Well, I feel like an idiot. I've been walking up and down the street aimlessly for what feels like forever, but in reality is probably closer to 20 minutes. I also think I scared the crap out of CJ and Toby when I ripped passed them and grabbed my purse without even saying a word.

I don't know what running away was going to accomplish. Maybe I'll just hail a cab and take off to Canada. Free health care, polite people, I think I can handle the winters; they are probably the same as Wisconsin. I mean where did I think I could escape to? It's not like I'm never going to see Josh again; in fact, I'm supposed to be at work in, oh god, 6 hours. Sometimes I hate my life.

I also know Josh well enough to know that he is not going to just drop this, no, no; he will show up at my apartment to snark me about running away like a scared rabbit or worse he'll do it at work where there is a great possibility that public embarrassment will occur.

I really need to stop walking before I end up god knows where. Now that I have had some time to calm down, I realise that there is no point in delaying the inevitable so I hail a cab and reel off an address.

I know that I am a master political operative used to making Republicans crumble before me like a house of cards, and I have cultivated a bit of a reputation of being a hard ass, where it is not uncommon for people to scurry away from me when I am in a particularly bad mood. But I have never seen Donna so anxious to get away from me and I gotta say I don't enjoy this feeling at all.

Alright, so Sam and I have been behaving like two 6 year-olds fighting over a sandbox, shit, this is not how I imagined my evening going. I was supposed to hang out with my best friends, welcome Sam back, and spend some much needed quality time with Donna. Instead, I got into a dick-measuring contest with Sam, which, by the way I would win; I have seen the man in the locker room showers.

I should probably start acting like an adult again, I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff, God damn it.

"Poor Donna, we've really been acting like jackassess." Sam muses.

"Well, maybe you should go offer her some comfort, she seemed pretty interested before."

Okay, so maybe I am not quite ready to act like a grown-up just yet.

"She's my friend too Josh. I'm allowed to be concerned for her. I'm allowed to love her too."

"Apparently you're really trying to love her..."

I know I sound like a petulant child, but I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut. It has always been this way with Donna. Every time some gomer, some man, shows the slightly interested in her , I do my best to undermine and mock so Donna can see that these men are not good enough for her, however, most of the time it only makes me seem like a kid forced to share his favourite toy, cause really that's what Donna is. Not a toy obviously, but she is my favourite thing, I mean favourite person and I don't want to share her, hell, I don't know why I should have to share her with anybody.

"Stop it, Josh. Stop it and listen to me very carefully. You may be confused about your feelings for Donna, but the rest of us are pretty clear on how you feel, so how could you think that I, as your oldest and closest friend, would in some way attempt to seduce or worse take advantage of Donna. Why would you think that I was like that?" The hurt and anger are clearly evident in Sam's eyes.

I'm an asshole.

"Sam, I don't think...I mean you were the one saying you would sleep with Donna and I thought...God, I don't think you're like that, I don't."

And I don't, I don't really think that Sam would try to take advantage of Donna. There is no way that Sam could take advantage of anyone. Sam is as innocent as a puppy, sure, he might accidently sleep with prostitutes every now and again, but he is the kind of guy who refuses to abandon a friendship with a call-girl because he is loyal to a fault.

"Sam, I really am sorry. It's just the idea of you and Donna bothers me, which is ridiculous because you and Donna are free to do whatever you want, I mean..."

"Shut up, Josh. There is nothing going on between Dona and me, as you are well aware of, despite anything you may have overheard. However, there is definitely something going on with Donna that you need to talk to her about."

"Aha! I knew it! I knew something was up. My keen powers of observation were not wrong, Sir. She has been acting twitchy lately. Victory is mine!"

"Oh, yeah, let's make this about you and your keen powers of observation as opposed to, you know, whatever the hell is going on with Donna."

"Hell? My God, this must be serious as Sam Seaborn is actually swearing."

"Josh, for once in your life, could you please focus on the parts of a conversation which don't involve how wonderful and smart you are."

"Sorry, Sam. But I would like to point out again that I was right about Donna acting strange. So what did Donna say to you? Why do you think something is up with her?"

I can see Sam hesitate, as I already know, one of Sam's greatest qualities is his absolute loyal, but I am also counting on the fact that the man can't keep a secret to save his life, which is something you really want is a political player, to work to my advantage.

"Come on Sam. How am I going to help Donna if I don't know what the hell is going on?"

I know it is somewhat cheap; but I need to work on Sam's compulsive need to rescue people in order for him to spill it about Donna.

"I'm not...the thing is, okay, what, if any, of the actual specifics of this situation are completely up to Donna to tell or not tell you. But, as I have already mentioned, Donna is my friend and I care about her, so I am a little concerned about her current state of mind right now. She has come to some suspect conclusions lately and I think you need to talk to her and help...straighten out this whole situation."

