I ran to Shigure's room and, without knocking, swung the door open. He was sitting comfortably in his yukata, writing something. My appearance really startled him. After a few seconds of shock, he greeted me.

"Hi, Akito" He smiled, his usual devilish smile. I walked up to him and let the towel I used to cover myself fell down onto the floor. His stare made me feel like he's eating my whole body.

"What were you up to?"

"I was taking a bath."

"Then why are you here?"

I didn't want to answer because I don't want him to know I was having sex with Kureno. So instead, I kissed him passionately, my hands rubbing his penis. I can feel it erected under his clothes.

"You want it that badly?" Shigure asked as he let me caress his body.

"Yes." At that point, I didn't think about my dignity at all. I wanted him to make love to me. To fill me with his penis. I really need to continue, with Kureno, it was just a few seconds before climax. I can't take it anymore, I need Shigure inside me. As if he had read my thought, he put his erected penis inside. He pushed me on the table and all the papers fell down onto the floor.

"Ahh" I moaned loudly, not minding if someone will hear us.

"Akito, you're already really wet. Have you been fingering yourself?" He stopped moving.

"co..continue..please.."

"Or is it…You had sex with Kureno haven't you?" A devil grin formed across his face. He entrusted his penis inside me even harder. His hands strangled my neck as he was moving on top of me.

"Don't you sleep with that bastard again!" He spatted and clenched my neck tighter. I struggled to get air, but my body felt so much pleasure, I think I'll come soon. I know Shigure will do this to me. I wanted him to hurt me.

"How is it? Am I better than him?"

"Y..Yes." It was hard to speak; I tried my hardest to spit out a response.

"You like this don't you?"

"Ahh..Yes…More" He bites my neck, my lips, and my nipples fiercely while moving his hips on top of me.

The pain I felt is turning me on even more. Kureno would never hurt my body so much during sex, that's why I always come quicker with Shigure.

I don't feel alive if I feel no pain or cause no pain to others. This is the only way I know I'm living, that I exist in this world.

"Say my name!" Shigure demanded.

"Shigure…Ahh.." I moaned his name loudly despite the fact that I'm being strangled. I can't hold it anymore, I came and Shigure cummed inside me. He removed his hands from my neck; I know it's going to leave a bruise.

"Now my room is a mess." He sighed as he put on his clothes.

"Your problem." I said, getting up from the table. My back really hurts; Hatori's going to scowl me for sure.

"How can you be so cold when we were having sex just now?" He smiled sneakily.

"It was just sex."

"That's why you went around doing it with Kureno, huh? I bet you even sleep with Hatori."

"I don't need someone like you to tell me this. You're even lower than me!"

"But I slept with other women thinking they are you."

"You're lying."

"You don't believe me."

"I can't believe someone like you anymore."

"Then I have to make you."

"Do what you want."

"Akito, you don't love me anymore?" His expression became serious and he put his hands on my shoulders.

"I used to love you, but now I don't think I can love anyone." I said honestly. I can't love anyone not even myself.

"So you're saying me and Kureno are on the same level?"

"No."

"Then what am I to you? And what is Kureno to you?" He clenched my shoulders harder. His dark eyes staring at me as if to eat me up alive. Under the pale light from the moon, Shigure's tall figure looks like a monster.

"Why do you have to make this so complicated? Why don't you tell me first then?"

"Akito, you are the most important person to me. I think of you more than anyone." His feelings remained the same from back then? Even if we have become so twisted, even if we have come to hate each other, he still believe there's love between us?

"How can you still be like this? I...I've changed..and so are you..We're not the same!" I screamed at him. Tears are swelling up my eyes.

"Everybody change. But my feeling for you is eternal."

"How can you say something like this so easily? If I believe you now, tomorrow you may betray me."

"Akito, I only slept with Ren out of anger because you slept with Kureno. That was the only time that I ever betrayed you."

"But you can be so cold towards me..." I'll never forget the time when he was never there for me, when I needed him the most. He left me so easily and yet he's here now, confessing his love to me.

"And you can hate me so much.."

"Yes, I hate you to the core." Shigure can make me feel too much emotions. It's unsettling. He is the source of my weakness and strength at the same time.

"You hurt my feelings." He was saying these in a mocking tone.

"As if you have one...I'm leaving." I decided that I didn't want to chat with him anymore. I feel sleepy and Kureno must be worried about me. I don't want him to make too much fuss over me.

"You're going back to Kureno?"

"Of course." I smiled and turned my back at him, but he took my hand, stopping me from stepping out of his room.

"Remember this, if I can't make you mine alone, I'll destroy you." He pulled me in and whispered in my ear. I didn't say anything and walked back to my own room. On the way back, I was laughing. That Shigure, he didn't know anything. Talking about owning me, I'm not some kind of object.

He doesn't get it; I'm not just a pawn in his game. He can keep on pursuing me all he wants, but I'll never admit being his only. I don't care if he destroys me. I'm already broken. The light of my life was lost a long time ago. I'm at the point of no return.

I have a strong desire to mess up my own life. I have nothing to lose anymore.

I used to be afraid of dying. But now it doesn't matter. I'm not afraid to die. I can even end my own life. In fact, I almost did, only if that stupid Shigure didn't barge in and took me to Hatori in time. If he was even a few minutes late, I could have lose too much blood and die.

I slide the door open quietly. Kureno was asleep. I tiptoed to the bed, not wanting to wake him up. I really don't want to answer his questions right now. But my attempt failed, he opened his eyes before I can slide myself under the blanket.

"It's already late, let's sleep." His voice was calm. I thought he was going to ask me where did I go. Good thing it's dark or else he'll see the bruise at my neck.

"Sure." I replied, snuggling my head on his chest. His body is so warm and it makes me feel safe. I know he'll never hurt me. Today had proved it. I let him see the side of me that was hidden from him, yet he still insisted on protecting me.

I feel sorry for him. He still hasn't realized it, the fact that I can't be saved.