ok so I'm trying here but with school and home I've been busy so I'm sorry :/ but I am trying :) So i hope u enjoy this chapter too and review with all your awesome comments ^^

RIMA

Chapter 12 : Invite

As a model I was doing great in NY, just as my previous agent predicted for me. Attending parties and such was a way to kill time for me, though they barely meant much as the city that never sleeps raised a fuss over the new successful Japanese born model. But for me it meant nothing.

I don't know exactly how many months, if it was two or going on three since I've last seen Shiki.

I didn't want to count the days but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about him. I thought that if I had said my goodbyes then I would be at peace with myself after I left, but I'm not. It makes me suffer more.

I try to keep a happy face on with Rokoru. I don't want him to know how weak I am. He might notice that it will really take a long time for me to love him completely.

I tried to love him though it was breaking my heart all the more to forget about Shiki, a contradiction.

I don't want to make this harder on Rokoru then it has to be, so I suffer alone. Though at times he was there to give me a shoulder to cry on. In a way it felt as if Shiki had died. I would tell myself that in some ways more than one he had for me, but the very thought that he wasn't in this world made it even worse.

Everyday that passed by in our new estate together I felt a small part of me starting to heal from scratch all over again, but when Rokoru wasn't around and I found myself without him the pain would tear me up from the inside again. It seemed that it didn't matter how much time passed though its been barely three months.

Just like I had wanted, Rokoru found an estate that was far from the academy and didn't tell anyone aside from our families, though I didn't want mine to know.

I remembered once they had found out that I was almost inseparable with a vampire of pureblood they were ecstatic, but it didn't matter to me if Shiki was or wasn't a pureblood, as long as he was himself.

When they found out that I was engaged they were happy for me, but I knew that they would have wanted a pureblood, though they were very found of the happy loving warm Rokoru. He was a noble while we were aristocrats so they still felt I made a good choice. Everything with them seemed to be about appearances.

Meeting his parents was a good way for me to distract myself from my misery. Just like him they were kind happy vampires that wanted everyone around them to be happy. They were very happy and surprised when they found out that we were engaged. They treated me like family, someone who belonged though I wondered that if they knew how selfish and weak I was, would they still have accepted me?

His mother was very kind and beautiful. If I could have chosen a family for myself, this would have been the one. A loving home where they didn't really care about status though they had it. Where family dinners always took place and the mother and father were just as in love as they had when they first met.

Apart from us surprising them, they also had some good news of their own. Sitting by the fire that night they held hands as they announced that they were expecting another child.

Their love made my ache all the more unbearable as I remembered the days when I wondered when Shiki and I would have our own child. That we would be just like them.

When Rokoru and his father left for a walk outside, his mother Angelina and I began to talk, but it went deeper than that.

"You know, when I first met him, he had saved me." she said as the fire glistened around her.

I looked at her confused.

"I had seen my first love drinking from another woman." she went on.

It caught me off guard and in some way I knew what the end of the story looked like.

"She had been my best friend, or so I had thought. I had told them that I was going away to see my parents for a week."

Rubbing at her stomach she smiled a sad smile to herself.

"I hid my scent well with that of an unknown vampire. I had this feeling that I was losing him and wanted to see for myself."

She looked at me. I could see the pain in her crimson red eyes.

"I found them with no problem. Taking a deep breath I walked in. They were on his bed together while he drank from her neck."

I could feel my heart stat to accelerate as I tried not to remember Shiki drinking from HER neck, the intoxicated look on his face.

"They couldn't believe I was right before them seeing it happen. He quickly tried to explain but I didn't want to hear let alone see him. I ran and ran until I felt somewhat better. I felt betrayed and alone. I didn't know where I had ran to but I felt something dangerous around. I hadn't fed in a while so I knew that I was weak. I tried to stay calm but I felt nothing but panic start to take over. It was then that I saw a level E heading my way. I was too scared and shocked to move. I was very sure that I would die that same night my heart was broken."

Looking at her it felt like I was there with her that same night watching everything unfold. I was just as scared as she was.

" Seeing that crazed look in his eyes, the hunger, the intent to kill me, I knew that I had no chance of surviving......so I didn't bother trying to fight. Why should I? I though to myself. I had lost the love of my life to my best friend. So I stood there waiting for him to kill me. Closing my eyes I heard him running at me in full speed. I waited and waited. And nothing came. I was scared to open my eyes but I didn't know why. When I did I saw a man with memorizing blue eyes. This wasn't my killer but at the same time it felt like he was, the way he captivated me with his eyes, so kind and gentle yet mysterious at the same time. But it wasn't love at first sight. It took me some time to fully love him the way I do now but back then I didn't think it possible to love another like I did my first."

Talking about her husband now I could see she didn't regret falling in love with him.

"He looked at me and said, 'Are you waiting to die?'" she smiled remembering.

"When I didn't answer he said ' Then I shall save you' and he, coming over to me blood stained lightly touched my face with his bloody hand before covering my eyes. When he told me to open them he said, 'You are born again as a new person' before kissing me. And he was right. That night everything for me changed."

"And now I'm as happy as I could be" she added lovingly rubbing her stomach.

A small silence fell before us before I could talk.

"Why did you tell me this?" I asked staring down at my hands.

She too waited a while before answering me.

"Because, in the while I was trying to heal, I had the same look in my eyes as you do. But I don't blame you nor hold a grudge against you. At first I thought that I was being selfish for trying to move on using Alec, but we women are always the ones to suffer so we have to heal through whatever means. I was lucky to have him find me and remind me just how beautiful life can be." she explained with a peaceful look on her perfect face.

