1 - I don't own NCIS or any of it's characters. Just using them as inspiration for some fanfictions.

2 - I'm NOT a native english speaker. So there may have mistakes (it certainly have). I'm sorry. My english is not 100%. But it's good. I'm trying hard to let it easy to understand what I tell.

3 - I'm not expert in medicine so I'm sorry if there is something wrong about the medical parts.

By your side

Chapter 8: A special Christmas

On the next morning Abby woke up sooner than the usual, took a quick shower and headed to her apartment before going to Ncis. Before leaving she left a note on his bedside table.

Tim.

I'm sorry but I need to go. I guess you might enjoy some time alone. I'll ask someone to pick you up. Maybe Ziva can take you to visit Tony in the hospital. And no. Making you ride with her isn't a punishment for last night. She's the only option left. See you later.

Abby.

Then after doing this she left. McGee woke up at the sound of the door being closed. He looked for her but she wasn't there. Rubbing his eyes he noticed the folded paper over his bedside table. He took and read. The memories from last night came in his mind along with a headache. Being already a lot frustrated with his life and problems, hearing the news on Tony and the fact he couldn't help was the culmination for him to be overtaken by anger. He knew his words were stupid. We'd never want to die. But when you're angry you talk things you shouldn't. And it hurt him the most making Abby cry. He hated him for that. He needed to apologize. But would understand if even after he apologize to her, she gets still mad at him. She is right. She has been helping him a lot and he had just hurt her feelings.

Abby was being able to hold back her tears but she felt really sad with what happened. She knew she couldn't blame him. It had been really tough for him. But it shocked her to hear his words. That he wanted to be dead instead of being stuck in the wheelchair. They would need to fix this as soon as possible or this would become too awkward for both of them. In a normal condition she would get really mad at him for underestimate her feelings. How could he think she wasn't being affected by the whole situation. But this would be an exception in this case. Since, in first place, in normal condition he would never say anything like that or anything to hurt her. In normal condition he woudn't be in a wheelchair.

Ziva was nice enough to help Abby without making questions even finding it strange the fact that Abby wasn't driving him as she did everytime. Ziva picked him up and they headed to the hospital. Where they stayed for while until Tony was discharged. Even having been shot his wound wasn't severe. Just some bruises and that's all. He was told to go home but he went with Ziva and McGee to the office.

They used to have lunch together, actually they were used to do almost everything together lately, but today it was different. The afternoon went by fast. Abby was working in some evidences. She heard the elevator stopping at the lab floor and saw Gibbs getting in there.

- Right in time Gibbs. As always - she said trying to smile to him. But today there was nothing to smile at. Her smile was sad and Gibbs seemed to notice it - Won't you never tell your secret? What magic do you do? You never fail to get here in time when I get new results.

- What do you have for me?

- It's the stained shirt you found near the victm's body. I've identified the stain composition. It's made of chemical residues... - While Abby was explaining her findings, Gibbs watched her. She didn't seemed as cheerful as she always used to be. And as he had seen McGee in the bullpen, looking as sorrowful as she looked too, he thought something was wrong.

- Ok. Thanks - He said. He wondered for a little while if he should get into McGee and Abby personal lifes. Normally he wouldn't. But he needed to know if everythings was alright - Can I ask you a question Abs?

- Sure you can. Ask.

- As long as everything is ok I don't have the right to ask about what goes on between you and McGee. But I can see both of you are feeling down. And I noticed you two haven't seen each other today at work up to now. Is there something wrong?

- Oh. This. It's nothing - she said. Surprised by his question. Of course being Gibbs, he would know when something was wrong but she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about last night - Don't worry. It's just... We'll deal with it eventually.

- What happened? It doesn't seems like nothing to me. McGee looks to be regreting something and you can barely smile.

- Tim freaked out yesterday night. Hearing what happened to Tony. Feeling powerless for not being able to help. Adding the frustration that the last physios sessions had been terrible.

- He offended you somehow?

- No. He said bad things. About him. About wanting to be dead because he doesn't want to be stuck on the wheelchair for a long time. And he fears his life won't get back to normal.

- Ducky told me it's normal to have depression at some point when you deal with long process recovery.

