Chapter 11

Jane let Maura cry herself out. She didn't seem to have any idea how long it took for the blonde to slowly start to even out her breathing and for her shoulders to stop shaking. But Maura eventually calmed down and pushed herself back away from Jane's embrace.

"I'm sorry," she sighed all the while diverting her eyes from Jane's.

"For what?"

"For being a complete mess."

"Hey Maura," Jane gently placed her hand under Maura's chin and tilted up her head so she could look directly into Maura's eyes, "you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing." Jane's statement was full of sincerity and compassion.

Pulling a little further back from Jane, Maura started to compose herself. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but how did you know where to find me?"

"You weren't that hard to find Maura. I am a detective, remember." Maura looked at her expecting a more detailed answer. Jane sighed and continued. "I dumped your cell phone." She said without any hint of apology.

"Jane, you can get into a lot of trouble for doing that."

"So," Jane said while rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious Jane. Cavanaugh could come down hard on you for running those records for personal reasons."

"Maura, I don't give a damn about that." Jane repositioned herself on the couch so she could face Maura. "All I know is that I needed to find you and I was going to do anything I had to do to make that happen."

Both women grew quiet neither knowing where to begin. Maura knew Jane wanted and deserved an explanation. She just wasn't sure if she could. She started to fidget and that made her uneasy so she got up looking for something to occupy her nervous energy. "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'm fine for right now."

Maura got up and went into the kitchen. She half expected Jane to trial behind but she held her position on the couch. Maura opened the fridge and removed a bottle of water. Her caught sight of herself in the reflection from the stainless steel appliance and realized what a mess she was. Jane had found her at the end of a jogging session and she was in serious need of a shower. It would also allow her a chance to compose herself.

She wandered back into the living room and looked at Jane. "I know we need to talk. Or, more to the point, I know I owe you an explanation."

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to Maura."

"I know. And I'm grateful for that. Would you be ok for a few minutes while I grab a shower? I was just returning from a run this morning and I really need to get cleaned up."

"You don't need my permission to take a shower Maura. I'm sure I can keep myself occupied while you get comfortable. And after your shower, talk to me or don't talk to me. That's entirely your choice. I just want you to know I'm here for you for whatever you need."

The softness in Jane's voice almost made her start crying again. But instead, she excused herself to get cleaned up. She went into her bedroom and started the water. Inhaling deeply, Maura tried to steady her emotions. Jane was here and Maura needed to decide if she wanted to let Jane in to help her.

How do you tell your best friend that you're just not worth all of this effort?

Maura re-emerged from the bedroom about twenty minutes later. Jane had moved out onto the terrace and seemed lost in thought. Maura cleared her throat before walking out to join Jane. She took a seat in the chair next to Jane and stared out over the park.

"This is an incredible view," Jane stated still wanting Maura to navigate the conversation.

Maura nodded. "It was the reason I bought this place. I don't get to New York more than twice a year but when I saw this view I couldn't imagine anyone else having it."

Silence settled back into the air. It wasn't an awkward silence but it was a stubborn silence. Maura realized that Jane was not going to force the conversation in any way. It was up to Maura.

"Jane…."

"Whatever is going on Maura, we can work through it together."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"There is nothing you could tell me that would ever change how I feel about you. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then trust that I won't hurt you."

A tear started to fall down Maura's cheek. "Oh, I'm getting so sick of crying all the time," she said with an exasperated tone. "All of this is just, just….." and she couldn't think of a word to finish the sentence. "I don't know how to talk about any of this."

"I've always found that starting at the beginning seems to work fairly well."

"What if the beginning starts before I was even born?'

It was an odd question, one Jane hadn't been expecting. But she had an answer. "Then I'd suggest we both get really comfortable and you start all the way back to the beginning of time if that is what you need to do."