A/N

In the middle of writing this chapter, I was listening to the song 'Love is blindness' (Jack White cover). And I thought the lyrics kind of match Shigure and Akito's relationship. I recommend listening to this song while reading. Also, the song gets more dramatic at the end and it fits with the last scene (or at least that's what I thought).

...

I pushed the tray away and food scattered on the floor. The maid looked terrified. Her face went pale and she mumbled 'sorry' repeatedly while cleaning the mess. The whole time she didn't dare look me in the eye.

When she finished cleaning up, she asked me in a small voice.

"What do you want to eat? I can bring it to you." Her pitiful face makes me feel disgusted.

"Nothing. Just get out of here." She nodded her head and quickly left the room.

I lay down and closed my eyes. I have been in a very bad mood lately. Everything and everyone pisses me off. Even the birds at my windowsill look irritating. I got up and opened a sake bottle then poured it in masu. I drank it and the burning sensation rushed through my body then it all felt better. For a moment, I believe I was going to be ok.

There was a knock and Shigure slides the door open.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Oh. You're drinking sake. Hold on, I'll bring tsumami."

Before I can say anything, he walked out of the room.

I hate Shigure. He is the only one who can withstand me. He disobeys my order when none of the Juunishi had courage to utter a word against me. I hate that. I want to be able to control everyone around me. If they can act on their own, who knows when they'll all turn against you? And it happened. When the curse broke, no one was truly by my side. Deep down, everyone despised me. My existence only inflicted pains on those around me.

"Hey, I brought some grilled himono and tuna." He appeared looking pleased with himself.

"Leave them here and get out."

"I want to eat too."

"Then go eat alone outside my room."

"But I want to eat with you." He pouted like a child.

I gave up resisting and he sits next to me. Shigure poured sake into masu and start drinking with a satisfied face.

"This sake is really good."

"It's from Niigata." I replied.

"You never seemed to run out of alcohol these days."

"What about it? You can't tell me to stop drinking. Kureno is enough to deal with." I spat. Whenever Kureno is with me, I tried not to drink. This is because he is against it. My body is already fragile and alcohol will just make everything worst. But I just don't care. I never desire to treasure my sick body.

"I haven't said anything." He poured more sake into masu and handed it to me. I glanced at him and took a sip. I don't know what's gotten into him but he seems to be in high spirits today. He's humming a song to himself gleefully.

"What's the song?"

"Love is blindness."

"Never heard of it."

"Well, you don't listen to anything."

"Sing it. I want to hear you sing."

He smiled and started to sing.

Love is blindness,

I don't wanna see

Won't you wrap the night around me

Oh, my heart

Love is blindness

"I sound good right? Maybe I should consider being a singer." He grinned. I have to admit that his voice was beautiful.

"It's good enough."

"A praise from Akito. That's something."

"Don't get too conceited though."

Shigure shrugged and his hands crept up my thigh. I let him do what he wanted. When he wrapped his arms around me and licked my neck, I smelled a scent. It is a woman's perfume. Is it Ren's scent? Or some random women he met from work? My thought went fuzzy and all I can imagine is a body of some stranger caressing him.

"Stop." I pushed his chest with little force. The alcohol absorbed all my energy. I can't push him with full strength.

"Why? What is it?" He held my hand and stared at my face as if he has no idea what he did. It makes me even more irritated.

"Get out. I don't want to see your face."

"No. Tell me what's wrong."

"You think I'm such an idiot? You think I didn't know you fucked tons of women?" I shouted angrily.

"Oh. So it comes to this topic again? How many times do I have to remind you, if you keep doing it with Kureno, I won't stop sleeping with other women." He was enraged. Shigure doesn't understand me. There are times when I need Kureno. When he is the only one who can comfort me. It's different from those meaningless sexes Shigure had.

"I can't be with you only. I just can't." My voice trembled.

"Why?"

"It's too risky to be hurt by you again."

"I won't do it. I promise. Please, Akito."

"Beg me. Kneel before me and beg, like a dog. That's what you are!" I smirked. He stared at me as if I had turn completely insane.

"You can't do it? Then go away."

"I won't do it. Because I don't need to."

He pushed my back against the table and started to undress me.

"Get off me!" I yelled at him. But he didn't listen He was too busy caressing my body. When I tried to scream more he pressed his lip against mine and my voice was completely lost. I grabbed the sake bottle and poured it on his head.

"I told you to leave." I cried. Shigure's face was still in a state of shock. I watched him trying to wipe the sake of his eyes.

"Akito!" His voice was scary. He sounded as if he can kill me at that instant.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I pushed him when he was busy rubbing his face of alcohol and ran out of the room.

I was able to run for a little bit and I stopped to rest. The alcohol made me feel dizzy and I have never run in my life. This is too much for my body to bear. I saw a tall figure walking towards me and when he came closer I noticed that the person is Hatori.

"What are you doing here, Akito? Shouldn't you be in your room?"

"I..need to get more pills." I answered trying to catch my breath. Hatori looked at me suspiciously before replying.

"Sure. Come with me, you look sick. It's about time I check your health anyway."

…

"That bruise…" Hatori sighed as he examined my naked body. He's touching my neck, the bruise from last night is still clear.