- I know. I expected that to happen at some time. But it's so heartbreaking to see his desperation. And sad also that he believes I don't care much about him. That he's the only on suffering. And it's not true - Abby said - I'm not mad at him. It wasn't his intention to hurt my feelings. I understand everything he's going through, but why does it hurt? I shouldn't feel like this. I can't help it.

- Because you care about him. And he is wrong if he thinks you don't. Knowing McGee I know he would never intentionally hurt you. Talk to him. A good talk can make things work.

- Yeah. I don't know how it'll feel to look at him with all he said running through my mind. Saying that I shouldn't have saved him. But how couldn't I? I don't regret my choice but what if he never forgive me for choosing something that is better to me, than for him. I'd suffer a lot if I loose him. But he's alive and he's the one suffering with the blast consequences.

- It's not a question of forgiveness. You did what was right, saved his life. He should be thankful for that - Gibbs said - But he would forgive you anyway. He loves you.

- Does he? - Abby asked. She felt like she was insulting McGee for questioning this - I mean, I know he loves me but it's like best friends love. Nothing more than that.

- Why do you think that?

- He never showed any sign. Never told me a word. We will be best friends for the rest of our lifes.

- What about you? Have you told him how you feel?

- I couldn't. Before the blast we never had the opportunity. Even because I didn't know if we should take this step and try again. I bet the thinks the same. Of course the blast changes the way we see the whole situation. For now our attention is on his recovery. And I think that in the end we'll end up living our lives as friends. I don't know if he still loves me.

- How can you not know? Everyone can see it that there's something more than just a friendship between you - Gibbs said. He saw that she didn't seem to believe it - Just remember: he was dying on that hospital bed. The doctors said he had no chance. But he came back. For you. All you need to do is figure out how to deal with those feelings. You need to open up your hearts to each other. A good talk can help. And no matter what you decide. If you get together or not. The most important thing is that you can continue your lifes without keeping wondering what could have been if things went differently.

- It would make things easier. And at the same time it's complicated. But Gibbs, you realize that you are advising me and McGee about something that goes against your own rule?

- Screw it! Every rule has it's exception. So let it be. I won't be on your way in case things work between you two.

- Oh Gibbs. You always says the right things to make me feel better - Abby said and hugged him - Thank you.

- For today you can talk about last night. To say whatever needs to be said, to forgive if you feel like it's needed. But you can't wait to long to fix things. As soon as you two are done with it, better for the progress of his recovery.

- I know. I wouldn't withstand to be in an awkward situation with Tim for too long.

- I have to go back. But let me tell one last thing. Don't give up of your hapiness. If you think you and McGee can be happy together, never let anything stop you from conquer that. Forget any fear you or him may have. Life is too short. You were given a second chance. But you might not have another one.

- I won't waste this chance. Thank you. - Abby said and Gibbs kissed her cheek before leaving.

The boss waked into the bullpen and seeing as McGee was alone and Tony and Ziva were no where near there and went close to his desk.

- I'm not done checking the victim's bank account yet boss. He has done a lot of financial transactions on the previous days before his death. I'm trying to find some discrepancy - McGee said

- Alright. But I wanted to talk to you about other thing.

- Ok. About what?

- Abby. She is worried about you. She told me what happend last night. Not detailed but an overview. - Gibbs said. McGee was about to say something but he made a gesture for him to listen - I understand how stressful this whole situation can be. And I can't really blame you for loosing your mind at some moment. This is expected from anyone that have to face the same problems as you. But you shouldn't underestimate what Abby is going through alongside with you. This is being as tiresome for both of you.

- I know I said things that I never should have. I feel horrible and I entirely regret it. After all she is doing for me, it's so unfair and she doesn't deserved that. I'll apologize for what happened. I owe her this.

- And it's better be a good one.

- It'll be - McGee said with a big confidence tone.

Later that night the ride to home was pretty silent. They barely talked. The only sound was the songs playing on the radio. As they got home things got better. They started to talk about random things and the new case. It helped to ease the tension between them.

After dinner Abby went to watch Tv while McGee took a shower. Despite being hard to change clothes he prefered doing this on his own. After putting his clothes on, he headed to where she was.

- Mind if I join you? - he asked

- No. Of course not. Here, let me help you - She said and helped him to move from the wheel chair to sit on the couch by her side. She sat facing him and crossed her legs.