"Suspect conclusions? Are we in some Agatha Christie novel? Does Donna think that Larry used a candle stick to whack Ed in the library?"

"Okay, well, first off Agatha Christie has nothing to do with the board game Clue; second, I don't think you are in any position to..."

"Sam! How many times am I going to have to ask what the hell is going on before I can get a straight answer from you?"

So teasing Sam is a lot of fun, but I'm starting to get fed-up and a little concerned about what is wrong with Donna that he won't just come right out and tell me.

"You need to talk to her, Josh. I mean really talk to her, about everything."

"What do you mean everything? I talk to her every day you know. Wait, she said she's not leaving, she wasn't lying about that right?"

Just the thought of Donna leaving causes a sharp tightening pain in my chest. When I have more time I should probably work out why the idea of not seeing Donna every day causes me physical pain. Obviously not now, but someday I should figure that out.

"No, Josh, we didn't talk about her leaving, we didn't even talk about work."

"Okay." I release a huge sigh of relief, one crisis averted. "If you didn't talk about work, then what did you talk about?"

I can see Sam hesitating again, so maybe it is not going to be so easy to crack Mr. Seaborn this time after all.

"Josh, I gave up a long time ago trying to understand the strange dynamics of your relationship with Donna. I'm sure I know how you feel about Donna, but I'm also pretty sure that you still haven't worked out your feelings for her yet, so all I'm going to say is please, you need to talk to her."

I can tell that Sam is serious, which makes me very uncomfortable. I know that people think they know how Donna and I feel about each other and some days even I think I know what I feel about her, but other days...

"Okay, Sam, I'll talk to her. Hell, I'm going to see her at work in, ah shit, four and a half hours, so I'll talk to her then."

"No, Josh. Now. Talk to her now."

"Now? Jesus, Sam, it's the middle of the night, or middle of the morning depending on your view of these things."

"Yeah, Josh, because you have never shown up at Donna's place in the middle of the night before."

Touché.

However, it has been a while since the last time I drunkenly showed up, banging on Donna's door in the middle of the night, plus I'm not even really that drunk anymore. I really can't remember the last time I showed up at her place sober; but, if Sam seems to think that whatever is happening with Donna is important enough for a mid morning visit, I'll have to trust his judgement.

"Okay, fine you win. I'm going. Can you say bye to CJ and Toby for me?"

"Sure."

"And, I wanna see you before you head back to California. Lunch tomorrow or maybe dinner?"

"Sure, Josh. Just go talk to Donna."

"I'm going, I'm going."

I make my way out to the street where almost immediately I get a cab. I give the driver Donna's address and sit back to contemplate what I'm walking in to. Since Sam was less than forthright with what is going in with Donna, all I know is that it is not a work related issue, which, my Harvard scholar mind deduces, means I am about to have a conversation of a personal nature with Donna.

Without warning, I feel a severe headache coming on, my body's way of saying: Danger, Danger Joshua Lyman, you are not ready for a serious personal conversation with Donnatella Moss.

And I'm probably not, ready that is, but after 6 years when am I ever going to be ready? Plus, if Sam says something is seriously up with Donna then I owe it to her to suck it up and force myself not to act like the relationship challenged man child that I am – if only for one night at least.

So screwing up all my courage, I prepare myself and head up the stairs to Donna's place.

You know what would make my conversation with Donna go a lot smoother?

Having Donna be a part of it.

That's right; I'm currently having some difficulty locating one Donnatella Moss.

I went to her apartment, but there was no answer and just to make sure that she was safe, you know that she didn't fall in the shower (the location of most home injuries) and not because I thought she was avoiding me or anything I used my spare key to check her apartment and nothing. There was no one there.

Puzzled and unsure of where to look next, I hailed a cab and headed back to my apartment. I even called the White House thinking that maybe she got a super early start at work, but security confirmed that she wasn't in yet.

Confused and more than a little concerned, I opened the door to my place. It is 2:27 in the morning, where could she be? I should probably call Sam, maybe he has heard from her, maybe she called him.

Oh.

Well, call off the search parties; I have located one Donna Moss.

God, took him long enough. Well to be fair, he probably went all the way to my apartment first, but I have been so nervous just waiting for him to walk in the door that my nerves are definitely on edge.

"Hi." I whisper.

Okay, so not the strongest opener given I've had almost 2 hours to plan what I was going to say, but at least I have got the conversation started.

"Hi." Josh whispers back.

Silence.

Followed by more silence.

Okay, so maybe this conversation needs more than a 'hi' to jump-start it.

"I'm sorry I ran away, it was rather childish of me."

"No, Donna. Sam and I were being real jerks, you were right to leave."

I am standing next to the sofa while Josh remains just inside the doorway. At his last comment, he began to slowly take a few steps towards me and then stopped.