"It's no big deal. It doesn't hurt." I said, trying to look calm.

"I heard from Kureno. Your mental state is deteriorating." Ugh. Kureno and his stupid unintentional kindness. I'm sick of it.

"Just give me more painkillers."

"That won't do. Why do you need to feel pain, Akito?"

"It makes me feel alive."

"Do you get illusions?"

"Yeah. I just can't seem to separate what's real. Maybe this is a dream too, you know."

Hatori didn't say anything but continued to check my body.

"It's only reality if the pain is real."

"Did Shigure do this you?" He looked tired and changed the topic. He can't convince me the other way anyway.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"How much detail do you want?" I smiled teasingly. He knows what I'm talking about that's why his face flushed a little.

I didn't wait for him to answer anyway; I started babbling about how it happened. I told him what I did with Kureno and how I ended up with Shigure. I went into all the details because, you know, teasing people is fun. Especially with Hatori. He kept avoiding my eye contact and he looked very uncomfortable. Before I realized it, I was smiling.

"Why are you happy?"

"It's because I'm telling this to you, Hatori."

"Me?"

"You look so innocent sometimes. Have you ever had sex?"

"I'd rather keep it to myself."

"You're a virgin!? Hahaha. Oh my god, a 28 year old virgin!"

"I didn't tell you I was."

"If you did then you would already told me."

"It's not a big deal anyway."

"Oh, it's not. But don't you want to know what it's like? I bet you'll like it." I leaned in closer to him and pulled down his tie. This might be fun.

"You must have masturbated…Who do you think of when you do it?"

"No one."

"Maybe I should give you a special service." I smirked while my hands rubbed on his trousers. His penis is getting erected under his clothes.

"You should lose it sometimes, Hatori."

"Stop.." Before he can say anything more, I already unzipped his pants and put his penis into my mouth.

I sucked it making loud sucking sound and slide it between my teeth.

"Mmmm..Ah…" I let out some moan, knowing this will turn him on even more.

I looked up and see Hatori gazing down at me. I know he's trying his best to hold out his moan. Is it more fun if I wait for him to beg for climax or giving him one anyway? Maybe I shouldn't be so rough with him for his first fellatio. I moved my mouth quicker sliding his penis in and out of my mouth. I can taste the fluid coming out.

"A..Akito" He's moaning out my name now. Hatori gives in quicker than I thought. His hands are pulling my hair, forcing me head to move even quicker.

"umm..ah…" I moaned as I sucked his penis and he came inside my mouth. His sperm filling my mouth, he came so much that it dripped from my mouth and as he moved his penis out, the fluid dropped on my face.

I swallowed it and licked my lips as if this is the most wonderful taste in the world. Hatori is staring at me, blushing; his penis is getting erected again.

"Is it better than masturbating?" I asked, moving in closer and licked the tip of his penis.

"Haa san, you know what just happened? Akito was…Akito?!" That was Shigure. He swung the door opened and stood in shock. His face is priceless. Hatori quickly zipped his pants although his still-erected penis can clearly be seen. I didn't bother getting dressed, but continued to lick Hatori's sperm from my lips while staring directly at Shigure. That should piss him off enough. Then I gave him the sweetest smile I could.

"You're a whore! Slut!" He spat at me and put his hands around my neck.

"Stop it, Shigure" Hatori came in.

"Don't tell me what to do when you're fucking her!" Then he punched Hatori. He fell down, but that didn't seem to satisfy Shigure. He let me go and instead, continued punching and kicking Hatori who's lying on the floor now. He didn't respond back, just let Shigure vent his anger on him.

"Why did you do it?!"

"You know I love her didn't you?"

"How can you betray me…Like that bastard Kureno!" He kept yelling and punching. I started to feel bad for Hatori. I was the one who insisted on doing it.

"That's enough, Shigure." I tried my hardest to pull his arm. He stopped what he was doing and stared at me.

"You're mine! Mine only! No one should ever touch you!"

He's losing it now. The gleam in his eyes sent chill down my spine. I thought I was going to get killed. But being killed by Shigure isn't so bad. There's still a part of me that loved him deeply. I was embracing my death when I saw Shigure grabbed the nearby vase and ran into me. His face, filled with hatred and anger, then he hit my head with the vase. At first it was numb, then I felt pain. I fell down to the floor and I can feel blood dripping from my head on my face. It's spreading on the floor, a pool of blood. If I am to die like this, then so be it.

To be killed by the person I love the most, isn't that wonderful? Even at death, Shigure is the one who's giving me pain. Afterall, Shigure used to be the light of my life.

When have I become so vulgar and filthy? When did it all started?

I'm no longer clean or innocent. Not like the day Shigure confessed his love to me.

'I cared for you more than anyone and that is the unshakable truth.'

'I love you, Akito.'

Those words were not lies.

At that time, it was so simple. How did things get so complicated?

The thread is ripping

The knot is slipping

My mind became blurry and it was hard to keep my eyes open. This is better than I expected. Shigure, he granted me my death wish.

What a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

I'm too numb to feel

Blow out the candle

Blindness

...

A/N

Masu is a wooden square used to drink with sake and tsumami is snacks eat while drinking alcohol.