- So what are you watching - he asked since it seemed the tv channel was in it's advertising time

- Just the Mythbusters. I never get tired of how awesome their experimentations are.

- I thought you had already watched every single episode.

- Well, I did. It never hurts to watch again and again. Those guys are genius.

- I guess you have new favorite geeks now - he said pretending a bit of jealousy

- OH. NO! Don't say that. You know you'll always be my favorite geek. And to top it off, my geek carries a gun - she said laughing. Then she closed her eyes and still smiling said - Oh God. The thought of a geek and a gun together totally turns me on.

When she opened her eyes she saw him with a serious look upon his face. McGee was considering himself a monster. For making this pretty woman (pretty, not only because of her beauty, but she had a wonderful personality as well) cry. And even with what he did she could still smile at him. She wasn't mad at him as he could see.

Abby knew he was mad at himself for what he had said. But agrees that he deserved to feel this way. He had said too many hinky things. She liked to see that he regreted it. They stared at each other for a little while and then he was the first one to talk.

- I'm so sorry for last night. Sorry for what I said and did. Sorry for hurting you. I'm really feeling bad for this. I understand if you don't want my apologize. I know your upset with. me. And you have the right to be. I just want you to know that I'm deeply sorry for that.

- Under other circunstances, I'd probably be mad at you. But I confess that I'm not. I know how much challenging this has been for you. Not only physically but also emotionally. And that this can mess up with anyone's mind. What hurts the most is that you think only about your feelings. What about how I feel? You believe I'm happy for you being alive but that I don't care if you're struggling hard with the recovery process and suffering through it? Do you really think that I feel this way? Because you're totally wrong.

- I said nonsenses which I know pretty well aren't true. All of you have been helping me so much. We are like a family and this means a lot for me - McGee said and looked deeply into her eyes - But you Abby. What you've been doing for me is beyond what I could've expected. You are almost living my life. My daily routine. Doing a lot of things for me. And I can see you happy doing this. Helping me. And you never complains about it. Even the moments you have to put up with me when I'm being a pain in the ass. And then I come and say things like that to you. Even being mad at how things has been going lately, it's not an excuse. You're too good to me Abby. I don't think I deserve you. I mean, that I don't deserve all this help you're giving me.

- I'm doing the best I can to help you. I can see that sometimes it doesn't work but I still try. It hurts to see that you doubt this and don't believe when I say you're not the only one facing a hard time. You should know that I'd do everything to help you.

- When you say everything, do you mean everything at all? - McGee asked with a smirk on his face. She noticed that.

- McGee! Your naughty boy! I see your ulterior motives here. But who knows? Maybe, if you behave yourself like a good boy - she laughed from the innocent face he made - Stop! I'm trying to be serious. The thing is I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you. You know that. Just don't ever question my feelings again. You so damn well know I care and a lot about you.

- I never doubted this. How could I? I was mean to you yesterday because I was out of my mind just as you said. I know you care a lot and I'm truly sorry for thinking the wrong things.

- It's ok. But if you ever think that I'm not going through the same emotional challenge as you are, believe me, things will get hinky - She said and moved to get even closer to him - Something that I'm curious about. When you said you rather die than be on this wheelchair forever. Is there any truth on it? Or you said it because you were frustrated?

- I'll be honest to you, as always, and yes, I at times thought about it. I fear not having my life back as it was before. I know I should be happy for being alive after all. But it doesn't feels enough. I want more. I want to walk again. And it seems like a far away future.

- Look. Just don't give up. You still have a chance. Don't waste it. Just think about all these people who have their lifes affected somehow but doesn't have choices. And they need to stay in a wheelchair forever. For them there's no middle way or options. They learn to deal with this sudden change on their lifes. But you were given a second chance, you still can recover your movements. Please don't let yourself down so easily.

- You're right. I still can walk again. A hard process. But possible. As long as I have you near me it'll always look easier. I promisse your worries won't be in vain.

- I believe you. But I'm sure of on thing - Abby said. She couldn't tell when it happene but right now they were face to face. Really closer. She touched his face - All of this will be worth at the end. You'll see.

- Thanks Abby. So much. And again I'm so sorry for last night. Would you forgive me?

- Of course I forgive you Timmy. How couldn't I?

