A/N: Crash_n_Burn - Thanks so much for your encouragement and for taking the time to comment on each chapter! Of course I'm grateful to *everyone* who's reviewed, but you all get direct responses, so I'm not going to name you all here as well!

A/N 2: No, I haven't missed a day :P

Ianto set the mug beside Jack's motionless hand and took a step back, waiting for a reaction.

It was Sunday evening and coffee was the most Ianto could hope to get Jack to consume. The day before he'd only managed to coax some buttery toast down the immortal's throat and he suspected that was purely because Jack had been so distracted at the time.

Since Friday Ianto had barely seen his lover. Jack had seemed to be avoiding everyone that morning, hiding in his office before suddenly disappearing from the Hub without a word. He'd been out of contact for the rest of the day, right up to when Ianto had felt compelled to see Alex yet again; the stress of Gwen's condition, Tosh's fear and Jack's despair pushing his own anxiety to new heights.

He hadn't wanted to go, partly because he would be imitating Jack in abandoning the Hub, and partly because he would be admitting that he had grown so weak recently. Unfortunately, it seemed he was now on a slippery slope without any control over his descent and thus he had given into the urge to escape. Afterwards, Ianto had hurried home, showered, changed and returned to the Hub only to find that Jack still hadn't reappeared. At that point, however, Ianto had felt so calm and in control that he'd been more than capable to handle a Weevil sighting at the Docks on his own, though he had been a little surprised that a quiet Jack had only turned up to help after Ianto had secured the pair of aliens roaming about aboveground.

On Saturday, after catching a few hours of sleep in Jack's bed – alone – Ianto had woken to discover that the Captain had gone off again. When she'd told him, Tosh's eyes had flashed with distress and Ianto had been reminded of her concerns that Jack would leave them at a time when they needed him most. Owen, in turn, had grumbled about 'selfish pricks' whilst earnestly reading the latest e-mail he'd received from Martha.

They'd had real trouble getting a hold of Doctor Jones; none of her contact numbers had been answered and direct calls to UNIT had proven fruitless. News of their efforts, however, had evidently reached her, for late on Friday night she'd called to explain that she was out of the country, seeing to a project she couldn't talk about. Even though she couldn't be there to help in person, however, Martha had insisted that Owen send her all his notes on the virus and they'd been throwing theories back and forth via phone and e-mail ever since.

The rest of Saturday had passed in a fairly sedate manner: Owen was busy with Martha and her ideas, Tosh had finally been convinced to take a break from the pod and put some time into her other projects, and Ianto had tried to mop up everything else that had been put aside for the past few days, throwing himself into his work in order to ignore the puzzle of what Jack might be doing. He'd called in a couple of times for updates, but didn't reappear again until later that night, when he'd shown up at Ianto's apartment looking tired and dejected.

After being refused an explanation, Ianto had set out tea and toast on the small dining table and sat across from the older man, watching as he silently ate without paying any attention to the food at all.

Owen and Tosh had surmised that Jack had been roaming the city the past two days, pressing his various contacts for help, or perhaps merely hoping to trip over an answer in the street, but Ianto knew it went deeper than that.

There was no doubt in his mind that, above all, Jack was trying to avoid the reality of the situation. By escaping the Hub, he was escaping the undeniable fact that Gwen might die. That he could lose her from this disease. The pain which arose from that possibility was too much for Jack to handle and Ianto saw that it was driving him to keep from thinking about it as much as he could.

Even though he had purposefully held back from getting too close to Gwen in order not to get hurt, Jack was still suffering as her demise became more and more likely. He'd kept himself from loving her for nothing and now he was on the verge of forever losing both her and the dream of what they could have had together.

Ianto couldn't help but feel a surge of sympathy for the immortal man. He'd always been aware of Jack's tricks to keep from getting into situations that could hurt him; the humour, the bravado...they might have once been reflections of his personality, but now he carried them like a shield, distancing himself from other people as he prepared for an eternity of loss and loneliness.

Only the shield wasn't as strong as it seemed and the man behind it felt pain regardless. He tried to hide it, but Ianto wasn't fooled.

The only consolation Ianto could see was that Jack had only been gone for a few hours on Sunday morning, instead of the whole day. Even though he'd returned and confined himself to his office once again, he was at least no longer physically avoiding the Hub. Ianto hoped that meant he'd realised he couldn't truly run from what was happening to Gwen.

