Logan?" He started. "He's at the Palm Woods. I told them to go home and that I would keep an eye on you." Them. Did that mean that James had actually been there? "James was there?" Kendall asked, a little more excited than he would like to admit.
He wanted to know. Carlos paused. "I think you need to talk to him." Kendall raised an eyebrow, that wasn't really an answer. "What do you mean?" Carlos looked at Kendall for a second before returning his gaze to the road. "James found you, you know. He called the ambulance. He stayed with you everyday. I made him go home because he wasn't taking care of himself. He hasn't been the same ever since then."
Kendall was shocked. James hated him, right? Why did he call for an ambulance and then stay with him for days? It didn't make sense. Now he had more questions. Kendall leaned toward Carlos, "Where is he? Did he tell you what happened?" Carlos shook his head. "With Logan, he just said it was his fault. He said he was sorry. He blames himself for what happened. He was hysterical when me and Logan met him at the hospital. It took a while for us to finally calm him down."
Kendalled sat back in his sat back in his seat and was quiet for the rest of the ride, lost in his thoughts. James blamed himself but Kendall didn't want that. He didn't want James to feel bad or guilty. Kendall sighed in frustration. Nothing made sense and it seemed like he would have to go to James for answers, something he really wasn't excited about. When they arrived at the Palm Woods, Carlos took Kendall straight to their room ignoring anyone they passed but Kendall was hesitant. He didn't know if he was ready to go in there.
"Come on, Kendall. It'll be fine." Carlos said when he noticed that Kendall was lagging behind. Kendall rolled his eyes, "Easy for you to say." He mumbled as he began to pick up his pace. Carlos wasn't the one who had tried to kill himself. And failed. He didn't have to face the one who he was holplessly in love with. The one who didn't love him back. Kendall sighed as Carlos lead the way into the apartment.
When Kendall first walked in, he only noticed one person on the couch. Logan. Logan turned his head and hopped up when he saw Kendall. He ran over and gave Kendall a big hug. "You're finally awake! We missed you! Don't ever do that to us again, we thought we were going to lose you." Logan said firmly, a few tears leaking out of his eyes. Kendall wrapped his arms around Logan and apologised numerous times. He felt even worse for what he had done.
Kendall knew that he owed Logan an explanation but there was stuff that he needed to sort out first. He knew things wouldn't just go back to how they were before. He had to confront him. Kendall needed things to change and it would either be for better or for worse. He hoped it wouldn't be the latter of the two.
He sighed, "Where's James?" Logan pulled away. "He's in your room. He's been there ever since we got here. I've been trying to get him to do something but he just sits there." Kendall sighed again, it was now or never. "Thanks." He mumbled as he slowly approached the door. He reached his hand out hesitantly and turned the knob. He felt like he was walking to his death, which is weird because he almost died a week ago.
'I can do this.' He thought confidently as he walked into the room. He looked to see that James was lying face down on his bed. "Leave me alone Logan!" Kendall was barely able to make out the muffled statement coming from the brunette boy. "I'm not Logan." Kendall saw that James had tensed before turning to look at him."K-Kendall?"
Kendall nodded and closed the door, locking it. This might take a while.