They were so close that Abby could kiss him if she wanted. And she really wanted to. But knew this wasn't a proper moment. They stayed looking into each other's eyes for a minute. McGee seemed about to say something but for some reason he said nothing. He closed his eyes slowly like he was expecting to be kissed. Abby could swear he was about to say he loved her. But why did he stop? Why couldn't he tell her these three words? Maybe he didn't feel this way towards her anymore. She had to make a huge effort not to kiss him right there. Luckly she managed to control herself and only kissed him on the cheek.

McGee was indeed thinking she was about to kiss him by how close she had gotten to him. He wished he could tell her that he loved her but the words didn't seemed to get out of his mouth. He was surprised when her lips touched his cheek. But it was better this way. Tonight was a time for him to apologize for what he had done. There would be other oportunity for them to open up their hearts and to clarify what they really feel for each other. However he knew it shouldn't take long. He was already having a second chance and he was not going to waste it.

- I'm quite tired. I'm off to sleep. Wanna join me or will you stay here a little longer? - Abby asked

- I'm going with you. Look, really thank you for not staying mad at me as you should be and I'm... - said but she cut him off.

- Enough Tim. I have no hard feelings about it. Get over it. The only thing you need to worry about is your physio sessions. You have one scheduled tomorrow. I'll be there with you. For now just get some rest.

- Thank you anyway - McGee said and kissed her back on the cheek.

They went to sleep feeling better. Relieved for having talked and solved any misunderstanding from the whole situation. And now they would get their attention again on his recovery.

November and December went by so fast. In this period McGee started to take even more seriously his sessions. After they had resolved their differences over their little discussion when he was frustrated, he found in her all the incentive he need to give him the strenght to go through it all. It took a few days but soon he was doing his best on the session. It helped him to speed up a bit the recovery process. Abby was so proud seeing him dedicating himself so much on his objective. He promised her that he would walk again. That he had no more doubts about it. He was sure now.

It was now christmas time. McGee had completed 6 months on the sessions. His legs were way better. Before he used to feel a slight tingling sensation on his legs that used to come and go. And now he didn't feel it anymore. He had gained strenght on his legs and he at a few times managed to stand, but always with some support around, and only for a few seconds because he would always fall after his tries. And gradually he was regaining his movements. When sitting or lying he could move his legs slightly but he had some limitations. And of course as he barely could stand still on his foot he also couldn't walk yet. But everyone used to congrat him for his impressive recovering.

Today was Christmas eve. At the afternoon they went to Ncis because it would be held there the Secret Santa joke between some of the agency staff. Team Gibbs was involved along people from others sectors and functions. After everything were done Gibbs had dispensed them. They were free to enjoy the christmas night even that they were working on a case. Some people gathered with their families and some went to a party planned by Tony. McGee and Abby had considered going but they changed their minds last minute.

They decided to have a dinner. Not any dinner. McGee was the one to cook. He had made some Christmas food and bought a special wine to celebrate. As Abby went out in the morning and he was left alone he started to prepare the dining table for the night. When they got home Abby was very surprised at what she saw. How he had organized it. The wine glasses, the dishes, the cutlery and even the table napkins were well placed.

- Wow Tim. This is amazing. Have you been working on some kind of magic?

- Nothing magical. Only Lord Elf here doing his best for this night which always is a special date for you - McGee said and even being in the wheelchair he managed to pull the chair for her to sit.

- Such a perfect gentleman. This is so sweet. Thanks.

- You're welcome. Listen I need to pick up something in my bedroom. Feel free to start dinner without me if you want.

- Go there. I will wait for you - She said and he went there. When he came back he had a rectangular velvet black box on his hand.

- What you've been doing for me all this long is priceless. And I saw this in the store and couldn't help but buy this for you. I want it to represent to you how much I'm grateful at you.

- I told you didn't need to buy me anything.

- I made a point of buying this one for you. You deserve it. It's the least I can do.

- Thank you honey - she said and he gave her the box. When she opened it her jaw dropped. It was a necklace. And it had a small skull carved in black and white diamonds - Oh. This is precious. So beautiful and delicate. But Tim, I bet this was expensive.

- You're worth every penny I spent. So do you like it?

- If I liked it? It's more likely I loved it.

- Want me to help you putting this on?

- That would be nice - she said and turned a bit so he could put the necklace on her. He took of the spiked collar she was wearing and replaced it with the one he bought. Abby was enjoying how beautiful it was - I really loved. Thank you so much.