"Everything all right?" he finally asked, when the Captain made no sign of noticing the other man in the office.

Jack acknowledged him a brief flick of his eyes and nothing more.

"She'll be okay. Martha will contact your Doctor, he'll turn up and fix her, and then we can all vow never to open any more mysterious packages that fall through the Rift."

Jack managed a weak smile. "We'd never be able to resist the temptation."

Ianto moved around the desk and stood behind Jack's chair, resting his hands upon the older man's shoulders and rubbing them gently. "She'll be okay," he repeated confidently.

"How can you be so sure?" Jack asked, his voice entirely devoid of emotion. "How can you know that?"

"Because she can't die like this. I don't think someone like Gwen could ever be destined to just slip away quietly."

Jack tilted his head and looked up at the younger man. "Destined? You're going to try and preach the notion of destiny to me?"

"Why not? Don't you sometimes feel that things are meant to happen a certain way?"

"How can we know whether there's any meaning behind anything?" Jack retorted. "People spout claims like fate and destiny without considering the fact that things will always keep happening whether there's some great plan or not directing them."

Ianto sighed and removed his hands. He perched on the edge of Jack's desk and waited for the Captain to meet his gaze. When he did, Ianto could see the fear set deep into his blue eyes.

"I don't know how to fight this, Ianto," Jack admitted in a pained voice. "I can't kill it or outwit it. I can't even yell curses at it. I feel useless and I hate feeling useless."

Ianto reached out to take his hand, entwining their fingers in a rare show of intimacy. "I know. We all feel the same, but – and not to sound defeatist here – but you can't fix everything, Jack, especially not an illness like this."

"No," Jack agreed dejectedly and then sighed. He stared at their joined hands for a long moment before speaking again. "Owen said that, with the damage spreading to her internal organs, tomorrow morning will be the latest we can safely put her through the cryo process."

"She said she didn't want that," Ianto quietly pointed out.

"She made that decision when she was healthy. Now she's facing death, she'll change her mind."

"I thought we were waiting for your Doctor-"

"You don't know the Doctor," Jack interrupted tersely. "He doesn't work to our timeline. If we leave it to chance, he could turn up too late, so we have to freeze her as she is now."

Ianto grimaced, hating to quash Jack's hope but unable to deny reality. "She made it clear that when it was her time, when we'd exhausted all avenues, we were to let her go."

"That's only because of what happened to Owen," Jack argued with a frown. "She was talking about us trying to bring her back like we did with him."

"I don't think she was."

"Then you're wrong!" Jack barked, letting go of Ianto's hand and folding his arms across his chest.

"I recall the conversation quite clearly..."

Jack silenced him with a glare. "We'd only be putting her in there for a while; she won't even know what's going on until she wakes up, back to normal again."

Ianto's eyes slid over the determined expression upon the other man's face, slightly awed by the power Gwen had over Jack to cause such ferocity. He stood silently and walked over to one of the filing cabinets on the other side of the room, forcing himself to move, to ignore the pain that the depth of emotion in Jack's voice awoke in his chest.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, as he pulled open one of the drawers.

"Getting a consent form." Ianto retrieved a sheet of paper and scanned it, making sure it was the most recent revision. "She'll have to sign to say her wishes have changed." The fact that Gwen probably wouldn't be able to even hold a pen, let alone sign her name, didn't escape Ianto, but he'd needed an excuse to move away from the other man.

"Put that back," the Captain commanded. "She's not signing anything, this is my decision."

Ianto stared at him incredulously. "No, it's hers."

"I'm in charge here, Ianto. I give the orders. You obey them, remember?" Jack had risen to his feet, anger making his presence dark and foreboding. "If I say she gets frozen, she gets frozen."

"Jack, you can't ignore her wishes like that."

"Fuck her wishes," Jack growled, slicing the air with a decisive hand.

Ianto gaped, astounded by the other man's words, but as he searched for a response, Jack's shoulders suddenly slumped and his chin dropped to his chest, as though his head was too heavy to hold up any longer. "Ianto..." he whispered, "...it's Gwen."