"Oh, Sam. Poor, Sam. He comes all the way to DC for a visit and he walks right into me having a nutty. I better call him to apologise."

"Sam is fine, Donna." He takes another step forward towards me, and then stops. "We talked and he is just really concerned about you. He insisted, in fact, that I talk to you."

"What? Sam and you talked? What did he say?" I can't even keep the panic out of my voice, I don't think Sam would have said anything, he promised, but Sam is also horrible at keeping secrets.

"No, Donna, Sam didn't say a thing really, no matter how much I bugged him. He only said that I should talk to you. That you and I need to have a conversation about...things."

Well, at least Josh didn't take another step towards me. If I am actually going to spill my emotional guts right now I can't have Josh invading my personal space. Just being this close to him is unnerving, he looks so good in his jeans and button-up, with the sleeves rolled up above his elbows. Just because I have emotionally detached myself from Josh doesn't mean that I can't appreciate the physical...

"Ah, Donna...?"

Oh, I guess I have been staring at Josh for a while now.

"Yeah?"

"Donna, do you want to...talk?" Josh squeaks out.

Wow, he looks as excited as I am about this whole talking thing. Do I want to talk? No, not really. But do I have to? Yes. I can't delay the inevitable anymore.

"Yeah, okay, let's...talk."

"Okay." Josh has started to make his way over to me next to the sofa.

"No! Wait, stop!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"Stay where you are." Josh stops moving and is about 3 metres away from me, standing at the edge of the living room. "Okay, this is the perfect talking distance. I stay here and you stay there and we talk."

"The perfect talking distance? Have there been studies done that I am unaware of?"

"Josh!"

"No, really, I hope they are not government sponsored, cause then it would make sense why the Republicans hate us so much." He continues as though I never spoke, completely ignoring me.

"Josh!" I try again to refocus his attention.

"So, if I were to come any closer, you would be physically incapable of forming words."

"Yes, probably." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

I can see the smirk forming on Josh's face, but I don't care as long as he doesn't come any closer.

"Okay, okay, no more moving. I am glued to this spot, but by all means please, you go ahead and make yourself comfortable on my sofa in my apartment."

"Thank you. Okay, here goes...wait; before I start I need you to promise me something."

"Honest, Donna, I'm not going to move."

"No, not that, something in addition to the whole not moving thing."

"Hmm."

"Josh! I need you to promise me."

"Donna, I don't even know what you want me to promise so I gonna hold off on all declarations until I know what I'm agreeing to, I mean what if you want my first born or something."

"Josh, I'm not an evil witch and this is not a Disney film." Oh, why can nothing ever be easy with this man?

"Donna."

"Josh." I might have to break out the pout any second now.

"Fine, you have my promise to do whatever mysterious thing you need from me."

"Thank you. Okay, so now that you have promised to not say a word until I let you, the thing is..."

"Wait, I'm not allowed to talk? That's my promise? Well that is not gonna happen. Promise revoked."

"Josh, you can't revoke a promise."

"Why not?"

"Because...because a promise is a promise." Well that's a well thought out argument, good job there, Donna.

"Well, you've got me there, Donnatella; you truly are a master linguist. A promise is indeed a promise."

"Josh, please, I need you to not be you for like 5 minutes, please."

He must see something in my face which convinces him how important this is because the next thing I know he is agreeing to stay quiet.

"Okay, Donna, for reasons passing anything resembling normal, I will stand here in my assigned spot, not speaking as directed by you and let you talk." He even mimes closing a zipper across his mouth to prove his sincerity.

Now that I have Josh exactly where I want him I feel overwhelmingly nervous, like, I might pass out any second. I feel like I'm on the 10 metre diving board back in High School. I wish I could turn around and head back down the ladder and forget about the whole thing, but my exit is blocked by the 10 people in line behind me so I'm forced to suck it up and jump even though I'm absolutely sure that the fall is going to kill me.

I'm terrified that, although what I have with Josh is strange and possibly unhealthy, I do have something with him. I'm so afraid that after what I have to say I may have nothing left at all.

"Well, as you are probably aware, or knowing you completely unaware, I may, at one time have had a very small, very innocent tiny baby crush on you..."

"Donna"

"No talking Josh, you promised."

I need to say what I have to say before I have a chance to chicken out. The words are rushing out of me so fast now that I barely stop to take a breath.

"So due to this completely baby sized, insignificant crush I may have had, I erroneously assumed, due to our flirting and bantering that this crush that I felt for you was in some way, you know, umm, reciprocated."

"Donna."

Shit, he has started to walk towards me again.

"Josh! No walking, no talking, you promised. Please just let me get through this."

Deep breaths Donna, you can do this.

