There's something rotten in Denmark...or more specifically there's something rotten with Donna.

Okay, so I'm not Shakespeare, but my point is something fishy is going on.

What you may ask, well if I knew that I wouldn't be sitting here at The Hawk and Dove brooding by myself while Sam makes a fool of himself dancing with Donna.

You see, the thing is Donna has been acting strange lately, strange because I think she may be ... happy?

I know what you're thinking, "but Josh, if Donna is happy shouldn't you be happy for her as one friend would be for another?"

In theory, yes, in actuality, no.

I say no for two reasons; one, because I have no idea what is the cause of this new happiness. Second and the most important reason is that I am pretty damn sure I am not the cause of Donna's new happy state and if Donna is going to be happy about something it had better be because of me.

There hasn't been anything happening lately that should be making Donna happy. In fact, there are a myriad, a plethora, a cornucopia (760 Verbal, baby) of reasons for her to be *unhappy* right now. First Hoynes then Zoey, these things should be sending Donna running for the hills, but instead she doesn't seem fazed at all.

Besides Hoynes and Zoey that are two major reasons why Donna should not only be angry in general, but pissed at me at me specifically.

The first reason: Amy. Okay, okay, so I might have slipped up once or twice, going back to Amy, but it was only for sex, okay in the spirit of being honest it may have been more like 3 or 4 times, but it didn't really mean anything. Don't get me wrong, I do care about Amy, I cared about her a lot at one time, but I realized that she and I are never going to work out, we are too much alike, but I'm a guy and I'm not going to say no to sex with a beautiful woman. However, this Amy re-dux is over, for good this time, really it is not healthy for either of us to continue to sleep together when we both know that she is not the woman I wish I was waking up next to every morning.

The second reason why Donna should be pissed at me is the new kid, Ryan. While I didn't have anything directly to do with him being appointed to my office the fact is he is here and there is nothing I can do to get rid of him. The kid is seriously cutting into my daily Donna time, plus he is taking over tasks that I know Donna likes doing, things beyond her normal assistant duties. I know that Donna has been feeling a little underutilized lately and I did have a grand plan to expand her role, okay so maybe not a grand plan, but I had definitely been thinking about talking to Leo about officially expanding Donna's role within my department. But now that Ryan is here instead of giving her more to do she appears to have become a glorified babysitter to the kid.

So you can see why I'm confused, Donna should be pissed at me, but instead nothing. Well I shouldn't say nothing, she has been happy. In fact she has been acting in a way I haven't seen in a long time, she has been bringing back the funny and the mindless trivia.

For example, the other day she was complaining about how slow the new budget process was taking.

"Rome wasn't built in a day, Donna." I solemnly informed her.

"It was, however, sacked by Charles V and his forces in one of the most violent attacks in Military history." Her blue eyes were practically shining when imparting this completely useless piece of inane knowledge.

I know I pretend to be bothered by her spouting off pointless trivia, but the truth is I love it, and I have missed it. She used to talk about this stuff all the time: OSHA, Indonesian witches, philately (my personal favourite) but she hasn't imparted anything useless for a while now, not since before Jack, before Amy, hell, even before Cliff.

She has been bringing back the banter too. The first time I noticed it was when Toby wanted my help with a thing he was working on, I had no desire to help Toby, but I was close to caving since I was feeling kinda guilty with him being a new dad and all, the poor schmuck is probably getting no sleep at all.

I had just cleared my throat, desperately trying to think of an excuse when I heard Donna speak up from the other side of my desk.

"Josh, you have that meeting with Representative Roser on the Hill today, if you help Toby you'll be late."

"Oh, yeah, sorry Toby, maybe you can get Will to help out."

With a grunt Toby stalked off down the hall. I turned to look at Donna over the top of my desk. She was sitting quietly in the visitor's chair awaiting her instructions for the day.

"Do you have the files for the meeting with Roser or did you put them in my bag already?"

"Sorry, what meeting with Roser?"

"The one you said I was going to be late for, the one that is stopping me from helping Toby with his thing? The one I thought was next week."

"It is next week." She has this sly toothy smile on her face, I love that smile. I've missed that smile.

"Marry me." The words are out of my mouth before I even have the chance to process the meaning behind them. It was a joke of course, or sort of a joke, yeah it was a joke.

"Go away, Josh." With that she quietly slipped out of my office.

So do you think that was a yes? It wasn't a no, right?

But it didn't stop there, just last week more wonderful banter . I didn't realize how much I missed bantering with Donna until it was gone.

I remember I was particularly unimpressed with the level of talent that had been assigned to my office in the wake of the Hoynes situation.

"These 'helpers' aren't really helping, that new woman can't even spell."

"They are unpaid college interns, Josh." She is trying to give me her stern look, very cute. Okay, not cute, mental note: think of a manlier word than cute.