"I've told this story to my son many times when he was still a baby. Always telling him that a women can never be blamed for trying to move on to find love, compassion. Though we all vary from type to type with every female most are more fragile than the rest. He picked up on that very quickly, always being the gentleman" she said laughing at the memory.

"He knew to never force a choice on a lady. Making her make a choice would only break them more"

"You...you raised him well'' I said with a tears in my eyes.

"Thats all a mother really wants to hear" she said reaching over to take my hand.

"He wonders everyday if I made the right choice and always tells me that as long as I want him to stay beside my side......that he will.....that....he will never blame me if I change my mind" I confessed as the tears moved freely down my face.

"As well I raised him. He is the perfect gentleman, and son" she said comforting me.

"I have been trying my best....to love him as he deserves to be loved." I cried on.

"My dear child, I was the same exact way as you. I understand your pains."

"But'' she added walking over to me, "It also took me time to love Alec. Not all of us find the strength " she advised kneeling beside my chair.

"You have my families blessings as long as you make the decision that makes you the most happiest."

"Why? Why are you being so nice to me?" I wondered.

"Because, I wish someone had been there to tell me the same words when I was also confused, just as you are" she answered.

It was in her words that I found comfort in. Someone who had gone through the same things and made it out more than happy. Who after being lost and confused, had found her will to live again.

If she had found hope then I knew that I would also one day have a happy and loving family.

I knew that it would take time and that thinking and cring over a lost love was normal, no matter how selfish I felt.

"Rima-sama, there is a phone call for you" informed me one of the maids.

"Thank you" I said picking up the phone on the glassy table from the other line.

"Hello?"

"You got rid of your cell phone? Do you know how long I've been trying to reach you?" came the voice of Ruka.

I couldn't help but wonder how she got this number. Very very few knew it.

"After I realized that you weren't coming back....and with my cousin. Thats how long I've been trying to reach you." she went on.

"I couldn't stay there. For many reasons" I told her.

"...............I understand" she said more calm.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"I've been trying. Your aunt is a really amazing woman."

"Isn't she?"

"Yes."

"So what about the wedding?"

"I don't want it to be that big of a deal but since I saw he was excited about it, I took his big ideas. Were inviting both of our families and a few of our friends."

"Am I invited?"

"You were the one who convinced him to come to the academy in the first place" I explained.

"What about....." she stopped herself before she could finish her sentence. A small uncomfortable silence fell.

But I tried to be strong, no matter how much I dreaded the answer.

"How is he doing?" I asked trying not to let the pain show in my voice.

"H..he's doing good." she answered awkwardly.

"It's okay Ruka. You can tell me." I said trying to reassure that I was fine though really I wasn't. Not even close.

"He's doing fine. Him and Kaori have made their relationship more public now." she informed me.

"But there's something wrong" she added in a worried tone.

"What do you mean?" I asked anxious to know.

"I'm not sure but ...it ...it seems as if he's pretending not to know that you ever existed. I over heard him talking to Ichijo. He said that he didn't know who or what he was talking about. I left when I felt Kaname-sama near." she explained.

This was not like anything I had ever expected. I felt my hands start to tremble, my voice quavering as I tried to form a sentence. I felt my self sink to my knees.

So thats how it was I thought to myself feeling my breath shorten.

Feeling something wrong, my personal maid came in and took the phone from my hands while kneeling in front of me.

"Miss Rima had to attend to something important so I'm not really sure she heard the last of what you said Miss. Please call back later" she lied reading my mind.

Had it not been that she was born into a low status family, she would have made a great vampire.

"Uh, sure. Thank you" I heard Ruka say on the other end of the phone before she hung up.

"Rima-sama, get a hold of yourself." she instructed as she gripped my shoulders.

"He.....he's pretending....not to ..know me" I chocked out.

Any progress I had hoped to make seemed to shatter in that sentence. It seemed almost as if I was destined to never find happiness. As soon as I progressed an inch, I was taken aback seven miles.

"Rima-sama, please. Master Rokoru will soon be here. He can't see you like this" she pleaded.

And I knew she was right.

I wasn't going to let Rokoru see how hopeless I was.

"Continue your wedding plans. That helps you feel at peace" she ordered. And she was right. Lately all the wedding planning and finalization's was the only thing that seemed to take my mind off things.

I wasn't going to let anyone see how weak I had become.

Sitting back at my desk, I looked at the calender. Only two weeks until our wedding.

With the way vampires worked, everything seemed to be going according to plan, but for humans it would seem that we were rushing it. While they took almost a year or two to plan their big days, we quickly did it in weeks.

All invitations were ready as I sealed the last one to Ruka. Without thinking about it I took another two and left them blank. They were to be mailed along with Ruka's invite. She was going to invite two people with her to my wedding. I knew that she would invite Shiki. I wanted her too. I wanted to see him in that crowd and pretend that he was really there to wish me a happy future and not as someone who had 'forgotten' me.

Sealing the last two of the invites I was nervous as I addressed them to be sent with Ruka's invite. I know that she would see the hidden meanings behind the to unaddressed invitations and would somehow find a way to give one to Shiki.

Placing them on the pile that would be mailed out in a week from now I felt that something would defiantly happen on my wedding day, but I didn't like the feeling though I welcomed it

~I'll show you another sweet dream~