"Yeah, so the whole reciprocated crush thing was something that I had...Okay, let me start again, I know that you think that I have been acting strange lately, well, the thing is...and what I am about to tell you is a good thing, so remember that and please don't let it freak you out or anything. But what I realised lately is that the crush I had imagined you felt in return, ah, you didn't and that any, umm, feelings you may feel for me are not now nor will they ever be of the crush variety."

With that I release a huge gasp of air. I did it, I told Josh the truth, and I am still standing. Now things can go back to normal and... Oh, there appears to be someone's lips on mine.

Obviously, Josh is very stealthy because at some point during my rant Josh broke the perfect talking distance barrier and began kissing me.

I should be wondering why Josh is kissing me, but instead I think I'll just enjoy the feel of his lips on mine for a while.

The kiss seems almost tentative at first, as though he is afraid that I might disappear. But it soon becomes apparent to both of us that a tentative kiss is not nearly enough. He pulls me closer and I revel in the pressure of his lips and body against mine.

I hear a soft moan and am slightly embarrassed to realise that the noise is coming from me. However, my moan seems to have spurred Josh into action as he suddenly has manoeuvred us over to the sofa area and has turned me so I am laying on my back again the sofa.

I can feel Josh's hand under my shirt, his fingers easing under the band of my bra, teasing the softness of my breast while his mouth continues working against mine, his tongue slipping inside my mouth.

While I would like nothing more that to let Josh's hand continue its journey I need to know what this is first. I've spent the last few months, hell years, denying this moment would, could ever happen that before this progresses any further I need to know what it is so I can mange my feelings and expectations accordingly.

"Josh," I whisper urgently, "Stop."

He slowly withdraws his hand from my breast and pulls my shirt down.

"Do you want me to apologise?" He smirks.

"You're not sorry." I answer, trying to make a joke, if nothing else maybe we can get back to safe bantering ground.

"No, I'm not." He replies and his brown eyes are twinkling mischievously like a boy who just got caught with his hand in a cookie jar, which in a way I suppose it was.

"Josh, what is going on here?"

"Well, I may be a little rusty on the whole making out on the couch thing, but I thought were on our way to second base, although I'm a little of touch with what act belong on which base."

"Josh, can you be serious for like a minute here?" This man is so exasperating.

"Sorry, there has been no evidence to support me possesses any serious qualities."

"God damn it Josh. Let me up." I push again his upper body, which is deceptively muscular and refuses to budge, thus effectively pining me on the sofa.

"Donna, sorry, wait, just wait." He lets out a huge sigh and appears to be gathering his thoughts.

I stop struggling and wait for him to continue.

"Donna, look, I, damn this, I wish I knew what to say, but, I just...a crush? Really? You think I might have a crush on you?" He spit outs.

All right so the man doesn't have a crush on me, no need to rub it in. However, he feels something, something physical at least; judging by what I imagine is not a remote control in the front pocket of his jean pressing against my lower stomach.

"What I feel, Donna, is, okay, so we all know that I'm really bad at this and maybe in the past I may have made some less than intelligent decisions in terms of the women that I have dated."

I can't even help the snort that escapes me, which only earns me a scowl from Josh.

"But," he continues, "You are not a crush. A crush implies something juvenile and fleeting. You, you are everything...When I walk in to a room the first thing I look for is a blond head and when I see your blue eyes it doesn't matter if Leo, the Defense Chiefs, hell, even the President are in the same room, they are all less important than you."

"Josh...Sometimes, sometimes you say not just the right thing, but the perfect thing."

"I did good, huh?"

"Yes, you did good."

"So, what I really need to ask you is, will you give me a chance, I'm mean I know I'm not a short Republican.. Ouch, no punching Donna, but despite your violent tendencies I want a real chance with you. I know we can work, I maybe prone to jackasssery but you're pretty much perfect so I think we can balance each other out. And I don't know how things will be in terms of work, but I'll figure it out, I promise if you give me a chance, I'll figure everything out."

"Jackassery? Is that even a word?" I laugh, trust Josh to make a heartfelt declaration while at the same time swearing.

"I'm sorry, which one of us when to Harvard and Yale?" He protests.

"Hmm, some days I'm not sure and I'm convinced you made it all up and really attended a local community college."

"Donna, as much as I am enjoying this, I did just kinda ask you a pretty important question."

I pretend to mull it over in my head for a few minutes, let the guy sweat. I can't seem too eager, I have to keep his arrogance under control any way I can.

"Well, Josh, I guess I could give us a chance, because even though you are an arrogant jackass, I'd like to think that you are my arrogant jackass and it would take me too long to break someone new in."

"I am yours, you know that right, that despite everything, or may be because of everything that has happened over the years, I am yours, for as long as you'll have me."

I smile because I know he's right. He is mine and I am his.

"So what were you saying about bases again?" I laugh as I slowly pull Josh back down on top of me.

(The End)