- You're welcome - he said while she hugged him.

Then they sat and had dinner. They couldn't tell why but it really seemed somehow a special night. They enjoyed the food and the wine. They drank just a bit. Not enough for get drunk. After that they changed their clothes for comfortable ones and sat together at the couch and watched tv. They were talking about christmas traditions when there was a silence moment. They looked to each other and Abby couldn't hold her feelings anymore. Not when she had to look into his eyes and his shy smile. She needed to know.

- Tim, there's something I have to ask you. I can't stand not knowing the answer. It's killing me. And listen, I want you to know that wherever your answer lead us after, I'm helping you this much because I care too much about you. Because you're my friend and I'd do this whenever my friends needs me. And I know that with you I'm helping you too much, I mean, I'd help them but it'd not be even close compared to what I've been doing for you. And I wanted clarify that I would never expect anything in return. So I'm ok whether your answer is positive or not.

- Abby I would never think that. I understand what you're doing for me. And I would do for you exactly the same. It wouldn't matter if people thought I was exaggerating on my way of taking care of you. I'd do this with pleasure. And my greatest reward would be to see you recovered. I know this is how you must feel. You're such a good hearted person and I'm grateful for having you in my life. So what do you want to ask me?

- Do you... I need you to be honest here. Not that you aren't. Because I know you are one of the most honest people on earth. And specially with me. But please don't be afraid to say no if it's the case. I just wanted to know... Do you Timothy... Do you love me? I... I mean, do you still love me?

McGee surely didn't see this coming. So this was what was bugging her. Not knowing if he still felt love for her? How could she doubt this. He thought he had been too much obvious at times. For being surprised at her question he hesitated a bit. It made Abby believe in the worst thing.

- You don't love me anymore - She said sadly - I should have know that. Then I would have avoid this awkward moment. But I needed to know. And now that I know I wish didn't. Clearly you see me just as friend. And I shouldn't expect more than that.

- Abby, stop.- he said. How could she get to this conclusion if he hadn't said a word - What makes you think that?

- This! You see, you answered my question with another question. Not with a yes or no. You're gentle not wanting to hurt me with the truth. You must know that I love you, way more than I love puppies, because I've said it some times since the blast. Indirectly speaking, but I said. And being such a smart guy as you are, I'm sure you realized it. And yet you never told me anything. Never told me you loved me. Not showed any signal as well. No words. No actions. No signals. It was so long ago. Of course you wouldn't feel that way anymore.

- You're so wrong thinking this way. Abby. I never stopped loving you. I've being trying to hide from myself. To make it go away. However I failed doing it. And I'm glad I failed. You confuses me too much. I always tought you loved me like people love their friends. Never could imagine something more than this. Not after so many years since back then when we met. I never had courage to say anything because I had no ideia what would be your reaction. Because I know you don't feel the same way I feel anymore.

- McGee. I asked you to be honest. It's okay if you say that you don't love me. I'm prepared for this possibility. Just say it. Will hurt less than if tell me a lie.

- You know what? You want me to be honest? So this is the truth - he said.

Abby was waiting to hear what he was about to say. But she never expected what he did. In the next seconds his lips were on her lips. And he seeked for it voraciously. Abby didn't take long and deepened into the kiss. Years of lust were being put in this kiss. Years hoping for this to happen again. Years hiding the love they felt. It was a passionately kiss and at the same time started to turn into a hot kiss. They had to stop for breath. But they keept their lips almost together.

- I... Timothy McGee... Love you... So much... Abgail Sciuto - he said between giving her kisses - I hate to see... That you doubt me... I guess after this you'll change your mind - he ended nibbling her lower lip and then sat as he was before. Abby was stunned at what just happened.

- Wow. That was... I missed that. And it's not that I doubted you. I didn't think it was still possible. That you still loved me.

- How could you not know that? It was hard for me to see if you still loved me. I don't know if you still do. But if you had told me this before I would drop anything, any woman, any relationship that I was in and would come running back to your arms. I would be always up for you. So, the answer you wanted: Yes, I do love you. I had loved you since the first time I talked to you and I'll love you until my last day on earth. I always waited for the day we could get together again to come. Even knowing this day could never come. I just never gave up. And I wasn't sure if you still loved me or just saw me as a friend.