And that summed it up entirely, Ianto realised. He wouldn't be able to make Jack see reason and he couldn't do anything to stop him either. He placed the paper back into the drawer and took a few steps closer to the Captain, a small resigned smile on his face.

Jack sighed in relief and collapsed back down into his chair. "You'd think I'd be used to this by now," he said after a moment, rubbing at his temples.

"I hope you never get used it," Ianto murmured, instantly picking up on the direction of his thoughts. "Death isn't something you should become accustomed to."

"Other than my own, you mean."

"Yes, our own deaths are a different matter. We're allowed to feel however we want about those."

Jack looked up at him, studying his features intently, trying to see the thoughts that filled Ianto's mind. "How would you feel about yours?" he asked.

Ianto shook his head. "I'm not answering that question, Jack, not today. But I will tell you this: if it were me lying in that room unable to breathe by myself, I'd hope you'd come and see me." Jack's brow creased but before he could protest, Ianto continued. "I know you've been avoiding going in there. You shouldn't. You have to spend time with her."

"Because she needs me to lie and tell her I'll make everything better?" Jack asked coldly.

"Because you'd hate yourself for a long time if something happened to her, whether she die or be put into cryo, and you hadn't sat by her side for at least a few hours, whilst you still can."

Jack nodded reluctantly, giving into Ianto's logic. He pushed himself back up from the desk, body heavy with troublesome emotions that he could no longer deny. Ianto grasped his arm before he could move away and forced him to meet his gaze.

"Tomorrow morning I'm going to bring Rhys in to see her," he told the Captain in a tone that would allow no argument. "He has to say his goodbyes as well." He lowered his voice slightly. "She's been asking for him again."

Jack stared at Ianto for a long silent moment and then nodded again. If they truly were going to freeze her then he couldn't continue to deny that request.

"Talk to her," Ianto said quietly, sliding his hand down Jack's arm to his fingers and squeezing them once before letting go and making his way out of the office.

The ringing droned in his ear and Ianto mentally willed it to stop, impatient and anxious all at the same time.

"Hello?" Alex finally answered.

"Hi. It's me," Ianto said into his mobile. "I need to see you."

"You don't call for days and now we're at the 'it's me' stage?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. How did he always end up associating with self-proclaimed comedians? "Are you free tonight?" he asked, ignoring the question.

"Well yeah, it is the day of rest and all that. You want to come over now?"

Ianto pressed a button on the wall beside him and heard the bell ring at the other end of the line. "I'm already here."

"God, Ianto, I didn't realise we were at the 'dropping by' stage either."

"Alex, please just let me in!" The urgency in his tone finally seemed to get through to the other man and a buzz filled the air, indicating that the building's door had been unlocked. "Thank you," he said as he let himself in and hurried over to the stairwell.

Ianto flipped his mobile shut without waiting for a response and took the stairs two at a time up to the third floor, where the other man was waiting in his open doorway. He looked rather unkempt, dirty blond hair ruffled and distinctly flat on one side, and he wore a loose purple robe that had definitely been chosen for comfort rather than style.

"Hi," Ianto said again, finding it hard not to push his way into the flat, eager to keep moving lest he stop to think about what had compelled him to come here.

"Oh, it's you," Alex dead-panned, taking a step back and letting him inside.

Once the door was shut and locked, Ianto felt a great sense of relief wash over him, as though simply being in this man's home could remove all of his tension for good. He knew that wasn't true, but it didn't stop him from dropping onto one of the two large sofas taking up most of the space in the living room.

He'd left the Hub immediately after ordering Jack to talk to Gwen, unable to stand the idea of trying to work whilst the Captain sat with her, pouring out his heart to the dying woman. He hadn't quite been able to admit to himself why that notion bothered him so much, only that it had been enough to drive him out of the base when he should have been there, doing his job and waiting nearby in case he was needed.

"Okay," Alex said. "I just woke up from a nap and I'm not quite with it, so you'll have to help me out here...is this a social call?"

Ianto blinked up at him, confused, and then shot to his feet as though there was a fire beneath him. "Oh...I-I'm sorry...I didn't..."

Alex held up a hand to stop him. "It's all right, Ianto. You're free to sit if you want."

