[A/N As a reviewer already said, last chapter was full of mistakes. I apologize, I was too eager to upload it. ;_; This is not going to be one of those laying in hospital and cuddle with my boyfriend in my bed and flustered nurses fanfictions, js]

Part 27.

The scariest moments of my life weren't during the second world war, when I could be about to be blown up any moment. It wasn't when I saw bucky fall to his death, even if I thought that would be haunting me forever. Not even when I fell into freezing cold water and got frozen alive. Ironically enough, the scariest moments of my life were when I was perfectly fine, cosily in a control room of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Where is he, is he OK?" I asked as soon as Fury walked in with his oh-so-comforting stance. Fury is just what you need when the love of your life is dying somewhere on a hospital bed. When on our way back to America, the pilot had taken us straight to Fury's infamous headquarters. Under normal circumstances, we would have started a riot because Fury was trying to control our lives again, but we knew that we wouldn't be able to give Tony the medical care he deserved and needed, and they could. I mean, my pre-technologic-evolution techniques weren't exactly up to date.

"It's better if you see for yourself." Fury was being tactful, which he rarely was, and this meant that there was really something serious going on. "You can talk to him, he is conscious. Please don't overwhelm him, Rogers." He paused, "You were right, every single one of you is important. I saw your fighting, the 4 of you, without Tony and Thor. It was.. different, less coordinated." I wondered what he was trying to say, whether he was trying to make me feel better or not.

It wasn't helping either way, because Thor was gone, dead, I had felt his last heartbeat myself, and the dynamic would never be restored again.

"Tony?" I asked softly, sitting myself down on a chair next to him. He grunted something out and scrunched his face up in pain when he turned around to face me.

"Fuck."

"It's good to see you too," I smiled softly, but my smile quickly faltered and I looked away. I didn't want to break the news about Thor yet, but I knew that Tony would ask about everything that had happened during his absence soon enough. "Are you feeling OK?" I asked, taking one of his hands between mine. They had washed him, and the hand that was once bloody and dirty was now softer than it would have been had he been working in his workshop for a while.

"'m okay." He said quietly, not going for a snarky 'of course not, do you see the blood on my back, the scratches on my head, etc', but for an uncertain and not very convincing 'ok'. That worried me more than it should have.

"Tony.." I leaned down, just going for a soft kiss, but he turned his head away before my lips reached his.

"Please don't." He mumbled. When he looked up at me and saw the look I was giving him, he seemed to realize that he was acting strange, and quickly tried covering it up, "I just uh- " He stared at me and I didn't know what to say. I could only imagine what had gone on in Amsterdam, could only guess what had driven Tony's flame for intercourse into a dull light.

"You don't have to lie, it's OK, Tony." I said, squeezing his hand between mine. I was surprised to see a tear roll down Tony's cheek, as he looked at me helplessly and began to shake all over. The last time I had seen Tony cry was when he told me about his father, when we were trying to figure out what was it that made us fight so often, and he hadn't really been crying then. Just looking for comfort, not crying.

This was the real nervous break-down type of crying that had him shaking and squeezing my hand to death. I wanted to know what had happened, to get it out of him, to know what Loki had done so that next time I saw him, I could do everything back twice as hard. Avenge Thor. Oh God, Thor. I suddenly couldn't keep the tears in either, and every emotion that I had ignored, every emotion that had been building up since this all started, felt the need to express itself.

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head and putting it onto his chest, feeling his and my sobs go through his entire body. Everything that had happened, from the moment I realized I liked men, to the moment I was reunited with him who had made me realize this. Tony's sudden disappearance, Bruce getting buried alive, Thor's death, the state we found Tony in. All this time I had kept my tears to myself, but it was getting too much.

"Wh- Why? He asked softly, chest rising and falling with exertion, and it was so good to feel the life beating under his ribcage, knowing that he was going to be OK… physically. I dried my tears with my sleeve, our hands still linked together.

"For everything. So much has happened.. I don't even know where to start.." I shuffled on my seat a bit, wiggling around nervously. "I shouldn't have let you go to start with. Now look what he made of you.." I brought our hands up to trace my finger over his cheek, stopping to press my thumb on his lip, and he quivered a bit, looking away. "That's not the Tony I know."

"I don't want to talk about it." Not talking was an offer Tony Stark had never before made in his life, but I decided to go with it because frankly, I didn't think I was up for talking yet. I nodded, a thousand questions still spinning through my mind. The most prominent by far being how the hell I was going to get my Tony back. I wanted my playboy, etc. Not some sort of shadow of the guy he used to be.

"I love you." I said, before resting my head on the mattress next to his shoulder, sitting at an awkward angle with most of my body still in the chair. Tony mumbled something back, as if he was already falling asleep, but when I took a look at his face to check, it seemed like he was just staring into the darkness. Staring at something that wasn't there. "Tony," I said, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him a bit, and he blinked a few times before looking back at me.

"Yes, yes I know." He answered, then turned onto his side, back facing me, and I was left with the feeling that I had done something utterly, extremely bad. Sighing, I clapped Tony on his back, worrying more than ever that something bad was going on, and that he was using his self-destructive suffer in silence techniques to solve it again.

When Tony's breathing had evened out, I decided I could leave him alone for a while to call Pepper and tell her what was going on. She answered with a hyper 'Steve!', as usual. I quickly laid out the situation for her, telling her about the circumstances under which we found him and his physical condition.

"And uhm, have you got any idea what he's gone through?" She asked uncertainly.

"No, he won't tell me. I think I might have an idea. He..He doesn't let me touch him anymore." I heard her swallow,

"No.. You don't really think..?" When I fell quiet, she let out a puff of air. "Oh- Okay. Give him time Steve. Please, don't take offense in anything he does. It's his way of recovering. Just be there for him, give him the feeling that he isn't alone. Even if he doesn't admit it, Tony doesn't do 'alone' very well. Steve, I just-" I heard her sniffle a little bit, "Be there for him the way that I couldn't be. Please, don't leave him alone, not now."

"I wasn't planning on."

"No, Steve, I'm serious. He might start acting in ways that make you want to pull your hair out, or throw him out the window, or just walk away and leave him in his misery. When he came back from Afghanistan he was- He tried acting normal at first. Repressed his feelings. He acted like nothing had happened. Until all the press had stopped paying attention to him, and he was finally able to stop keeping up appearances. He broke down, Steve, and I didn't know how to help him. Please make sure you don't make the same mistakes I did." She said, and before I was able to process what she had said, much less produce a proper answer, she had hung up.

That wasn't a big responsibility at all. Nope. Not. At. All.

COOL STUFF: there is now a deviantart linked to my fanfiction account! Every piece of art related to this story will be posted on there! Lots of drawings and stuff to come, please check it out! The link is on my profile, and the username is ´FanficDelivery´ just like on here. Also, ´Your loyal delivery lady´, is my new tag line. Pretty cool, huh. Alright. peace out.

[A/N oh.. poor Tony. Tell me what you're thinking. I love hearing your thoughts on what's going on.]