- You know that I'm not the kind of person to say I love you. Like with it's real meaning. I use to say it a lot in a friendly way. To all the people I care about. It got worn off as I used it too many times. I guess I need to learn it's meaning again. So I can properly say those three words for you. I can't keep hiding from my feelings anymore and you deserve to hear it from me - Abby said and thought for a moment in something to replace it - I want you Tim. Always wanted. It has been here all the time and I never could realize it. I guess that saying that I want you works. I don't say 'I want you' to any person unless I want the person. And I want you.

- So you really still love me? After all this time? - McGee asked

- Always.

- Why didn't you let me know?

- You haven't told me either. It's our mistake. Not only mine or only yours. If we really wanted it, we shouldn't have had to wait a blast and almost losing each other to finally talk about it. Even risking our friendship.

- I know. We've wasted too many time. And I don't want waste another day without you.

- Neither do I. I love you Tim. I mean it. - she said. Now it was her time to kiss him. She tried to put as much passion on it for him to understand how she felt. Sometimes actions worth more than words. And it seemed he understood it. He kissed her back fervently. When things were starting to heat up between them she pulled away - We can't do this McGee!

- What? What are you talking about? - he asked confused - You started it. All this talk. And now you're backing down? Saying we can't? I don't understand.

- I didn't mean that we can't. Because we totally can. When I started this I just wanted to know if we still shared the same feeling. I'm glad to know we do and I bet you're glad too. But I don't think we should get back together like now - he was about to say something but she continued - Don't get me wrong. I want this so much as you want it. And I loved kissing you again. You're so good. But this is not the right moment. We need to keep focus on your recovery. And only in that. Since the beggining I put this as a priority and I don't want anything distracting us from our objective. I want you healed and you want to walk again. Let's put our attention fully on this. And make this happen. And when it does happen we can talk again about it.

- You're right. And don't think this conversation was in vain. Of course it wasn't. It's so good to finally know what you feel and to tell you how I feel. However after my recovery, when we get to talk about it again. I want it to be serious. I mean, more than this conversation.

- How much serious this conversation can get?

- You need to sort of your priorities. To know if a serious commitment is what you want. I know you have problems with it. Someday you'll have to make your choice. I love you and even being afraid of you I wouldn't hesitate saying yes to you. Being afraid of you wanting to break up again. I wouldn't tolerate if this come to happen again. Because this time, if we get back together I want it to be the most serious kind of commitment. I want it to be definitive. For the rest of our lifes. You need to figure out if you want the same thing. I don't want to try again if you aren't sure of what you want.

- Even knowing my answer I promisse I'll think better about it. Right now I want you away from this wheelchair as I said thousand times. Then after we'll have all the time for a proper talk.

- Agreed. And I promisse you I'll be out of this wheelchair as soon as I can - McGee said and looked to his watch - God. It's way past midnight. It's already christmas. I made you lose the start of your favorite day. Don't get mad at me.

- I don't mind. Not today. It was for a good cause.

- So you're having a great christmas?

- For sure - she said and as she was still too close to him, she couldn't fight her huge will, and kissed him once more. Even having agreed with her, McGee also didn't fight back his will and returned her kiss with the same enthusiasm as she was kissing him.

It took them all their strenght to keep control and not go any further beyond the kisses. They didn't want to rush it so soon. But when you love someone and you have the chance to show it to the person after years waiting for it, sometimes you end up rushing things. So after winning their little battle they managed to share the bed for some sleep. They knew this night was so special. Not only was christmas but also it was the day they waited to long. The day they finally stopped hiding their true feelings and admitted to each other.

Chapter 8 is up. Wow. This chapter got bigger than I thought it would get. I was thinking about dividing it in two chapters. But I decided to let it like this so we can move forward fast. I just started to write chapter 9 and I believe there are only two chapters for this story have an end. I enjoy so much writing it and I enjoy your reviews as well. After so much time writing this, and after some huge 'writers block' (which I'm free of it now) is so nice to see it get to an end. Because at times I fear leaving my story incomplete. And then when I end it is always special.

And after ending this one I'll be right after staring a new one. I have a lot of ideas for them.

So let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed.
Note: I now own a tumblr account. My username is leticiahp16. Feel free to visit it.