"Aren't they supposed to teach people basic grammar in school before they even get to college? Every time I go online, I see people using the contraction for "it is" for the possessive form, using 'there' for 'their'..."

"Josh! Have you been on LemonLyman again?"

"No!" Yes. God, please don't let CJ find out.

"I'm sorry Josh that we all can't be Fulbright scholars. Do you want me to remind the new girl that there is a spell check option on all modern computers?"

"Civilization will fail. You mark my words, Donna. If people can't spell, it's just a short jump to not being able to read instructions at all. Chaos will result."

"Chaos will not result from people not reading instructions. You seem to do it on a daily basis without incident." Oh, cheeky Donna. I've also missed cheeky Donna.

"Wait until some idiot strikes a match next to an oxygen tank and tell me that again."

I know what you're thinking, all this banter is a good thing, this is a positive sign that my relationship with Donna is back on the right track, vintage Josh and Donna if you will. But the problem is not with what she is saying, it is *how* she is saying it. To borrow a phrase from Sam, Donna and I are all about subtext. Nothing that we say to each other is what it appears to be, but recently, despite our banter, it appears our conversations lack subtext, they are all *text* for lack of a better term.

Donna may be smiling at me and bringing the funny, but she is not bringing the flirting. Her side of our conversations are less about philately and more about, you know, actual stamp collecting.

So back to my original problem, why is Donna so happy? If it is not work that is making her happy and it is not me that is making her happy than what or who is it?

I really hope it is not a who. I just got rid of Captain Wonderful, and by me getting rid of him, I of course mean the guy was such a jackass that he threw Donna under the bus and hightailed it to Italy. Okay, so maybe he was transferred without his knowledge or consent, but I like to think it was karma working in reverse. You know, the universe already knew that he was not the right guy for Donna so they put him in a position to do something that would get him transferred because the universe knew that eventually Jack would take advantage of Donna's innocent nature. All right, so that might be a highly illogical and complicated thought, but I'm going to go with it because it makes Captain Wonderful out to be the jackass that he is.

So my point is I can't deal with another gomer right now. I know that is completely hypocritical of me considering the whole Amy situation but men are rarely logical when it comes to women.

I'm just trying to figure out when she would have had time to meet a new gomer. To say things have been insane around here would be an understatement. First we had Hoynes and his mistress, then Zoey's kidnapping, then, God help us, Bingo Bob, so we have been doing 16 to 18 hours a day easily. So you can see why it would be difficult for her to meet anyone new, let alone become this unreasonably happy in just a few months. Which means if it is a gomer it would probably have to be someone who she already knows, like some gomer who works with us.

So now I'm trying to think of what jagoff would have the audacity to try and date my Donna.

Okay, so before you go all CJ, feminist Nazi, on me I know that I do not own Donna. This is not 1950. She is her own woman; she makes her own decisions. She is a smart, intelligent, beautiful, independent woman, who doesn't need a man to validate her confidence or self-worth (despite what I may have said to her on an unfortunate night a few years back).

Okay, so now that that is out of the way, Donna is mine.

I think I have made that pretty clear over the last 5 years to all of the male employees at the White House, so who hasn't gotten the memo? The only name that pops into my head is the new guy, Will. I haven't really gotten to know him that well and if it is him who thinks he can swoop in and take Donna away from me then I am going to get to know him pretty well soon, very up-close and personal in a way that he is not going to like.

So this is what I am thinking about sitting here in The Hawk and Dove, the possibility that Donna is in some way happy because of a new relationship with the bespectacled boy wonder Will Bailey. What I should be doing is enjoying the fact that Sam has returned from California for a visit.

It is nice to have the whole gang together again, CJ, Toby, Sam, and Donna. This is the way it should be, the way it was meant to be, we are the original group who got a relatively unknown governor elected to the highest office in the country. Twice.

It is also nice to spend some time out of the office with Donna. Obviously, it would be better if we were alone, but beggars can't be choosers as the saying goes, so I will take what I can get at this point. She is sitting across from me at the table, drinking her whiskey sour. Donna looks very happy, sipping on her drink, head bopping along to the music.

Will Bailey has not accompanied us on our little group outing. I was supposed to ask him to join us, but he wasn't in his office when I went by, at least that is the story that I'm going with. So Will is not with us but Donna still looks happy, so maybe I have this situation wrong, this makes me feel relieved yet frustrated all at the same time. If Donna's new mood is not related to Will Bailey that means there is still a gomer out there that I have to find and intimidate. Hey, I can be intimidating when the occasion calls for it.

Anyway I am trying my hardest right now to enjoy my view of Donna without actually, you know, staring at her when I see her eyes light up. For a horrible moment I think her gomer has walked in and she is excited to see him.

"Who wants to dance?" Donna asks, she is scanning our group, trying to find a victim who she can drag out onto the dance floor.