"I'm sorry," Ianto repeated, looking down at the sofa in bewilderment. The last time he'd sat there had been his first meeting with Alex, when the older man had explained what he offered and made Ianto aware of the rules he worked by. Since then, he'd only ever passed through the living room on his way from the front door to the playroom and back again. "I'm a bit..." he struggled for the rest of the sentence, "...out of sorts."

"So I see." Alex ran a hand through his hair. "Would you like a drink?"

Ianto shook his head. "No."

"Would you like to talk?"

A flash of discomfort passed across Ianto's face. Talking seemed such an innocent notion, but he knew it had devastating power. If he voiced any of what was crashing around in his head it would cause it all to become real; more real than Ianto could handle right then. If he said aloud the way sending Jack to Gwen had felt, it would mean that the jealousy truly existed, and he couldn't afford for it to exist.

He didn't want to experience that kind of pain again.

His eyes slid to the closed door on the opposite side of the room and he unconsciously licked his lips, the mere thought of what lay beyond causing his heart to race.

"Would you like me to help you?"

The question was asked quietly and Ianto glanced away from the door to find Alex standing closer than before. "Yes, please," he murmured submissively in response.

Alex leaned in and pressed his lips softly to Ianto's, pulling back almost immediately to gauge his reaction. "Do you trust me?"

Ianto frowned. Alex had never asked that before, nor ever started the session with a kiss. "Yes..." he replied carefully, not entirely sure why the other man was changing the script without permission.

"Good, because we're going to try something different today and you're going to need to remember that you trust me."

"Alex..."

"No, Ianto, the normal stuff isn't enough for you anymore. I can tell you want something more but you're afraid to ask me to help you find it." He smiled. "You don't know what you need, but I do, so you're going to trust me and I'm going to make you feel better than ever, okay?"

Ianto was lost for words for a moment, the commanding tone of the older Welshman tapping into his base instinct to defer to strength and authority. He licked his lips again, tempted.

He'd had a lot of trouble accepting his need for the bondage and flagellation sessions, but they'd certainly served their purpose and cleared the feelings of doubt and inadequacy from his mind. Now, however, if the past week or so was anything to go by, they weren't working nearly as well as they had been. Perhaps Alex was right, perhaps he did require more.

"Okay," he agreed. He hadn't known what to expect the first time he'd come here, so why act so cautious now that he knew what Alex could do for him?

"Come on." Alex turned on his heel and led the way across the room without looking back.

Ianto followed, but once he realised that they weren't heading for the playroom, he faltered in confusion. "Where are we going?"

Alex didn't reply, simply opened another door and stepped inside. Ianto stopped in the doorway when he saw that they were in a bedroom. "Alex?"

"Sit down."

The room was as neat and airy as the rest of the apartment, other than the rumpled state of the recently used bed covers, but Ianto barely took any notice of the décor, focusing instead on the fact that the only place to actually sit down was on the bed. "Where?"

A short laugh drifted out from the en suite. "On your arse. Don't question, just sit down."

Ianto took a step forward. Maybe Alex needed to fetch something before they went into the other room.

The older man emerged almost immediately from the bathroom, having rid himself of his robe, and Ianto couldn't help giving his body a once-over...he was wearing nothing but loose jogging bottoms after all. He'd grown accustomed to being half-naked in Alex's presence, their previous activities requiring it, but Alex had always remained aloof of the proceedings; his existence as a large, intimidating man made bland and innocuous by a uniform of muted colours and not a spread of bare muscular flesh.

"Did you not hear me?"

Ianto glanced up, flushing to realise he'd been staring. "Sorry?"

"Sit."

Ianto straightened automatically at the firmness of the other man's tone, recognising it as the one he used in the playroom. It was also similar to the one Jack used when he assumed full Captain-mode, but Ianto never liked to linger very long on that comparison.

Without closely considering what he was doing, Ianto crossed to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress.

"Good," Alex said with a nod of his head. He walked to the door and shut it, dispersing Ianto's theory that they would be leaving there soon. When he opened his mouth to question that fact, the look Alex gave him stopped the words in his throat. "Now strip," the older man went on.

Ianto blinked up at him. Okay, so he'd only just thought about being mostly naked around the other man, but a stern order to strip wasn't part of the normal script either. The corner of his mouth twitched up briefly into an anxious smile. "Perhaps you should explain-"

His words were cut off by a heavy slap that sent him tumbling to the floor.