Okay, you are probably thinking why don't I dance with Donna? It is the perfect opportunity to get close to her, hold her without anyone giving it a second thought. I mean of course my hands would have to linger on her back and hips, that's how you dance. But as strong as my desire is to get close to Donna, my ability to remain vertical after 4 beers is very much in question.

Another reason for my hesitation to join Donna on the dance floor is the rarely discussed age difference between us. It's funny, you would think that the one place that our 14 year age gap would be noticeable would be while we are at work. But that's not the case, at work, more than anywhere else we feel like equals. Donna has a sharp mind and even if she is unfamiliar with a particular subject we are working on, she picks things up quickly.

No, the place where our age difference would be blazingly obvious is in the middle of a dance floor, packed with 20 somethings. An age group that Donna belongs to and...I do not.

So instead of wrapping my arms around her and leading her out to the dance floor I mutter, "No, Donna. You know I don't dance."

"Fine, Josh. You never want to do anything fun to me...with me...I mean you never want to dance."

Excuse me?

What did she just say?

I never want to anything fun to her?

To her?

Can I stop for a minute and provide you with a very long list of all the things that I have imagined doing to her over the last six years? The top of the list of course involves me slowly peeling off a Catholic school girl uniform from her lithe body.

"I'll dance with you Donna." Sam gallantly offers.

I would love to continue imagining stripping Donna of her clothes and allow my thoughts to reach its natural conclusion, but unfortunately my supposed best friend has taken it upon himself to escort Donna to the dance floor.

Judas.

Logically and intellectually, I know that there has never been and never will be anything romantic between Sam and Donna. They have this brother/sister vibe going on, but logic and intelligence are very often overridden by irrational emotions.

I simply don't like to watch Donna being held by another man, even if that man is my best friend.

I am sitting back watching Donna and Sam dance while CJ and Toby carry on a conversation around me that I am only half pretending to pay attention to.

"What you looking at, mi amore?"

Shit, I think CJ just asked me a question.

Oh crap, CJ is now following my eye line and it is very obvious that I am staring daggers at Sam.

Okay, I had better stall and use my razor sharp wit to distract her.

"Huh?"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed the political genius mind that is Joshua Lyman at work. Try not to be blown away by its awe inspiring prowess.

"Oh, idiot boy, really? Sam? You are getting bent out of shape over Sam?" CJ is giving me this look, as though she is talking to a very special and very stupid puppy.

" I have no idea what you're talking about." I hear the words leave my mouth but they don't even sound convincing to my own ears.

"Josh, I mean really..."

"CJ, I am not having this conversation with you right now or ever for that matter." I cut her off before she has a chance to continue. Whatever I feel for Donna, I think that I should talk to Donna about it before anyone else, right? That seems like the reasonable thing to do.

While I am contemplating that thought, I notice that Donna has taken Sam by the hand and is leading him out the back entrance. What the hell is that about?

I down the rest of my beer, ignoring CJ and Toby who are giving me a strange look as I abruptly stand up and exit our table in an attempt to follow them out the back door. However, my progress is being seriously impeded by the horde of people who have all decided at the same time that they apparently must dance to whatever loud noise the DJ is currently playing.

I attempt to be polite at first, muttering apologies as I push my way through the masses. I have not made much progress and my mind is racing wondering what Sam and Donna could be doing in the agonizing amount of time it is taking me to get across this damn bar so I give up being nice and start simply moving people out of my way.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, I reach the back exit. I practically slam open the door and look around the parking lot for the familiar figures of my two best friends. I can see them deep in conversation, so deep that they don't notice my presence. I can't make out what they are saying but I can tell their discussion look serious.

I am about to let them know that they are not alone in the parking lot when I hear Sam say, "...I would want to sleep with you."

My mind can barely process what I've just heard before I am practically screaming at Sam.

"There is no way in hell that you're sleeping with Donna, Sam!"

I mean what the hell! What the hell!

Sam is my best friend, he can't sleep with Donna. He shouldn't even be thinking about *thinking about* maybe wanting to sleep with Donna.

All of a sudden, I feel this completely irrational urge to punch Sam when I hear a sharp intake of breath to my left.

It is Donna and she looks mortified.

"Josh, how long have you been standing there for?" Even in the dark parking lot, lit by only one small street lamp I can see a red blush plastered across her cheeks.

I can tell she is trying to gauge how much of the conversation between her and Sam I have managed to overhear. God, does that mean there is more? How much worse could it be than Sam wanting to sleep with Donna? Does Donna want to sleep with Sam too? Is this what she has been trying to hide the past few months? She wants to start a relationship with Sam?

I tell myself to breath, but I wish I could just lay against a wall and calm down. Think Josh! There is no way that Donna and Sam are involved. Sam has been in California for the past 8 months. Maybe they have some sort of long distance thing going on? But no, Sam is staying in California to practice law again so what future would they have living on different coasts unless...

I can barely look Donna in the eyes as I ask the question, which depending on her answer may completely destroy me.

"Are you leaving me?"